Miguel: So, uh, how's the� How's the escape plan
coming?
Tulio: [stops banging head] All right�all right, wait!
I'm getting something.
Miguel: Yeah?
Tulio: [starts banging head again, then stops] Okay.
Here's the plan. In the dead of night, you and I
grab some provisions (Miguel: Mm-hmm�),
hijack one of those longboats, and then�we row
back to Spain like there's no ma�ana!
Miguel: Back to Spain, yah?
Tulio: Yeah.
Miguel: In�a rowboat.
Tulio: You got it.
Miguel: Great. Sensational. And that--that's your
plan, is it?
Tulio: That's pretty much it.
Miguel: [long pause] Well I like it. So, how do we get
on deck?
Tulio: [grimacing] Umm� [inhales] In the dead of
night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one
of those longboats--
Miguel: Oh, great.
Tulio: Okay, what's YOUR plan, smart guy?!
Miguel: What do you ask mean? Don't ask ME that!
You're the one with the plans! [horse whinnies]
Wait, I--I have an idea. Uh, come on. Give me a
boost. [sticks hand out grate with apple] Hey.
Altivo. Altivo! You want a nice apple? Come and
get it! BUT--you have to do a trick for me first. All
you have to do is find a PRY BAR. A long piece of
iron with a hooky thing at the end, yah?
Tulio: Miguel, you're talking to a horse.
Miguel: Agh shh! That's it, Altivo. Find the pry bar!
Tulio: [sarcastically] Yes, find the pry bar. He can't
understand "pry bar"! He's a dumb horse! There's
no way--[keys fall through grate, long silence]
Well... It's NOT a pry bar.
gave me loaded dice! Guard, arrest him!
Miguel: You dare to impugn my honor?! He was the
one who was cheating! Arrest HIM! He tricked these
sailors and took their money!
Tulio: Oh, now I'M the thief?
Miguel: Yes!
Tulio: Take a look in the mirror, pal!
Miguel: Oh, you'd better give them that money back, or
I'll� [grabs sword] En garde!
Tulio: En garde yourself! I will give you the honor of a
quick and painless death� [grabs dagger] But not
with that! [puts dagger back, grabs sword] I prefer to
fight fairly! Aha! Well, any last words?
Miguel: I will cut you to ribbons, fool.
Tulio: Such mediocrity! Let your sword do the talking.
Miguel: I will. It will be loquacious to a fault!
Tulio: You�mincing, fencing twit!
Miguel: Ahh, you fight like my sister!
Tulio: I FOUGHT your sister! That's a compliment.
Miguel: Braggart!
Tulio: Heathen!
Tulio: What's that? The map?!
Miguel: [dreamily] It's all right here!
Tulio: You STILL have the MAP?!!
Miguel: The whistling rock! The stream!
Tulio: You kept the map, but you couldn't grab a little more
FOOD?!!
Dorado! [pants]
Tulio: [long silence] You drank seawater, didn't you?
Miguel: Oh, come on!
Tulio: I am NOT coming on! I wouldn't set foot in that jungle for a million pesetas!
Miguel: [pause] What about a HUNDRED million?
Tulio: What�?
Miguel: I just thought that, after all, since El Dorado is the city of GOLD�
Tulio: What's your point?
Miguel: You know--dust, nuggets, bricks�a temple of gold where you can pluck gold from the very walls� But
you don't want to go, so let's get back into the boat and row back to Spain. After all it worked so well last time--
Tulio: Gaaaoooo--wait. Mmm�wait a minute. New plan. We find the city of gold�we TAKE the gold�and
THEN we go back to Spain!
Miguel: And buy Spain!
Tulio: Yeah!
Miguel: That's the spirit! Come on, Tulio. We'll follow that trail!
Tulio: [stares] What trail?
Miguel: The trail--[chopping]--that WE--[chopping]--BLAZE! [leaves fall off huge stone wall] THAT trail that we
blaze!
Tulio: Oh, pooey�
And when we put into
Cuba to resupply, God
willing you will be flogged
some more, and then
enslaved on the sugar
plantations for the rest of
your miserable lives.
Miguel: All right! Cuba!
wake up, we're there.
Miguel: We found it?
Tulio: Oh yeah. We found it.
Miguel: Fantastic! Where it is? How far?
Tulio: Right here.
Miguel: Where? Behind the rock?
Tulio: No, no. This is it.
Miguel: Give me that! [grabs map] This can't--
Tulio: Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for great--big--
ROCK! [echoes] But hey, I tell you what--I'm feeling
generous, so YOU can have MY share!
Miguel: You don't think that Cortez could have gotten
here before us and--
Tulio: And WHAT? Taken all the REALLY big rocks?
The scoundrel! [shakes fist]
Tulio: And I am Tulio!
Miguel: And they call us...
Miguel and Tulio!
