© Copyright Ute Oettel 2006 - 2007

Scrubbashing (part 4)

*

The long shadows outside told that the hot day would end soon. The bustle had returned to Tarlington Creek after the working man came home from their jobs and the shops had closed their doors. So abandoned the main street of this town had been during the day so busy became the traffic now. Many Utes, Pick-Ups and other cars of the residents and nearby stations were parked in front of the pubs and it seemed as if the whole community was always on the go.
Nick steered his Ute to an empty parking lot and climbed out of his car. His eyes wandered to the upstairs windows of the pub as he sighed. During the last hours he had pondered about his doing, about his behavior and had felt miserable at last.The truth was that he was happy that Carrie Duncan had come to Tarlington Creek and she should know this.
Something had changed during the last hours when he had worked on the cattle station as a helicopter pilot. He had got enough time to think about himself and his feelings. Could it be true that his gloomy, dark mood began to brighten up?He pushed the door of the pub open and smiled. His brother Luke would get a high profit today as he noticed the large amount of customers. What could be better for a
pub than a hot and dusty day? Nick, still his broad-brimmed cowboy hat on his head, approached the bar and waited for Luke.
"I.....what´s wrong, Luke?" There was a strange sparkle in Luke´s eyes which he hadn´t seen before.
"You have to tell me what´s wrong!" Luke whispered. "Miss Duncan, my guest, told us she wanted to meet with you and only half an hour later she was running inside, and tried to suppress her tears. What have you done with her? Who´s she?"
"Oh, Luke!" Nick let his hand run over his eyes and murmured. "Can´t you remember the name: Carrie Duncan? That Carrie Duncan. She was the girl-friend of the driver who caused the car accident!"
"Whom you´ve saved the life?"
"Yes!"
Luke kept silent and studied Nick´s face.
"She´s come to thank me!"
"And you makes her cry? Are you stupid??"
Nick ignored Luke´s outcry and asked:
"Is she upstairs?"
"What do you want? Adding fuel to the fire?"
"No!" Nick shouted in anger. "I wanna say her that I´m sorry!"
Nick turned and went to the door which led to the stairs. Luke was still standing at the bar and began to murmur something which nobody understood.

*

Carrie was still lying in her bed and watched the changing shadows at the ceiling. Since the sun was about to sink the dark shadows grew larger and larger. It seemed for her as if she was living in a vacuum since hours. The noises below in the pub had increased and maybe a large number of customers had taken a seat around the tables to eat and to drink but this didn´t interest Carrie at the moment.
She was pondering about her future. What could she do next? Driving back to Taylor´s Crossing? And then?
A knock at the door let her jerk. Why they couldn´t leave her alone? Tired and exhausted she struggled to her feet and turned the door-knob. In expectations of seeing Kelly or Luke she opened her mouth but stopped of a sudden when Nick McKinley was standing in front of her, his hat in his hands.
"I´m sorry, Miss Duncan. I didn´t mean what I´ve said." Nick stammered unsure and pressed his lips together. "T´was a damned bad day!"
"Mr. McKinley, I.......!"
"Nick, please!"
"O.K., and I´m Carrie. It wasn´t my intention to offend you!" She was standing there, at the frame, stiff and unable to move before his slight smile let her breathe in relief.
"No, no, you haven´t done anything. Believe me. What do you think of starting again?"
He offered her his hand:
"Welcome to Tarlington Creek. And I´m glad to meet you - and I really mean this!"
Her heart bean to pound, not in relief but in a deep feeling for him. Carrie tried to ignored it, took his hand and nodded friendly:
"Thank you. Maybe it was also my fault - I should´ve called you before!"
"Are you hungry or thirsty? I know a very good pub below......!" The grin on his lips let Carrie melt. She fumbled for the door-knob and closed the door behind her. What had happened to him? Carrie wondered. Was this the same man she had met only hours ago, who had offended her?
"Do you know that my brother runs this pub?" He asked when they walked downstairs.
"Yes, he told me. And Kelly, the cook? Does she also belong to your family?" Carrie tried to break the ice completely while she set her warmest smile upon her lips.
"No, she only works here. Luke and me are the only McKinleys here in Tarlington Creek!" Did Carrie realize a short pause?

They entered the bar room, took a seat at one of the last free tables and beckoned Kelly who was now working as the waitress. When she arrived she took her notepad out of her pocket and grumbled:
"Nick, you know you´ve to order at the bar!"
"But you will make an exception, won´t you?"
"Yes, come on. What do you want?"
Nick turned his head to Carrie and nodded:
"What do you want?"
"A Coke, please."
"A beer for me!"
"Anything to eat?" Kelly asked angry
"Later!" Nick replied and waited until she had left again. Then he looked into Carrie´s eyes and asked:
"Are you O.K.? I mean, have you recovered from the accident?"
For Carrie it seemed as if the environment slipped away, as if she was sitting here only with Nick, talking about the happening which had brought them together. The last nine months broke into pieces and it was suddenly the December of the last year.
"Yes, completely - physically. I woke up in the hospital and it was......hard for me to believe what had happened." Carrie felt a burden on her heart and she avoided to look up into Nick´s eyes. "But it was harder for me to hear of the casualties. About .......your wife. It was clear for me that Kevin had caused the accident but Kevin was dead and.......!"
No, she couldn´t tell him what she thought, she wasn´t able to do so.
"And?" Nick dug deeper without any emotion. Kelly interrupted them, placed the drinks on the table and left again.
"...and I´m the only one who´s left."
Nick cast his eyes, laid his hands around his glass of beer and sighed:
"You´re not responsible, Carrie!"
The pain in her heart increased, let her linger before she let her words walk into another direction:
"Nick, will you tell me what had happened? I can´t remember."
"You were the only one who wasn't dead," Nick´s voice broke. "I heard you breathing and I saw the smoke of the engine."
"Then you pulled me out of the car?"
"Yes and I thought you would die."
The condensation at her cold glass was running down in small drops, creating puddles on the table.
"Thank you - I don´t know what I can say more!"
"I´ve told you before you don´t have to do it!"
Carrie sipped at her drink and watched Nick. His features seemed to be frozen but somehow less hard than hours ago. Was she right when thinking of his own mental problems? There was something more than she could see, than he allowed her so see. Unsure and nervous she moved on her chair before she asked bluntly:
"The ghosts of the past are haunting you as well, don´t they?"
A slight laughter slipped from Nick´s lips whereby his smart eyes caught a sight of her:
"What are you? A mind-reader?"
"Maybe. We´ve gone through the same disaster. I know of what I´m talking."
"I haven´t spoken about it, and this is........!"
"Stupid!" Her courage oozed away as she felt his stern glance resting upon her. Nick put the glass at his lips, poured the cold beer down his throat and lingered for a short moment.
"It´s funny. You mean that you´re responsible for my wife´s death and I feel the same. How we can come to an arrangement?"
Carrie felt confused.
"You? But......!"
"When I tell you the story will you give over? It´s the past, we have to cope with it and we have to live with it!"
"O.K.!" Carrie replied.
"My wife died after she was flung out of the car. She....wasn´t belt up. I had told her to use the safety belt but ....she ignored my words. And what have I done? Nothing. When I had insisted upon it she would be still alive."
He took Carrie´s hand and held her tight:
"I know that this thinking is wrong. And you should do the same. We should accept that we´ve survived and....... maybe none of us was responsible, O.K.?"
Thousands of visions were whirling around Carrie´s mind. Thousands of questions couldn´t be answered in her heart. It would last hours or days to digest his words, his feelings.

