How Did I Fall In Love With You?
(The next morning.)
Jo had gotten up early the next day since she couldn’t get much sleep the night
before. She had returned late from the *NSYNC concert and had even turned down an offer to
go clubbing with the guys. She had too much on her mind. Seeing Justin had affected her
more than she had expected and the conflicting rush of emotions that she felt at that
moment didn’t help any.
After a quick shower, she grabbed a bagel from the kitchen and sat at the living room with
her laptop once again. To her delight, Chris was online and the two chatted on AOL Instant
Messenger.
CKwonder: Hey gurl, how come you’re up so early?
rayeoflight: I don’t know. I had a pretty rough night I guess.
What’s your excuse?
CKwonder: Well, I have a day off today before we leave town later
tonight, so why waste it sleeping in, y’know?
rayeoflight: LoL. I’m sure JC doesn’t agree with you.
CKwonder: <rollseyes> You can say that again. I can hear that
boy’s snores from here. And he’s one floor above me!
rayeoflight: So where are you going?
CKwonder: I’m probably gonna catch a movie with Joey later. I wanted
to ask Justin but he’s not around ,strangely.
rayeoflight: What?!? Justin Timberlake got out of bed at an early hour
voluntarily? And he hasn’t made it on the news yet?
CKwonder: You’re mean. But then again, so am I. ;) Seriously though,
I wonder where he is? I need to borrow his Playstation. I think I broke mine.....again.
Just then, the doorbell rang. Hani, who had
been studying quietly, nearby, got up to get the door while Jo continued chatting with
Chris. When she opened the door, she saw a lanky, good-looking guy with a buzz cut,
dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
"Hi, is Jo around?" It suddenly dawned on her that this guy was none other than
Justin Timberlake. As much as she had insisted that she wasn’t a teeny and that she
wasn’t impressed by the man, when faced with the reality of it, she began to feel
just a little awestruck by him.
"Uh.....Jo, there’s someone here to see you." Hani called out over her
shoulder. Justin smiled politely at her and walked into the house, confidently, obviously
having lived there before.
Jo was busy engaging in a virtual fight with Chris and didn’t notice Justin as he
walked in. "In a minute, Hani," she called back.
Justin cleared his throat. "Hi."
Jo flinched when she heard the sound of Justin’s voice and looked up sharply from her
laptop.
"Oh, it’s you. Luke and Carrie are out and they’ll be back later. You might
wanna try coming back then." She typed a hurried goodbye message to Chris and
promised him that she’d call him back later.
"I’m not here to see them, Jo. We need to talk." Justin sat on the couch
and clasped his hands together.
Behind them, Hani was taking in the whole scene with growing interest and would have
continued doing so if they hadn’t looked pointedly in her direction and made it clear
that they wanted to be alone. She quickly grabbed her things and grumbling, made her way
upstairs, to her room.
"You only just figured that one out, Timberlake? How perceptive of you," she
said with a bitter laugh as she signed off her computer and shut it. "I think
it’s pretty unfair of you to come marching here whenever you feel like talking. We
NEEDED to talk months ago. Hell, we NEEDED to talk that day you walked out on me....on us.
Now, we have nothing to say to each other."
"We’re both not each other’s favorite person right now, but I think we
should clear the air so that we can move on. I don’t want this hanging over us
forever."
Jo took a deep breath and looked at her watch impatiently. "Say what you have to say
real quick cos I have an appointment later."
"I just wanna know one thing, Jo."
"What’s that?" she asked suspiciously.
"Why did you lie to me?" he asked quietly as he looked into her eyes.
"WHAT?!" she let out an almost shrill scream.
"You heard me. Why did you have to lie?"
"How did I lie to you?" she asked incredulously.
"When you told me that you....y...you loved me," he whispered.
Jo’s jaw dropped open and never had she felt the anger that was coursing through her
blood right now. All along, she had merely been telling herself that Justin’s anger
stemmed from the male shortcoming of the inability to commit. But now, here he was
telling.....no, accusing her of lying to him about her love for him.
"You think I lied to you?" she asked incredulously.
"Don’t pretend, Jo," he said ,tiredly. " I’ve seen your type many
times before." His eyes flashed in anger as if remembering something...or someone.
"My type?" she sputtered. "Why, of all the no-good, egotistical things to
think about yourself. Not every girl you go out with is armed with an ulterior motive
Justin. I hope your ego keeps you warm at night Justin, cos it sure as hell won’t be
a girl, since you think they’re all after you! That’s it, Justin......I have
nothing to say to you EVER again. I have to go."
"Yeah, that’s right, run away from REAL talk. Run into your boyfriend’s
arms," Justin said with a snort.
"I’m not the one who ran away, Justin. You ran away and left me alone. And yeah,
I’m going to Wade. WHY, cos he’s there for me, ALL the time!"
With that, Jo got up and left the living room to go into her own room. Collecting her
things, she stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind her.
Justin pounded his head against his fist. Did she really think he was going to fall for
that ‘I’m innocent but I’m not going to give you an explanation’,
routine? He had seen it all. Hell, he had dated some of them. But he couldn’t help
the feeling of terror that was in his gut. Why did he want to run after her and apologize?
You’re just too attached to the girl, J. You’re doing the right thing.
You’re saving yourself the heartbreak, he told himself. At least now, he knew without
a doubt how things stood with Jo. It was really over between them.
That night, Jo was lying on her bed contemplating Justin’s words. She had gone to
watch a movie with Wade, Chris and Joey, and though it had been a fun-filled day (which is
always the case where Chris and Joey are concerned) , in the back of her mind was the
recurring image of Justin’s accusation.
Wade had sensed that something was amiss with Jo and had even tried questioning her about
it after Joey and Chris had left for the hotel, but she didn’t feel like telling Wade
or anyone else for that matter.
A hot tear slid down her cheek as she cursed under her breath at Justin’s innate
ability to make her cry. She couldn’t believe that of all the things in the world
that Justin had to doubt about her, he had chosen the one thing which she had given to him
with much difficulty since she had come from a family which had not been open in their
love for her. Didn’t he understand how much she loved him? The keyword in that
question being the word HAD.
She had been wrong about Justin. He had not been the understanding and compassionate
person that she had thought him to be. He had not been the sweet, charming guy who had
stolen her heart.
He had played her for a fool, but she will be a fool no more, she promised.
(The next day.)
Wade had been worried about Jo all of yesterday but had decided not to prod when she
seemed to not want to talk about whatever it was that was bothering her. But he needed to
go and check in on her, he told himself as he parked his car in front of her house.
It was still early in the morning and Wade had wanted to surprise her with breakfast. He
needed to see her to reassure himself that she was okay. She had been acting strangely
since the *NSYNC concert and the only other time he’d seen her like this was when she
and J....
A nagging suspicion haunted the back of his mind but Wade ignored it for his own sanity.
He deduced that he was being ridiculous as he carried the tray of two steaming lattes and
a bag of muffins to the front door.
"Hi, Wade!" Carrie greeted him as she opened the door for him.
"Is Jo up yet?" Wade asked.
"I don’t think so."
"Good."
Carrie grinned after him as he walked towards Jo’s room. She loved Wade to bits and
he was great for Jo, but somehow, Jo seemed to be a shadow of her former self. And though
she knew that Jo cared about Wade a great deal, it was nothing earth-shattering. But at
least he wasn’t Justin, she told herself. That was the worst kind of man there was,
the cowardly kind. He had seemed to be a great guy, but apparently, he wasn’t.
Meanwhile, Wade had closed Jo’s door softly behind him as he watched over her
sleeping form on the bed. She was curled up in a fetal position and the covers were
everywhere! He grinned as he thought about how accurately a person’s sleeping
position told of the person themselves.
