jespereque1804 (11:18:33 PM): you there this time?
Nunnbt473 (11:19:18 PM):hey, this time? what other time did you try to IM?
jespereque1804 (11:19:23 PM): twice today
Nunnbt473 (11:19:31 PM):i never saw those IMs, but i was at the river...
jespereque1804 (11:19:43 PM): ah well, you're here. you called?
jespereque1804 (11:20:32 PM): didn't you?
Nunnbt473 (11:20:41 PM):Yeah, I just wanted to see how you were doing, thought I would let you know what I said before was offical now about jan 1
jespereque1804 (11:20:59 PM): going active duty you mean?
Nunnbt473 (11:21:23 PM):my recruiter said within 6 months i will be active
Nunnbt473 (11:22:05 PM):If I dont change my speciality I am gurenteed any station I choose, if I decide to reclass/retrain into a different MOS then i can request it, but they can send me anywhere
jespereque1804 (11:22:28 PM): so what are you going to do?
Nunnbt473 (11:23:23 PM):I am trying to get two tickets taken care of, speeding, wreckless by speed so its criminal
Nunnbt473 (11:23:35 PM):a 99 in a 70 and a 75 in a 55..
jespereque1804 (11:23:42 PM): oh good lord! lol
Nunnbt473 (11:23:55 PM):and if i improve my credit i have a better chance to get it
jespereque1804 (11:24:07 PM): well good luck!
Nunnbt473 (11:24:27 PM):What about you? How are you?
jespereque1804 (11:24:41 PM): i'm okay. just came back from saharas
jespereque1804 (11:24:55 PM): things have been going alternately really well and kind of... eh.
Nunnbt473 (11:25:07 PM):Any particular reason for that?
jespereque1804 (11:25:07 PM): i've become more than a bit passive about many things, and i don't like that.
Nunnbt473 (11:25:20 PM):and what 'things' ?
Nunnbt473 (11:25:44 PM):yeah i know i ask all the hard questions ^_^...... and dont gimme that goldfish bs
jespereque1804 (11:25:44 PM): if i knew specific reasons or special/specific things, i would pinpoint them and try to remove them
jespereque1804 (11:25:46 PM): but as it is
Nunnbt473 (11:26:43 PM):well i would normally go all dr phil all you, but i cant process information that i dont have, i need the variables before i can give you the equation lol
jespereque1804 (11:28:18 PM): well, if we're talking variables here, it's a long complicated equation with many many different variables and only one number. so you can get a hell of a lot of fractions and simplify solving "a" to "a=bc/d - (e^f)(g^h)"
Nunnbt473 (11:28:36 PM):my brain aches >.<
jespereque1804 (11:28:38 PM): aka, everything's intertwined and amorphous.
jespereque1804 (11:29:41 PM): hah you're not ranting, you're just straying from the chosen topic
Nunnbt473 (11:29:44 PM):and everything is always amorphous and perpetual with you lol
jespereque1804 (11:29:46 PM): which is apparently my well-being?
jespereque1804 (11:29:55 PM): hah
Nunnbt473 (11:29:58 PM):yes well, i do tend to digress a bit usually
jespereque1804 (11:30:02 PM): well those are two of my favorite words
jespereque1804 (11:30:13 PM): if you didn't, i'd be scared of you
Nunnbt473 (11:30:23 PM):hah i prefer polymorphic over amorphous
Nunnbt473 (11:30:45 PM):you should be scared of me anyway, youve just got more brawn than brain sometimes ^_^
jespereque1804 (11:30:53 PM): heyyyy now...
Nunnbt473 (11:30:53 PM):cause i sure as hell aint sane or safe
jespereque1804 (11:31:02 PM): hahah
jespereque1804 (11:31:28 PM): anyways
Nunnbt473 (11:31:32 PM):i come with eletrocution warning labels... do not leave around small kids, fire hazzard, bio hazzard, overdose usage...
jespereque1804 (11:31:36 PM): hahahahahah
jespereque1804 (11:31:42 PM): may radiate insanity
Nunnbt473 (11:31:51 PM):and side effects may include dirherra of the mouth
Nunnbt473 (11:31:57 PM):or eradicate memory.
jespereque1804 (11:32:07 PM): hah
jespereque1804 (11:32:10 PM): bloop
jespereque1804 (11:32:19 PM): memory go bloop! gone
Nunnbt473 (11:32:22 PM):yeah thats the warm fuzzy feeling you get, its high quality radiation
Nunnbt473 (11:32:40 PM):bloop? no bloop is the sound you hear when your pants are wet and you drop them on the bathroom floor and the slopp echos
jespereque1804 (11:32:50 PM): hahh wtf?!?!/
jespereque1804 (11:32:58 PM): okay
jespereque1804 (11:33:00 PM): refocus
jespereque1804 (11:33:01 PM): REFORM
Nunnbt473 (11:33:05 PM):idk man! its not my world i just live in it!
