It's not the easiest thing to have to leave everything you have behind and start completely over. When you've reached a certain point with friendships and are happy with every aspect of your life. It's in no way an easy thing to do. Having to try and find new friendships with people who have already lived their childhoods with other kids and have developed social groups and strong friendships. It's fucking hard to be able to fit in when that's happened. In the peek social years of your life to go on without anyone to talk to or spend time outside of school with is not something children should have to face.
Do you honnestly know what it's like to lose one of the most inspirational people in your life over something that should never have happened? Someone who was so young and talented and meant so much to you that even five years later the impact felt by the incident still haunts you to think about. To have this happen when you have no other friends to support you. When you lose the most meaningful peer you had and have no other friends life becomes something questionable in whether or not it should continue. To be able to fight through times like that at such a young age takes effort. To be able to keep an optimistic view of the future would be next to impossible to do. At the age of 12 kids shouldn't have to question if life will ever be fun again. They should be able to spend time with friends and be happy and live the life of an average child.
Life for someone should not have to consist of making sense of disasters and hardships at the age of 12. Teenage years aside from experiencing new emotion should have times for everyone to enjoy and be happy to be young.
Do you know what it's like to have to try so much harder than everyone else to be happy and live a near normal life? When the average family and child celebrates a holiday such as Christmas they are able to sit back and be happy that they have had friends and life has been merely average or better for them. It's not fucking right that some people can't even relax and be happy in times like Christmas and new years. That each holiday season where you are supposed to be thankful for the good things in life, and for having people that care for you, you have to sit and cry alone in your room because no one has ever been kind enough to give you a present like every other child received from their friends. You cry because you have never had friends and every other peer has friends who they not just give presents to, but hang out with throughout the holidays.
When times like your birthday come around you are supposed to be happy that you were born. Spend time with people that care about you because they are the ones that make life so magical. But, when you have no friends to even come to your birthday, no friends who even know that such a day exists for you, no friends in general, having a birthday is one of the most painful things.
Sometimes I wish I could be just like you. Sometimes I wish I could be normal and have lived a regular life like all the other kids got to do. When all the other kids were playing with friends and being happy, I shouldn't have had to deal with issues like starting a completely new life over, dealing with the death of a close friend, finding at least one person who is willing to be your friend and do stuff with you without being embarrassed. I would give so much to be able to smile when Christmas comes around, and celebrate my birthday like any other kid. I would trade almost anything to feel wanted and to have lived a regular life.
Though living through so much shit and despair has given me an ability to interprate life in various ways that others cannot, and to be able to gain so much knowledge and experience that others don't encounter in a life, let alone 5 years, it still doesn't make up for not being cared for. It doesn't even begin to compensate for being too traumatized of every day things. It doesn't fix that seeing someone drunk hurts you so much because of the death of someone caused by a drunk driving accident that should have never happened. It doesn't help me be happy when Christmas comes around. It doesn't fix that I was never given the same opportunities as anyone else my age; that I've had to work fifty times harder than anyone else just get a life suitable for living. A good life for me is no better than an ok life of an average teenager, who didn't have to sacrifice anything to achieve it.
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