© Copyright Ute Oettel 2006 - 2007

Scrubbashing (part 3)

*

Three days later Carrie awoke out of her coma and only saw at first a veil of grey haze. It was warm around her, she felt a pillow at her neck and a blanket over her body; she smelt a strange and unknown scent it reminded her of......a hospital.
A pain as hot as red iron shot through her brain, followed by fractions of visions, of pictures, of feelings. She groaned and moved whereby it seemed as if her whole body was aching. A cool hand touched her arm and the dull voice of her mother floated to her:
"Carrie? Can you hear me?"
"Mom.....Mom...!" She croaked and opened her eyes. The veil disappeared and the shadows began to take shape. Her father was also there, smiling and nodding.
"Oh, my dear!"
"What´s happened? Mom? I´m in the hospital!"
"Yes!" The sad eyes of Helen Duncan became wet of happiness.
"Why?" Carrie asked low and was suddenly sure that she shouldn´t hear it, that she wouldn´t get a good answer. Helen´s hand caressed her face, how cool and agreeable it was, so consoling and familiar.
"I´ll tell you later......!"
"No," Carrie murmured and closed her eyes. She remembered the day, the evening with Kevin and the others, the party they had held and the trip down to Victor Harbor. It was dark and Kevin was racing along the highway. Then - nothing.
"Tell me, Mom. Did we have a car accident?" Carrie wasn´t sure but it was the only logical explanation that she was here. No words from Helen. She only looked at her husband Jack and didn´t know what to
answer. The doctor had given her the go-ahead to tell her everything she wanted to know but this weak girl in this large bed seemed to be so fragile, so helpless.
"Mom!" Carrie´s voice became more urging and angry.
"Yes......Kevin drove too fast and he lost control over the car. He crashed into an oncoming Pick-up, turned over and......" Helen sought for help but Jack Duncan only nodded, "....hit a tree which tore the Nissan into two pieces!"
Carrie closed her eyes and swallowed.
"Keep talking, Mom!"
"You´ve been a lucky one!" And a smile slipped from Helen's lips. Would she be able to withhold the number of casualties from her. " The driver of the other car saved your life!"
"What about Kevin?"
A deadly silence nearly broke Carrie´s heard and she felt how a flood of tears were shooting up to her eyes.
"Mom.......tell me!" She nearly screamed and grabbed for Helen´s hand. That the pain in her head and hips increased Carrie didn´t feel. The pain in her heart was too big than to feel any other kind of physical pains.
"He´s dead, Carrie. And Frances, Douglas and Mike as well. And......the wife of the driver of the other car also died."
Carrie let the tears run free; she turned to the side and stared over the machine next to her to the window. The endless blue sky behind it tried to console her but failed at last. Her love was dead, her future torn into pieces and all her close friends had left her. Kevin, her heart screamed soundlessly and cramped by the reality. Hadn´t she dreamt of becoming his wife one day? With children and a house in Adelaide? And now?
Carrie buried her face behind her hands and began to weep. What had she done to be punished in that way? One month ago she had been full of optimism to become a good and famous journalist and now? Would she ever be able to do the job she had studied? Journalism meant to write down reports, reports of sensations, of something new, of....car accidents. What had her mother said? The driver of the other car had rescued her? But why? Why her? Why was she worth to live when the others were dead?
Carrie couldn´t see clear. The flood of tears had filled her eyes and let them burn.
"Carrie, my dear. All will become good, believe me. Your injuries ain´t very severe.
The life will come back.......!"
"You don´t understand, Mom!" Carrie screamed but her voice suddenly broke,
"They´re dead and me?? Why have I survived?"

Helen and Jack left again and let Carrie alone. The silence seemed to console her a little bit but the heart-breaking news of the last minutes seemed to dig deep into her heart. Kevin had caused the accident, it came to her mind, but he was dead. Who was now responsible for the dead of them all? She, who had survived?
"Oh my God!" Carrie whimpered and turned in her bed. And the death of the wife of the other driver?
She was the only one of the Nissan who was left. Would she became responsible for Kevin´s doing? Not by law but deep in Carrie´s heart?
"Why have you died, Kevin?" She cried." Why have you died and left the responsibility up to me?? Why, Kevin, why??"

*

At the same time, hundred of kilometers away, in a village named Tarlington Creek, was Nick McKinley standing at the freshly made grave of his wife and turned his cowboy hat in his hands. It was a bright and sunny, nearly hot day. Dusty wind clouds were rushing by and dipped the environment into a warm, soft light. Here in the Outback of Queensland it seemed as if the time was standing still, as if
nothing could happen but it was a fallacy. A woman had been torn from life, a resident of this village.
The vicar had chosen so wonderful words that the lump in Nick´s throat urged him to suppress the tears. His sister Lisa took his arm but couldn´t find a word. She looked up to him and was worried about the features in her brother´s face. He seemed to be stern and far away, not interested in anything around. Lisa knew that the marriage of Nick and Nicole had been ill-fated and she doubted if her death was responsible for his changing. There has to be more.
Nick hadn´t told anything about the car accident, all they knew came from the police report which had arrived in Tarlington Creek yesterday. It was absolutely undoubtedly not Nick´s fault but what had really happened?

