| Monday, May 29, 2000 at 09:05 PM (CDT) Hi well it has been 3 weeks since Jordyn went to heaven,and let me tell you, I miss her so very very much. My heart and arms ache. I would love to have her here to hold and love on. To feel her precious little arms wrapped around my neck and to feel her hug me ever so tightly. It is all those little things that you miss. I even miss the daily meds, and flushes. Not because I wanted her to have cancer, but it meant that as long as we had to give them, she was still alive. I feel very empty inside. I don't know how to describe the emptiness, I think only another mother who has lost her child knows that emptiness. I ask myself WHY? a lot. I don't want her in pain, and never did. I do want her alive and still here with me. She is my baby and always will be, only she will remain forever 2 years old. Tomorrow Jordyn will be 26 months old! How fast the time has gone by, with her here and not here. I wish that time would have went so slowly while she was here with us, but we can't control that. We don't have much control over anything, and we must realize that. I want to tell all of you who read this and have children, plan on having them, or have any contact with children at all. LOVE THEM! CHERISH THEM! Because you do NOT know when God may decide it is time to call them home to him, and let me tell you, it hurts, when he does. Oh it hurts so bad. The ache in your heart and arms, and mind is the worse thing in the world. You remember how lucky you are to have those children, do not abuse them, in any way. Do not ever call them stupid or dumb or make them feel bad about themselves in anyway. Your job is to love them and guide them. Children need disipline, I believe that whole heartedly, even while Jordyn was sick, she still got timeouts. She was well behaved, but she was disiplined if she misbehaved. That is not a regret that I have. We looked at it, that Jordyn would get better, and being sick was no reason to treat her differently. We wanted her to always know that we loved her and expected the best and most out of her. She was such a smart and wonderful little girl. If you never got to meet her, you really missed out on something very very special. There will never be another Jordyn. For those who met and got to know Jordyn, you know what a wonderful little girl she was. She touched everyone who came across her! She was the most amazing little girl I have ever met! I am honored that the Lord allowed me to be her mother, I believe her picked me out for Jordyn, and I thank him for that privilige! THANK YOU, LORD! If you have children, you should thank the Lord for them, for being their parents! I want to ask all of you to pray for another little girl who is having to fight and is losing her battle to cancer. Her name is Brooke Griffin and you can go to her web-page and meet her and her family, http://www.caringBridge.com/va/brookegriffin She is an amazing little girl also! We thank all of you who has supported us throughout this long year, we hope that you will come back and visit us through her page and look at her pics! We have set up another photo album and if you would like to see it, you will need to e-mail me personally,and I will send you the address then! Also, don't forget to plant a flower or a garden in honor of Jordyn. Purple was Jordyn's fave. and she loved peutunia's! But any flower will do if you do it in honor of Jordyn! May the Lord walk with you and hold you tightly in his arms. One last request, if you have a Relay For Life Around you, we ask that you walk in it. Please if you can light a luminary for Jordyn. If you would like to put her picture on it, you can either print her pic off this site, or e-mail me personally and I will get one to you. God Bless all of you! Jordyn, Mommy loves you baby, and I miss you so much! Just wanted you to know that! Love Always, Mommy Wednesday, May 31, 2000 at 07:27 PM (CDT) Today I come here with even more sad news, Brooke Griffin who is 5 and was battling cancer, passed away this morning at 3:20 am. She fought a long and hard battle, and now her family is without their baby girl. I ask that you all pray for her and her family and please go to her page and sign the guestbook and let them know that you are praying for them, I know it was somewhat of a comfort for us. her page is: http://www.caringBridge.com/va/brookegiffin They need your prayers. We are doing ok, it is harder everyday. For the first time since Jordyn left us, I watched her on video. It was hard, but she brought me smiles! She was always such a happy little girl! So beautiful inside and out! I am honored that God gave her to me, and allowed ME to be her Mommy! That is the greatest honor and gift that the Lord could ever have given me. I am the most privileged person in the world, I was Jordyn Ashleigh Fitzpatrick's mommy! I was the one who gave birth to her,and I was the one who held her when she left this world. I watched her grow into a wonderful, intelligent, and BRILLIANT, 2 year old! That is an honor that no one else holds, and no one can EVER take that from ME! We miss you Jordyn, and LOVE you so very,very much. Did you know that even though you are not here with us physically our love for you still grows?! Isn't that wonderful! We are so very happy that you were our daughter, and we will always be proud that you are our little girl! Love always, Mommy (Daddy) Lord, hold Jordyn close until we are up there and can hold her ourselves. We thank you and praise you, Oh Lord. Please do not forget the Griffin family! Thank you Monday, June 05, 2000 at 02:50 PM (CDT) Well, today is 4 weeks since Jordyn left my arms and went to be in God's. It has been a hell of a 4 weeks too. We have Jorydn's headstone paid for and it will be up in August sometime. We are taking it one day at a time. I don't know how I am making it through, I just am. One day at a time, that is the key right now! I have a new little "theme" now, so here it is: Two short years, a lifetime of memories... That is Jordyn, she will live in our memories, always ALWAYS! I pray that all