He opened the lid of one of the cups of coffee and set the cup down on her night-stand
before bringing the lid to her nostrils. The rich aroma of mocha latte wafted into her
olfactory senses as she stirred in her sleep.
"Mmmmm.....coffee," she murmured, sleepily.
He knew she couldn’t resist coffee in the morning, he thought to himself, chuckling.
"Morning, sweetheart," he whispered into her ear.
"Slowly, she opened her eyes and smiled up at him. Yawning, she stretched lazily
against her bed.
"Morning. Is that coffee?"
Wade laughed at her eager tone. If he didn’t know that she was a self-professed
coffee-junkie, he’d be almost jealous of the loving tone that overcame her voice
whenever her favorite caffeine-laden beverage was mentioned.
Wade waited until she had showered before they sat at her desk and enjoyed an early
morning breakfast.
"Don’t you have dance lessons today?" she asked as she munched on an
chocolate-chip muffin.
"I do have a class in the evening, but until then, I’m all yours. You may do
with me as you see fit."
"Oh I may, huh?" she grinned wickedly. "I may suggest something rated R but
we know the censors won’t approve, so how about we go shopping?"
"Shopping?" Wade almost paled visibly as Jo tried, unsuccessfully, to hold back
her laughter. "The last time I went shopping with you, I aged fifty years, Jo."
"Don’t be a wuss. It’ll be fun."
"Alright," he said as he put on a brave face, rather like a man marching off to
battle. "But, only cos I promised you we would do anything you wanted today."
Jo grinned knowingly at his expression as she rummaged through he wardrobe for something
comfortable to wear shopping, that day.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! I need to shop today for some reason. It’s
poor man’s therapy in my opinion."
"But if it’s poor man’s therapy, then how does he afford it?" he asked
playfully.
"Stop being such a smart ass, Mr Robson," she warned.
They both enjoyed the day at the mall. Jo shopped, and shopped and shopped and Wade played
the role of the patient boyfriend, perfectly. Underneath both their happy images however,
Wade was relieved because he thought that Jo was out of her rut and back on track again.
Jo however, was attempting to cover her confusion and hurt over Justin’s words by
acting over-cheerful.
When she got home later that day after Wade had dropped her off , Jo was both physically
and mentally exhausted. Her physical weariness was a result of her endless shopping
whereas her mental weariness came from having to pretend that everything was okay. She was
glad that she was home because she was ready to crack from the pressure of pretending what
she did not feel.
She didn’t expect to see a solemn-faced Hani sitting at the living room.
"Oh, hi......I didn’t expect to see you here," Jo said with a slight laugh.
The girl made her nervous, like she was constantly watching over her. Hani’s fixation
over Wade didn’t make her comfortable either.
"Did you have a good time with Wade?" she asked coldly.
Jo who had put her bags on the couch and then sat down, froze in her seat when she heard
Hani’s tone.
"Uh.....yeah."
"Good. Let me be straight with you, which is more than I can say for you," Hani
said venomously as she looked around the room at anything but Jo. "I think
you’re nothing but a lying, manipulative bitch."
Jo felt like she’d been slapped, so hard was the impact of the words that left
Hani’s mouth. Normally, when faced with these circumstances, she would’ve
reacted with anger but Jo had no defenses left since she had been playing ‘Let’s
pretend’ all day. She looked at Hani with vulnerability, every word hitting her
harder than the last.
"It’s bad enough that you have Wade in the palm of your hand, but it turns out
that you dated THE Justin Timberlake. Now I know that Wade’s been nothing but loving
and honest with you , but you’re obviously not into the relationship like he is. Not
only that, but you still have feelings for Justin. though, god knows why, but you do. I
saw it written all over your face when he came here yesterday."
Jo’s face flushed as she averted her gaze from Hani’s eyes.
"Don’t you think you’re using Wade? Have you no conscience? He gives you
his all and you repay him by thinking of someone else? Don’t you think you’re
depriving him of the chance to love someone fully and of someone....e-else loving him that
way, too?"
Hani wiped her eyes as she continued, "Look, I’m sorry if I’m sticking my
nose where it doesn’t belong, but I just thought I’d let you know how unfair all
this seems in my eyes."
With that, she got up and ran upstairs to her bedroom. Jo had stopped listening to her
words at some point because they had already hit home and done their damage.
She WAS being selfish. She had hurt Justin first and now she was hurting Wade by not
loving him. The enormity of the situation hit her as tears spilled from her eyes.
God, what kind of person, am I? Hani was right, she didn’t deserve Wade. And, she had
lost Justin for good.
What else was there for her to live for?
How Did I Fall In Love With You?
He was back in the tour bus again, every second taking him that much further from New
York. From Jo.
For the past three days, his mind kept playing the encounter with Jo over and over again
as if to torment what little was left of his sanity.
"Not every girl you go out with is armed with an ulterior motive Justin."
Did you have an ulterior motive, Jo? Funny, he’d never pegged her as a liar. In fact,
he’d always admired her honesty. Was ... was she maybe telling the truth?
Whether or not she had been lying, he knew one thing for sure, she had been very special
to him. He had never been able to connect with anyone in his life as he had with Jo. She
had seen in him something which very few people saw - his vulnerability. And if she had
lied to him, he couldn’t bear to think that that had all been a farce.
Justin buried his head within his hands as if to compress all the confusing thoughts that
were running through his mind.
The wheels of the bus whirred silently against the road, taking *NSYNC to yet another date
on another sell-out tour, and all of the inhabitants on the bus, save the driver, were
fast asleep.
Except one very tormented young man.
Night after night,
I hear myself say,
"Why can’t this feeling just fade away?"
There’s no-one like you,
You speak to my heart.
It’s such a shame,
We’re worlds apart.
I’m to shy to ask,
I’m too proud to lose.
But sooner or later,
I gotta choose.
And once again,
I’m thinking about,
Taking the easy way out.
But if I let you go,
I will never know,
What my life will be,
Holding you close to me.
Will I ever see,
You smiling back at me?
How will I know,
If I let you go....
(Westlife - ‘If I Let You Go’)
Jo buried her hands deeper into her denim
jacket as she approached the dance studios where Wade taught sometimes. This was not going
to be easy, she knew, but it had to be done. She’d already made up her mind.
As she walked towards the dance studio where he was going to be for the day, she passed a
mirrored wall along the corridor and paused to check her reflection.
Her usually almost flawless skin looked pasty and sallow and her hair was pulled into an
untidy ponytail. But when she looked into her own eyes, she didn’t recognize the girl
she saw there. Her eyes were bloodshot and she appeared to have lost the sparkle of hope
in her eye. The girl whose reflection she saw had given up.
She watched from the open doorway as Wade prepared a routine for one of his classes. He
looked focused and determined and his love for what he did shone through every step he
took. Here was a man with dreams and high aspirations and she didn’t want to be in
the way of any of them.
Suddenly Wade stopped as he saw Jo standing in the doorway, and smiled broadly at her
before moving to switch off the music. He opened a bottle of water and took a long gulp
and wiped his face and neck before coming over to her.
"Don’t touch me," she said ,jokingly.
"Awwww.....come on."
"I mean it ,Wade. I just showered."
He looked disappointed as he looked up into her eyes. As if noticing it for the first
time, he took in her appearance.
"What’s wrong?"
"Do you have a few minute, Wade?"
Somehow he didn’t like the tone in her voice and he felt scared by it.
"Sure," he replied as he took her hand and let her to a leather sofa at the end
of the studio. They both sat down and he looked up at her expectantly, almost afraid of
what she was going to say.
"I think you know how much you’ve helped me get back on my feet after my
break-up with .....," she couldn’t bring herself to say his name. "Anyway,
you’ve helped me so much, Wade and I don’t think I’ve done for you even
half of what you’ve done for me. And if I haven’t thanked you before, I wanna
thank you now."
