The table was eerily quiet at lunch. Kandi, if at all possible, looked worse than she did that morning. With a knowing glance everyone stood up and presented her with a chocolate cupcake. Her eyes brightened and a smile crept from ear to ear. As they began singing she started silently crying. After hearing the commotion the chefs came out with a whole cake.
The event had turned out better than any of them could have planned. Even Kyle seemed to wake up from his coma to join in the celebration. Chris gave her a pathetic excuse for a present: a tube of toothpaste. She laughed and hugged him tightly. Everyone else�s were the same things: products given to the patients for free. It wasn�t like they could get anything else for her. David promised her that once they all got out she would get a male stripper.
The tears never stopped. Every night came the promise of painful memories and things long lost. He wished he could stop caring; stop being put through this pain. He rolled onto his side and looked out the window at the full moon. A memory came flooding back of what he thought was the best night of his life.
The beach was empty and quiet. Only the sounds of the waves could be heard over their footsteps. Her hand was linked with his as they walked along the shore. The light of the moon was the only one guiding them through the dark. No words passed their lips; none were needed. He felt his love for her would burst from every pore in his body. Nothing could be better than this. Soon they stopped and stared out at the horizon. He smiled and kissed her hand. She looked lovingly at him and leaned close to his ear. She whispered what he thought were words that would last forever: �I love you, Chris.� He loved the feeling of her breath on his cheek. He took her in his arms and kissed her passionately. Slowly they fell onto the sand and spent the rest of the night making love. How he loved her� How he missed her.
As he rolled back over on his bed the tears started to fall steadily, as they did every other night. He couldn�t stand the loneliness. He couldn�t stand being without her; being so betrayed by her. His eyes closed in an attempt at the release from his life, but the dreams never came. Only the pain remained.
The next morning he didn�t go to breakfast. As the hours passed he missed lunch as well. Every now and then a knock would come and Crystal would try to talk to him through the door. It was a lost cause, however; he never answered. The crevasses in the ceiling became the form of his love and he knew at that point that he was losing his mind. Quickly he sat up and went to the sink. Water splashed across his face in an attempt to clear his head. It didn�t seem to help though. Another more rushed knock came and he looked longingly at the door. He didn�t move.
�Chris! Are you ok in there? Chris, come one, we�re worried about you. The doctor called us this morning and told us what your friend Crystal said. Please open the door. Don�t make them force it open.�
Chris� eyes narrowed at the sound of JC�s voice.
�What are you doing here?� he asked walking to the door.
�I told you, they called us. Please open the door.�
�Did you bring everyone else with you? Or are you too damn pussy to come alone?� he asked angrily.
�I brought them because we�re all your friends.�
Chris laughed softly but still loud enough for them to hear. He opened the door a crack to see JC, Justin, Joey, Lance, Dr. Lauren, Crystal, David, and a few guards.
�Brought everyone didn�t you? Well, that figures. I don�t want to talk to anyone right now, especially not any of you,� he said to JC.
�Stop being stubborn and come out here.�
�Don�t talk to me, Justin!� he yelled slamming the door shut again. He heard whispers but couldn�t make any of them out. He went back to his bed and laid face down on it. He heard the jingle of keys and the door was soon open. Someone apparently ran in because in a second there was someone else on the bed.
�Chris, I didn�t know they would come. I only wanted Dr. Lauren to get you out of your room,� Crystal whispered into his ear.
�Go away,� he mumbled into the pillow.
�Have you been taking your medicine, Mr. Kirkpatrick?� Dr. Lauren asked.
�Why do you care?�
�Because I�m you doctor and I want you to get better.�
�Well, as if it�s any of your business, I have been taking that damn medicine. Doesn�t seem to be doing a lot of good, does it?�
�Could you all leave me alone with him for a minute?� Justin asked.
�Don�t you dare leave me with this bastard,� he said sitting up.