Nunnbt473 (11:33:25 PM):ahhhh military commands... must... resist... aw fuck it *snaps to before attempting to pounce*
jespereque1804 (11:33:32 PM): nope.
jespereque1804 (11:33:33 PM): lol
Nunnbt473 (11:34:10 PM):ah yes, i almost forgot i had already gone through my assanine fit before it had happened, but i got a job at walmart
jespereque1804 (11:34:19 PM): good!!
jespereque1804 (11:34:26 PM): i saw away
Nunnbt473 (11:34:30 PM):yeah, 10pm to 7am stocker shift >.<
jespereque1804 (11:34:34 PM): including the word "work"
jespereque1804 (11:34:37 PM): and i was like WOOOOO
Nunnbt473 (11:34:46 PM):lol, no i aint working your hoe!
jespereque1804 (11:34:47 PM): now, KEEP IT THIS TIME.
Nunnbt473 (11:34:57 PM):i will... for about 6 months :p
jespereque1804 (11:35:04 PM): good point. so yes.
jespereque1804 (11:35:08 PM): and then
jespereque1804 (11:35:13 PM): you are a full-time badass
Nunnbt473 (11:35:30 PM):what you talk'n bout fool! im already a full time badarse!
Nunnbt473 (11:35:50 PM):it should be ass, but i just like the word arsenal a lot since i joined...
jespereque1804 (11:35:59 PM): hahah
jespereque1804 (11:36:07 PM): anyways
jespereque1804 (11:36:09 PM): but yeah
jespereque1804 (11:36:11 PM): news in life:
Nunnbt473 (11:37:07 PM):... its not going to end? damn that old man and his armageddon story!
Nunnbt473 (11:37:12 PM):i want a refund!
jespereque1804 (11:37:16 PM): hahahahah
Nunnbt473 (11:37:46 PM):you might tip that guy who is selling you the laughing gas though, it seems to be some strong shit
Nunnbt473 (11:38:48 PM):like silly putty after it goes through the oven strong
Nunnbt473 (11:38:58 PM):in fact, its like bologna packaging strong!
jespereque1804 (11:39:09 PM): but yeah... still going to tech, my roomie is really fun and sweet but often sarcastic and unfortunately VERY conservative (though not militantly so)... umm... kaitlin and i are going on a cruise next week in the caribbean... my parents trust me now, and i really like/respect them actually now, they've calmed down a lot... kathleen is so freakin tan right now and on beach week her boobs popped out of her bathing suit, literally, and mark saw... though only one... also made out with laura (redhead, gotta love her) on beach week... umm... can't think of anything else really
jespereque1804 (11:39:24 PM): still dating mark, though we're kind of winding things down over the summer
Nunnbt473 (11:39:24 PM):<---- only knew how to spell bologna because of the little kids on the commerical
Nunnbt473 (11:42:03 PM):hah, your roomie? what roomie? lol. yay for cruises... and she will become unshy sooner or later, just gotta work her :P. Im glad your getting along with your parents, i still dont like them though haha :P, and i bet mark was estasticly flipping shit... sorry i missed the sight myself.. damn his lack of camera reflexs! and yes one is enough most days hahah, when she find time to tan though? and idk her, but that sounds hott . And why 'winding things down' ?
jespereque1804 (11:43:39 PM): well, because a) i'm going to college 3 hours away in the fall, and will not be seeing him very often. b) i want him to be happy, and i know that my being 3 hours away and him not getting any from anyone else/us being exclusive will not make EITHER of us happy.
jespereque1804 (11:43:58 PM): c) i'm a flirtatious person, and i want to just be able to relax around him
jespereque1804 (11:44:04 PM): and others
jespereque1804 (11:44:15 PM): and flirt and know that not everything i do is of absolute consequence
Nunnbt473 (11:45:39 PM):i know trapped in the back of my mind i have litteraly a 100 possible responses antiobliterating themselves (is that a word, can i use that? fuck it im using it), but ive been up for 2 days without sleep and baked all day in the sun and idk what to say so *shrug*
jespereque1804 (11:46:26 PM): a fairly acceptable response in and of itself
Nunnbt473 (11:46:52 PM):Do you have plans tomorrow?
jespereque1804 (11:47:09 PM): i am going on a cruise next week and have to pack.
Nunnbt473 (11:47:27 PM):thats next week, and we both know your a procrastinator :p
jespereque1804 (11:47:58 PM): and let's just put it this way... even though mark and i are not dating exclusively, i don't think hanging out with you in person will do good things.