"Jo...." he began, but she silenced him with a finger on his lips.
"Here you’ve been supporting me and caring for me and I think even you can tell
that I haven’t been into this relationship one hundred percent. You’d think that
after going through it twice, we’d both learn." She made a feeble attempt at
humor, but Wade wasn’t laughing.
"You could have someone better, someone who loves you wholeheartedly. I’ve just
been using you like the selfish person that I have been. In other words, I don’t
deserve you."
"And as much as I’d like to be with you and have you around for me like
you’ve always been, I know that you deserve someone better."
Wade looked tormented as he looked up into her face, "You decided this, on your own.
What about me?"
"Wade, I am thinking about you, here. You’ll thank me later believe me."
Her own eyes spilled with tears and as she looked into Wade’s , they mirrored her
own.
"Don’t do this, we can work it out," he whispered.
"Like what, five more times? We’ll break up and get back together again and
again? How much is enough Wade?" she smiled cynically at him. "I’m sorry if
I hurt you or didn’t love you as you should be loved, Wade. Just know it wasn’t
you, it was me."
"So this is it?" he asked. "Where do you go from here?"
"You find yourself some pretty girl and be happy with her," she giggled softly
as she cupped his cheek.
"And you? Will you be okay?"
She looked down at her hands before answering. "I’m leaving."
"Leaving where? Here?"
"I’m leaving New York."
"You’re what?" Both Carrie and Luke echoed each other.
"I’m leaving New York and dropping out of college."
"But why?" Luke asked, as he looked over at the girl that he had come to love
like a sister.
"I have to find peace, I guess," she grinned.
"Find peace? So you’re gonna become a nun and shave your hair and meditate on
the mountaintops of Tibet????" Carrie asked as her eyes widened.
"No," Carrie giggled. "I’m going to my grandma’s house in
Pennsylvania for a few weeks."
"What about college?"
"I’ve got that covered ,too. I’m going to study in Europe?"
"Europe?" Carrie looked miserable. "Will you stay in touch?"
"You’ll have to pay me not to. Don’t worry, I’ll call write and visit
when I can."
"We’re gonna miss you, hon." Carrie said as she got up and hugged her
friend.
"I’m gonna miss you guys, too." She didn’t want to leave her friends
and the wonderful city of New York. But she needed to do this. She’d caused so much
pain to Wade and Justin that she needed time away to overcome her guilt and confusion.
The hardest part ,of course, was leaving New York, itself. Every street corner, every
park, every hotdog stand, held a memory of Justin. But that’s exactly why she needed
to get away. She needed to get the constant reminders of him out of her head.
Justin had been very reserved all week. He had joined the guys in their conversations and
occasional outings but his heart was not in it. To the casual observer, it seemed like he
was actively involved. But the guys knew him better than that.
They also knew that when he got like that, it was better to leave him alone. If and when
he was ready, he would bounce back.
It was after a concert and the guys were in the tour bus on their way to a hotel for the
night. The rest of the guys were watching a movie in the rec room, and ever so often, you
could hear gun-shots and male laughter emanating from within.
Justin sat on the couch, in the darkness. He had not bothered to turn on the lights and
the stars outside kept him company that night. He was lost in his own thoughts.
"What th-," JC’s voice broke the silence as he came into the room. He
switched on the lights and saw Justin squinting up at him.
"What’d you do that for, man?" Justin asked, annoyed.
JC ignored him and sat himself opposite Justin.
"What?" Justin asked.
"Talk."
"Talk? About what?"
"About what’s on your mind," JC said, looking into the younger man’s
eyes.
"Nothing’s on my mind."
"Right. And I’m a fan of the Backstreet Boys." JC rolled his eyes. "I
know you remember?"
Justin sighed as he looked into JC’s penetrating gaze. When he thought he was onto
something, he never let go. That attitude sometimes made him wonder why JC chose a career
in music. He heard there was a shortage in the interrogator line of work.
"It’s Jo."
"Uh-huh, that much is obvious."
"She sorta took me out to dinner one night and we really had fun. We went bowling and
ate ice-cream," he smiled at the memory.
"And that’s bothering you? Justin, has anyone ever told you that you need
therapy?"
Justin glared at JC. "I’m not done yet. Anyway, that night when we got back, she
told me that she loved me."
"Oh."
"And I got angry."
"You what? Why?"
"Because I thought........I knew she was lying. She’s like Leah."
"How did you figure that out?"
"Because Leah did the same thing to me. When things started getting pretty serious
between us, she told me that she loved me, too. And then she betrayed me."
"Look, J, I know you still hurt from when Leah betrayed you, but that doesn’t
mean that you have to close your heart off from people forever. That way, you’ll
never find love."
"I...." But JC didn’t let him speak.
"You have to trust your instincts. Maybe when Jo said she loved you, she actually
MEANT that. I dunno, I hear some people are crazy like that. You have to listen to what
your heart says and hear what it says or feels about Jo. And you have to go with
that." JC licked his lips before continuing. "There’s no guarantee that
you’ll never get your heart broken, but you won’t be depriving yourself a chance
to love and be loved either."
JC could see that the ‘talk’ had confused Justin even further. Silently, he
stood up and patted Justin’s shoulder, before walking to the door separating the tour
bus into its sections. Before he left he switched off the light again.
"Hey! What was THAT for?" Justin complained.
JC chuckled. "You seem to like sitting in the dark, in more ways than one, Justin. I
only hope that you can find the light this time."
She walked confidently through La Guardia Airport with her carry-on luggage. She had
called her grandmother a few days ago and told her of her plans to visit her. As usual,
her grandma was more than happy to have her.
Even as she was growing up, her grandma had been her beacon when things had looked down in
her family. A weekend away at her grandma’s had always been so therapeutic and
rejuvenating. Somehow, her grandma and her were similar people. And she understood Jo
perfectly. She gave her all the love her family denied her. She needed her grandma more
than anything else in the world right then.
Taking a last look around, she bid farewell to New York. Carrie and Luke had insisted on
seeing her off at the airport, but she didn’t want to make this any more harder than
it already was.
Turning, she walked towards the boarding gate, without looking behind.
Justin had been thinking about what JC had told him, for the last few days. And still, he
had no answer. He was just as lost as he had been before JC spoke to him.
So much for JC’s all-curing big brother pep talk, Justin thought as he smiled
inwardly.
He sighed as he thought of who else he could turn to for help. The guys were his best
friends and he could tell them anything, but this was a desperate situation and he needed
to call in the professional. Picking up the phone, he punched in the numbers he knew so
well.
"Hello, mom?"
"Hi, how are you doin’ ,sweetheart?" Lynn Harless’ cheerful southern
drawl came over the phone.
"I’m ok, mom."
"You don’t sound ok to me, hon. Is everything alright? Is Chris picking on you
again?"
Justin chuckled as he thought about how much he missed his mother. "No, he’s
been behaving himself."
"Then what is it? Oh dear, it’s a girl ,isn’t it?" Lynn said
,knowingly.
"Is it that obvious?" Justin grimaced.
"I’m your mother, remember? Everything’s obvious to me. So what is it
about?"
Justin took a deep breath. "How do you know when someone loves you for real?"
"Are we talking normal love or the big time?"
"Big time."
"Thought so," she chuckled on the other line. "Well, I suppose you’ll
know from her actions. Her words are not nearly as important as how she acts towards you.
Everything she does, you’ll see her love for you in it. And basically, you’ll
just know." She was met with silence on his end.
"Did I answer your question, Justin?"
"Yes, you did, mom. Thanks. I’ll call you back later tonight, ok?"
"Ok, take care. I love you."
"I love you, too."
He snapped his cell phone shut and marveled at how his mom had a way of solving
everything.
And then it hit him. How could he have been so blind? There he was analyzing her every
word and tone when all along she had been showing her love for him through her actions.