Dr. Lauren nodded and ushered everyone out of the room. Crystal turned around and looked at him with only apology in her eyes as the door closed. He sighed and laid back down into his pillow.
�Why won�t you just get over her?�
No answer.
�Not answering isn�t going to get you anywhere either. My God, I break up with girls all the time and you don�t see me whining about it.�
�You sure did when Britney broke up with you, but wait, you loved her didn�t you?�
No answer.
�That�s what I thought. You should think before you open your ignorant little mouth.�
He sighed. �I�m sorry I haven�t been the best of friends lately.� Chris snorted. Justin continued without listening to this. �I suppose I�ve distanced myself in order to forget how things used to be. But I�ve moved on, and I�m sorry if it�s hurt you.�
�You should bring Lance, Joey and JC in here for this too. They deserve the apology as much as I do.�
�No, they�ve all moved on.�
�Go away. I don�t feel like putting up with your shit anymore. And if you don�t leave now I will vent all of my pent up aggression on you.�
Justin stumbled back slightly but soon regained his composure.
�Fine, feel this way. It�s only going to hurt you and you�re going to end up in this nut house for the rest of your life,� he said bitterly.
Chris stood up and came face to face with Justin.
�You can make fun of my love life, of my career, but you will not make fun of something you put me into without my consent.�
With all his might he swung his fist at Justin�s face and heard a crack as it came into contact with his nose. Blood soon covered his face and he ran out of the room. Everyone outside looked at him, stunned. He smiled and went back to his bed. He was done with human contact for the day.
�Chris, I�m still sorry for everything that happened today,� Crystal said while rubbing his back.
Ever since the incident she had been sitting by his side trying to apologize and comfort him. It had been fie hours and she was still going strong.
�Stop apologizing,� he mumbled.
�I won�t until you understand how truly sorry I am. I only wanted you to get out of this damn room. I�m so sorry.�
He sat up and looked into her eyes.
�Stop it. I understand how sorry you are. So you can leave me to wallow in self pity. I think I�ve earned it after the events of today.�
He laid back down but Crystal didn�t move. She began running her fingers through his hair.
�When was the last time you slept?� she asked.
�It�s been too long. I�ve lost count of the days.�
She began singing a song Chris had never heard. He assumed it was a lullaby. Her voice was beautiful and he was rather shocked. Soon he drifted off into desperately needed sleep.
The next morning brought feelings Chris hadn�t felt in a long time. He couldn�t remember sleep ever feeling this good. He now understood why JC spent most of his life doing it. He got up and after only a few minutes of cleaning himself up he ran downstairs to breakfast. The table was happy to see him, but that would be an understatement; ecstatic would be the better word.
�So, how do you feel?� Crystal whispered to only him.
�Great. How come you never told me you had such a beautiful voice?�
She smiled. �You never asked.�
�Chris, you had us all so worried,� Margaret said.
�No kidding,� Kandi said.
David laughed. �What you did to that guy was great. I saw him later in the nurse�s office. His shirt was covered in blood. You broke his nose.�
�Good. Maybe it will mar his career. No one likes an ugly singer.�
�So vindictive,� Crystal said.
�I know, and it�s great.�
That night Crystal and Chris sat in his room talking. Dr. Lauren decided time with his friends might be good for him. He knew it was only a matter of time before she caved.
�Do you think we�ll ever get out of here?� she asked.
�Eventually. Don�t ask me when because I have no idea.�
A moment of silence passed. He looked at her twirling her hair between her fingers and looking out the window. They both seemed to be at the night sky�s will. How could he be looking at her like this? She was so beautiful to him, but he didn�t think he could feel this way about anyone but his love. She looked up at him and smiled.
�What?�
�Could you sing to me?�
She raised her eyebrow.
�What?�
�Your voice is like an angel�s. Please, it makes me forget everything.�
�Um, ok. What do you want me to sing?�
�That song you sang last night.�
Don�t despair.
There are those who care.
You�re not alone.
You�re at home.
