Dear Journal
By Brittany
- Entry #5 -
Dear Journal,
Whoa!!! I was just looking at when the last time I
wrote in here was and it was about 2 months ago. The
tour has been CRAZY!!!! So much fun!!! The fans are
really digging it. It's almost over though and then we
go into the studio to record our new CD!!! Wow!!! Just
so much stuff is going on!!!
Alright, well I have been having a TON of fun
touring!!! The fans are great and the guys and I am
having ALOT of fun!! I need to come up with some type
of prank to get Chris back for his last prank on me.
He decided to put a bunch on needles on me while I was
sleeping. I am TERRIFIED of needles and that was
SOOOOO not cool. I woke up and screamed so loud that I
woke up everyone else on the bus and even our bus
driver James stopped the bus to come see what was
wrong.
I think next time the guys and I stay at a hotel and
our rooms are high up I'm going to move Chris's bed
onto the balcony so he'll wake up nice and high in the
air. Or maybe some time we was go hiking or something
and I'll pretend to push him off a cliff. Either one
of those will do.
Joey has been surprisingly good and has not given in
to any temptations even when he's really drunk. His
fianc� and daughter were out here not too long ago and
Brianna is the most adorable baby ever. She's almost 1
now and is just so cute. The fans have taken a liking
to her to. It's great!
As for me. I haven't given into any temptations
either. Neither has Nikki. We're still going strong
after almost 3 months now. She's been out to visit me
a few times. I figured the guys would have been kinda
cold toward her because of what happened 5 years ago
but surprisingly it was just like old times.
My life is going so good right now and I couldn't ask
for anything else!! I'm just living my life day by day
and am having a ton of fun doing it. Lance still has
yet to find a girl. Chris I think is slowly starting
to get over his ex-girlfriend. I felt so bad for him
the first time he saw her with a new guy. On his face
you could just see how much pain he was in and he
seriously looked like he was about to cry.
Sometimes I just wish that I could take some of that
pain away from him. I don't like seeing one of my best
friends in that much pain and torture. But I dunno. He
just won't really talk to anyone about it. I now know
what the guys went through when me and Nikki broke up.
I know how frustrated they got when I wouldn't talk
about it. I don't think I ever thanked them for
helping me. I should do that once I'm done writing
here.
I just noticed that each time I write in here they're
like longer gap periods between each entry.
Oh did I tell you that last night when we were
performing I Want You Back, Justin started singing
Tearin' Up My Heart. It was so funny. The fans and
everyone was just laughing so hard. When it came to
my verse I missed the whole thing because I was
laughing too hard to sing.
You know it's been almost 6 or is it 7 years since the
group firs started? I'm losing track. It's been a long
time though. I don't think I could ever be happier
than I am right now with my life.
The other day a semi- scary thought crossed my mind. I
actually thought about asking Nikki to marry me. Is
that crazy or what? I was in the bathroom when the
thought crossed my mind and I just started arguing
with my self. It was very weird and if I catch myself
doing that again then I think someone should admit me
into a mental hospital for arguing with myself.
Ah man!! I gotta go AGAIN. It is now time for me to
head to our sound check party. It's like a meet and
greet except we perform a few songs, answer questions,
and sign autographs. They're pretty fun. So anyways
knowing me the next time I'll be able to write in here
will be in a few months. Later.
Josh (a.k.a. JC)
Dear Journal
- Entry #6 -
Dear Journal,
Ah ha! I found ya! I am now back from the tour. Its
been I think 4 months maybe since I last wrote. Part
of the reason is because I was too busy to write and
when I had time to write I couldn't find you! I have
like 4 bags filled with stuff and I couldn't remember
which bag I put you in. But now that I've been
unpacking I've found you!
So the tour was so much fun! Like I've said a million
times before. I got Chris back by putting his bed out
on a balcony at some hotel. When he woke up I swear he
screamed so loud it woke up everyone within a 2 mile
radius. I know he woke everyone in the hotel up.
