Rainy days. All days seem to be rainy lately. I sat on my tour bus looking out the window while the guys ran around being stupid, as usual. I closed my lap top and looked up at them. "Can't you all sit still for one minute?" Justin looked down at me. "No. Don't be such a party pooper, JC." I rolled my eyes and looked at the rain hitting the window. Someone sat down next to me, but I didn't bother looking to see who. "Everything will be ok. Don't worry." It was Lance. I looked over at him and smiled. "Thanks for being the only one of us with a little hope left." "I thought you did. You're the only one of us still trying to help." I sighed and looked down. "And look at how much it's helping." "Cheer up. We'll be fine." He got up and left. Cheer up. That's hilarious.
We stepped out of the bus and into the arena we were playing at that night. There wasn't a whole lot of people around, but I was used to that. All summer ticket sales have gone down. We've had to cancel the whole last month of the tour due to poor seating. What's the point of playing for only one hundred people when we were used to playing for thousands? Yeah, Lance is right. I've given up all hope. But who cares? Certainly no one who used to call themselves a fan. I've got to be more optimistic though. I'm beginning to give the group bad vibes, I'm bringing them down more than they were before. "How many people are here tonight?" Joey asked. Our tour manager looked down at his clipboard. "Five hundred." he said gloomily. "Hey! That's more than last night!" Chris said happily. Justin laughed. "They'll all have good seats!" "How nice." Joey said.
Ever feel so alone you can't stand it? I have, I feel alone now. Can't they let a wounded man be? No, they have to rub salt in the wound and then mock you. The whole world has completely forgotten us. I remember how we used to be, how much they loved us, but do they remember? No. We've completely disappeared to them. Just forget! I don't care anymore! But I won't forget, I'll never forget the way they've treated me. The way they've treated my friends. So here I stand, with my four friends, the only ones who haven't abandoned me, and I'm asking for you to remember us. I'm asking for you to forgive us, even though I don't know what we did to deserve this.
I stepped onto the stage and looked out at the audience. They screamed for us, they still love us, they still remember. Nothing can make my heart swell like this. I haven't been this happy in a long time. Justin started working the crowd, something he's always been good at. I admire him for continuing to move ahead, not letting our failure get to him. One thing I'm not good at, but something the rest of them are. So they help me get through this, and I'm going to repay them for doing so. I'm going to get us out of this pit and back to where we used to be. We're going to be famous again, you just wait and see. They'll remember.
After the concert we went back to the hotel with whole new attitudes. We were all so happy, the audience was great. "If they were all like that everything would be ok." Lance said. "I say we go out and do something fun! I'm pumped! I need to burn off all this energy." Joey said hitting Justin playfully on the shoulder. "Well I'm tired. I want to go to bed." Chris said falling down onto the bed. "Fine, you do what you want. You guys want to go out?" Joey asked. I sat down on the bed. "I think I want to go to bed too." "Ok, what about you two?" "Yeah!" Justin and Lance shouted. "Alright! We'll be back later!" Joey said as they left the room. Chris looked up at me. "Why didn't you go with them?" he asked. "I didn't want to. I'm tired." He raised his eyebrow. "Sure. Well, I'm going to bed." He pulled the covers over him and turned the lights off. "Night." I said quietly.
I laid in my bed and stared up at the ceiling. I have to get things back up. We'll go into the studio and make our best cd ever. I should start writing songs now. I could write about what these people have done to our morale. Chris moved in his bed and turned to face me. I looked at him. "What?" I asked. "Are you ok?" he asked. "Yeah." "I don't like being lied to." "I'm not lying." He sat up. "Yes you are. You haven't been acting the same for quite some time now." "And what am I supposed to be acting like?" "Like yourself. Normally you're the one to start fun, help us when we have a problem, and keep this singing thing going. Lately you haven't been doing any of that." "Well it's not my fault my whole world is falling apart before my eyes." He sighed. "You need to look past our bad times." "And look at what?" "I don't know, maybe your future. You couldn't possibly think we'd be doing this for the rest of our lives?" I sighed. "No, but I didn't think it's be over this fast... and this hard." "Things happen, and you can't stop them. What do you plan on doing with your life?" I smiled. "I want a family. But I don't see that happening with Nikki." He frowned. "Have you asked her?" "Yes." "Uh, well, maybe you should leave her. If you know she's not going to be with you forever, why stay with her?" "I don't know." I mumbled. I rolled over and closed my eyes. "Good night." I love ending conversations like that, it drives him crazy.