Close your eyes,
Try not to cry.
I love you
And everything you do.
Remember that
I love you.
�Stay with me tonight. I don�t want to be alone,� Chris said as Crystal got up to leave.
�What are you planning on doing?� she asked looking down at him.
�I just want to be with you; nothing sexual or anything like that. I-I just don�t want to be without you tonight.�
She smiled and laid back down next to him. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes painfully.
�Chris, can I tell you something?�
�Anything.�
�I�ve never told anyone this before, but I need to now. And I feel that I can trust you.�
�You can tell me.�
After a moment�s hesitation she began speaking again. �When I was around seven one of my dad�s friends started spending more time at our house; my parents were going through a rough time and she wasn�t living at home, so he needed the extra help. One day when my dad went to the store for some food Rick came to me in my room and locked the door. I was so young, I had no idea what was going on. He told me some bull shit story to make me feel comfortable; I can�t remember now what he said. Anyway, he-he��
He ran his hand across her cheek and over her head. �It�s ok. I�m here for you; you can tell me.�
�Well, I�ll spare you the details. I myself have tried everything to forget them. He-he raped me. He did it almost every night. This went on for the three months until my mom came back. My father never found out, and thank God he didn�t; he would have died much sooner if he did.� Chris was speechless. �Oh don�t worry. I didn�t expect for you to say anything. I just needed to get it out you know� You were the first man I�ve kissed in a long time. I guess I�ve shied away from anything even slightly sexual my entire life. Please understand that I want nothing more than to be with you, but I�m scared.�
�Don�t worry about it. I�m not exactly ready for anything like that either. I suppose we�re both romantically retarded.�
She smiled and tried to laugh. After her pathetic attempt she frowned and lowered her head. He sat up and motioned for her to come into his arms. She backed up to him so that his stomach was on her back and he wrapped his arms around her.
�Can you hold me like this forever?� she whispered.
�Forever and always.�
As the sun rose Chris opened his eyes to see Crystal still sleeping against him. He smiled and closed his eyes in an attempt to fall asleep again. She stirred and he opened his eyes again.
�Good morning sunshine,� he whispered.
�Good morning.�
�You ready for breakfast?�
�Food never sounded so good.�
�So can you believe that bull shit?! Those mother fuckers had the audacity to come here and try to act like my parents again! It�s been three months since I�ve even heard from them! Oh sure, they tell me they�ve been busy trying to find alternative methods to help me, but its all bull shit!� Kandi practically screamed at the table over breakfast.
�They came here last night? Why?� Margaret asked.
�Well, they said they wanted to wish me a happy birthday, but I had to remind them that they were a few days late. Bastards. I�m so glad that I�m old enough to do things on my own now. Never again do I have to put up with them.�
�So quick to turn on those who raised your short tempered soul,� Margaret said with a smile.
Chris felt Crystal move her hand to grab his. He took her hand and their fingers intertwined. She smiled and blushed slightly.
�Has anyone seen Kyle today?� David asked scanning the cafeteria.
�No,� Margaret said.
�Maybe he slept in. He has been living permanently in la-la land lately,� Kandi said. She stretched and leaned back in her chair. �Well, I�ve had enough to eat for one day. See ya later.�
Everyone else resumed eating and a few minutes later a scream echoed through the whole building. Chris immediately recognized it as Kandi�s. Everyone at the table jumped up and ran to her room. They saw her standing at Kyle�s door with her hand covering her mouth in terror.
Chris ran to her before anyone else. He looked into the room and saw Kyle hanging from the light fixture on the ceiling by tied up sheets. He took her by the shoulders and led her away from the door. Crystal came up next to him and screamed. He took her by the shoulders and walked her to the end of the hallway. She wrapped her arms around him and cried onto his shoulder. He ran his hands through her hair.
�Shh, everything�s going to be ok. Shh�� he whispered rocking back and forth.
She grabbed his shirt and balled her hands into fists.
�Why�� she said.