When she had taken care of him the time he fell sick, the day that she took him to the
cheesy diner...... It couldn’t mean anything else other than that....
She loved him.
As the truth dawned on him, his eyes began to fill with unshed tears.
Oh my god, what have I done?
How Did I Fall In Love With You?
Justin had been a man distressed ever since he realized that Jo really did love him. If
the guys were worried about him before, then now they were seriously considering the
option of sending him to a counselor. Or more likely, seeing a counselor themselves.
He’d been driving them crazy.
Justin had practically begged Chris to call and e-mail Jo so that she would talk to him,
but all of his e-mails went unanswered and her cell phone was almost always switched off.
They assumed that she’d gone back to ignoring them, but what they didn’t know
was that Jo had switched off her phone and not checked her e-mails because she wanted some
peace of mind at her sanctuary in her grandma’s home.
I need you, Jo, Justin thought to himself as he sat alone in his hotel room one night. I
need you to know that I’m sorry. I need you to know that I never meant to hurt you.
But how can she even look at me? Hell, I wouldn’t want to look at me. Justin sighed.
Things were beginning to look futile but he knew that no matter what, even if he never got
Jo back again, he HAD to apologize and make it up to her somehow.
The phone by his bedside rang and Justin stood up reluctantly to get it.
"Hello?"
"Justin, I just wanted to remind you that we have to be at the radio station tomorrow
morning at 6am SHARP. So be up and ready to go by half past 5 ,ok?" It was Johnny.
"Uh, yeah." He was just about to say goodnight to his manager when it occurred
to him that maybe there was a way.... "Listen Johnny, do we have a couple of days off
anytime soon?"
"Uh.....why do I get the feeling that I’m not going to like whatever it is that
you’re planning. But in answer to your question, yes, you do have a few days off in
about two weeks’ time. What’s up?"
Two weeks was way too long but Justin couldn’t just pack up now and head down to see
Jo. He was in the middle of a tour. So it was two weeks or bust, he figured. "I think
I’ll be heading down to New York...."
(Two weeks later.)
Caroline Ashton was a sixty-two year old widow. She loved to cook, garden and volunteer at
the local youth center. But what she loved most, next to her deceased husband was her
beautiful and intelligent granddaughter, Joanna.
So when she received the phone-call from her saying that she’d be spending a few
weeks with her, she’d been delighted. She never had any children besides
Joanna’s mother and since her daughter was cold and unfeeling, Caroline did her best
to infuse as much love into Joanna as was humanly possible. She did not approve of the way
Joanna had been brought up since her parents had believed in substituting love and time
for money and gifts.
When Joanna appeared at her door-step two weeks’ ago, she’d looked miserable and
defeated. Although it hurt her to see her granddaughter so depressed, she also respected
her wish not to talk about it. After all, she was an adult now.
Joanna had been withdrawn and less talkative but had participated actively with her
grandmother in all that she suggested they do. She helped her to cook, clean, garden, shop
and even to help out at the youth center. But, her heart was not in any of it.
And Caroline suspected she knew just where the girl’s heart was.
Justin took a deep breath and straightened his jacket before plucking the courage to knock
on the door, at Jo’s house. After what seemed like an eternity, Carrie finally came
to answer it.
"Uh....hi, Carrie," Justin said, lamely.
"What are you doing here?" Carrie asked, coldly.
"I’m here to see Jo. Is she here? If she’s not in, I can always come back
later, if you want." Justin suggested.
"I’d prefer it if you came back NEVER, actually." She moved to close the
door but Justin was stronger and quicker and he wedged himself in the space between the
door and its frame.
"Listen, I know you don’t want to see my face, Carrie and frankly, I don’t
blame you." Justin looked pained then. "But I need to talk to her. Please?"
"You see, I’d almost feel sorry for you there but the problem is, I was there
when Jo was hurting. I watched as she walked around with her eyes holding all her pain for
all to se and blaming herself for what YOU did to her. I saw her pain, Justin. So forgive
me if your so-called pain doesn’t move me in anyway. It doesn’t help that you
were the cause of her pain."
"Please Carrie, I’m not here to ask for her forgiveness or asking for you to
understand why I did what I did. I just need to tell her that I’m sorry."
"Well, you’re too late, lover boy." Carrie said, bitterly.
"What do you mean by that?"
"I mean that Jo isn’t in New York anymore. She dropped out of college and left
town."
Justin felt a cold grip of ice clamp his heart, just then. "Please, Carrie, you HAVE
to tell me where she is! C’mon I know you know."
Carrie continued to look coldly at him. "I don’t have to tell you anything ,
Justin Timberlake." With that she slammed the door in his face.
Justin leaned his head against the door frame as he cursed his luck. Am I too late, Jo?
Damn, who else would know where I can find Jo? Justin couldn’t go back to the NYu
campus and ask Jo’s friends there since he didn’t have any members of security
with him.
Wait, what was I thinking? Of course! The answer was under his nose. Picking up his cell
phone, Justin made a quick phone call.
"Hello ,Martha? This is Justin Timberlake."
"Good morning, Mr Timberlake. How may I help you?"
"I need to know if Wade is going to be in the studio today? I need to see him
urgently."
"Yes, as a matter of fact he’s in the studio right now. He wraps up in half an
hour," the woman replied after consulting her schedule.
"Good. I’ll be dropping by shortly."
"That’s fine, Mr Timberlake. I wasn’t aware that you and the other
gentlemen would be in town."
"Oh no, the rest of them aren’t here, it’s just me. And this isn’t
business, it’s personal."
Justin reached the studio where Wade was conducting lessons for the day. As he arrived, he
saw the students filing out of the class, hot and sweaty but satisfied. Most of them were
teenagers and the girls whispered and pointed amongst themselves as Justin walked in. But
no one dared to stop him because of the altogether too serious expression that he had on
his face just then.
"Hey, man," Justin greeted Wade cautiously as he entered the room and stood
behind him.
Wade tensed as he heard the voice and turned around. Pausing momentarily, he made a move
as though to turn back around again, before swinging in front and punching Justin cleanly
in the stomach.
Justin grunted and doubled over in excruciating pain, as Wade fisted and unfisted his
fingers, checking to see if he had broken anything.
"Nice to see you, too," Justin groaned.
"Well, you had it coming," Wade replied, annoyed. "And THAT was for,
Jo."
"Seems like everyone’s delivering punches, both literally and metaphorically, on
Jo’s behalf." Justin observed as he slowly straightened, still rubbing his
stomach.
"What did you expect me to do, J? Welcome you back with open arms? Why are you here
anyway?"
Justin sighed as he walked away from Wade, obviously putting distance between the two of
them in case Wade got riled up again. "I need to apologize to her, Wade. And I heard
she’s not in New York. I was wondering if maybe you could tell me where she is."
"You have some nerve, Timberlake. You left her like that and denied her an
explanation. And now you expect her to forgive you?"
"I’m not expecting anything here. I just need to tell her how sorry I am. Carrie
wouldn’t tell me and the next person I thought of was you since you’re her
b-boyfriend and all."
Wade laughed bitterly. "WAS her boyfriend. We broke up before she left New
York."
Justin couldn’t help but feel lighter knowing that she didn’t belong to any man
right then. But what good would that do, he asked himself. It’s not like she’s
gonna run back into your arms.
But it was a start.
"So do you know where she is?" Justin asked again.
"I don’t know why I’m telling you this, Justin. Maybe it’s because I
know we’re friends and that essentially, you’re a decent guy, or maybe it’s
that I know that Jo still cares about you deep down inside." It hurt Wade to have to
share that with Justin, but he knew it was for the best. "Or maybe it’s that my
mom dropped me on my head when I was little and I haven’t been the same since.
