May 28th 2004 Well... it's getting closer to the wedding day. Some of our friends and family think I shouldn't feel like I do about Lisa. Now... exactly what makes them think they should know how I should feel?
My thought on this is when your spouse has an affair then you will have a clue as to how I feel. Till that happens you should keep your opinions to yourself. Just my thoughts on the matter.
Why should I be expected to accept the OW as my daughter-in-law? My gosh... what are they thinking?
I'm so tired of Mike calling Andrea and telling Andrea how she's not being fair to her brother by not going to the wedding. And I'm sick and tired of Mike telling my boys we are just a mean family. That's real mature... you wouldn't know he's 30. It sounds more like a 12 year old.
So how do I feel today?
I don't cry...
I've cried a river... I have no more tears.
Kevin and I are doing pretty good. He keeps after me about love.
How can he expect me to love him? I guess... well... maybe I do? But I'm for sure not going to tell him for goodness sake!
I'm like... is this a game?
What happens when I say I love you?
I'm sure my life will be shattered again.
So I guess I believe it's a game.
I'm cynical aren't I?
Will I ever feel secure again? Is it possible to feel that I can trust anyone? I don't trust Kevin that's for darn sure. Can I trust anyone else?
I don't like feeling like this.
What is it Dr. Phil said? hmmmm... something like...
You should only trust as much as you can afford to get hurt.
I can't afford to get hurt again. I have no more tears.
So this is the way it's going to be for now.
~me
June 4, 2004
Okay now... I claim I have no more tears
I was wrong
I sit here crying at this moment...
Yesterday was my birthday. It was a good day. In fact it was a really good day. Kevin and I went out in the evening. We had seafood on the Seattle waterfront. It was so nice. Blue skies... warm sunshine. Really nice.
Each one of the older kids called me...
Why do I cry now?
I don't even know.
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