After the funeral Nick put on his hat, pulled it deep into his face and left the little cemetery at the edge of the town alone. Lisa was still standing there and watched how her brother vanished in a cloud of dust. The others began to murmur but parted soon after. Only Luke, Theresa and Andrew McKinley and Jake Lewis, Nicole´s father, remained at the grave.
Lisa, only two years younger than Nick, lifted the four-year-old Melanie up to her arms and wiped the tears away:
"Melly, don´t weep. Your Mom still loves you even when she isn´t here!" The last days had been difficult for the whole family, especially for Nick. Only for few minutes he had come to his sister´s house in Longreach, had wept with his daughter for a moment and asked her to take Melanie for a couple of weeks. He needed time to recover, to consider what to do next. Melanie, shaken and confused, needed more than a father in grief, she needed a family, a female hand. Lisa had agreed - one further child in their house wouldn't make a big difference, but deep in her heart she hoped that Nick would come to his senses again soon.

Jake, an employee of the nearby cattle station Milligan Downs, took a deep breath and had difficulties to suppress his tears.
"At first I buried my wife and now my daughter!" This man in his fifties, gnawed at his lips and followed Nick´s figure with his eyes, "But I´m afraid that Nick follows her some day!"
"Jake!" Andrew McKinley grumbled angry and reproachful.
"Just look at him? Have you seen him in such state before?"
"Dad, Jake´s right. Iïm worried about him!"
"Ah," Andrew, an owner of a shop in Longreach, gave a sign of refusal. Jake wiped the sweat from his eyes and kept speaking:
"We know that they parted and Nicole often told me about a divorce. Look at me, she was my daughter but I don´t withdraw myself into a shell!"
Lisa turned and looked across the deserted main street. Tarlington Creek was only a small village, somewhere in the lonely outback of Queensland, but today it seemed as if this village was abandoned.
Dust clouds arose and vanished in the sky.
"There´s something more we don´t know!"
"What do you mean?" Luke asked and pulled his own hat deep into his face to screen his eyes from the sun. Lisa shook her head and murmured:
"Something tortured him. No matter what it is - I hope he´ll find an answer for it soon."
Once again Lisa turned her face to the freshly made grave and a sad smile slipped from her lips. The gravestone, so small and somehow beautiful, was shimmering in the sun, telling the reader that a young woman was lying here who had lost her life in a car accident. The flowers left and right began to wilted in the heat and it wouldn´t last long until they died as well. Maybe Melanie would look after the grave of her mother in later years but Lisa doubted if Nick would ever set one foot into this cemetery
again.
While caressing Melanie´s wet and red cheeks Lisa tried to coax a touch of happiness out of her niece:
"Don´t be so sad, Melly. You come with me and I´m sure that Tommie and Rachel will be happy to have you at their sides."
"Is my Daddy angry with me?" Melanie rubbed the tears from her cheeks and cast her eyes.
"No, my dear. But he´s also sad...and he has nobody who consoles him. Just wait, Melly, soon he´ll be the Daddy you know. Come on, let´s go!"
Lisa turned on her heels and shook her head. How long would be 'soon'?

Chapter 3.

It was already late autumn when Carrieïs day had come to leave the hospital. The sun was floating through the window of her room, touching her bed which was already made. Her hips still ached and the doctor had told that it was necessary to recover in a rehabilitation center, a fact which made her anxious.
Sometimes when she was lying in her bed at night she recalled the visions of the accident; also visions she hadn´t experienced, which the other had told her. About her dead friends near the highway, the damaged car and Nick McKinley who had saved her life. Would it be fair when she would recover from her injuries at last? Carrie had prolonged her stay in the hospital even when she didn´t exactly knew why.

"Carrie? Are you ready?" Her mother´s voice awoke her out of her gloomy thoughts.
"Yes!" She answered short and fumbled for the crutches which she was urged to used. Actually the doctor had told her, had nearly implored, that a nurse should drove her out in a wheel-chair but this she couldn´t accept. She could go, and so she intended to leave this hospital on her own feet.