of you continue to visit Jordyn's page and will spread Jordyns' love and page to all those you meet and know! Through this page those who never actually "MET" Jordyn, will know her and she will live on! We have lost many young lives this past May, and thought I question God, I know that he DID NOT give Cancer to Jordyn, or to anyone else. If you think that you are very ingnorant! you should examine your life and read the bible. God loves us, and he espeically loves young children! He walked this journey with us, and he continues to walk with us as we try to go on with Jordyn in heaven with him. So with that, I ask all of you who come here, to find out if there is a Relay For Life in your area, PLEASE WALK IN IT! PLEASE! Walk in honor of Jordyn and all the other young children who died, and adults! Also, continue to pray for us and those who are battling cancer. It is a killer and our fight will not be over until we get a CURE! YES that is right, A CURE! We will be returning home this coming Sat., I know it will be hard, but I am anxiuos to be surrounded with Jordyn's things, and to see our beloved animals! I am praying that no good intentioned friends, touched out house! I want to do all of it myself! That is very important to me. For those who have lost someone they love, you understand. I am the one who got her room ready when she was born and I am the one who will pack up her things! Well, I will go and ask that you continue to pray and walk this journey with us. This past Friday, little Brooke Spencer Griffin was laid to rest, after a long battle with cancer. Pray for her family. Also, pray for our little friend, Ariel and her parents. Ariel has AML also, and is getting ready for an experimental protocal to get her ready for a BMT! She and her parents, Andre and Holly need your prayers. Let us pray that Ariel is one who can survive physically! We love you Ariel!! God be with all of you, and thank all of you for your support and prayers! Christy Jordyn, Mommy wanted to tell you that I miss you and LOVE you so much. My dreams are full of you! You hold my heart, and always will! Mommy Thursday, June 08, 2000 at 02:29 PM (CDT) Well, here we are exactly one month past Jordyns' death, Jordyn went to heaven exactly one month ago, at 5:00 am (EST). She was an angel here on earth and now she is heaven flying and playing with the angels' up in heaven. I look at her in pictures and on video and I see the wonderful life she led and what an amazing spirit she had for only a 2 year old. She was my and Chad's hero! She will always be our hero! No one could have been braver or stronger than our little sweet Boo-boo! We will always be amazed at how Jordyn never got down! She kept on fighting even after the drs told us there was nothing to fight for! Ha! Said Jordyn, she kept on going, she went 3 months past what they ever thought! The medical staff all loved Jordyn, we know that! I pray that she was an inspiration to them and that they WILL NEVER FORGET HER! Please don't forget our little strong Jordyn! I can remember Jordyn being hooked up to chemo and her and I getting ready to go into the playroom and Jordyn seeing Debbie down the hall and there she goes, running down the hall saying "Debbie, Debbie" in her sweet little voice! That is always a memory that will stay in my mind and I pray that Deb remembers that! I remember the first time she went up to Julene and gave her a big hug! She hadn't seen Julene in many,many days, but she knew her Julene! :) She got Dr. Mosijeck to bend down and kiss her hand, just like she was royalty! And she was a princess! She would take the residents and students stethascopes and being a little dr and listening to their hearts and hers and anyone else she could! One time after a Bone Marrow Asperate, Jordyn was able to finally eat, she was eating Gold Fish cheese crackers, and she decided she was going to share! She gave them to Dr. Pitney, Dr. Edwards, Julene, Ms. O'Niel, Ms. Walker, everyone that was in there, she made them all eat those crackers!! It was the cutest thing in the world!! That was my little Jordyn! I just want to share a little part of Jordyn with all of you! She is a wonderful little girl and I am so thankful that the Lord gave her to me, even if it was only for 2 short years! We Praise the Lord for Jordyn everyday, and will always be thankful for her and the joy she brought into our lives. We will spread Jordyn's love and life to everyone we know and we ask that you all do the same thing! Keep Jordyn alive! Plant a flower or a whole garden for her! She loved purple and loved petunia's,but any kind of flower will work, because she just LOVED flowers and candles! May the Lord walk with you and I pray that Jordyn brought you half the joy she brought us. If she did, you are very, very blessed! And God must love you, too! Walk in your local Relay For Life! We ask that you buy a luminary in Jordyn's name, they are only $10.00! This will bring more people to know our sweet girl! We will be walking in our local RFL in Holton, KS come Aug., 4-5, so if you would like to purchase a luminary from us for Jordyn or for any loved one, please e-mail me and we will get one taken care of!! Keep fighting for Jordyn and for all the others who are still fighting Cancer and blood Diseases! The Fight will NOT be over until we have a CURE! GOD bless Christy Dear Jordyn, Mommy just wanted to tell you that I can't believe a month has now gone by since I last held you and that I will always long to feel you in my arms. So you come to mommy in her dreams so that I can hold you at least then! I miss you baby, and I love you more than any mother can love their child! You are my everything! Mommy loves YOU! ALWAYS! always......... that is never ending! Our lives here on Earth may come to an end, but love never stops, never! Love always, Mommy Monday, June 12, 2000 at 10:34 AM (CDT) Well it has been 5 weeks today since Jordyn went to heaven. Jordyn has been leukemia free for 5 weeks! Amazing. I have a peace knowing that Jordyn no longer has to battle leukemia and life, yet I miss her so