things... sorry i havent been keeping up , i seem to worry more about how much crap i can do at once than doing any one thing good . focus, focus focus.. werking on relocation werking on finger accuracy , werking on tonal ability , werking on the human race, werking on myself , werking on letting go. werking on holding on. trying to get stroneg and not be ovebearing. i am not intimidating, im just not scared , or rather i am prepared for what i am afraid of becaue i do not avod it. ill see what i can write later, but ium in the midst of a lot of things, and sitting in front of themonitor doesnt seem to be the best for me right now ..
dec 5 2004 3:38 pm
geography as follows , vail colorado, utah , nevada , california : ukiah , foulton , willits , santa barbra , santa cruz , san fransisco , berkely , los angeles , san diego , mexico : tijuana , rosa rita , nevada : las vegas , utah , colorado , kansas , missouri , illinois , indianna , ohio , indianna , illinois, iowa , nebraska , colorado , : denver , indianapolis, columbus -
so it starts tommorow , with still plenty of time for exits and escapes. but we will see what motivation and money and proper enviornment bring. several concerts i wish to see are coming up. im packing and unpacking. worse for wear, not as much prorgess as id like, but qwikly learning to shed the less progressive more time consumeing. id have to say , if i could pull it off to do the things i feel i need to in constant transition , well that would be ideal . i cant seem to get enough travel no matter what i do , and if music gets half as good as travel theres a small chance i can combine the two and not lose money . we will find out i suppose . heres hoping,
also haveing trouble uploading the background id like to use as the main page. what a waste
may 11 2005 9:10 pm
may 17 , 2005 3:58 am
i think its starting to settle in that im not traveling anymore. that creepy stagnant unsettleing slightly depressing immenance of place. here i am. things going exactly how i want them to, and if i keep my expectations low enough, they will continue to do so. but it doesnt feel like enough , in either quantity or effecancy. i suppose im just struggleing with a sense of self worrth, or a broken wrist , its really hard to say. im going to blame it on the delayed reactions of my surroundings. im sure ill be in the same fram of mind somewhere else a long tie from now, but the transiotions in between will offer great and needed release from habituation.... prepetual progeess, and nothing less but my grip keeps slipping. something abotu four doors, and a sense of deja vu and know that the fate i can not escape some how some time ive sealed for myslef in another time and place just like i am about to do to whom eve i will become later. sorry about all the metaphysical bullshit but there wasnt anyone online i could talk to.
may 17 , 2005 4:05 am