Well right now the guys and I have like 2 days off and
then we're going to start recording our 4th album. I'm
hoping to maybe do a little more song writing on this
one. Lance wrote some good songs he showed me that we
might possibly use. Actually ALL the guys did.
You know I still feel kind of dumb writing in here. I
mean isn't writing in a journal something girls do? Oh
well, it doesn't matter. All I use this for is to put
my thoughts down and talk/write about stuff I feel
like talking about.
Oh, I've got some big news! I asked Nikki to marry me
and she said yes! I asked her about 2 months ago. Our
wedding is next week. I'm kind of nervous. I mean this
is a lifetime commitment here. I was actually
beginning to wonder if I made the right decision by
asking her to marry me. But I know I did because I
can't imagine my life/future without her in it.
Joey and his girlfriend are now married. So I guess
she is no longer his girlfriend but his wife. He was
freaking out right before the ceremony began. He was
totally cool until like an hour before. From what
Nikki told me his wife was ALOT worse than Joey was. I
can't even imagine how nervous she was. I was ready to
seriously tie Joey down to a chair. He kept pacing in
front of us and I could tell the other guys thought it
was funny but it was also starting to get to them.
So I am soon to be married to the girl I've loved for
so long. I sometimes wonder if we would have gotten
married a long time ago if she hadn't cheated on me.
Now as for Chris. He has finally started dating again.
I can tell he's still trying to get past his
ex-girlfriend. Actually I think tonight he is out with
some girl that Nikki hooked him up with. Judging by
what she told me about her friend the two are PERFECT
for each other.
I really don't know what to write in here but I just
don't want to leave it so short. But so much stuff is
going on right now I can barely form complete
sentences. So I guess I'll stop writing in here. I
probably won't be writing for a long time. I don't
know how long but between recording the new CD,
getting married, and producing for other people I am
going to have NO TIME to write in here.
Josh (aka JC)
Dear Journal
- Entry #7 -
Dear Journal,
Dear Journal
Dear Journal,
Wow. This is by far the longest it's ever been since I
last wrote in here. It's been 2 years! yikes. I can't
believe I went that long with out writing in here. Yet
with all the stuff that's been going on in my life it's
easy to see how it happened. Well the past 2 years
Has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Now I'll
tell you why.
Alright, the day of my wedding I Ws a nervous wreck
but I made it through it. Our honeymoon was 2 weeks
long and we went to Hawaii. We had a blast and I was
sad the day we had to come back home to Florida but
then again I was excited because then we could
officially start the rest of our lives together.
When we got back she went back to work, as did I. The
guys and I recorded our 4th CD and when it was
released the first day and first week sales were about
the same as our Celebrity CD.
By the time our new CD was released I found out that
Nikki was pregnant. When the CD was released she was 4
months pregnant.
So following the release of our new CD we went on
another tour. This one we did in arena's so it would
be a little more intimate than stadiums. We were on
the road for about 3 months and when I got back from
the tour Nikki was 8 months pregnant.
We spent the rest of the time before the baby was born
getting ready and finishing up things for the baby. We
were both REALLY excited and nervous at the same time.
We didn't know whether it was going to be a boy or
girl because we wanted it to be a surpass.
On June 16, 2004 our daughter Desiree Adrea Chasez was
born. She had light brown hair and blue eyes. She had
her mothers smile and nose. She was the tiniest most
precious thing in the whole world. I'll never forget
how proud I felt when I first held her and when she
opened her eyes. I knew that for the rest of my life I
would do anything in my power to protect her. That
night we took her home and whenever she would wake up
I sang her to sleep.
That started the ritual that we still have. When she
goes to bed I sing to her until she falls asleep.
Every day I thank god for such a wonderful, beautiful,
sweet little girl.
A few months later the guys and I were in the studio
working on our 5th album. We wanted to make it THE
BEST album we ever did. But of course that's what we
want to do EVERY time we make a new album.