The music in the background became louder - or was Carrie only returning to reality?
"I think it´s too hot to discuss such depressing things further on!"
Nick´s hand was still lying on her as he bent over the table:
"Let this discussion be our secret, O.K.? And let´s change the topic. It makes me a little bit......sad! - You´ve admired my car, haven´t you. I´ve seen it when you came to the garage!"
Carrie´s eyes twitched before a smile darted over her lips:
"Yes, I love beautiful Utes. It reminds me of my hometown. The boys there often race through the scrub with their Pick-ups and Utes!"
"You´re not from Adelaide?"
"No. I´ve lived there for a while but I´m from a small village 400 kilometers north of Adelaide!"
"I see! What....what will you do next?"
With shrugging shoulders Carrie leant back and pressed her lips together:
"I don´t know. T´was my intention to stay away from my normal life for awhile - to flee from all the visions, you know!"
"Tarlington Creek is the right place to do so!"
"What?"
"I mean......you´ve travelled so far, why don´t you stay here for awhile. You can....enjoy the Outback of Queensland. It´s amazing here to see the summer coming!"
Carrie regained her self-confidence:
"Are you working for a travel agency?"
Her eyes met with his ones as she hesitated:
"You really mean it, don´t you!"
" I do!"
Was there a reason to deny? Hadn´t she thought for herself of staying here for a couple of weeks?
Carrie saw Nick´s hand and shook on it.
"O.K. - I´ll stay! But I don´t know if my savings will be enough."
"What´s your job?"
"I´ve studied journalism. I think Tarlington Creek won´t need a reporter, or?"
"No, not really. Even for me it´s not easy to earn money when the people and tourists are only driving through this town!"
Carrie´s partiality for curiosity let her ask:
"What´re you exactly doing here? Repairing cars? I think that many people out here are able to do it for themselves."
"I run a garage in partnership with the petrol station. Mike´s the attendant. He´s a good mate, he helps me or I help him. But my second job here in Tarlington Creek is to work as a helicopter pilot on the cattle station Milligan Downs!"
"You´re a pilot?" She was astonished. "I haven´t thought about it!"
Nick laughed while his eyes seemed to be fixed at Carrie´s face. It was nice to see her laughing, it let the feelings in his heart awoke again. Feelings which he had forgotten since long.
"How do you think that pilots look like?"
"Oh, I don´t know. And what are you doing there on the station?"
"When they need me they call. The round-up of the cattle depends on an observation by air. And very often Iïm called to support a searching party for missing cattle or tourists!"
"Tourists?"
"Yeah, it was in 1999 - but we found them in good health!"
A laughter slipped from her lips and it seemed as if tears of joy tried to reach her eyes.
"Oh, a nice job. I hope I can find such exciting job here as well!"
Nick lifted his finger, opened his mouth but instead of saying something he stood up:
"Just a moment. I´ll be back soon!"
Before Carrie could reply he fought his way through the crowd and headed for the bar. Her eyes were fixed upon him, were studying his tall and good-looking outward appearance.
When she became aware that her yearning glances were noticed by a man at the table next to her, she cast her eyes and felt embarrassed. Was she mad to yearn for such strange man? She had met him only hours ago and didnït know much about him. Come to your senses again, Carrie, she thought but tried to catch a further sight of Nick.
Luke at the bar gave his brother a new bottle of beer, peered over his shoulder to Carrie and nodded.
Was Carrie right about Luke? Was he really a nice and friendly pub owner or was there something concealed by his behavior. Carrie tried to get rid of these gloomy thoughts and noticed that Nick and Luke came to her.
"Carrie you need a job, don´t you? And Luke, as luck would have it, needs a second assistant!"
Carrie hardly heard Nick´s words but realized the strange expression in Luke´s eyes. When she had been here since long she would have thought that this young pub owner was somehow attracted by her. This wasn´t good.....
The situation was driving into the wrong direction. Even when she took to consideration to start a love-affair here in Tarlington Creek it wouldn´t be Luke.
"Oh really?" The touch of unsteadiness could be heard in her answer but Luke was deaf for it. He grinned from ear to ear and bent to her:
"Yes. Kelly often grumbles that she´s to work so much. A job at the bar, only at three or four days the week?"
"I don´t know!" It wasn´t the job she had thought to do - but here in the Outback nobody could be very choosy. Money was money.
"Luke, I´m here to recover . I don´t know if a job in a crowded pub......!"
"Not the whole day long. At the evenings. Then board and lodging would be free!"
The enthusiasm which spread from Luke didn´t fall on fertile ground but had Carrie another choice? When she wanted to stay - and meet with Nick again - she had to take whatever was offered to her.
A low nodding and a faked smile before Luke took her hand:
"Let´s start next week. I´ve to draw up a new work schedule. - Nick!" He tapped at Nick´s shoulder and returned to his place at the bar.
Carrie was somehow demotivated and didn´t realize how Nick pushed his chair next to her before he took a seat.
"He´s a good boss!"
She only nodded and grabbed for the menu card. The hungry feeling had returned to her stomach. Was this her new life? Working in a pub in the Outback? It differed so much to her planned life that it was hard to accept. From a studied journalist to a woman behind a bar?

*

The grey veil of the coming darkness had wrapped the landscape in, the last red-orange coloured wisps of long gone clouds were still hanging at the sky but Nick knew that they would vanish soon. He was sitting at the front verandah of his small house, a bottle of cold beer in his hand, and breathed the nightly air into his lungs. It was still warm and agreeable, the crickets were chirping and swarms of moths were flying around the lamp at his door. With one leg at the verandah-railing he went to and fro with the chair, trying to find a rhythm.
This day had started like the days before, but at noon it seemed as if something had changed. Carrie Duncan had stepped into his life again, for a second time. And she had made it that Nick felt better. Since long it had been the first day when his thoughts were no longer fixed at the car accident and Nicole. His mood had improved and he had smiled, yes laughed during the talk with that woman.
And it was the first time since long that he realized the beauty of this nature again. The doctor in Longreach had said after the accident that he needed somebody to talk, somebody who would understand. Was Carrie this person?
Nick sipped at the beer and let his thoughts wander back to Carrie´s person. He knew much about her. He had read the police report again and again and remembered the description about the woman whose life he had saved. Carrie was now 23 years old, a young woman at the beginning of her life. A journalist
to-be. Good-looking, well-proportioned and with such friendliness in her face which he had never seen before.
And him? Nick was 31 years old, a human wreck, a helicopter pilot in the Outback of Queensland, with a nearly five-year-old daughter who was living in Longreach in her aunt´s house.
A nice constellation, he laughed silently. Would he expect too much when hoping of a romance?
The headlights of an approaching car caught his attention and he stood up. It was Kelly´s car. She was living at the end of this street, sharing the two rooms with her boy-friend.
"Hi, Nick!" She shouted out of the car window before she turned off the engine. Quickly she jumped out of the car and stopped at the steps which led up to the verandah.
"Kelly? Has anything happened?"
"No." Her twinkling eyes were smiling. "But I have to thank you that Luke is convinced to give me a help in the pub!"
"I´m sure that you´ve made it as well, one day!"
"How long will Carrie stay?"
"I don´t know!"
Kelly dried her sweaty hand at her Jeans and a sneering slipped from her lips, a sneering which Nick´s couldn't see in the darkness:
"I´m glad that she´s here. Glad for you!"
"For me?" Nick turned his head but stayed in the shadow of the verandah.
"Yeah. It´s long ago that I´ve seen you laughing, Nick. She does you good!"
Nick tried to play the issue down:
"Kelly, you know who she is. The accident connects us......!"
"No matter what it is, Nick, she does you good! See ya´!"
The cook from his brother´s pub returned to her car, started and vanished in the darkness.
Nick was left behind, deep sunken in his thoughts and touched by Kelly´s words. Was she maybe right?