Nunnbt473 (11:48:04 PM):Well, ill be on tomorrow afternoon, going to sleep the morning away, shall we continue this then or sometime after?
jespereque1804 (11:48:13 PM): sure!
Nunnbt473 (11:48:17 PM):since when are you not exclusive?
jespereque1804 (11:48:35 PM): since about 4+ days ago
Nunnbt473 (11:49:01 PM):ok, i was about to bang my head on a wall and look for the heavy liquor if you said since always haha
jespereque1804 (11:49:13 PM): hahah
Nunnbt473 (11:49:21 PM):anyway, we shall continue such things tomorrow
jespereque1804 (11:49:36 PM): allrighty!
jespereque1804 (11:49:38 PM): ttyl.
Nunnbt473 (11:49:54 PM):Good night Goldfish, sleep well. QAUM
jespereque1804 (11:50:02 PM): hahahahah
jespereque1804 (11:50:05 PM): qaum?
Nunnbt473 (11:50:10 PM):noell =D
jespereque1804 (11:50:18 PM): ???? LOL
jespereque1804 (11:50:23 PM): i just remembered
jespereque1804 (11:50:24 PM): qualm
Nunnbt473 (11:50:25 PM):im so misunderstood :p
jespereque1804 (11:50:37 PM): its not quam!!
jespereque1804 (11:50:38 PM): muahahah
Nunnbt473 (11:50:38 PM):damn i typo my typos now lol
jespereque1804 (11:50:47 PM): hahahahah
jespereque1804 (11:50:50 PM): good job.
jespereque1804 (11:50:50 PM): lol
Nunnbt473 (11:50:59 PM):pssh, ill fix your little red wagon! the pink one too! just not tonight
jespereque1804 (9:03:23 PM): The reasons why i'm not coming around are: I wasn't and haven't been emotionally attached to you, though i had a lot more fun with you than i did with mark for a while. Any time i see you in person, it brings up in my mind one of the most painful times of my life, a time where i was lying to almost everyone and hurting people i cared about. That is the main thing--that I can't separate you from the memory of so much hurt and so careless a mindset. I identify with you more than I have identified with anyone intellectually. I don't and didn't identify with you emotionally. I was honest when I said i knew i would be happy with you and would feel respected, because this is true. But there would be an emotional void there, and nothing you could have done could have sped up the process of loving and trusting you. I am glad you are moving forward with your life, and I hope that
jespereque1804 (9:03:30 PM): we can be intellectual and long-winded-but-meaningful-rant-and-rave confidantes, because i think that based on what you have told me of the Army there are very few people whose intellectual depth and complexity rivals yours, or at least stimulates you very much. I'd like to be that person for you. Write to me, I'll give you my address. Or if you keep up the information tech stuff, AIM me or something if you ever want to talk and are permitted to do so. But whenever I see you in person, I remember someone who was in emotional turmoil because of me, who led me to do many things I deeply regret, who made me feel happy yet somehow didn't gain a place on the "people who involve all my emotions at once, and fully" list. Please--- realize that each person is an individual, each person's emotions are individual to them, sometimes they can't be explained, and they are sometimes far more complex than even I (or you, for that matter) can grasp, involving so many different emotions at once, or lack of others, key others, that can change a person's course of action, drastically or just slightly. You are an
jespereque1804 (9:03:48 PM): incredible person, a startlingly original and complex thinker, someone who is willing to give it all for what matters to you. I hope you can move on knowing that. Don't discount yourself, and please-- don't surrender to the "just survive" mantra. Live, really live, and learn from this. Learn that you can gain amazing love and emotional fulfillment by truly accepting people and remaining curious about them. Realize that you are able to be understood. I doubt I'm the only one who can, and you should keep looking. Don't shut yourself off from the world, simply because you got hurt. And again, write me whenever you have some cockamamie idea that might save or doom the world. Please write me. I don't have to obey sargeants or lieutenants or majors or hell, even generals... hell, i could even say i'm a frickin lesbian and keep my job (lol), so I'm willing to be the person you talk to and use as a civilian instrument in the spreading of actual, full consciousness. Cause lord knows you've experienced it. okay? write me.
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Nunnbt473 (12:12:12 AM):When I leave for the army, I wont be writing anymore and everything you have told me simply confirms what I already knew. That I was a fool to love, that I was walled off for a reason. Knowing that I am a part of such pain and regret doesn't make it any better, though it does bring understanding. I honestly wish I were capable of crying when I read this, because it is very moving, your words. At least I know and understand, perhaps more so now than ever. I can close this chapter of my life... Goodbye Camerian, live well. And.. I'm sorry ...