When our album was released we headed out on yet
ANOTHER tour. Do you see a pattern yet? We were on
tour for about 4 months and I was so happy to be home.
By then Desiree was around 1. She was so adorable. My
heart would skip a beat every time she called me
"Daddy." I never thought that one little word could
have such an effect on me.
So the guys and I took a few months break. Chris was
finally in a long term relationship again as was
Lance. Justin was finalizing his wedding plans with
his fianc�e. Joey was just spending time with his wife
who was pregnant with their 2nd child.
About 6 months ago the guys and I decided to start
recording our next album. All was going good in my
life. Nothing could go wrong at all. Or so I thought.
About 3 months ago Nikki became very sick, very
quickly. The doctors said they couldn't stop the
illness and gave her 2 weeks to a month left to live.
That has to have been one of the worst days of my
life. Next to the day she actually died. 3 weeks later
I woke up to find Nikki lying in bed next to me dead.
I started sobbing like there was no tomorrow. The
funeral was one of the hardest days of my life and I
was just so torn up over the whole ting that the guys
drove me and Desiree back home.
That was about 2 months ago now. I'm barely making it.
I miss his so much it hurts. The only thing that keeps
me going is Desiree. She's almost 2 now and she is
such a pretty little girl. She asks me everyday where
mommy is. I just tell her that mommy is on vacation
and will be home eventually.
God I love Desiree. She is just so pure and innocent.
Everyday is a new adventure for her. To her nothing in
the world will ever harm her. She has the prettiest
smile. Just like her mother's. At the end of the day I
still sing her to sleep. Everyday I love her more and
more. Just when I think I can't possibly love my baby
girl anymore I do.
Well she just called for me which means she's ready
for bed and wants me to sing her to sleep. So I have
to go put my princess to bed now. I'll write in here
again when I can.
Josh (a.k.a. JC)
- Entry #8 -
Hey. It's been about 4 months since I last wrote in
here. Not much has happened. But I'll tell ya what has
or whatever.
It's now been about 6 months since Nikki died. I'm
slowly moving on. I can smile now without it being
forced. I miss her like crazy. It's just so weird not
having her around. That's something I may never get
used to.
We're on tour once again and it helps to keep my mind
of everything. Between always running around and
taking care of Desiree I don't have much time to
think. Which in a way I guess is a good thing. If I
had a lot of time to think I might make myself really
depressed by thinking about Nikki.
Everyday Desiree looks more and more like her mother.
Desiree is actually now talking very well. She's
turned into another Chris. Very hyper, crazy, and
never shuts up. It's cute when she does it but
annoying when it's Chris who is talking. She doesn't
really ask for her mommy anymore. Every once in a
while she does. I just wish I could tell her the truth
but she's too young to understand.
The guys are the guys. Joey's daughter who is now 4 I
think comes out with her mom every once in a while.
It's nice because then Desiree has someone to play
with. Joey's wife is now 7 months along in her
pregnancy.
Justin and his girlfriend are now married. So the only
one's left to get married are Lance and Chris. I think
they're both getting ready to ask their girlfriends to
marry them. I'm not sure though. I don't think I'll
ever get married again.
I wish I could turn back time to before Nikki got sick
and find some way to prevent it from happening again.
I just remind myself that at least I have Desiree. If
I didn't have Desiree I think I would be completely
lost. She keeps me sane. Along with the other guys.
I remind Desiree everyday that her mommy loves her
very much. That was one of the last requests I got
from Nikki. She also asked me to take good care of
Desiree and myself. The last words I heard Nikki say
were "I Love You" when we went to bed that night. If I
had known she wouldn't make it through the night I
would have kept her up all night long talking instead
of sleeping.
Well I'm sorry I have to cut this so short. Desiree
just woke up. I think she had a bad dream so I have to
go sing her back to sleep. I think this may be my last
entry for a while. Or at least until I can think of
what to say. But for now that's all I have to say.
Josh (aka JC)
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