As the entrance door closed behind them Carrie stopped and narrowed her eyes. With a deep breath she absorbed the clear and fresh air. It seemed as if she had forgotten how nice it was to be outside. Her glances wandered around. A thick grey cover of clouds had suddenly darkened the sun but the landscape which Carrie saw was as nice as before.
"Are you O.K.?" Carrie´s father asked and held her arm. A slight smile slipped from her mouth although the stitching pain in her hip let her jerk:
"I´m O.K., Dad. Really!"
"Come on, do you wanna sit on the back seats or beside me in the front?"
The nearly new Toyota of her parents was big and sturdy and it was standing there in the parking area like a friend. But Carrie´s heart began to beat in hasty speed. Where she wished to sit? Did she really wish to sit in a car again?
"I think......." And she tried to smile at her father," I think Iïll take the front seat. Then I can decide what music we will listen to!"
Jack Duncan laughed and was happy about the smile which slipped from his daughter´s lips. He opened the door, and helped Carrie in but before he could close the door again, her mother came around the car and lingered. The features in her face were strained, the wrinkles around her eyes which Carrie hadn´t noticed before, began to jerk. Her mother was only 55 years old but the last months had let her become old. Since weeks she hadn´t seen her hometown Taylor´s Crossing, since weeks she had stayed at Carrie´s side to help her through this terrible time. Jack, Carrie´s father, had run the shop alone, only supported by his son Chris. It seemed, as Carrie pondered about it, that her involvement in this damned car accident had changed the whole life of the Duncan family and she was sad about it.
"My dear," Helen began and it was clear that it made her difficulties to find the right words. Her trembling hand were clasped around a piece of paper,
"Have you thought about it to contact Mr. McKinley? I´m sure that.....!"
"Mom!" Carrie hissed and bit upon her lips whereby new tears came up into her eyes.
"I was sitting in exactly that car which killed his wife!" Her voice nearly broke.
"But Carrie, you haven´t caused the accident!" Helen said sadly as she realized the stern expression in her daughter´s eyes.
"That doesn´t matter!! I can´t see or write him - I can´t, don´t you understand??"
"But he´s saved your life. Don´t forget it. If he had blamed you he wouldn´t have
dragged you out of the car. You must be fair, Carrie! Imagine what he´s thinking
about you - an ungrateful young woman!"
"Mom!" Carrie´s view was veiled by a flood of tears.
"No, I can´t accept this. I´ve waited too long!"
Never before had Carrie seen her mother so angry and stern.
"The doctor gave me his address. Write him or call him - but do something!"
The white piece of paper in Carrie´s hand seemed to grin at her as she tried to decipher the written lines.
Nick McKinley, 8 Creek Road, Tarlington Creek, Queensland......

Carrie hardly realized how her mother took a seat behind her and that her father started the car. She only saw this name - this strange name.

*

Carrie recovered quickly.
In late June she returned to Taylor´s Crossing and moved to her former room in her parents' house.
At first Carrie had doubted if her hometown would do her good. Actually she should have returned to her apartment in Adelaide, to live her life which she had known for years but there had been too many memories. Kevin´s picture on the table, her books from the university - all implements of her former life which had died in the car accident as well.
And then she had terminated the contract, had put all her belongings into a car and returned to her hometown which she had left years ago. She returned to Taylor´s Crossing without visiting the grave of Kevin or the others; Carrie knew that she couldn´t cope with it, that it would break her heart. And she didn´t drive to the place of the accident as well, a place beside the busy highway somewhere between Victor Harbor and Adelaide.
Nothing would remind her there of the accident, her parents had told, but Carrie also knew that they were mistaken.
A black and a red colored iron rod had been surely erected there - the black one with five white marks on itt and the red one with two. And Carrie didn´t want to see this little white mark on the red one which stood for her person, who had been injured in this accident.
Carrie didn´t want to see it, she wished to forget it.....

Chapter 4.

The time passed but Carrie´s frame of mind stayed bad. Often she was only sitting on the verandah of her parents' house and watched the bushland which began close behind their backyard.

It was late October when she was sitting there again, deep sunken in pillows of the rocking chair and let her eyes wander to the far hills. The sun was sinking in the west and dipped the rocks and the bushes into a warm red colour. A couple of white clouds moved across the sky but they wouldn´t have any effect on the weather. The crickets were chirping while the warm breeze touched Carrie´s face,.
She loved it to absorb the Outback feeling, to absorb the freedom. During the years in Adelaide she had forgotten how silent and beautiful the Outback could be and how the real freedom was.
It had suddenly came into her mind that she wouldn´t return to the city, to take a job as a journalist. This life she had left behind.
Chris, her beloved brother, was living here, her parents and also former friends of her childhood. That was all she needed. That this decision was also a flight from her reality she didn´t realize. Deep in her
heart it still depressed her that she was the only one which had survived the accident and - this was the real reason - that she, as the last survivor of the Nissan, was responsible for the death of Nicole McKinley.
Three months had passed since her mother had given her Nick´s address but until today she hadn´t been able to conquer her fear to write or call him.
Was she really ungrateful?
Carrie leant back in the rocking chair, closed her eyes and listened to the nature around. Was she ungrateful? This question was echoing in her ears. What would be if a talk or correspondence with
Nick McKinley would do her good? She hadn't asked him what he thought, what he felt. Was he really blaming her for the death of his wife?Suddenly Carrie stopped rocking in the chair, took a deep breath and murmured:
"I have to meet him." She jumped out of the rocking chair, pushed the screen door open and darted into her room. The address, where was the notice with Nick McKinley´s address? Like mad she rummaged in the drawers of her desk, threw away old letters and papers, old magazines and photos before her hand lingered and took the piece of paper.
"Tarlington Creek, Queensland. Oh, yes.....!" Carrie nodded, sat down at her desk and took the road map of Australia and let her finger run over the pages. She stopped when she found it:
Tarlington Creek was a small village, nearly 70 kilometers south of Blackall somewhere in the Outback of Queensland. Her fingers ran down the page, following the red lines which marked the highways. She had to use the highway via Broken Hill then northwards to Bourke and Charleville.
A new born enthusiasm, like never seen before in the last months, awoke her out of her depressive thinking and lethargy. It seemed as if the burden disappeared, as if her heart could be free since so many months.
Yes, she would drive to Tarlington Creek, to meet and to speak with Nick McKinley. Carrie knew that this man, that his story, his explanations of the accident, would bring her back to her own life, that he was the only one who could really help her. Wasn´t it the truth that they were the only survivors of the accident? Wouldn´t this knit them together?