"I was watching behind the music the other day, and have you noticed that whenever people's carrier goes down the drain they turn to drugs? Maybe we should do it to. It sounds like fun." Justin was saying as we sat on the bus. "You've got to be kidding me. You can't be serious." Chris said. "Oh I am. Do you have any idea how much fun we could have being stoned all the time?" "Do you have any idea how fast we'd end up dead in the gutter if we were stoned all the time?" Lance said, mocking him. "Fine, be that way. I'm telling you, it's a good idea." "Until we end up in jail." I said. "You're all a bunch of pessimists. No fun." Joey laughed. "That's the one thing we haven't tried. Maybe we could get our record sales up with the extra publicity." "Figures you'd agree with him." Lance said taking a drink of water. "Of course he does. He's the only other member of the group with a little sense left." Justin said. Joey smiled at him. "Thank you, Justin." "You're welcome." "You've both lost your minds." Chris said. "Maybe.... Maybe."
Sitting on the bus doing nothing all day long has given me time to think. Let me think about how grateful I am to have friends like the guys. They've helped me through everything and I don't know what I'd do without them. It's amazing how one little joke from them can cheer up my whole day. Had it not been for them I'd have killed myself a long time ago. I'm looking toward the positive things and overlooking the negative. Well, I'm trying to anyway. I think it's working. Of course I could be wrong.
"Why are you doing that?" Chris asked me as I sat on the bus playing with a ruebiks cube. "I'm bored." I said not looking up from it. "So why are you doing that? It's only going to drive you crazy." "Well, I figure everything else already has, so this couldn't effect me." He laughed and shook his head. "You have such a nice outlook on things." "I know." Justin burst into the room with a smile on his face. "Oh God, what?" Chris asked. "This isn't about the drug thing, is it?" I asked still not looking up. His smiled widened. "No. But I have some good news." I stopped playing with the cube and looked up. "What?" I asked. "Joey and Lance have come through for us once again. The director they worked with a while back is making another movie, and he wants us to have a small part in it. He also says that if he likes one of us, we could have the leading role." I perked up at this. "What kind of role is he talking about?" Chris asked. "Just a band playing on stage for a while, but we also get soundtrack privileges." "Likes one of us? What do you mean?" I asked. "He says that he's still looking for a man for the lead, and if one of us, Lance and Joey excluded of course, looks like what he's looking for, we'll get the part!" he said jumping up and down. "Our previous acting experience wasn't for nothing!" he said smiling. I raised my eyebrow. "I figured that out a long time ago, Justin." He waved his hands in the air. "Yeah yeah yeah, but now we can actually use our acting experiences." "You already have." Chris said. "But JC hasn't. So, here's his chance." I shook my head. "I don't know. If I wanted a role like that I would have done it a long time ago." "JC! This is a chance to get things rolling again." I smiled. "I guess." "Alright! Well, we're going tomorrow. Be ready." he said pointing at me and leaving the room.