*

The coming week-end started with the typical crowded pubs on Friday. Carrie had never thought that so many people were living here in this wilderness. They came from the nearby stations and farms to join the week-end celebrations of the residents of Tarlington Creek. Nick had promised her she would never consider to leave Tarlington Creek again when joining a Friday night in the pub. Short after 8 o'clock in the evening he knocked at her door and waited.
"I´m ready, Nick!"
"O.K." He closed the door behind her, laid his arm around her waist to turn her to the stairs:
"Let´s join the Outback life. Do you still remember it?"
"Nick, I was already in an age of 15 when I left Taylor´s Crossing to visit the boarding school!"
"Hmm," He replied and his smiling red face told her that he had already downed one or two beer before. "Then you´ve to learn much!"
"But I can play billiards!" For the best Carrie wished to nestle to his chest, to be embraced by his strong arms.
"Good, let´s join a game later on. Jimmy and Maureen are nice mates. But I´ve to warn you - Maureen is a winner!"
He let her go downstairs, deep into the bustle of loud voices and music from the music-box. Already here she could smell the thick veil of cigarette smoke. In Adelaide the smoking-ban was practiced in most of the discotheques and bars but here the law was far away.

It was still warm outside; the dry Outback breeze was blowing in through the windows which had been opened hours ago. The slight tunes of the music from the music-box - Carrie recognized a brand new country song from the charts - were nearly drowned out by the voices of the customers. A man with a cowboy hat deep in his face was sitting at the bar and joked with his friend as she and Nick entered the room. With a quick and smart turning he stopped them and sneered:
"Nick, what about our bet? Have you forgotten it?"
Nick pushed the man´s hand aside, screwed his lips up and rummaged in his pocket for something.
"I thought you have!"
In the dim light Carrie noticed the Ten-Dollar-note which Nick pulled out of his pocket and banged it into his mate´s hand.
"Thanks, mate!" Strange glazed eyes were wandering to Carrie who was still standing at Nick´s side, excited about this night.
"If my memory serves me right you haven´t told me who your beautiful companion is. I´ve heard much about a visitor here in Tarlington Creek!"
"Gossip!" Nick snapped but smiled.
"Hi!" Carrie interfered. She didn´t like it when other people were talking about her as if she wasn´t present.
"I´m Carrie. You´ll see me here more often."
"Really?" The man pushed his hat into his neck. "On holidays?"
"No, I´m working here!"
Nick raised his eyebrows, kept a slight smile when he pushed Carrie forwards:
"See ya´, Bill!"
"What kind of bet was it?" Carrie´s curiosity was alerted. How often she and her former friends had made bets.
"Ah." Nick gave a dismissive gesture and tried to cover up his failure.
"Oh, come on!" Carrie had turned and looked into his eyes. It was only a short distance which separated them and her heart made a leap. It was as if she could feel his nearness, the warmth of his body. Only of a second it came into her mind to flung her arms around him, to embrace this charming man. But Carrie pulled herself together, let her arms sink and avoided his penetrating glance.
"A herd of cattle was missing on Milligan Downs. Bill´s the foreman of this station. I was sure that these stupid animals would run straight to the next river but.....!" He shrugged his shoulders and seemed to be smitten with remorse. "But these damned bulls have used the hills as a shelter."
"Ten Dollars?" Carrie couldn´t help laughing.
"Yes." Nick´s eyebrows twitched and his already slightly glazed beer eyes began to sneer. "Do you have pity on me? Have you? Have you?"
He grabbed Carrie´s hands and pressed it down. Crying out in laughing she squealed as she bounced against a man at a table. Her 'sorry' was drowned out by the noises around. It seemed as if they were alone here, nobody paid attention to Nick and her although Carrie was a new person in this pub.
"Have you?" Nick stepped closer to her and held her arm tight. It was really long ago, he suddenly thought, that he had laughed and had felt to easy. Even the months before Nicoleïs death had been dreadful and boring. The quarrel they often had, had always undermined his mood. Only a beer at the bar, a talk with his mates and companions - that had been all during the last years. Carrie was like a fresh breeze which had stroke him, which had blown his gloomy mood away.
His glances were still fixed at her when he felt his pulse raising the speed. She attracted him constantly, she let his thoughts went around her. Nick remembered that he had felt a touch of this attraction already at the scene of accident. In December of the last year he had thought that the bad concussion, of which he had suffered, had bewildered his brain but he was mistaken.
Carrie´s slender body in his hands, her refreshing laughing and her happy looking face let him revive again, let him become the man he had been long ago.
"Yes!" She answered and dragged him out of his strange thoughts.
"O.K." Nick´s eyes wandered around and caught a sight of two bar stools at the wall next to the entrance. "When you´re quick enough you´ll get these stools there. I go and order something to drink. Beer?"
"Beer!"
His hands let her off. Carrie only lingered for a second before she fought her way through the crowd and jumped on one of these high bar stools, which seat had seen much more better days. The dart plate at the wall with an unreadable slogan in the middle was used by four men, all of them a bottle of beer in their hands and the glaze in their eyes. A cheering from the rear told Carrie that one of the teams at the billiards tables had won the game.
She would ask Nick if they could play a game of pool. How long had it been since she had felt a queue in her hands. Once billiards had been a passion of her but during the last years when she had been at the university other kind of diversions had taken over it´s place.
Carrie heard the chirping crickets through the open window at her left side. It was a wonderful time, she sighed, to sit here in the Outback and to enjoy the country way of life.
Nearly stumbling Nick returned with four bottles of beer. Already now the foam was pouring out and was running down his hands. Carrie suppressed a laughter and grabbed for two of these bottles.
"Nick, what´re you planning? Getting boozed?"
"Luke is so busy that I´d die of thirst before I can order more. And I´m very thirsty tonight!"
The cool foam she sipped from the bottle´s neck let her groan in pleasure.
"Good?"
"Wonderful!" It came over her lips - and it really was. What was better than a cool beer when outside the last heat of the day was oozing away. Nick poured the beer down his throat and wiped the foam from his lips.
"Are your friends here? I mean with whom we could play a game of pool?"
The smile which darted over Nickïs lips was somehow mysterious. The beads of sweat on his face were shimmering in this dim light as he bent down to her, so close that Carrie could feel his breathing at her ear:
"Do you wanna defeat me or do you wanna play in my team?"
"I prefer to play in your team!"
Nick bowed down and nodded satisfied. The alcohol in the beer was doing it´s job well. His glazed eyes blinked at her before he turned to his bottle again. Carrie for herself had never been fit enough to booze the whole night long. The last party she had joined had been before the accident. Also then she had never been able to put away a fair bit, two Vodkas, one beer and her stomach began to rebel. But
tonight she ignored it - the beer tasted good and the high spirits around let her feel free. Hadn´t she come to Tarlington Creek to feel free again, to forget the dreadful past.