Carrie´s short glance at the clock told her that it was too late to start now, but tomorrow morning she was going to do so. She rushed to her wardrobe, put off two travelling bags and began to stuff her clothes into these bags. A knocking at the door was drowned out. Seconds later Helen opened the door
carefully and peered in.
"Carrie, dinner is.....what are you doing?" Helen asked and let her eyes wander over the chaos in her daughter´s room.
"I´m doing what you wanted that I do. I'm gonna meet with Mr. McKinley!"
Was her daughter mad?
"Carrie.....what are you saying? You can write him - but tell me why now? Nine months have passed, dear!"
Carrie shook her head.
" Mom. I have to meet him. Believe me."
"O.K.." Helen shrugged her shoulders, entered the room and helped Carrie to pack her bags. She was astonished but also happy that the burden seemed to vanish, that her old daughter would return.
"Shall I book a flight? What´s the nearest airport?"
"I´ll take your car!" Carrie murmured.
"What??" Helen asked shocked and had to take a seat, "I remember that he´s living in a small town somewhere in Queensland!"
"Tarlington Creek, close to Blackall and Longreach."
Helen's eyes flashed. Had she heard right?
"Dear, Longreach is about 1.800 kilometers away from here!"
"I know. It´ll maybe need one week, or so."
"Why by car? You........" Usually Helen avoided to speak from the car accident, " You haven´t driven a car since the accident. You haven´t driven a car for over nine months!"
With a low nodding Carrie turned and pushed the long dark hair out of her red face.
"Yes," With each new minute she felt the burden disappearing more and more, "That was wrong. Isn´t it a good practice to learn to drive again - to drive 1.800 kilometers on the highways of the lonely Outback?"
Carrie approached her shocked mother and took her hand.
"Mom, believe me. I have to do it and I need time. One week on lonely highways will maybe help me!"
Carrie returned to her bags. Helen stood up again and approached the window. Outside the sun was already sinking and the first grey sparks of the night were rushing by.
"How long will you stay?"
"I don´t know. I take my savings and if needed I´ll find a job. Here so much reminded me of Kevin and the accident. I have to find myself again. And maybe Mr. McKinley can help me. - We will see!"
"And you´ll take my car?"
A begging expression in Carrie´s blue eyes let Helen laugh:
"O.K., take my car. I´ve still the car of your father!"
"Thanks, Mom!" Carrie answered, flung her arms around her mother and smiled. She knew that this decision was the right one. Something was waiting there in Tarlington Creek, she knew, she sensed it. The visions of the accident would maybe never vanish but it seemed as if there she could learnt to cope with it, that there was a teacher who would help her to find the way back to her life.

*

It was a hot and cloudless day when Carrie threw her bags into her mother´s Toyota, opened the driver´s door and let the engine roar.
"Let´s go!" She murmured and tried to ignore her trembling hands at the steering wheel. The best what she could do to learn to live with her memories was to drive again, was to show her fear that she was stronger and full of courage. Carrie set off to the main street of Taylor´s Crossing and let her home behind. Soon after the last houses of her hometown disappeared; she leant back and absorbed
the new born feeling.
The bushland around changed from cultivated fields to the wild Outback; she saw endless hills and sand dunes, she absorbed the lush green colour of the low trees beside the highway and the dark red colour of the sand. Soon the hot, white glaring ball of the sun would urge her to switch on the air-condition but until then she opened the window and let her hand feel the dusty wind. It seemed as if the burden on her heart was blown away, back to Taylor´s Crossing which vanished in the haze as she looked into the rear-view mirror. Carrie switched on the radio. She knew that soon she had to use one of the large
amount of CDs which were lying between the seats, that soon she would reach the endless loneliness where the signal of the radio station couldn´t be received. But this didn´t matter Carrie. She put on her sunglasses, nestled into the seat and realized how the panic in her heart - the panic to drive a car - ebbed away with each new kilometer she left behind.
The long, black highway in front of her which stretched out into the distance and the bushland left and right - how simple was it to recover, she suddenly knew. She only needed freedom and time for herself.

