HUNGRY BEAR

   “I’m telling you, mister man, (another expression that was often used when I was a lad) that was a good bear story, and it will be awful hard to top. Now I can’t guarantee this story is one hundred-per-cent true, I weren’t there, but I guess you can draw your own conclusions. Ellen May Burns told this to me and she’s such a lady I don’t think she’d lie. She said her husband Will went out deer hunting a couple years ago and had gone deep into the woods looking for a big buck. Now you all know Will Burns was just a young man of twenty five and in pretty good shape for his age. He was walking slowly through the woods when he saw something move off to his right. 
 

When he realized it was a bear that was bigger than his outhouse he panicked and dropped his gun. The bear started running toward Will on all fours and Will took off as fast as he could on all twos. I guess the bear must have been old because Will outran him for a little bit. While he was running at full speed Will turned around to see where the bear was and stumbled and fell to the ground. He laid there for a minute or two without hearing anything and all of a sudden the bear came and sat down on Will’s chest.

The bear was winded too. Will looked up to heaven and said,    “Lord, you know I’m a good man and have a lot of faith in you. Please do me a big favor and make this bear a Christian bear.”

   Will looked at the bear and he was looking toward heaven too. His huge mouth was open, froth had formed on his lips and teeth, and his breath was so rancid and strong it could have peeled paint from the side of a barn. Large drops of drool were coming from his mouth and he had his paws positioned as though he was getting ready to pray. Then the bear spoke in a way that showed he was eternally grateful saying,    
   “Lord, I thank you for this good meal you just sent.”