Suddenly their attention was caught by a man who climbed onto one table and tried to attract the people´s interest. He already swayed a little bit but the words he spoke were clear and loud:
"Listen, mates. What do you think of joining a drinking contest?"
The crowded cheered and also Nick at Carrie´s side - he had moved closer - lifted his bottle of beer and whistled.
"Well, well." The man said and waited until the noise in the pub ebbed away." At one side," He pointed to a young man on a chair at his left side, "Kenny from Milligan Downs!"
Two man at the rear clapped their hands and shouted winning slogans. But the man on the table kept imitating a referee and waited again before he continued his monotonous singing:
"And here, close beside my right foot, Chris from Tarlington Creek. Who´s here to support him? Let´s hear your voice!"
A flood of cheering-up, whistles and clapping hands filled the room and let the ground shake. Carrie knew of a sudden that Chris, the man from the general store, was the favorite. She laughed about the scene she saw, about the man on the table who tried to make a poker face and leant to Nick. It was so loud around that she had to move closer:
"Will this Chris win?"
Nick pretended that he couldnït understand but laughed when she slapped him at his arm in knowing of his faked doing. His hand was laid around her neck and pulled her to him.
"Almost every month he´s challenged to join a contest - and I can´t remember anyone who´s defeated him!"
Carrie shivered when she felt only for a second his lips at her ear. It was only because of the laughing which shook him - but it pleased her much.

The crowd got wild. Carrie was thrilled by this atmosphere. Nothing in Adelaide could compare with this, with a night in an Outback pub. The voice from Nick roused her out of her dreams:
"Will you watch it until the end?"
"Why?" The strange tension between them increased. Did he also feel it? Carrie wondered.
"I think it´s a good moment to start a game of pool billiards. I can see Maureen in the adjoining room!"
Actually she would like to see the boozing of these idiots, to see them until one of them would crash to the ground but Carrie nodded and jumped from the bar stool.

The adjoining room wasn´t so dim like the bar room, a couple of glaring and ugly neon lamps lit up the billiards tables and the handful players who weren´t interested in the boozing contest next to them.
"Nick!" A woman shouted and laid her queue on the table. "It´s long ago that I´ve seen you!" Maureen, a woman in her early thirties, with short blonde hair and tight black Jeans around her well-proportioned legs, shook hands with him and rubbed the sweat from her face. Her eyes flashed, Carrie noticed it but couldn´t say what she was thinking about her.
"This is Carrie!"
"I´ve already heard about her!" Maureen replied, nodded to her before she turned to Nick again. Then suddenly her smile set in:
"How´s Melly?"
"Oh." It seemed as if Nick tried to avoid this topic. "She´s fine!"
"Have you visited her?"
The sharp expression in her eyes was meant for Carrie but against Maureen´s expectations Carrie didn´t react in any way. How should Maureen know that Carrie hadn´t any idea who Melanie was; nobody had ever told her about Nick´s daughter. Visibly nervous Nick pushed Carrie forwards:
"Maureen, do you wanna play with us? A game of pool? I know that pool is Jimmy´s passion!"
While sizing her up Maureen set a sneer upon her lips and walked back to the table.
"All right. Jimmy?" She shouted and beckoned a man from the background. He was not very tall but slim and an obviously nice guy. He welcomed Carrie with an honest smile and turned to Nick:
"A game? You know, Nick, that I´m the champion in Tarlington Creek!"
"And your end is near!" Nick laughed, took two queues from the wall and bent down to Carrie. How much beer he had already drunk? She wondered but set a smile upon her lips when a devilish expression appeared in his eyes:
"Let´s show them that we can win!"
Carrie spied over Nick´s shoulder and realized the stern looking Maureen, the queue in her hand and lips as narrowed as could be. Who was she? Nick´s new flame? It gave Carrie a stitch in her heart when she suddenly realized that she was only an intruder; that she didn´t know anything about this community of Tarlington Creek. In what kind of relationship stood Nick to Maureen. And who was Melanie. It was sure that this topic had been unpleasant for Nick. Why? Because of her?
Jimmy took his queue and made the first stroke; a laughter left his mouth when he saw that three of the balls were already vanishing. Nick bent over the table and lingered. Then a further ball. Try to forget her, Carrie´s mind called. Maybe she´s only jealous.
Only two minutes later it was Carrie´s turn. She took a deep breath, ignored Maureen´s glances and stepped at the table. There were only five balls left. Usually a child´s play for her but the beer and her racing heart let her linger. Nick put his bottle of beer away, strolled to her and grinned:
"Shall I help you?" He stepped behind, laid his arms around her and was about to grab for the queue when Carrie straightened upon her body and took a deep breath.
"This way to work on a woman is as old as the hills, Nick!"
"Really?"
"Please let me play - step back!"
For one moment he lingered, let his hand touch her arm and waist before he lifted his hand and gave in:
"O.K.!"
Carrie´s hand trembled. She was unconcentrated and still felt Nick´s yearning eyes at her back and Maureen´s glances at the left side of the table. Why she had rejected him in getting closer?
Still fixing the red ball in front of her with the eyes Carrie swallowed. The music around them could hardly be heard; the cheering in the bar room was too loud. Had Chris won the contest?
The white ball hit Carrie´s red one but failed to use one of the holes.
"Hmm." She murmured, shrugged her shoulders and was somehow happy to step back.
"You´re losing!!" Jimmy hummed, danced to the table and bent down again. He was the only one who laughed, yes, the only one whose thoughts were totally caught by the game.
Maureen was still studying Carrie while Nick had took a seat at a stool and leant his heavy head against the cool wall behind. Despite the beer he could think clear and it didn´t please him what he saw. Maureen, once the best friend of Nicole and in former days an admirer of him, had changed. He sensed her anger and hatred which was meant for Carrie.
For the best Nick should have talked turkey with her, should have explained her that the relationship between him and Nicole had been broken into pieces long ago before the accident. And it wasn´t Carrie´s fault that he was fond of her. Maureen´s behavior told him everything.
"Nick?" Jimmy called him. "It´s your turn!"
"Let´s pause a little while. I think the beer was too strong today!"
And without taking any attention to his friend Jimmy and Carrie, Nick headed to Maureen, grabbed her arm and pushed her into the background so that the others couldn´t hear them.
"He, Nick.....don't hurt me!"
"What´s your problem?" The words only left his mouth in heaviness.
"What do you mean?" Maureen´s eyes flashed in anger.
"You know what I mean. What has Carrie done to you?"
Maureen straightened her body and hissed:
"And what has she done to you?? Nicole only died 9 moths ago!"
"That´s not your business. You know that Nicole wanted to leave me. You know that I´ve moved out of the house long ago!"
"But she´d loved you!"
Nick grabbed Maureen´s shoulders and shook her:
"She´s dead!! And neither your behavior nor anything else would change it!"
"Ah!" Maureen shook off his hands, jostled against him and threw the queue away. Carrie only saw a cloud of dusty which was whirling around when she left the room and vanished in the crowd.
"I´m sorry, but Maureen doesn´t feel well!" Nick apologized and turned to Jimmy, who was standing there in astonishment and knowledge.
"Ok....mate." He replied, "Let´s stop it. Nick! Carrie!" Jimmy tapped at Nick´s shoulders and left as well.
Carrie, who had watched these scene from the distance, thought of knowing the reason, thought of seeing the anger which had bothered Maureen. And she was right. Hadn´t she come to Tarlington Creek to recover, to talk with Nick McKinley the other victim of the accident? And what was she about to do? Throwing herself at him?
It was only nine moths ago when their partners had died. And even when her love to Kevin hadn´t been so deep, Nick had been married to Nicole. When two people decided to live together forever they had to love each other. Was Carrie allowed to step so early between them?
The once strange attraction for Nick had changed to a deep feeling. Carrie avoided to call it love, it was too early, but it was something more than only friendship. Nick returned, stopped in front of her and took Carrie´s hand. It let her shiver, it let her blood boil.
"I´m sorry. Her anger often quickly rise!"
"T´was because of me, wasn´t it?"
Nick lingered, shook his head and set a smile upon his strained features:
"Forget it. What can we do now? No billiards and I think the boozing contest has finished as well!"
"I think I´ve to go out. I´ve to take a deep breath outside!"

