• I came to Casablanca for the waters.
• The waters?  What waters?  We're in the desert.
• I was misinformed.

• Get it?
• Got it.
• Good.

• Do you have a match?
• I use a lighter.
• Lighters are good.
• Until they go wrong.

• Do you expect me to talk?
• No, Mr. Bond.  I expect you to die.

• I can't swim!
• What are you crazy?  The fall will probably kill you.

Okay, I'll make it as easy for you as I can.  I'd like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce.  And a cup of coffee.

A number two, chicken sal san, hold the butter, the lettuce and the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee.  Anything else?

Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.

You want me to hold the chicken, huh?

I want you to hold it between your knees.

• What is this, a funhouse?
• Why?  Having fun?

• What is your name?
• It is Arthur, King of the Britons.
• What is your quest?
• I seek the Holy Grail.
• What is the air-speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?
• What do you mean?  An African swallow or a European swallow?
• Oh, I don't know...  AAAAAAAH!

• Abby someone.
• Abby someone?  Abby who?
• Abby...  Normal.

• You don't need to see his identification.
• We don't need to see your identification.
• These aren't the droids you're looking for.
• There aren't the droids we're looking for.
• He can go about his business.
• You can go about your business.
• Move along.
• Move along.

• Surely, you can't be serious.
• I am serious.  And don't call me Shirley.

• Do you believe in Jesus?
• Yes, I do.
• Well you're gonna meet him.

• What is that man doing here?
• Bleeding, sir.

• What do we do now?
• We die.
  

• Can you keep a secret?
• Yes.
• So can I.

• You're impossible!
• You're easy!

• I don't deserve to die like this.
• Deserve's got nothing to do with it.  We've all got it coming, kid.

• What do you do if there's this girl and every time you see her, you think you're gonna hurl?
• I say hurl.  If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours.  But if you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be.

• A philosophy major?  Now, what can you do with a philosophy major?
• You can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.

• All theme parks have delays.  When Disney Land opened in 1952, nothing worked.
• But John, when Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists.

• There's an old Italian saying.  "Don't burn your mouth on another man's soup."
• There's an old Irish saying.  "Don't listen to old Italian sayings."

• They call him the "Sand Spider."
• Why?
• Probably because it sounds scary.

• I bring you luck.
• Luck?!
• You are still alive.
• Hmmm...

• You are addressing a superior officer.
• No.  Merely a higher-ranking one.

• Were you born stupid or did you have to take lessons?
• I took lessons.

• Are you classified as human?
• Negative.  I am a meat popsicle.

• Do you know how to use that thing?
• Yes.  The pointy end goes into the other man.

• Have you studied proctology yet?
• A little.
• Good.  Take care of this asshole.

• What do you want?
• It's 3:30 in the morning.  I want what every man wants...  Breakfast.

• Maybe I'll be back.
• Oh, you'll be back.

• Because the house always wins.  You play long enough, you never change the stakes, the house takes you.  Unless, when that perfect hand comes along you bet big and then you take the house.
• You've been practicing that speech haven't you? 
• A little bit.  Did I rush it?  It felt like I rushed it. 
• No, it was good, I liked it.

• You're human?
• Barely.  I'm a lawyer.

• How much do you want?
• Two hundred dollars.
• Okay, deal.
• Could I have had more?
• You'll never know.

• If we're lucky, there will be a few armed men on the other side of this door.
• And if we're unlucky?
• There will be many men.

• Do you get drunk every night?
• No.  Sometimes I'm drunk by noon.