Carrie stayed two days in Broken Hill, the hot and dusty village at the western border of New South Wales and absorbed the heat which increased from day to day. It seemed her that it had been decades ago when she had left Adelaide, the bustle and the traffic. Carrie suddenly knew that she loved the Outback and the loneliness more than she had ever thought. Was it passion?

Her travel route headed eastwards until she reached the Mitchell Highway. From here she had to travel northwards, against the hot burning sun, northwards to Queensland. The days passed in loneness but Carrie never felt abandoned or bored. Short after the border line to Queensland she stopped at the side of the highway, left the car and stretched her head against the sun.
The silence around her let her smile; the sun at her face let her feel comfortable. Had she really left with deep mental pain in her heart?

Cunnamulla, Charleville Augathella - Carrie read the welcome signs of the villlages she passed and compared the names with her road map. She was nearly there - only 170 kilometers more before she would reach Tarlington Creek, before she would met with Nick McKinley.
Carrie slowed down. Nervousness and a little bit of panic grabbed for her. Would she really find help there? Or had she overreacted? The enthusiasm she had felt in Taylor´s Crossing vanished of a sudden. What would be if her expectations and hopes failed? Her nervous fingers tapped at the steering wheel.
"You have to go through it!" She urged herself and switched the radio off. "You have to do it!"

*

The welcome-sign of Tarlington Creek was erected far away from the first house, somewhere beside the highway in the dry bushland. Carrie stopped and took a deep breath.
The white printed letters told of a population of about 1000 people what didn´t mean that this notice was right. Carrie knew that too often people from these small towns packed their bags and left to live in a bigger and more exciting city. It was often an illusion of what the sign told.
Tarlington Creek - never before she had heard anything about this town in the news nor had she read anything in the papers. Only a moment of inattentiveness from Kevin and suddenly this spot on a road map became important for her.
With a hard beating heart and sweaty hands she steered her car along the road and tried to get a first impression of this town. The highway changed to a main street which headed further northwards to become the highway again after a kilometer or less. Made of black and hard bitumen it was flickering in the heat. Nobody was there, neither on the pavement nor near the parked cars in front of the shops.
Carrie followed the road with her eyes and realized the similarity with other Outback villages, yes, with Taylor´s Crossing as well. The houses, most of them made out of wood, tin and stone, were flanking the street; the shady verandahs in front invited the customer to stay in the coolness when outside the hot Queensland sun was burning down. Two or maybe three crossroads in the distance and low built private houses behind the shopping and business street, somewhere at the edge of the bush. A pharmacy, a post agency, a general store and of course one or two pubs with rooms to rent.
What more Tarlington Creek could offer Carrie didn´t know yet. She slowed down and parked her car in front of the large pub beside three old and dusty Utes.
When she got off the Toyota the hot and sultry air attacked her of a sudden and let her sweat. She only wore a sleeveless T-shirt and her Jeans but it seemed as if this heat was so different to the climate she knew from South Australia. Carrie pushed her sunglasses up into her hair and set off to enter the pub in front of her. The handwritten sign near the door told her that she could get a room here - a fact which pleased her much. She longed for a shower or a bath and for a cool drink at the
bar.
The weathered boards beneath her feet creaked as she pushed the screen door open and stepped in. At first it seemed as if she was blind - the gloomy light in this pub let her linger.
"Call Jake and tell him I´ll meet him in two hours!" The voice of a man reached her ear before she saw him. He stood there at the frame of the door in astonishment and was about to leave the pub - Carrie couldn´t see him until her eyes got used with the dim light.
"All right, Nick. Will you be back this evening?" The man behind the counter at the rear of the pub shouted and ignored Carrie´s appearance.
"Sure! I think there ain´t much to do. Jake´s slowly goin´ mad. See ya´!"
The man, for Carrie still a dark unclear shadow, put on his cowboy hat, pushed the door open and squeezed his way through it whereby he jostled against Carrie. A short 'Sorry' and he was gone.
Nick? Hadn´t the man behind the bar called him Nick?
Carrie took a deep breath and absorbed the cooler breeze from the running air-condition. She approached the bar whereby she realized that not one customer was inside. It was maybe too early and too hot outside. Tables were arranged around her, telling her that this pub was also a restaurant and a meeting point for the people. A TV on the left side, now switched off, three refrigerators with cooled drinks, cans and bottles, sweets near the cash desk and a big black board behind the bar, showing the
customers all the meals and food they could order here. The sunlight floated in through a window at the right side and lit up the whirled up dust particles.
"G´Day!" The man behind the bar, maybe in his early thirties, removed an empty bottle and let his noisy eyes study this unknown woman in front of him.
"Hi!" Carrie replied, felt the sweat at her neck and was somehow irritated.
"Anything to drink? We haven´t much customers today - it´s still too hot!" The man was tall and his very short dark hair gave the impression as if he had joined the army. The blue eyes kept studying her.
"Yeah. But I´m also here to ask you for a room!"
The astonishment in the man´s eyes let Carrie nearly laugh but she suppressed it.
"A room? You don´t wanna drive further on today? If you wanna reach Longreach - you can make it within two hours."
"No thanks." Not a very good business man Carrie thought amused, "I´ll stay here. I....I have a few things to do here. Does the room have a bath?"
The man nodded, still confused, and fumbled for a key:
"Yes, there´s one. It´s free. You must know we usually haven´t many guests." He laid the key on the bar and took a book to write in her name.
"How long will you stay?"
"I don´t know - you can take my credit card as security. Is this O.K."
"Yes, yes, Miss......?"
"Carrie Duncan!"
He offered her his hand and denuded his teeth:
"Welcome to Tarlington Creek. I´m Luke, the owner of this pub!"
"Hm." Carrie murmured, laid her credit card upon the bar and took the key.
"It´s upstairs, along the corridor and the last door at the left side - number 4. I´ll make the registration for you!"
"That´s nice. I´ll rest for a while and come back then. Ah, by the way, Iïm hungry. Is your kitchen open?"
"Sure!"
"Thanks!"
With heavy and exhausted legs she walked to the door at the rear and left Luke who was still standing behind his bar still in confusion. She didn't want to go to Longreach, it´s was Tarlington Creek to which her attention was turned.
Nick..... The name still hadn´t been laid to rest. In a town with 1000 residents, could it be that there were living more than one Nick? Or had she already met with the man who had saved her life?