As the door slammed shut behind them Carrie breathed in relief. The darkness had already taken possession of the landscape and only a handful of street lamps were trying to lit this little town up. Moths and other insects were buzzing around the light as a colder breeze sprung up from the south.
The weathered boards beneath their beet creaked, the music from the bar was only a humming. Carrie suddenly felt cold, not by the wind but by the shiver she felt. She clasped her arms around her body and stopped at the verandah post.
"It´s so silent here!"
Nick´s footsteps approached from behind, he lingered and stepped beside her.
"Unfortunately this evening........!"
"No, no," Carrie replied and screwed her lips to a slight smile: "T´was good to see it again. I love it, really." She nearly giggled as she remembered the years in Adelaide.
"My friends would call me a stupid girl."
"I mean Maureen...!" Nick watched her but Carrie avoided his glances.
"It´s O.K.!"
Seconds of silence wrapped them in. A car passed and vanished in the darkness. Could he hear her heart pounding? Nick cleared his throat and came closer. He was still half a meter away but it seemed
Carrie as if she could feel him, his warmth and nearness. She looked down to the boards, and saw his working boots and the edges of his dusty Jeans.
"When you like it...... the week-end in two weeks.... there´s a rodeo event in Barcaldine. Maybe you´d like to see it?"
A rodeo event in the Outback? It was long ago when she had visited a rodeo in South Australia.
"I´ve to work on Sunday afternoon!" Carrie remembered the new work schedule.
"It starts on Friday night." Nick hesitated whereby his eyes were seeking for her ones.
"We......we could drive to Barcaldine on Saturday!"
Her heart made a leap. She yearned for a day with Nick, for an evening with him.
"I......I´d like it, Nick. Iïll come with you! Thank you."
The dim light of the near street lamp let Carrie see that a grin took possession of Nick´s face. She shouldn´t do this, she shouldn´t......
"That´s great. I think you haven´t been in Barcaldine before, have you?"
"No, Tarlington Creek is the only town I´ve seen - expect the towns where I`ve slept when travelling to here."
The enthusiasm returned to Nickïs voice. He bent towards her and whispered:
"If you wish I could show you all the towns around. Longreach is nice as well and very big."
"I´ll take up your offer later on!"
"You know where you can find me!" Nick heard his heart beating in his brain; he was not really sober but clear enough in his mind to consider the situation. She had agreed to drive with him to the rodeo in Barcaldine. How far he could go? Carrie looked up to him; she realized his nearness, the deserted environment and the tension between them. Her own heart seemed to burst when she caught her breath in excitement. Only centimeters separated them. Carrie smelt the reek of beer, felt his breathing at her face as she suddenly stepped back, turned her face and murmured:
"Nick.....I....I must go in. Sorry. See ya´ tomorrow!"
"Good night, Carrie!"
His last words hardly reached her before she rushed into the pub, fought her way through the crowd and vanished behind the door to the stairs. She didn´t notice Luke´s astonished glances; her thoughts and emotions were going wild as she slammed the door of her room shut. Pounding in excitement her heart seemed to cry, seemed to grouse. Carrie´s blood was boiling when she remembered Nick´s bodily contacts only an hour ago. What should she do? Following her heart and putting the noses of
Nicoleïs friends out of joint? And what it would become? An affair? Or love?
Confused and standing beside herself she sank down onto the bed and buried her red face behind her hands.
This she hadn't expected to get here in Tarlington Creek.

*

It was almost midnight when the last customers left the pub. Carrie was still awaken and listened to the noise in the bar room below. An hour ago she had tried to find a sleep but in vane. Now she stood up again and left her room to walk down the stairs.
The bar room was deserted and dimly lit by two glaring neon lamps. The last waves of cigarette smoke found their way out of the open windows while the dark shadow of Kelly was cleaning the tables.
"Hi, Carrie!" The cook said. "Still awaken?"
"Yeah, maybe I´ve slept too long the last nights." She approached the bar and watched Luke who was cleaning the shelves with a cloth.
"Can I help you?"
"Nice idea." Luke replied and waited until she walked around the bar. The smell of beer and cooked food was still hanging around and let Carrie´s nose turn up in disgust.
"Can you fill up the fridge with new bottles. They´re in the box beside the door. Can you see it?"
"Of course!" Carrie squatted down to the box and took a bottle into her hand. She hesitated and the visions of the last hours returned to her mind.
"Have you had a nice evening?" Luke´s open curiosity couldn´t be seen by Carrie.
"Yes!"
"I haven´t seen Nick for hours!"
"He´s left soon after the boozing contest!"
Luke laid the towel aside, cast a short glance to Kelly who was about to tidy up the adjoining room and approached Carrie.
"Why haven´t you come to the bar after he´s left?"
After Carrie had taken the last bottle she struggled to her feet again and leant against the refrigerator:
"To do what?" Carrie smiled but wasn´t really sure that she had been right to come down again. Luke, who didn´t resemble much Nick, was also a good-looking man but the boldness in his eyes didn´t impress her.
"To talk to me?"
Carrie smiled.
"What can I tell you? I´ve always thought that the man behind the bar could tell stories - many stories!
"O.K.." Luke denuded his teeth. " Then listen to me. I´m sure that you´re the only one here who haven´t listened to my exciting stories before!"
"I think I´m not a good listener tonight!" Carrie´s smile died when she cast her eyes.
"Bad news?" Luke´s voice changed nearly to a whisper. He grabbed Carrie´s hands and it seemed as if he intended to drew her closer. This was all she needed - a man who tried to conquer her heart.
Quickly she withdrew her hands, smiled and stepped backwards to get out of Luke´s reach.
"No, not really!"
For a fraction of a second Luke seemed to ponder before he followed her:
"The diversion in Tarlington Creek is very limited. Do you wanna join a rodeo which takes place in Barcaldine in two weeks. The work schedule tells me that you ain´t working on Saturday and.....I´ll be there as well!"
Carrie receded and shook her head, always trying to keep smiling:
"Thank you Luke, but......I´ve always got an invitation. Nick drives me to Barcaldine!"
"Damn, I´m too late!" He joked but something in his eyes suddenly flashed. Carrie couldn´t read in his eyes and this worried her. Unsure and a little bit tired she placed the empty box upon the bar and nodded:
"Yeah. I think I´ll go back to my room. See ya´ tomorrow. - Kelly!"
"Good night!" The voice from the cook hardly reached her ear as she turned and nearly hastened back to the stairs and into her room. And only when she closed the door behind her she leant against it and took a breath in relief. The things around her began to slip from Carrie´s hands. There was Nick, the man she was fond of; the community of Tarlington Creek which maybe saw in her a intruder; Maureen which confronted her with hatred and Luke, the brother of Nick, who was going to become attracted by her.
It came into her mind that it had been a mistake to accept the invitation to the rodeo - but she had to make it; she had promised Nick to join it.