Whatever it is, Jo is in Pennsylvania visiting her grandmother for a few weeks’. And
then she’s off to college in Europe."
Justin inhaled sharply. Europe? No, he couldn’t lose her. Not yet.
Wade wrote down her address and handed the paper to Justin with a sigh.
"Thanks ,man. You have no idea how much this means to me."
"I think I do," Wade whispered as he averted Justin’s eyes. "Just
remember that if you hurt her again or let her down one more time, I will make that last
punch look like I was only tickling you."
"I hear ya." Justin winced. "Thanks, I won’t forget this." With
that he ran out of the studio with the precious piece of paper.
"I only hope that she comes to her senses and let’s Justin back in her heart.
They were meant to be together," Wade said sadly and aloud to no one in particular.
On the plane, Justin prayed that he wasn’t too late. He wasn’t ready to give Jo
up just yet. He still needed her he realized. In fact, he’d needed her all the time
that they had been apart and it was such a relief to not have to hide that fact anymore.
He wondered how he had even managed to stay away from her for so long when every fiber of
his being had screamed otherwise.
He leaned his head back against the seat and picked up the headphones. He needed some
music to numb the emotions inside him.
As soon as he heard the song that was playing, he regretted it, but nothing in the world
could have made him tear the headphones off just then. The song was like the cry of his
heart at that very moment and it touched a chord in him.
I'm so scared that you will see
All the weakness inside of me
I'm so scared of letting go
That the pain I've hid will show
I know you want to hear me speak
But I'm afraid that if I start to
I'll never stop
I want you to know
You belong in my life
I love the hope I see in your eyes
For you I would fly
At least I would try
For you I'll take
The last flight out
I'm afraid that
You will leave
As my secrets
Have been revealed
In my dreams
You'll always stay
Every breathing moment from now
I know you want to hear me speak
But I'm afraid that if I start to
I'll never stop
I cannot hold back
The truth no more
I let you wait too long
Although it's hard and scares me so
A life without you scares me more.....
(Plus One - ‘Last Flight Out’)
Jo had gone out on her own for the first time since she came to her
grandma’s house two weeks’ ago. And she’d found the experience to be
enjoyable and she’d actually managed to make some new friends.
She knew coming to her grandma’s house would be just the thing she needed. She knew
that her grandmother suspected that something was the matter with her but she was glad
that she had decided not to interfere. This was something that she would have to figure
out on her own.
As she returned from the cinema, she realized that the events involving Justin seemed to
be distant to her now. And yet, if she was honest with herself, she’d actually admit
that she missed him. But instead she chose to deny those feelings.
She opened the door to her grandma’s house and was about to make her way up to her
room, when she heard voices from the kitchen. One belonging to her grandmother and the
other was a familiar, male voice. As she approached the kitchen, she thought, no, it
can’t be.
"How do you find the cake?" Her grandmother asked the mystery person.
"It’s wonderful, Mrs Ashton. Almost as good as my mom’s ."
"Almost, huh? That’s good enough for me. When a young man says that you can cook
almost as well as his mother, that’s a compliment." Her grandmother said,
chuckling.
Slowly but with a feeling of dread, she opened the kitchen door. True, enough, there
seated at the counter was Justin.
"Jo!" Justin exclaimed when he caught sight of her. She wore a pink dress with a
black cardigan over it and Justin couldn’t take his eyes off her.
"What are you doing here?" Jo asked, almost afraid.
"The nice young man here came to see you. Why don’t you take him to the patio
and talk?" she said knowingly as she pushed the two of them outside.
"I came to see you, Jo," Justin whispered once they were outside. He sat on the
swing and motioned for her to join him but she stood and looked at him ,coolly.
"Look, I’ve had about as much of this........of you that I can take. If
you’re here to diss me in any way then...."
He interrupted her, hastily. "No, not at all. I’m here to apologize...."
She was taken aback by his declaration but didn’t show any emotions outwardly.
"Please don't say I love you,
Those words touch me much too deeply.
And they make my core tremble
Don't think you realize the power you have over me
And please don't come so close
It just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don't kiss me so sweet
It makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow
And please don't touch me like that
Makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow
Please don't look at me like that
It just makes me want to make you near me always..."
(Jewel - ‘Near You Always’)
"I don’t even know where to begin, Jo, but I guess the first thing I have to say
to you is that I’m so very sorry. I realize now that I was too blind to see that you
really did love me. And I was a fool to even question you."
Jo turned away from Justin and leaned against the railing, her back towards him.
"I guess when I first left you, I tried to forget you by surrounding myself with
beautiful girls. I thought that I could replace all the beauty I saw in you with their
outward beauty. But then I realized that your beauty is unique and not only external but
within you, too." Justin paused as he looked over at Jo’s unmoving figure.
"Anyway, then Britney came out to see me when she heard of what I’d been doing
and she basically......well, whooped my ass."
Jo almost smiled at that. Yeah, that’s Britney all the way.
"Can I ask you something?" Jo’s voice broke the momentary silence.
"Anything."
"Why did you get angry so suddenly that day when I told you ....." her voice
trailed off.
"Oh." Justin flushed, looking very embarrassed. "I thought........that you
were like my ex-girlfriend, Leah. It’s a long story but the gist of it is that Leah
was a fan and I did something I thought I’d never do. I dated a fan. But I told
myself that she was different. We were spiritually in tune with each other, or so I
thought. Anyway, I let her into my heart and I believed her when she told me that she
loved me. i foolishly thought I was in love with her." He spoke the rest of his words
with difficulty. "Turns out, she was using me for information and she had lied about
everything. So when I saw myself feeling so strongly about you, I was too afraid to admit
it to myself and I guess I did the cowardly thing and associated you with Leah’s
type. That was before I realized that I was in.....love with you." Justin’s eyes
widened as he realized what he’d just said. It was like an awakening.
Jo’s breath caught in her throat when he said the words. No, she thought.
Please don’t say ‘I love you’/ Those words touch me much too deeply.....
"I love you, Jo and I never meant to hurt you." Jo shut her eyes. No, she
thought again. Don’t do this.
Justin stood up and touched her arm and even the slightest graze of his skin against her
elbow sent such a jolt up her arm.
And please don’t touch me like that/ Makes every other embrace seem pale and
shallow....
"Jo?" Justin whispered beside her ear. She could feel his nearness and it almost
caused her undoing.
And please don’t come so close/ It just makes me, want to make you near me always....
"No," Jo whispered.
"What was that?" Justin asked puzzled as he backed up for a moment.
"No." She said it louder this time as she turned to face him. "Don’t
do this to me, it’s not fair, Justin."
"Don’t you understand how much I want you......how much I need you?" Justin
was close to tears himself.
"I can’t do this." Her mind was in a daze and she couldn’t tell one
emotion from the next. Justin’s appearance at her doorstep had confused her. So she
did the one thing that she knew would stop him. "I can’t because
.............because I don’t love you, anymore."
Without looking back, Jo turned and ran into the house to escape him and give in to the
tears that had now become her closest companions.
Justin watched as the girl he loved more than life itself turned him down. How could he
have even imagined to be in love with Leah when what he felt for Jo was so intense it left
him breathless. But that didn’t matter anymore, nothing did. She didn’t want
him.
Not noticing the rain that had begun to pour a few moments ago, Justin walked blindly in
what he hoped was the direction of his hotel.
"A soft rain falls gently on my weary eyes, as if to hide a single tear.
My life will be forever autumn because you’re not here...."
(Moody Blues)
How Did I Fall In Love With You?
When Jo didn’t come down for breakfast or lunch the next day, Caroline began to
worry. She’d heard Jo running upstairs to her room the previous night, sobbing, so
she suspected it had something to do with the young man who had made appearance last
night.