very much. The pain of losing a child is a pain that is unimaginable. I would think somedays what will I do when she is gone, yet even in those horrific images, it wasn't even close. When we were told Jordyn was not going to beat this leukemia, we felt like the world had stopped, and in a way it had. Yet, we still had her beautiful face in front of us everyday. We saw her smile and heard her laugh always. And no the house is quiet. I would say it may be close to the "empty nest syndrome", for parents when their children first leave home the saddness of not having them their everyday...well this is much much more. When they leave for college or just the "real world", you know that they will come home again, Jordyn will never come back. There is an emptiness in my heart that will never be filled. People may think that as time goes by it will get easier or better, well it doesn't. It hurts more and more each day that she is gone. Every morning that I wake up I know that it is one more day that I must live without my precious Jordyn. This is HELL! I could be in prison and I could feel no less confined. I feel like I am being punished for something, only I don't know what. No child will replace Jordyn, I will always have a missing link. I could have 100 children and 1 of them would always be missing. So please if you ever meet someone who has lost their child, don't tell them that it will get better or that time will heal, it doesn't. I have chatted with women who's children have been gone for more than 3 or 4 years and the pain and longing is still there, as if they just lost their child yesterday. Unless you have lost your child to a disease then you don't know what it feels like, unless you have fought so hard to save your child's life, then you really don't know. I wish no one this pain, but I do pray that others will learn. Know how precious your child is, they are IRREPLACEABLE! NO ONE CAN TAKE THEIR PLACE, NO ONE! Love your child love them so much. Give in sometimes, but still disipline! Disipline is love, too!Remember that! Jordyn knew what time outs were! She sat in many!!! She may have been sick, but she was still a normal little girl!!!! Hold them tight at night and read them stories, kiss them each night, and make sure they ALWAYS know how much you love them.Do this for me, a mother who will never get to tell her daughter to her face again that she loves her, and I will never get to hold her tight to my chest again. Think of the struggle that Jordyn went through to live, think of how happy she always was! When your child has to get immunizations be thankful it isn't a spinal tap or a bone marrow puncture! There are still many parents out there who have to go through that everyday, and trust me they would love for that shot to not be in their childs' back but in it's little bottom! Well, I have went on long enough. Please keep planting flowers for Jordyn, purple petunia's!! :) Walk in your local Relay For Life or if there is not one close, contact us and sponsor us and buy a luminary in Jordyn's name and/or in someone you know who is or has fought this beast we call cancer. Keep praying for us and for Jordyn. Never forget her or us, please. God bless. Jordyn, I just wanted to say that I miss you and love you very much. It has been a long 5 weeks and I miss you more today! I love you baby, and I think of you every waking moment and dreaming! Mommy holds you close always. Love, Mommy Wednesday, June 21, 2000 at 08:49 PM (CDT) Hi well here we are 6 1/2 weeks after Jordyn left us to go to heaven. I am going through a very hard time right now. It is not going to get easier and I ask that no one tell me it will! PLEASE, do not give me advice on how to live, when people do it usually sets me back a few hundred steps! I know there are a lot of well meaning people out there, I just can't handle all the well meaning people in this world that I have met. I don't mean to sound unapperciative, but I just need to be supported without comments on how to live,please! Thank you! We are living day by day and I am missing Jordyn so much it hurts! I would like to tell all of you about 5 high school students from Ohio! They walked in honor of their friend who is a 16 year survivor of cancer and they walked in honor of Jordyn, Brooke Griffin , and the many people they know and love who have fought and are fighting cancer that are in thier lives! Kathy and co., THANK YOU! Also, I would like to let you all know that tonight Chad and I decided on what picture will be Jordyn's headstone: it is the one that is on the page now, the one of her in her Pooh dress! That is the way we want all of you to remember her, happy, beautiful, and loving Pooh! :) Jordyn is the light of our life, and always will be! We thank God for giving us Jordyn, even though it was only for such a short time. I have a new motto: 2 short years, a lifetime of memories! That is what we have, a lifetime of memories, and all of you have that too! If you have questions about Jordyn, ask! I love talking about my little girl! She is my everything! The greatest honor a person can ever have is unconditional love, and to give unconditional love! I have that, with Jordyn! That is something anyone who has children has! I have heard parents of teens question this, but we both know that if you had to, you would give your life for that eye-rolling, back talking child! Thank the Lord they do those things, they are supposed to! Well, before I get knocked off line, I will end this. Don't forget, if you haven't already walk in your local Relay For Life, or support us, send checks made payable to: American Cancer Society, to support us in the walk it can be for whatever amount you would like. If you would like to purchase a luminary send a check made out to: ACS for $10.00! Make sure that if you want one made to someone other than Jordyn you must let me know! Also, plant purple flowers ( petunia's!) for Jordyn!! God Bless! PS, send checks to the PO Box at the bottom of this page! Thank you! |
| Life Without Jordyn |
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