*

Against Carrie´s expectation that a job behind a bar could be boring it suited her after the first hour. Here she didn´t feel the kind of stress which usually bothered the people in bars in the big cities. It was like a diversion which would bring her a small amount of money.
During the hottest time of the day and at the early morning - which started here not before 9 o´clock - only one or two customers wandered into this pub, took a bottle of cold drinks and disappeared with a short ' See ya´'. Often Carrie didn´t catch a sight of Luke for hours, a fact which she liked. He was sitting in his office at the rear, managing the problem-free running of his pub. If Luke McKinley still felt tempted to try to approach her, Carrie wasn´t really sure. A compliment now and then, a deep
smile upon his lips but what was lying behind his facade she didn´t see.

Today it was ten minutes to two o´clock. Carrie threw a little glance upon the big clock at the wall which was more an advertising sign than an chronometer and waited for Kelly. Her shift was about to end in ten minutes. With a slowly stroll she surrounded the bar, arranged the salt and pepper shaker on the tables new and let her nosy eyes wander over the countless posters, pictures and advertising signs at the wall. An old registration plate from a car was also among them, old and rusty, with dents
and scratches.
The screen door squeaked as she pushed it open to squint out into the sun. At the morning the cover of thick clouds had announced that a bad thunderstorm was on it´s way but during the last hours the sun had broken through and began to eat up the darkness at the sky. It was hot, not as hot as the days before but Carrie, who knew the cooler and more drier climate of South Australia, began to sweat.
The 'flap-flap' sound of the fan at the ceiling seemed to increase as she closed the door again and leant herself at the wall. Nobody was in there, only silence and her own heartbeat. It seemed as if the time was standing still..........

Carrie jerked when suddenly the door was pushed open with power and an exhausted and cursing Kelly rushed in. She hardly saw Carrie over the rim of the huge box she was carrying and headed for the bar.
"Kelly?"
"Oh, Carrie." Kelly answered, laid the box onto the bar and shouted towards the door at the rear: "Luke! Luke, come on, get yourself up from the chair."
Only seconds later the owner of the pub appeared and lingered:
"What´re you crying?"
"I´ve met outside with the supplier of Hanson & Son. Is it the consignment which the Milligans are waiting for?"
Luke screwed his lips to an angry expression:
"Yeah." With a short glance at Carrie and the big clock at the wall he kept murmuring:
"I´ve promised to send them the box but....Carrie´s shift has ended. Kelly you can´t drive......!"
"Am I wrong or will they pay much for it?" Kelly's eyes flashed. A great idea had taken possession of her mind. Luke nodded and couldn´t say anything as Kelly kept speaking:
"I´ll supply it now, Luke. Just look, the pub isn´t...very crowded. I think you´ll manage it for yourself for an hour or so!"
Luke's mood wasn´t very good today. He nodded low, gave his employee a gesture that she could go and vanished behind the door again. With a smart grin on her lips Kelly blinked at Carrie:
"Will you come with me? You haven´t seen Milligan Downs before, have you?"
"No!"
"Oh it´s a splendid station and the biggest around Tarlington Creek!" Kelly dreamt and heaved the box up to her arms again. "You´d be a lousy employee and new resident of Tarlington Creek when you don´t know this cattle station. Come on!"
It didn´t come into Kelly´s mind that Carrie was busy in doing her own work. What could be more important? She was already half way to the door and kept telling stories from the far Outback. Why not, Carrie thought, laid her apron aside and followed her colleague out into the sun.

It lasted half an hour until the first signs of a human settlement appeared among the bushes and hills of the Outback. Kelly´s car, an old and shabby Pick-up, was racing over the dusty gravel road, whirling up clouds of dust and sand behind them. They had seen a small herd of cattle near the road which rushed away when the Pick-up had passed them.
The bush outside reminded Carrie of her home even when this landscape here was more green and less hit by droughts than around Taylor´s Crossing. Eucalyptus trees were joining the banks of a still wet creek, surrounded by low but green grass. But Carrie also knew the spring here could be merciless dry and most of the pastures would change their colours until the rain in summer would bring relief.
After a near collision with a kangaroo Kelly slowed down and turned the head to Carrie:
"Nick´s told that you come from a small village in South Australia!"
"That´s right. But I´ve left it years ago!"
"And how´s the city life? Exciting, eh?"
"Sometimes. I´ve dreamt of a life near the beach, of a good job as a journalist - but this have changed!"
Kelly knitted her brows:
"The accident, am I right? We´ve heard about it from our Police officer. Nick´s......he hasn't told anything. It was horrible, wasn´t it?"
Against Carrie´s expectations she didn´t feel any pain in her heart when hearing of the accident. Had she recovered? Had she already accepted it?
"It was. It has nearly broke me!"
"Nick as well. It´s good that you came to speak with him." Kelly took a turnoff and headed for the shapes of a settlement in the far distance." We all think that he´s changed since you´re here. Nick´s a nice man, isn´t he?"
Kelly didn´t look at Carrie but screwed her lips up.
The farm house of the homestead grew and shaped out of the haze. It was a two-storied house with a large verandah around and beautiful shady eucalyptus trees near the walls. A rosebush was nearly in flames - so beautiful and big were the blossoms. Beside it, close to a hill, a couple of other houses and sheds nestled to the landscape; stables, barns and other buildings which were necessary for a cattle station. At the left side, maybe only twenty meters away, a large paddock caught Carrie´s attention. The two horses inside where beautiful thoroughbreds which were standing there, dozing in the sun.
Carrie´s long forgotten passion returned to her heart. Horses, she loved them since she had been a child. And years ago she had often joined a journey on horsebacks with her father and brother.
"Welcome to Milligan Downs!" Kelly snapped with a smile, and jumped out of the car.

Carrie followed and stayed at the Pick-up. She was impressed.
"Come, follow me, Carrie!"
She did what her colleague had said and approached the house when suddenly a woman stepped from the verandah and waved at Kelly.
"Hi, Susan!"
"G´Day Kelly. Nice to see you again. Is this the box from Hanson & Son?"
"Yep!"
Carrie, who had approached, nodded:
"Hi!"
"This," And Kelly pushed Carrie to the unknown woman." This is Carrie Duncan. She´s performed the miracle that Nick´s changed!"
Susan Milligan, the owner´s wife, was a woman in her early forties, with tied up long dark hair and dirt on her working trousers. She raised her eyebrows and offered Carrie her hand:
"Oh, I see. I think he´s coming back soon. They´ve taken the helicopter half an hour ago!"
"He´s here?" It slipped from Carrie´s lips when she suddenly noticed Nick´s dark-blue Ford Ute among the other cars next to the paddock.
"Yes, he´s working for us. Will you come in?"
Embarrassed by her outcry and this strange situation Carrie took a deep breath and tried to change the topic. What had she done that so many people of Tarlington Creek wanted to thank her? Nick had changed? How he had been before her arrival? While setting a forced smile upon her lips Carrie gave a dismissal gesture:
"I don´t wanna disturb you, Mrs. Milligan. I´ll stay outside. You´ve so beautiful horses, can I have a look at them?"
"Of course. Bill´s at the paddock. He can help you!"