Anyone else would have noticed how miserable Jo was because of that young man, Justin, or
how she was behaving coldly towards him. Caroline however, with her keen sense of
perception and wisdom with matters of the heart, saw how Jo’s eyes had lit up at the
sight of him, last night. She had noticed how she had worn her anger outwardly, but her
eyes had betrayed how much she had missed Justin. Certainly there was a struggle going on
within her and she intended to remedy that right away.
"Hey guys!" Britney greeted cheerfully as she entered the *NSYNC dressing room.
She would have usually been greeted with by their enthusiastic responses but this time
around they merely nodded or mumbled greetings in her direction. She had wanted to spend a
few days with Justin before she started her hectic promo tour next week. Spending time
with Justin and *NSYNC had always perked her up since they were like her extended family.
But the guys had something else on their minds today.
"What happened?" She scanned the room for the familiar face that she knew would
get her answers from but couldn’t find him. "And where’s Justin?"
Lance looked around the room at the other guys momentarily before he looked at her and
answered her question. "He’s not here."
"Well where is he? Is he still at the hotel?"
"Uh.....he’s supposed to be in New York." Chris replied.
"Supposed to be? What’s that supposed to mean?"
"It means that he told Johnny that he was going to be in New York but he never did
check in at the hotel. And we have sound check in an hour, not to mention a show tonight
and Justin isn’t anywhere to be found." Chris looked morose.
"Have you tried his cell?"
"I hate to be blunt, Brit, but...........DUH!!!! He switched it off."
Several thoughts ran through her mind then, none of them pleasant.
"He was in New York to see Jo, right? Then why don’t you call her?"
"Jo has pretty much been uncontactable for a while now..." JC was interrupted by
a knock at the door.
Johnny came into the room, hurriedly and apparently out of breath. "They found
him."
"Where?" came the collective question. Justin had obviously worried everyone.
"He went to the hotel to check in a while ago and Rick was waiting for him there.
He’ll be here ,shortly."
Everybody broke into grins and started cursing or joking all at once. But everyone’s
reactions mirrored Britney’s own, that is, relief.
"I’m going to kill him when I get my hands on him...."
"I knew it! I knew he was off having a good time with Jo. He’s probably making
out with her right now...."
"Quiet!" Britney shouted above the din, rolling her eyes. "Johnny, where
did he say he went?"
"If I’m not mistaken, from what Rick told me, J went to Pennsylvania."
"What?"
"Don’t ask me why. Go and ask him when he gets here. I’m just glad
he’s back." Johnny shrugged ,obviously relieved that his star was unharmed.
Everyone waited for Justin to arrive so that they could bombard him with the questions.
They milled about the room and watched TV, chatted amongst each other quietly, but
everyone was united in the quest to grill Justin.
However, all that was forgotten when Justin walked through the dressing room door some
time later. He looked like hell and he had obviously been crying.
No one dared to ask him anything.
"Hey ,man," JC asked softly. "Where’ve you been? We were
worried."
"It doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing does." Justin looked bleak. "I
have to go for a walk." He hurriedly left the dressing room.
Britney got onto her feet and followed suit.
"Do you want to talk about it, J?" she asked once she fell into step with
Justin.
"Not really," he sighed.
She ignored him. "Is it Jo?"
Justin flinched at the mere mention of her name. He licked his dry lips and stubbled jaw.
"She said she didn’t love me anymore, Brit," he whispered.
Britney’s heart tore at the expression on his face. She had never felt so helpless as
she had at that moment.
"And you know what else?" he asked cynically.
"What, J?" Brit asked not daring to breathe.
"I....I don’t blame her." His voice cracked then as he gave in to the
tears.
Britney took Justin into her arms and consoled him, but she knew that that wasn’t
enough. He didn’t even try to hold on to her. It was like there was no more life left
within him.
And he might as well not have any left within him because Jo had been his life.
Justin had given in to the fact that she was out of his life. He had resigned himself to
the fact that he had hurt her too much and she couldn’t trust him anymore.
But his heart didn’t understand what his brain had painstakingly rationalized. And it
went on to ache for her as if she had vacated a place within it. Where she had once been
was a now hollow void.
Why did she have to teach him to feel again? Then maybe he would have encapsulated his
emotions within him like he had in the past and he wouldn’t have had to deal with the
loss he felt so acutely.
At least now, he had a tour to perform. So he could keep busy to numb the pain. But what
happened after tomorrow , when the tour wrapped up? He didn’t even want to think
about what would happen then.
Later that night, during the show, Justin tried his best to resurrect the old Justin
Timberlake. He tried his best to smile at the cameras with as much enthusiasm as before,
but those who knew him well saw that the man on stage that day was merely the shell of the
real Justin. He was an echo of the person that they all knew and loved so well.
He almost lost his composure towards the end of the concert. They were performing ‘I
Drive Myself Crazy’ and never had the words weighed so heavily upon his conscience.
Lying in your arms
So close together
Didn't know just what I had
Now I toss and turn
Cause I'm without you
How I'm missing you so bad
Where was my head?
Where was my heart?
Now I cry alone in the dark
I lie awake
I drive myself crazy
Drive myself crazy
Thinking of you
Made a mistake
When I let you go baby
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do
Justin took a deep breath as he moved forward to sing his part after Chris was done with
his verse. His voice trembled as he sang.
I was such a fool
I couldn't see it
Just how good you were to me
You confessed your love
Undying devotion
I confessed my need to be free
And now I'm left
With all this pain
I've only got myself to blame
Why didn't I know it?
(How much I loved you baby)
Why couldn't show it?
(If I had only told you)
When I had the chance
Oh I had the chance
(*NSYNC - ‘I Drive Myself Crazy’)
Somehow, Justin had managed to finish his verse and move back into place as the guys
looked at him nervously. He sang all the rest of the chorus and a capella bits but was
relieved when the song was over and it was time for a wardrobe change.
Once backstage, Justin brushed away the tears that had threatened to spill during the
performance.
"Honey, can I come in?" Caroline asked as she knocked on the
door to her granddaughter’s room.
She was met with momentary silence before the door slowly opened.
"Hey there, sweetheart," Caroline said as she took in Jo’s appearance and
the puffy eyes.
Jo attempted to smile at her grandmother but the feeble half smile didn’t quite make
it to her eyes.
"Do you what to tell me about it?" he grandma asked.
"No, but I’m sure you’ll weasel it out of me somehow so I’ll save us
the disagreement."
Her grandmother smiled knowingly at her. "That’s good to hear. It’s that
boy from last night isn’t it? Justin?"
Jo nodded miserably. "We’ve had some problems in our relationship. When we
started getting pretty serious about each other, I told him how I felt about him and that
I loved him."
"And he didn’t feel the same way?"
"He told me that he was too scared to come out and say how he felt so he confused me
with his ex-girlfriend, who betrayed him, and pushed me away."
"And last night he told you that he was sorry and that he wanted you back."
Jo looked surprised at her grandmother’s intuition. " Yeah. And he told me that
he loved me, too."
Caroline nodded as if digesting all the information. "And how do you feel?"
"I feel......I feel so confused, grandma. He hurt me and I don’t know if I can
trust him again...." she felt tears at her eyes ,again.
"I know, sweetheart." Caroline put her arm around Jo understandingly. "But
that doesn’t take away the fact that he loves you. And you definitely love him too. I
saw it in your eyes yesterday when you looked at him. He must be special."
"He is....." Jo said ,softly.
"Then don’t let him go, honey. I married your grandpa when I was in my thirties.
It had taken me that long to find my true love. But it was worth the wait because even
now, after he’s passed on, I feel him around me and I know that our love lives on.
Love is a powerful thing. You’ve found your true love and if he is as special as you
say he is, then you should be able to overlook his flaws and mistakes. Love is all that
matters."
With that her grandmother hugged her and stood up to leave the room.