The little room was furnished in an agreeable flair; a soft bed at the rear, a wardrobe, an old table and two chairs. The Venetian blinds were down and only few of the sunbeams were gliding in. A lamp at the nightstand and a telephone. Carrie was pleasantly surprised, during the last days she had often slept in old and dusty beds. Here she could revive her life, she was sure, here, far away from her reality. After a short shower, she dressed herself in fresh and cool clothes and nodded at her reflection of the mirror.
"Well, Carrie, let´s start!"

As she entered the pub again she noticed two men sitting around one of the tables and that the TV was switched on. Luke came around the bar and gave her the credit card.
"Is it O.K.? I mean the room?"
"Wonderful! Why you haven´t so few guests? I mean many of the Motels along the highway can learn a thing or two from you!"
"Nice compliment. Responsible for the rooms is Kelly." He pointed into the kitchen through a hatch in the wall." She´s my cook, my assistant behind the bar and when guests are here, the chambermaid."
"Hi!" The woman in the kitchen had heard her name and waved to Carrie. She was maybe in the same age like her, but her straggly fixed up hair - caused by the steam of the kitchen - seemed to make her older than she was.
Carrie smiled, nodded and returned to Luke again.
"Much work for one person!"
"No, not really." Luke laughed, "Only few cars stop here in Tarlington Creek. Blackall is not very far away and has much more to offer than our town. Do you wanna eat?"
"Yes!" Oh, how she felt hungry, Carrie thought, as she walked to the board and read the menu.
In Adelaide many of the people would have turned their noses up at those kind of meals but Carrie was grown up with steak-burgers, grilled chicken and different kinds of potatoes.
"I think I´ll try the steak-burger and a salad, please!"
"Kelly?"
"Just on the way!" The voice from the kitchen hardly reached Carrie´s ears.

Carrie took a seat in a corner and watched the two men at the other side of the room. At first they had looked at her but now they were deeply lost in their discussion again. In the adjoining room three abandoned billiard tables eked out a lonely existence. But Carrie was sure that during the evenings these two rooms were often crowded with people, that many of the men and women of this town loved to play a game of pool after a long working day. Only minutes later the frail body of Kelly approached and placed the plates in front of Carrie. Kelly's red face shimmered by sweat but the friendly expression at her mouth told everybody that it didn´t matter her to work in a hot kitchen while outside the
temperature was still rising.
"Enjoy it! The salad is fresh. If you want more, just call!"
The delicious smelling streak-burger on the plate touched Carrie´s nose and she went into raptures:
"Nice rooms, a delicious smelling meal - Kelly, do you know that you could get to the top in the cities?"
Kelly burst out laughing and rubbed her wet hands at her apron:
"You´re joking. But I don´t think that the city is good for me." She lingered and screwed her lips to a shy smile. "Do you come from the city?"
"No, not really!" Carried replied. "I´ve lived there for a couple of years but my home
is in a small village - like Tarlington Creek - in South Australia."
"Oh!" Kelly´s image which she had made from this strange woman seemed to cave in. Carrie was taken aback, was she still looking like a woman from the big cities? Hadn´t she changed to her former self during the last months in Taylor´s Crossing?
"Kelly," Carrie laid the fork aside and stopped the waitress before she could leave her again.
"I´m here to meet with somebody. Maybe you can help me!"
"I´ll try my best! I know the whole population of Tarlington Creek. Who is it?"
"Nick McKinley! Can you tell me where I can find him!"
Was the silence which followed caused by the surprise? Kelly turned her face to Luke before she answered. Was she whispering?
"Nick? Haven´t you seen him before?"
"No." Not really she added in silence. He had only dragged me out of the crashed car, had given me the kiss of life....but no, I haven´t seen him before. "Why do you ask?"
"It´s because you met him here half an hour ago." She lifted her hand and pointed to the door. "When you came in he was about to leave the pub."
"Oh!" Carrie murmured low and avoided Kelly´s glance.
Curiosity had taken possession of Kelly of a sudden. Her eyes flashed in knowledge as she bent over the table:
"What has he done?"
"Nothing, I´ve to talk to him!"
Disappointment came over the waitress.
"Can you tell me where I can find him!"
"Yes, when you walk or drive down the main street, just behind the general store on the right side. He runs a little garage - you can´t miss it!"
"Thank you!"
"No worries!" Kelly hummed, took the tray and disappeared again.