With relief Carrie saw the two women vanishing in the house. It gave her an awkward feeling when they all were speaking about her and Nick - it was nearly a strange kind of gossip. Didn´t they know that she had sat beside the driver who had caused the accident, who had caused Nicole McKinley´s death?
When Carrie headed for the paddock the noise of an arriving helicopter somewhere in the sky, reached her ears. She hadn´t thought of seeing Nick here on the station; to see him as a pilot and not as the man from the garage in the town.
"G´Day." The man at the paddock was about to oil the hinges of the gate, when he stopped and approached her. She recognized him; she had seen him in the pub, demanding for the ten Dollars for the bet with Nick.
"Mrs. Milligan has said that I can take a look at these beautiful horses!"
"Sure. Do you know much about horses?" Bill Manson, the foreman of Milligan Downs, was maybe in the same age as Nick, with a broad-brimmed cowboy hat on his dark hair and a dusty shirt with rolled up sleeves. He studied her before he turned to the horses and pointed out to the sorrel at the rear.
"T´is Fire and the other one is Crees!"
"Are you breeding horses here on Milligan Downs?" Carrie was so fascinated that she didn´t notice that Bill put one feet on the rail, pushed his hat into his neck and sneered:
"Sometimes. Fire is the pride of the Missus!"
And as if the horse could understand their words Fire raised his head and trotted to Carrie, carefully but also nosy and bold.
"Do you wanna go in?" Bill asked.
This beautiful horse approached her, puffed up his nostrils and began to sniff at Carrie´s hand. Her eyes were shimmering when she nodded and began to climb over the paddock fence. Only a jump down and she was at his side, at Fire´s side. The hide was shimmering in the sunlight as Carrie touched the sorrel´s nostrils and stringy neck.
"He´s a beautiful horse."
A motion at the other side of the paddock let Carrie linger. She squinted into the sun and recognized Nick, who had left the helicopter at the edge of the homestead. He also hesitated for a short moment, dragged his cowboy hat deeper into his face and shook his head. Had she seen right? Had he really shook his head? But why?Carrie was irritated.
Bill, still on the other side of the paddock, kept grinning:
"I´m sure that Mrs. Milligan wouldn´t deny it when you wanna ride him."
Once again Carrieïs attention was caught by Nick, who also climbed up to the paddock fence but took a seat at the top of it. He nodded to Bill:
"T´was only a calf and a cow. Jake´s already on the way!"
"Thanks, Nick. - What do you think, wouldn´t this be a nice partner for Fire?"
Nick didn´t give an answer.
With a further soft touch at Fire´s nostrils Carrie turned to Bill:
"But I don´t know the environment. I´d love to ride him but I´d need a guide!"
Unintentional Carrie´s glances went to Nick on the paddock but she saw him shaking his head. Was he smiling? She couldn´t see his features in the shadow of this hat.
"I´m sorry, Carrie, but I can´t ride a horse. I prefer cars and helicopters."
Bill cleared his throat and interfered:
"But I do, Ma´am. When you wanna do this with me!"
Something in this strange talking between herself and these two men didn´t please her. She stepped back from Fire and returned to the paddock.
"When you come again I´ll show you the land around!" Bill murmured with a short glance at Nick.
"Oh, I don´t know......!"

Kelly hastened out the house of a sudden and sprinted to her Pick-up. Her shrill voice ached in Carrie´s ears:
"I´ve to hurry up, Carrie. Luke´s calling!"
"But..!" Carrie stammered. She knew that Kelly hadn´t heard it.
"You can stay for awhile. I´m sure that Nick will drive you back!" These were her last words before she jumped into her car, slammed the door and vanished in a cloud of dust and sand.

Perplexed and somehow caught napping Carrie climbed over the paddock fence again and had to face Mrs. Milligan who walked by:
"Do you wanna ride one of them?" She asked friendly. But Carrie wasn't in the mood to think and talk about horses. Had Kelly left her intentionally because of Nick? Suspicious thoughts roamed through her head when she turned and saw Nick coming.
"I´d love to do. I´ll come back, Mrs. Milligan. Thank you!"
"No worries." And to Nick: "Have you finished your work?"
"Yeah, I´m setting off as well."
"Bye!"
Carrie shook Mrs. Milligan´s hands and followed Nick to his car. While walking over the yard he turned his head and grinned. Still the shadow darkened his face, his nosy eyes.
"Kelly is a pro to stand someone up!"
He got into his car, still the hat deep in his face, and waited until she had sat down on the passenger´s front seat before he turned the key and started. The switched on air-condition took the redness from Carrieïs face and she leant back. Once again the admiration for these kind of cars returned. It was a brand new one, with much of electronic and darkened side windows. She listened to the silent roaring of the engine and hardly felt the uneven gravel road beneath the wheels. As only the bush was around them Nick increased the speed and let the landscape pass by in dust clouds.
"Why she´s bring you to the station?"
"She wanted to show me this beautiful homestead. And I must confess it´s a beautiful station! Isn't it nice to work here?"
"It is, but you don´t see the beauty when you´re driving scattered cattle home. It´s a dusty work!"
"Also with a helicopter?" Carrie was still unable to believe that Nick a her side was a real helicopter pilot.
"Yes."
"For how long are you working here?"
"Since 1996. I met...." Nick lingered and swallowed. "I met my wife here. She was the daughter of the manager!"
Carrie kept silence. It had been a question which had send them both back to the day of the car accident and she condemned herself for this. Couldn´t she keep her mouth shut?
The bushland rushed by and it seemed for Carrie as if Nick kept increasing the speed, but she was mistaken. Nick was caught by the past, by the memories of the day in 1996 when he had met Nicole. Milligan Downs had needed a help, a helicopter pilot and Nick tried to get the job. Nicole had been in an age of twenty-one, a typical girl who had spent the most of her youth and childhood on an Outback station. Friendly and charming with a secret beauty and twinkling eyes.
Jake had been happy to see Nick as his son-in-law, years later. The manager had lost his wife ten years ago.....and seven years later he had lost his daughter as well. Nick´s strained features seemed to break Carrie´s heart. For the best she would have flung her arms around him but she turned her face aside and watched the dry land beside the road.
"Do you think that I was too rash?"
"In what?" His voice droned and became mixed with the humming of the engine.
"In thinking that only a.....little talk with somebody, with you, could cure me of my guilty conscience!" Sighing Carrie pressed her hand upon her hot face and couldn´t stop the memories which streamed to her. The humming of the engine ebbed away as Nick stopped somewhere on the road and let a few seconds of silence pass by. Then he turned and took her hand:
"Nobody is guilty. I´ve said it once and I tell you twice, it was....!"
"Kevin was joking and laughing...!" Carrie mused about the last minutes of his life and felt how her eyelids winced. "I couldn´t stop him....I haven´t tried to stop him!"
Nick studied her strained features and wasnït sure if she would be able to accept the whole situation one day:
"Kevin.....was he your......!"
"Boyfriend, yes." Carrie stretched her body and stared at the floor. "And I haven´t seen him dying. He sat beside me but.....I can´t remember, I can´t...!" Never before Carrie had thought of this fact - of the last seconds of Kevin´s life. Why it bothered her so much? Doubted her heart his death because of this lack of knowledge?
"Will it help you to hear from me that....he died instantly?"
"Really?" Her hot burning eyes hindered her to see Nick clear.
"Come on, I think it´s not the right time to talk about it. Are you O.K.?"
Carrie nodded, thanked him with a smile and leant backwards again. What had come over her, Carrie scolded herself. Would she ever be strong enough to cope with it? The Ute began to roll again as Carrie wished she could turn back the time. Only minutes, just before her question about Nickïs job. Hadn´t she been happy to sit here next to him? And now?
A little bit embarrassed about her emotional outburst she pressed her lips together and watched the lonely bushland around.
"Is the highway to Longreach a good one?" Carrie changed the topic so abruptly that even she was bewildered.
"What?" Nick´s face turned to her in confusion. With a slight motion Carrie avoided his glances:
"I don´t have to work tomorrow and I´ve thought that I could need a little shopping tour in a bigger town. I wanna drive to Longreach, is the highway.....?"
"The highway is O.K." His face brightened up again. "A shopping tour - this sounds great. But do you think Longreach is ready for you?"
Nick laughed: "Sorry, I´m only joking. Take the highway northwards and you can´t miss it!"
"Thank you."
"Have a good day!"
"It´s queer that I´ve forgotten my habits. In Adelaide not a single day passed when I hadn´t gone shopping. But the months in my hometown brought me back to ........my roots. Can I use these words?"
Nick shrugged his shoulder:
"You´re not a real city person!"
"Yeah, you´re maybe right!"