Before she closed the door, she said, "Just remember that just because someone
doesn’t love you the way you want him to, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you
in his own way."
Jo closed her eyes and lay down on the bed after her grandmother had left the room.
Do I love Justin enough to forgive him, she asked herself as she opened her journal and
took out a photo of him. It was like her heart recognized his image and constricted in
response to her seeing his face.
I can’t let him go. People go by their whole lives not meeting their true love but I
had mine and I let him go. I owe it to myself and to the concept of love itself, to give
him a chance and give our love a try.
But how am I going to tell him, she thought to herself as she smiled happily at her
decision. She knew that the tour was ending pretty soon since she’d been reading
about in the papers daily. Hmmm.........maybe.....
She picked up her phone and called Chris.
"Hey, Chris!" Her voice sounded truly happy for the first time in a long while.
"Hey, girl! What happened to you? What’s going on?" He was confused since
Justin was going around in tears half the time and Jo was perfectly happy.
"I’ll tell you all about it. But I need your help."
"Sure. What for?" Chris was ever eager to help and he smelled a scheme brewing.
"Oh, I just need to pass a message on to someone...." she thought with a grin.
How Did I Fall In Love With You?
(Two days’ later, New York City)
"I can’t believe Johnny made us come to New York after our tour wrapped up. I
thought we were supposed to get a few weeks’ off," Justin grumbled as he sat in
his hotel room as Joey and Lance watched TV.
"Uh....yeah you know how schedules are. Especially our schedules," Lance laughed
nervously. He couldn’t let Justin know about the phoney schedule change.
"It’s a good thing we have today off, then," Justin replied. "What are
you guys gonna do later?"
"We’re going to a party remember?" Joey asked.
"Huh? I don’t remember Johnny mentioning any party."
"Yeah, well this isn’t business. It’s a party that’s for us. Sort of
an ‘end-of-tour’ party." Joey explained.
"Oh. I don’t think I’m up for a party, guys." He had seen Jo only a
few days ago and the memory was still too fresh in his mind. He couldn’t believe that
he’d never see her again.
"But you HAVE to," Lance said, quickly. And he wasn’t exaggerating either.
"C’mon man, it’s our party. Besides, you have to get over Jo,
remember?" He suddenly realized that he had said her name in his presence and looked
over at Justin ,guiltily. Justin winced, as if in pain, when her name was mentioned.
"I’ll go, but if it gets boring, then, I’m off, understand?"
"Deal." Joey said as he and Lance sighed in relief.
"Do you guys wanna go get something to eat?" Joey asked. "We can grab a
bite and hang out before the party."
"How about JC and Chris?" Justin asked.
"Well, they’re getting stuff ready for the party so I guess we’ll have to
do without them." Lance quickly explained.
The party was being held at a popular club downtown that had been hired by JIVE for the
night, for *NSYNC’s party purposes.
Joey, Lance and Justin got into the mini-van with a couple of bodyguards and headed out to
dinner. Justin still wasn’t in the mood, the guys realized, but he would thank them
later for dragging him out like this.
"Where are we eating?" Justin asked quietly as he looked out the window and took
in the sights of New York and what they meant to him and Jo, then.
"It’s a surprise. I really like this place, it’s very retro," Joey
said with a laugh.
When they finally arrived, Justin got out of the van after his bandmates and realized that
the place looked vaguely familiar. As he walked into the restaurant, realization hit
Justin. It was the 50’s style diner that Jo had taken him to on their last night
together as a couple.
Justin smiled at the bittersweet memory. That had been quite a night for the both of them.
That was also the night, he had broken up with Jo, he realized as well. The thought made
him uncomfortable and guilty, and he couldn’t wait to get out of the diner and as a
result, fidgeted and looked miserable all throughout dinner.
This night cannot get any worse, he thought to himself as he quietly pushed the food on
his plate around. But that thought quickly changed.
Joey went to the jukebox and fiddled with the knobs until he finally picked a song. Justin
groaned as he heard the beginning strains to ‘I Only Have Eyes For You’ by Frank
Sinatra.
"It’s one of my favorites," Joey explained with a grin as he walked back to
the table from the jukebox.
Someone up there doesn’t like me very much, Justin concluded as he endured through
the song, much to Joey and Lance’s amusement.
The song reminded him of how perfect Jo had looked in his arms as they danced that night.
And how happy he had been with her. He had been happy just being with her. And now,
knowing he might never feel that much happiness again and knowing that she wasn’t
there for him to share his happiness with, made him feel melancholy and empty.
After dinner, Justin couldn’t get out of the diner fast enough as he scooted into the
van.
"Are we going to the club now?" Justin asked, irritably.
"Nope. We’re still early, J. Relax, man." Lance told him as he chuckled.
When they arrived at the same bowling alley as Jo had brought him to that night,
Justin’s eyes furrowed in suspicion.
"What are we doing here?" Justin asked.
"We’re here to get a haircut, Justin. What does it look like?" Lance
replied, rolling his eyes.
This cannot be happening, he thought to himself as he watched Joey and Lance bowling
against the two bodyguards. They had persuaded Justin to play but he wasn’t up for it
and had decided to sit and brood instead.
They’re up to something, he figured. It can’t be a coincidence that they brought
me to these places. They must know what they’re doing to me and they’re doing
this to get me thinking about Jo, or something.
And it was working, alright. Memory after memory of the good times they had shared flooded
through his brain. Justin shook his head as if to clear his head of them.
The guys pretended to be having fun, but they were watching Justin out of the corners of
their eyes. They almost felt sorry for Justin and wanted to put him out of his misery, but
like all good things, this was worth the wait, and they knew that Justin would think so
too. If he knew what was going on.
After the bowling was over, Joey, Lance and the bodyguards made their way into the van.
When Justin tried to get in, Joey blocked the door.
"No," Joey said.
"No?? What do you mean? We’re going to the party now, right?" Justin asked,
incredulously.
"No, WE’RE going to the party now. YOU have to pick something up for the
party." Lance explained from inside the van.
"What?" Justin said yet again. "Look, you guys. I’m not in the mood
for games. In fact, maybe I should just go back to the hotel."
"No!" Joey and Lance yelled out together.
"You have to pick up this thing and drop it at the party, J. Then, maybe if you
don’t feel like staying, you can go. But I doubt that." Lance said, grinning.
"Where is this thing? And why can’t you follow me? Justin asked tiredly. Maybe
if he got it over and done with, sooner, he’d be free to go to his hotel room and
mope.
"Only you know where it is, J." Joey said, cryptically, trying not to break into
a grin. "I have just one clue for you; Remember last time. Don’t forget to go to
the club once you’ve picked it up, ok? Bye."
With that, the van drove off and Justin was left feeling angry and confused.
"Only I know? Remember last time? Am I the only one who’s confused here?"
Justin asked aloud.
The last time.....
The last time he had done all this was with Jo. And after they went bowling, they had gone
to the park. Almost instinctively, his feet carried him in the direction of the park, a
few blocks away.
Almost not daring to hope, Justin tried to think of what this was all about. Could it be
Jo? Could she be back for me, he asked himself. He had a spark of hope within him and he
tingled with impatience and anticipation.
He walked to the bench that he and Jo had sat the last time he was there. They had shared
an ice-cream cone and laughed over things in general. He smiled gently at the memory.
FLASHBACK**********************************************************************************
She giggled as she licked the ice-cream off the cone and it dripped down the sides and
onto her hand. Slowly, Justin lifted her hand and licked the trail of vanilla ice-cream
down her hand.
"Nice flavor," he commented.
"I know, I love vanilla," she whispered.
"I wasn’t talking about the ice-cream." Justin’s voice was husky.
They kissed slowly, the melting ice-cream in Jo’s hand, forgotten. When they pulled
apart, she looked up at him and smiled.
