Your husband is most likely a crossdresser, a person who dresses to some extent in clothing traditionally worn by the opposite sex.
Probably not. Studies have shown that men who crossdress are no more likely to be gay than men in the general population
While many crossdressers fantasize about being women, most do not feel they are women trapped in men�s bodies and do not seek sexual reassignment.
No one knows for sure. Some blame hormonal fluctuations in early pregnancy, while others point to feminizing influences in childhood.
Many crossdressers act very �macho� and even seek out high-risk professions to prove they are �real� men. Others are just so secure in their masculinity that they feel free to explore their inner femininity.
Because of rigid social stereotypes that set the standard for gender behavior in males, so much of the range of human emotions and personality potentials, is arbitrarily labeled feminine and declared off limits.
Yes. By dressing in women�s clothes he can not only access that �femininity,� but also integrate it into his personality, striking a healthy balance between his masculine and feminine components, and becoming a happier whole person.
Until relatively recently, crossdressing was a subject about which little was known. Newly developed knowledge and support resources have opened lines of communication between crossdressers and their spouses. Those who keep crossdressing a secret do so out of fear they will lose their life partner. Secretive behavior is driven by guilt and shame inculcated by social institutions. None of this is an excuse for deception, but it helps us understand why some crossdressers act as they do.
It is not an OCD. Mental health experts do not consider crossdressing per se pathological. What is not a disease cannot be cured.
The revelation that one�s husband is a crossdresser is a major shock. Feelings of betrayal, grief, rage, denial, bargaining, anxiety, and depression are common and completely normal. This roller-coaster-ride emotional response is comparable to other major life traumas. Fortunately, most wives are able to reach some degree of tolerance, if not acceptance, of crossdressing.
That is quite possible. Crossdressing can be highly erotic, especially in adolescence, and for some men "she" remains a secret mistress. But no spouse is required to tolerate this selfish behavior. This is one area where crossdressers and spouses must negotiate mutually acceptable boundaries.
First, remember that he is still the man you fell in love with years ago, and he loves you, too. The key to survival and growth is that mutual love, plus education, communication and support.
Peggy Rudd's My Husband Wears My Clothes, Crossdressing with Dignity, and Who's Really from Venus? are classics in dealing with spouses' concerns and relationship issues, and can be found through Barnes & Noble and Amazon.com.
Other useful books are Crossdressing, Sex and Gender by Drs. Vern & Bonnie Bullough and Coping with Crossdressing by JoAnn Roberts. These may be ordered from:
IFGE Bookstore
P.O. Box 540229
Waltham, MA 02454-0229
www.ifge.org
Much information can be found through the Tri-Ess website (www.tri-ess.org) and its links. Of particular interest to spouses is The Rainbow Trail (www.rainbowtrail.info). Tri-Ess also operates a moderated, women-only, peer-supportive e-list
(www.tri-ess.org/spice/CDSO/CDSO.htm) where over 200 women talk over their issues in a secure, confidential environment, and TRIESS42, where couples can meet and discuss their issues.
Yes! The Society for the Second Self, Inc., commonly known as Tri-Ess, is the oldest and largest support organization for crossdressers and their spouses, partners and families. Tri-Ess uses a heterosexual family model, promotes cross-dressing with dignity and decency, and treats spouses on an equal basis with their crossdressers.
? Tri-Ess advocates a selfless approach to crossdressing and adjustment to it in an atmosphere of mutual giving.
? Tri-Ess supports the development of both the masculine and feminine sides of the personality.
? Tri-Ess supports the integrity of relationships.
By its work of education and outreach, Tri-Ess is making the world a happier place for crossdressers and their families.