enatta sat in her room and tried to find a comfortable position in which to sit. It was utterly hopeless. She decided to lie belly down on her bed, but the welts across her bottom and the back of her legs still burned from the strappings she'd received earlier from Danelle Sedai. Was it her fault they wore her down so much every day; attending class before breakfast, helping the Mistress of the Kitchens with dishes and cleaning, running errands for this Aes Sedai or that, curtsying to every woman who wore a banded dress or any woman with an ageless face filled her days. Was it really her fault that she'd slept late this morning and missed class?

Lenatta very much wished that was the true thing that was bothering her. No matter how much she tried not to think of it she couldn't help feeling like a failure every time she tried to grasp saidar and could not. Beneath her face she felt her pillow dampen as the tears quietly rolled down her flushed cheeks. She hated the Tower, the Accepted who taught her classes, and mostly the Aes Sedai who always seemed to know every time she broke a rule or made a mistake and proceeded to scold her in front of all the other girls. What had she been thinking when she came to this place? No Aes Sedai wanted to help her. They just wanted her to fetch people for her, do their laundry, and cook their food. Wouldn't staying in Bandar Eban despite the Seanchan have been a blessing compared to this useless existence?

A peremptory knock on her door made her jerk up in bed and wince as she felt the pain again. A dark haired Accepted walked into her room and stared at her for a moment as Lenatta stood up and curtsied. "Yes, Accepted?"

"Jandine Sedai, she do be requesting you go to her at once in her rooms," the older girl said in a thick Illianer accent. The Accepted's face was hard and pinched as she calmy relayed the summons. Lenatta knew that Ranira had taken a disliking to her after being in her novice class. Surely she could not expect a new novice to get everything right the first time.

"Yes, Accepted. If I may ask, did she mention why?" There was a risk in asking the Accepted that, but Lenatta wanted to know. Jandine Sedai was teaching her class on the history of the Breaking.

Ranira's lips turned up in disgust before she replied, "I do no question Aes Sedai, novice. No doubt she do be going to tell you that you will no shed the white ever if you keep on the way you've been acting." The last bit came out with a firm satisfaction. Lenatta tried not to shudder at the thought of being a novice forever as she gave another small curtsy.

The walk to Jandine Sedai's rooms in the Gray wing went by silently, Lenatta dreading the meeting every step of the way. Quickly she was alone with the statuesque woman who sat in her straight-backed chair like a queen on her throne. The Aes Sedai's voice was quiet and intent when she finally finished studying Lenatta and began to speak. "Child, child, child. You know why you're here?" She didn't wait for Lenatta's sulky nod. "Of course you do. You really must try harder, Lenatta. I know you're slacking off because of your trouble with getting a hold of saidar. Really, you are acting much too childish about the whole thing. Do you think you are the first novice to have this problem, girl? No, you aren't! Every novice who has come to the Tower has had the same problem as you. Your expectations of yourself are much too high if you believe that you should be able to reach saidar every time you try after the little time you've been here. I don't say that you shouldn't stop trying, but you will - stop - sulking! Do you understand me, child?"

During the whole tirade Lenatta sank further and further in on herself and struggled not to charge in and tell the Aes Sedai that she was a failure and she should be able to channel every time. "Yes, Aes Sedai. Thank you, Aes Sedai," she mumbled to the floor as she curstied.

"If I notice any more of this behavior I will send you back to Danelle Sedai's study and she will teach you to correct your manner. You may go to the kitchens to assist the other novices now." The Aes Sedai's eyes were chips of black coal as she watched Lenatta struggle to keep back all the comments that came to mind. Lenatta's quick curtsy and departure was to get away from the eyes she could feel on her back even when she was rushing down the hall.

After doing dishes for an hour another Accepted collected her to go to the Tower entrance and assist the novices who had the duty of leading the petitioners to an Aes Sedai who could answer their questions. Despite the tedium, this was probably Lenatta's favorite task since the petitioners granted her more respect than anyone else in the Tower. Today, however, provided a different experience.

Lenatta approached a woman dressed in plain woolens. She held a child by the hand who stared at the floor in an unusually quiet manner. The woman's eyes were wide and red-rimmed and with her free hand she was clutching at her skirts. Her eyes darted around nervously, but when she saw Lenatta approaching her she gave a small sigh of relief. Lenatta wondered what caused the woman to look so worried and sad. "The Light illumine you. I am called Lenatta. How may the Tower help you?" Lenatta tried to smile encouragingly and warmly at the woman.

The woman curtsied slightly, apparently not knowing exactly how low a novice was in the hierarchy of the White Tower. "I..," she stumbled. Taking a deep breath and seeming to gather herself she continued hurriedly, "I need to see an Aes Sedai. My boy is hurt. He won't speak, he barely eats, and he never even laughs or cries anymore. I don't know what's wrong with him, and neither does Mother Lenna." The country woman took a deep breath and seemed to struggle with something within. "I've heard that Aes Sedai can bring even the dead back from the grave, so...maybe they can help Trevin?" The last was definitely a question and the woman's trouble caught a place in Lenatta's heart.

"Well, I don't think Aes Sedai can bring back the dead, but there's a good possibility one of the Yellows can help Trevin. Follow me and I will take you to the Infirmary." Lenatta chatted with the goodwoman in a lighthearted manner so she wouldn't worry so much about her boy. The woman seemed relieved not to have to walk around in silence.

In the Infirmary, Lenatta spotted several Yellows, but only recognized Lysendra Sedai. She approached the tall, pretty Sitter and curtsied. "Lysendra Sedai, this woman has come because her boy is sick and she wishes to have an Aes Sedai look at him."

Lysendra Sedai dismissed Lenatta with a, "Thank you, child, you may return to your duties now." However, the little boy had definitely worked his way into her thoughts and she couldn't leave without knowing he would be okay. Peeking her head around the door that led into the infirmary, Lenatta watched as Lysendra Sedai examined Trevin carefully. Minutes later, tears were gathering in her eyes when she watched as Trevin looked up to his mother and giggled, crying cheerfully, "Mama!" She caught something about a "concussion" right before she turned around, but she knew that little Trevin would be all right. The walk back to the entrance was filled with wonder as Lenatta imagined being able to Heal little boys and seeing the intense relief and joy on their mother's faces, similar to what she'd just witnessed. "If I can do that," she mused aloud, "then it would be worth almost anything to stay here."