"Why are you smiling, Jo?" He would always remember looking down at Jo while she
was bathed in moonlight.
"I’m smiling cos I’m with you, silly."
"Then I hope you don’t mind smiling forever...."
FLASHBACK**********************************************************************************
At the bench, he saw a familiar figure with brown hair sitting with her back towards him.
He put his hand on her shoulder and exclaimed, "Jo?"
The girl turned and looked up at him ,confused. She wasn’t Jo. The hope within him,
died, immediately.
"I’m sorry," he said abruptly, the disappointment evident in his voice.
"It’s ok," she replied smiling at him reassuringly before returning to her
book.
As he turned away, he thought to himself. What was I thinking? Did I think that she’d
come back for me? I hurt her....
"It’s ok," he heard a voice whisper behind him. At first he thought it was
that girl from a moment ago. He turned around and saw Jo standing there, bathed in
moonlight, as before.
"Jo?" he asked , to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating.
She stepped forward and took both of his hands in her own.
"I thought I was too hurt by what you did to for give you, Justin. But then I
realized something."
"What was that?" Justin whispered, afraid she would vanish.
"I realized that........it’s all ok. It’s ok, because I love you."
"I’m so sorry, Jo. I didn’t mean...."
"Sssshhhh...." she silenced him as she stood on tip-toe and kissed his mouth
gently.
It was the briefest of kisses, but it made the both of them realize just how much they had
almost given up.
"Never again." Justin swore as he pulled away from her lips. "I’ll
never let go of you, again."
With that his mouth crushed over Jo’s as he enveloped her into the circle of his
arms. Her body fit in his arms, he realized. His lips nudged hers apart in a painstakingly
slow manner, but with an intensity that scared them both. His tongue explored her mouth
insistently as she sighed contentedly against his lips. As his mouth tore away from her
lips hesitantly and moved towards her cheekbone and then her earlobe, she clung tightly to
Justin.
After a while, Jo turned to Justin, "We’ll continue this when we get some time
alone. later," she giggled. " Right now, we have to get to that party, or else
JC will kill me."
"Oh yeah, the party." Justin said regretfully as he grinned. He hauled her up
against his side and they walked quietly towards the club, content to be in each
other’s presence again.
Things were normal between them again. Yet again, they had no need for words or
explanations. The two of them had come too close to losing each other to worry about such
trivialities.
When they entered the club, it was dark and appeared to be empty.
All at once, the lights came on and with it, the faces of their friends and acquaintances
became visible.
"SURPRISE!!!"
Everybody who had known the couple and supported them was there. Even Wade had been
invited and he gave Jo and Justin a thumbs up in greeting. Justin didn’t know whether
to pound the guys on their heads for keeping this from him, or to be eternally grateful
for helping him to get back with Jo. But those thought were pushed aside as he took
Jo’s hand in his own, as the music started, and led her to the dancefloor.
"So, what do you guys think?" Chris asked the couple, much later, when the party
was in full swing.
"Not bad," Justin said, sounding unimpressed.
"Hey! Didja check out the napkins and cutlery?"
"No, why?" Jo asked.
Chris grinned triumphantly as he took a sample paper plate off the refreshments table and
displayed it proudly to the both of them. There, emblazoned on the plate, and on all the
other cutlery, were the words ‘Ju & Jo’.
Jo groaned in embarrassment. "That’s so tacky, Chris!"
"I think it’s cute actually." Justin protested.
"You have got to be kidding me," Jo complained as Chris and Justin laughed.
Justin excused himself from the conversation just then since JC and Joey were beckoning
him over and Jo was left with a few moments alone with Chris.
She looked at him and smiled. "Thanks, Chris."
"What?" he pretended not to hear.
"Thanks, CHRIS!!!!" she said ,laughingly, yelling at him.
"That’s more like it! You know I rock ,girl! Hell, I KNOW I rock!"
"On a normal day, I’d get you for that. But today, you’re off the hook.
But, don’t get too comfortable, buddy!" Jo warned. "So when are you and
Dani getting back together?"
"What?" That caught him off guard. "What did she tell you? Did she say
anything?" he asked nervously as he scanned the room for Danielle.
Jo coughed back her laughter. "No, she didn’t tell me anything. But now that I
know there’s something to tell...... Spill!!!"
"No way. Anyway, it’s nothing........ for now. But I’ll work on it."
"You’d better. You both look miserable without each other."
Chris laughed. "Well, actually, I think you made that observation on one of the days
I had to make do without chocolate. But if you say so..." He looked out at the
dancefloor for a moment and caught sight of someone. "Hey, lookie there, Jo!! Seems
loverboy wants you to go down there and join him."
True enough, Justin was waving his arms frantically at her from the dancefloor, inviting
her to join him again.
"I’ll be right back, Chris. I still have to nag you into getting back with
Dani." Jo said wickedly as she hugged Chris for a moment.
"Uh......that’s ok ,Jo. I’m sure Justin misses you and wants to dance with
you......all night!" But all he heard was Jo’s laughter dismissing him.
There was an uptempo number playing and Justin and Jo laughed as they began to bump and
grind in the middle of the dancefloor. Finally, when the song was over, the pace was
slowed down with a ballad and unquestioningly, Jo stepped into the security of
Justin’s arms.
Their arms went around each other and Jo rested her head on his chest as he leaned his
chin against her head, both caught up in their own thoughts.
With each word of the song, the both of them reflected on their journey, both individually
and as a couple. True, it had taken its toll on the both of them to get to where they were
at that moment. But the bad times only made them cherish each other more. Both were silent
as the words left an imprint on their minds.
Here we are, safe at last.
We can breathe a sigh,
Seems the storm has passed.
All our friends, would ask us why,
With all that stood between us,
Why did we even try?
No one I know,
Imagined we would make it.
But it only made us glad, we both believed...
You and me, we're a miracle.
Meant to be and nothing can change it,
Mountains move and oceans part,
When they are standing in our way.
You and me, were a miracle.
Angels stand watching over us.
And heaven shines upon us everyday...
Justin reached out and lifted Jo’s chin so that he could look into her eyes. He
obviously felt the words as much as she did and at that moment, their eyes conveyed what
the words couldn’t even begin to describe. And their eyes told the story of
confusion, hurt, pain but it all ended with love.
All my life, I felt incomplete.
But you turned my soul,
With your love so sweetly.
You hear my thoughts,
You read my mind.
You're the part of me,
I thought I'd never find.
No one I know,
Can make me feel like you do.
You hold me and I feel like I can fly...
The chance was so unlikely,
That we would ever win.
Two stars above the heavens,
Destiny brought you to me...
(Christina Aguilera - ‘We’re A Miracle’)
When the song was over, neither one of them spoke or even dared to move for a moment.
Silently, he took her hand and led her to a quiet corner of the building, as the party
continued with as much zest as before, behind them. Justin pressed his forehead against
Jo’s own as she looked into his beautiful blue eyes.
"Have I told you how much I love you?" he asked as he tightened his grip around
her slender waist.
Jo could barely form the words since she had stopped breathing when he had said the words.
"You have, but I don’t mind the repetition." She looked meaningfully into
his eyes before she returned his words with her own. "I love you so much,
Justin."
Justin smiled happily at her words. "Naturally." The words were said in a mock
boast but one couldn’t miss the sheer happiness in his eyes at her words.
Jo rolled her eyes as she clung to his waist. "How did I even fall in love with
you?" she asked herself ,aloud.
Justin wrapped his arms around the girl that he had dreamed of on so many nights in the
last few months. With her in his arms, he knew that he was ready for anything. He could
deal with the pressures of his life and the fatigue and the lack of privacy just knowing
she was there. She was all he needed.
He closed his eyes as his lips brushed her hair and he sighed in contentment. "I
don’t know, Jo. But I guess I was just lucky."