Minutes ago Carrie had been hungry but suddenly it seemed as if her stomach began to turn. The once so agreeable scent of the grilled steak changed. The reality had found her. She wasn´t here to eat and sleep, to enjoy a holiday. No, she was here to meet with Nick McKinley, whose wife had died because of her negligence. Since long Carrie was sure that she could have stopped Kevin in his speed delirious state when she had tried it. She could have prevented the death of Nicole McKinley. Carrie recalled the vision of the shadow she had seen at the frame. He was tall, very tall and sturdy - somehow different to the image which Carrie had made from him.His voice still droned in her ears.
"Oh God." She groaned, laid her hands upon her ears and closed her eyes. The journey of her life would end soon. She had reached the destination. But what would happen here? Carrie tried to get rid of these gnawing thoughts and turned to her meal.

*

Despite the fact that the meal had been excellent Carrie felt a rising nausea after she stepped out of the pub minutes later. The flickering heat on the asphalt, the deserted pavements and street. This was a day when everybody tried to stay at home, close to the air-condition.
But Carrie couldn't afford to return to her hotel room. She strolled over the boards of
the verandahs and headed to the general store maybe forty meters away. A car rushed
by, followed by a cloud of dust. Then, loneliness again.
Carrie crossed the main street and shivered although the hot burning sun touched the naked skin at her arm. She turned her head. It seemed her as if a pair of nosy eyes were following her. Was Kelly standing behind one of the windows of the pub, watching her? And Luke? Had she told the owner of the bar of the reason she had come to Tarlington Creek?
Did they already know who she was? A community of 1000 people knew each other well and they had surely heard of the circumstances how Nicole McKinley had died. Had they all read the police report? Had Luke or Kelly remembered the report as they had heard her name?
Suddenly it came into Carrie´s mind that it was maybe not only Nick McKinley's hatred she had to face but maybe the hatred of the whole community. Kevin had killed one of them and Carrie had been his girlfriend, she had sat in the Nissan as well. Carrie´s footsteps echoed on the broads of the verandahs. Gasping, she passed the open pharmacy and a closed shop before she turned around the corner and stopped. The doors of the garage stood open and let the wind blow in. There wasn´t a real sign, Carrie wondered. Only the simple word >> Garage<< was emblazoned at the wall, not a company´s name, not an advertising sign.
A dusty car had been fixed on the hydraulic lift while a pair of wheels were lying around. Carrie stepped down from the verandah and approached carefully. She realized the brand new Ford Ute in front of the garage and lingered. It was a really beautiful car, in a dark blue colour and equipped with rollbars made of chrome. Carrie loved these cars, with their loading space and the elegant but also sporty appearance. The alloy wheels with new tyres were dusty and covered with brown mud but this wasn't going to hurt anyone - this Ute stayed what it was, a dream in Carrie´s eyes.
The owner of this car knew what he had got with this Ford Ute.
Her admiring glances wandered over the car again before she headed forward to the garage. The smell of oil and running engines got up into her nose as she stopped outside. At the left side of the car she could hear the clinking sounds of tools. A man was lying beneath the car and only his legs could be seen.
Wasn´t the hydraulic lift working or was the man only too lazy to use it? Carrie approached and swallowed. This man, at her feet, had to be Nick - that Nick which saved her life.
"Hello?" Her voice was squeaky.
"Yeah?"
Silence. Carrie was afraid what to do next. For the best she would have run away but this wasn't acceptable.
"Mr. Nick McKinley?"
The legs in front of her moved and soon later the rest of the body came to light. He squinted into the sun before he stood up and took a drying-up cloth. His eyes studied her and only for a moment it seemed Carrie as if she could see a reaction in his eyes. It had been dark at the scene of the car accident more than nine months ago but could it be that he recognized her?
"It´s me!" He answered short without any emotion and kept cleaning his oily hands.
Carrie was unsure and felt abandoned. Had she imagined that this meeting would run into this direction?
It only needed seconds before she had studied him. He was tall and sturdy; his sun-tanned face - framed by short dark hair - seemed to be friendly but something in his features was frozen. He wore a black T-shirt, dusty Jeans and working-boots - it seemed as if he hadn´t got the intention to work much in this garage but to leave it soon.
His eyes kept silent, Carrie couldn´t read in them.
"Do you remember, I met you in the pub.......!" Carrie began unsure.
"I know!" Was his short answer.
When he already knew who she was why was he so stern and left her in the lurch? Carrie´s legs became weak as she nearly murmured:
"I´m ......I´m Carrie Duncan..... I.......!"
"I know who you are." He turned, threw the cloth into a corner and grabbed a bunch of keys. Then he surrounded her without saying a further word and dragged at the door.
"Miss Duncan.....I haven't much time!" Nick murmured but against Carrie´s expectations she didn´t hear hatred or annoyance in his words. It was more like a burden which depressed him. Carrie stepped back and watched him closing the doors before he approached this beautiful Ford Ute and opened the door.
"Mr. McKinley........I know I should have contact you sooner but......I was in the hospital for so many months!" Liar she called herself.
"Contact me sooner?" He leant his arm upon the open car door and shook his head:
"There was no need........!"
"Oh, there was and there is! You....they told me that you saved my life!"
The last words darkened Nick´s features as his own thoughts went back to Nicole´s death which he hadn´t prevented.
"Everybody could have done it!"
"But you did! Mr. McKinley." She approached and gnawed at her lips. "I´ve travelled more than 1.800 kilometers to meet with you and...to thank you for your doing."
"You could have called me by phone. There was no need to tell it me here."
Couldn´t he understand her? Carrie nearly wept. There was more she hoped to get from him, a talk, help for her wounded mind. Was he so cold that he had forgotten this accident. But Carrie was mistaken. Nick´s heart had nearly missed a beat when he had seen her in the pub. The buried memories arose again and he suddenly knew that it had been wrong to break with the past, with the car accident. This woman, whom he had dragged out of the car, reminded Nick of his guilt which he was still carrying.
His memories returned and caved in, rushing through his mind and heart. Carrie Duncan only wanted to thank him for her life but at this moment Nick wasn´t able to cope with this fact. He didn´t realize how he hurt her, how his words hit her heart.