"Why did I let you drag me to this?" I said as we all walked into the audition studio. "Because you know you want to do it." Justin said smiling. "Oh come on JC, live a little." Lance said. "I've lived quite enough, thank you." "Eric!" Joey said running up to the director and hugging him. "Hey Joe, hey Lance!" he said walking up to Lance and hugging him. "Hey, it's good to see you again." Lance said. Joey turned to face us. "Eric, this is Justin, Chris, and JC. Guys, this is the director, Eric." We all shook his hands. "I've heard a lot about you." he said to me. I turned to Lance and Joey and saw a corny smile plastered on both their faces. "What in the hell did you say?" "Nothing." they both said innocently. I turned back to Eric. "What did they say?" "Well, they just said that you're quite the actor and that you've never really went anywhere with it." I shook my head. "I don't see why you all are talking about me." I said to Lance and Joey. Lance shrugged. "You need this." I rolled my eyes and didn't say anything else.
I sat in a chair and looked at all the people auditioning for the moving. There's no way I'm going to get this, there's too many qualified people. There goes my pessimism again. Damnit. Chris leaned close to my ear. "You think we have a chance?" he whispered. "Not in hell." He smiled. "Sarcasm?" I laughed. "Uh, no." "That's great. So, if you think you don't have a chance, then I definitely don't." I rolled my eyes. "Whatever you say, Chris." Justin smiled. "Stop being so downhearted." I looked over at him. "You actually think we have a chance?" "Yeah! We're famous." I smirked. "Oh yeah, so famous." He shook his head and looked away. I laughed as the door next to us opened. Eric smiled. "Ok, Justin, you first." He smiled and got up to go into the room. Chris kicked his legs out and stretched. "Can you imagine what would happen if one of us did get the part?" he asked looking up at the ceiling. "No, what?" "We could get Nsync back up from this hole we're in. We'd be popular again." "Don't set your hopes too high. You'll only get more upset." "Stop being such a party pooper. It's not good for you." he said smiling. "Since when have I cared what's good for me?" I joked. "True."
I walked out of the room and walked to Chris and Justin. "How'd it go?" Justin asked happily. I shrugged. "I don't know." He sighed. "Didn't you look at their reactions?" "No, not really." "Well dangit JC, you're so incompetent." I smiled and walked away. I walked into a rec room and saw Lance and Joey. "Hey! How'd it go?" Lance asked. "I dunno." I said picking up a coke and opening it. "Did Justin choke?" Joey asked. "I dunno." He crossed his arms. "Do you know anything?" "No." I said taking a drink of the coke. Lance smiled and looked at his watch. "They better be getting back here soon. Our last concert's tonight. We don't want to blow this one." he said walking away. "What's up with him?" Joey asked. I smiled. "I dunno." He smiled and walked out of the room, following Lance. I walked out to see them talking to Justin and Chris. Justin furrowed his brow and mumbled something. What are they talking about? I walked up to them just as Justin stormed away. "What happened?" I whispered to Chris. "Lance came over talking about something about this concert being our last, and that seemed to piss Justin off." "No kidding." I said watching him disappear around the corner.
I ran after him to see him angrily walking onto the bus. "Justin? Are you ok?" I asked following him. "No I am not ok! I know we're not the most popular people around anymore, and I've come to accept that! But can Lance deal with it? Fuck no! And he can't just keep things to himself, he has to spread it around to the people who have an ounce of happiness left!" He slammed his hand onto one of the cabinets and broke it in half. "Shit!" he screamed. I backed up a little. "Maybe you should calm down a little." "Calm down?! I'm not going to calm down! I'm tired of this! I won't let Captain Obvious over there further ruin my life! I won't do it!" "Maybe you're just overreacting. He probably just-" "I'm not overreacting! I've been putting up with this pessimist shit for too long! I'm glad this is our last concert so I can get away from you people!" I narrowed my eyes and walked out of the bus. Lance tried to walk past me but I put my hand in front of him, making him stop. "I wouldn't go in there if I were you." I said. "Why?" he asked angrily. "He's extremely pissed off." "I don't care, I need to talk to him." "He broke one of the cabinet doors in half." He stopped trying to walk. "Well, I guess I could talk to him later." "Yeah." He turned around and walked away and I sighed. I can't believe this is happening now. It shouldn't be until we're all at home.