Because I loved the film so much (and because I really have nothing better to do), I transcribed it...below.
My Breakfast With Spacey
*RDA and a Spacey award statue are sitting across from one another at a kitchen table; RDA is reading a paper, the Spacey is reading a Stargate magazine opened to a page about RDA. RDA is wearing sunglasses, and picks at his mug of coffee as if there's something in it; the Spacey has a glass of wine sitting beside it. They sit in silence for a long minute*
RDA: *disapproving* Wine for breakfast?
*frowns down at his paper*
*to Spacey* Who's Ben Browder?
...
Ben.
....
Len? Len Browder?......No, it's a 'B'. Ben.
....
No? Nothin'?
*flips the page of the paper* Jessica Simpson?
*SCREEN: 'The Story Continues'*
*RDA and Spacey are still sitting at the table, but there is a cigarette burning in an ashtray next to Spacey's wineglass*
RDA: *coughs from the cigarette smoke* God, I wish you'd quit smoking.
*mashes out the cigarette* God. You suck, man. You suck.
You know, if people knew you drank and smoked...and Lord knows what else you do at night...I really don't think people would be accepting you. I wouldn't want you in my house. You never used to do this.
*COMMERCIAL BREAK*
RDA: Yeah, um, what is this? This year, you're what--um, 'Favourite New TV Character'? Is that the deal? You don't feel any allegiance? Any need for loyalty, or...could've paid a little rent?
...
All right. I'm not quite--I don't quite understand this move by you. It's been nice having you here, even though I know it was just a visit. You're moving on, but, uh...what's this 'Favourite New TV Character' thing?...is that really an acting thing or is it a writer/creator award? It's like, who created this character? Well, Brad Wright and Robert Cooper...on 'Stargate', anyway. I mean, correct me if i'm wrong; I just, uh...bottom line is, I'd hate to see you go. You seem to have...you seem to be comfortable here.
*COMMERCIAL BREAK*
*RDA is out of the frame, but enters carrying a plate with two pieces of pizza*
RDA: A little breakfast pizza here. *takes a bite out of one of the pieces* You know if you're flying first class or not?
...
Oh. Hey. How are we supposed to know where you're going; like, who's getting you? Who's going to have the honour of receiving you today?
...
You know, I didn't get anything. No call, nope, no e-mail. Nothing in the mailbox.
...
I don't know, man; this is your gig! It's been nice to have you around the last year and all, but it's time to go. No regrets. We've been honest with each other and it's...I think it's been good that way. You know; it's nice that we've had a nice, open relationship. Um...I don't think I was ready for the ultimate commitment, but yeah, sure I like you. Yeah, I like you a lot.
*COMMERCIAL BREAK*
*RDA checks his watch*
RDA: Hmm? Umm...*checks watch* I suppose.
*someone knocks at the door*
*pointedly to Spacey* Oh, don't get up. I'll get it.
*he leaves the frame, the camera staying in place. We hear the door open*
Yeah. All right, thanks.
*door closes, RDA returns, white envelope in hand*
The envelope, please.
...
I don't know. Some guy. I don't know; he looked like he was from...Toronto.
*pulls a card out of the envelope*
Oh yeah, it's the winner of the '06 Spaceys. Yeah, the winner for the Favourite New TV Character is...
*opens and reads the winner card*
No. Impossible. *checks watch*
What? Oh. *shows Spacey the card* Yup. Wonders will never cease.
...
Well, we should get ready. Finish your wine.
*gets up and leaves frame*
*camera shot from just behind the statue; Spacey starts to move, turns to the side and begins sliding across the table.*
*BREAK*
*Shot from the control room; RDA steps onto the ramp under the 'gate from behind*
RDA: *sighs* I'm gonna miss you, little fella.
*SPECIAL EFFECT!pop makes him appear in the control room*
Hello, I'm Richard Dean Anderson. And I've been asked to present the Spacey award for Favourite New TV character...*grins* And the nominees are:
*NOMINEEEEEEEES (Ana-Lucia Cortez--Lost, Vala Mal Doran--Stargate SG-1, Milton Fine (Brainiac)--Smallville, Lt. Col. Cameron Mitchell--Stargate SG-1, Rose Tyler--Doctor Who)*
*puts down Spacey on control panel behind him, digs in his pocket for the envelope*
The winner is...
*stares blankly at the card, shakes his head in disbelief*
You're kidding me. *walks out of frame*
The guy's a schmo!
*mutters* I don't get it. I just don't get it.
.....
....
...
Ben Browder: *out of frame* Rick? *walks right to left* Hey, Rick!
*re-enters frame from left, sees the award on the control panel*
Ah, it's a Spacey award! Lieutenant Colonel Cameron Mitchell, Stargate SG-1. Fave New TV Character, 2006.
Nice!
*to camera* Hey, thank you. Thank you, Canadian fans.
*looks toward where RDA walked away, follows* RICK!