For the rest of the way home to Tarlington Creek the conversation couldn´t be kept alive - the black veil of the past had wrapped the car and the people in. Nick stopped at the pub, let Carrie get out and drove back home. Carrie used the backdoor, climbed up the stairs and was contented to feel the soft bed of her room beneath her.
Maybe the next day, the shopping tour in Longreach would take her mind off the past, of the accident.

Chapter 5.

The door of the pub squeaked when Carrie stepped out of the verandah the next morning. It was almost 9 o´clock, the time of the day when the shops in Tarlington Creek were roused out of their slumber.
Despite the coming wet season here in Queensland it seemed as if Carrie would have luck with the weather. The cloudless sky was so endless blue that she loved to watch it. It was a colour which differed so to the pale blue sky of Adelaide. There smog and city emissions veiled the sky but here, deep in the hinterland, the air was clear and fresh as could be.
The still low-hanging sun dipped the trees and houses into a soft yellowish light - it was a paradise, Carrie thought, a real paradise for a person who was able to appreciate the nature. The employee of the pharmacy was sweeping the sand and dust from the pavement, shouting to her a short 'Good morning'. Carrie replied, took the key of her Toyota and got in. Since the day when she had arrived here she hadn´t used her car - the town was so small that she could walk through it by feet. Longreach - she had often heard of this town in the Outback of Queensland; the dusty cattle town with a population of nearly 8000 people. It was a big town here.
She turned the key to start the engine - but nothing happened. A low dying noise, before the red warning lights on the dashboard flashed up. She tried it again.
"Come on, come on. You´ve brought me to this town, why you wanna annoy me today?"
Her fists hit the steering wheel when she tried it again.
"Damn!" With screwed lips and an angry expression on her face she took off the key again and left the car. The rage in her heart erupted when she slammed the door of the Toyota shut.
"Bloody cart!"
It was useless to open the bonnet, in this case she was a typical woman, unable to find the reason not to mention to repair it. It became hot and the first beats of perspiration were running down her face. Her so well planned trip to Longreach was going to be cancelled - even when she had known the reason of the breakdown, it would last days until the Toyota could be repaired. Usually these towns hadn´t enough car parts to cover all reasons for breakdowns.
Carrie, still annoyed and sour, push herself off the car and crossed the main street. Nick ran the only garage here in Tarlington Creek - but was he already working there today? Or was he on the station?
The first residents of this town drove in, parked their cars and set off for the shops as Carrie nearly trudged along the pavement. And as if she had known it, behind the corner of the closed down shop she saw Nick´s garage - and the closed and locked doors. Her streak of bad luck kept going.
Wasn´t this funny? In a town of only 1000 residents she couldn´t find anybody who was skilled to repair her car.
Out of the corners of her eyes she realized a dark-blue Ford Ute standing in a parking lot of the petrol station. Hadn´t Nick told her that he and - what was the name of the attendant? - helped each other from time to time?
Carrie shrugged her shoulders and headed for the petrol station in the near distance.

Not a single car was standing at the petrol pumps and the only noise which could be heard was caused by the running air-condition. The large refrigerator beside the door told of 'Ice'; a sign beside it of the car wash facilities behind the house. The automatic door slid open and let her entered the cooled down interior. It only lasted seconds before she grasped the situation.
Mike - Carrie had remembered the name of the attendant - was standing behind the counter and talked with Nick, who was leaning at the wall close beside the coffee maker. They both suddenly stopped talking and watched her with curiosity.
"Good morning!" Mike said, looked out of the large window and was surprised that he couldn´t see a car at his station.
"Hi." She replied short and approached Nick who was standing there in his typical outfit. Jeans, a white T-shirt and the hat on his head.
"Nick, do you have time to check my car. It doesn´t start!"
"Oh." He grinned and looked at Mike. "A customer for me. But...." He screwed his lips and pretended to think about his timetable, "....let me see if I´ve time today. You know, I´m busy with.......!"
"Nick!" It was more a helpless outcry than a request. "Please. You know that I wanna drive to Longreach today but my damned car doesn´t start!"
"O.K." Nick replied, signaled Mike a good-bye and left the petrol station with Carrie.
"What could it be? I´ve driven more than 1800 kilometers without any indication of a breakdown!"
"I´ll check it. Could be the heat!"
Carrie walked beside him across the pavement and cast her eyes:
"I was afraid that you´re not here this morning."
"I´m not working on Milligan Downs each day. It´s only a part-time job!"

They reached the Toyota and after Carrie had opened the bonnet he gave her his hat and bent down into the engine compartment. Minutes passed when Carrie was only standing in a distance, fighting with the flies which were hissing around.
"Is enough petrol in the tank?" Came out of the compartment.
"Of course!" Carrie replied a little bit angry. She was a woman but not stupid.
"Would you start the car, please!"
Carrie´s hand trembled as she pushed the key in and turned it. The same red rights on the dashboard and a dying noise of the engine. Nick straightened his body, wiped the dirt of his hands and let the bonnet fall down again. He surrounded the car and bent down to watch her through the opened side
window. Carrie´s emotions suddenly changed from anger to excitement when she looked up and studied his face.
"It´s the petrol pump. I´ve to replace it!"
"Fine," Carrie sighed with sarcasm. Good-bye Longreach! "When you´ll get a new one?"
"A couple of days, one week. This depends on the car parts dealer in Longreach. This Toyota is almost new. It could be that the pumps are available in Longreach!"
"Fine!" Carrie leant back into the upholstery of the seat and shook her head. "It´s typical for me!"
"Be happy that it happens here and not on the highway. It´s quite lonely out there!"
He smiled but didn´t make any move to step back.
Suddenly Nick´s features changed. He considered what do next or if he could help her in another way. Actually he was contented that she was still here. Hadn´t he thought yesterday of asking her if he could come with her to Longreach but turned it down later on. It would have been a good change to combine business with pleasure. Nick cleared his throat and played with the tissue in his oily hands:
"What do you think of driving with me to Longreach today!"
The surprised but pleased expression in Carrie´s eyes was noticed by him.
"My car will make it!"
"But....but I canït accept it. You´ve to work here and........it´s a long way!"
"It´s no trouble at all! I´ve to do something in Longreach and whether I´m gonna drive the next week or today, it doesn´t make any difference. I could do my things, buy the petrol pump for you and maybe .......show you the town!"
Carrie´s heart made a leap. She didn´t feel the heat which was creeping through the car, she only listened to his words, to this proposal.
"You would do that for me?"
"Sure!" Nick took his hat, straightened his body and tapped at the door:
´"I´ll be back in half an hour." He said and set off to the petrol station again. Carrie got out of her car and watched him going. A slight smile slipped form her lips before she returned to her room.

*

Part 5

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