"I haven´t only come to thank you. But maybe to talk with you about...about......!"
Nick breathed out in a coming anger.
"I`m not your psychiatrist. Nobody will blame you. T´was an accident, that´s all!"
"I don´t want your compassion." Carrie shouted in anger and felt how a flood of tears fought their way up to her eyes. " But you´re the only one who can tell me what had really happened."
"Iïm late!" Nick murmured, got into his car and closed the door.
Carrie stepped back, heard the engine roaring and saw the spinning wheels on the sandy ground. A cloud of dusty wrapped her in when the beautiful Ute reached the street and disappeared in the flickering heat. Then silence again. Nothing had changed. The main street was still abandoned, the cars in front of the shops were still waiting for their owners.
Carrie leant back against the wall of the garage and rubbed the upcoming tears from her eyes. All her dreams and expectations had failed. She had thought of finding here the way back to her normal former life but all in vane. Nick McKinley was a man which she didn´t understand. Hadn´t he felt the same when losing his wife? Didn´t he need anybody who could help him? Was he really so cold? Why he hadn´t left her in the crashed Nissan?
Carrie dried up her face and suddenly felt how hot it was. She decided to return to the pub, to stay in the bed until the evening. What she would do next, she didn´t know. Tarlington Creek was a nice little town and she would love to stay here for awhile - but with Nick McKinley in the neighbourhood? The only thing which bothered her was that something had happened in her heart. Nick was a good-looking man, with charming eyes and a friendly touch in his features. She couldn't get rid of his appearance; she felt somehow attracted by him.
"Damn!" Carrie cursed and was angry about her feelings. A further defeat she couldn´t endure.

Carrie ignored the nosy faces of the two men in the pub and headed for the door at the
rear when Luke stopped her.
"Is all O.K.?"
"Yes, thanks!"
"Kelly told me that you´re here to see my brother Nick!"
"Your brother?" Carrie gasped and felt somehow trapped.
"Can I help you?" Luke´s friendly eyes calmed her a little bit.
"No. You can´t and.......your brother doesn´t wanna help me. Excuse me!" She rushed away, ran upstairs and slammed the door of the room shut. With a long wailing sobbing she fell upon her bed and buried her head into the pillow.

At the same time, only two kilometers away, on the gravel road to the cattle station Milligan Downs, Nick stooped his Ute and laid his head upon his hands on the steering wheel. He had known that this day would come, the day when he was urged to dig in the past.
Carrie Duncan seemed as if she wasn´t able to digest the accident and he for himself wasn´t able as well. Hadn´t his family advised him to seek for help? Maybe to talk with Carrie Duncan? But Nick had denied!
He leant back into the upholstery of the seat and let his glances wander over the bushland around.
Carrie Duncan - this name echoed in his brain. He remembered that he had thought, after dragging her out of the car, how beautiful she was. A beautiful young woman, an attractive girl......
"Oh come on." Nick spoke to himself, stepped on the gas and set off for Milligan Downs again.

*

Part 4

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