Unknown Separation
Chapter Four: Getting Closer

Joey dumps her bag and the mail onto the table. It has been a long day, what with classes and then work. It’s also been an entire day since she’s last seen Pacey after they’re…meeting? Reunion? Or whatever one might call it. She has been mulling over their chance encounter, trying desperately to determine and decide what it means. It had been strangely comfortable despite the ever present, underlying awkwardness. Perhaps the whole thing had taken her by surprise. Certainly it was not the reunion Joey had ever envisioned or hoped for. She’s still a little numb from it all. Although now her mind is racing over what will happen next. Things she wants to say. Things she wants to hear. Things that needed to be said and heard. However, at the moment she just feels too tired; too tired to think. She slumps into a chair and rolls her shoulders and neck, trying to unwind. She picks up the mail and begins to sift through it, but the phone rings interrupting her peace.

"Hey, Potter. How are you?" Pacey asks. It's a simple salutation and a start to some sort of conversation, however awkward he may feel at the moment - calling his ex-girlfriend after one shocking meeting several months in the making.

Joey bites her lip and tries to think of an appropriate answer. Her thoughts are erratic and jumbled. "I'm okay." It's the best she can come up with. "And you?" A polite, mandatory question to keep the conversation flowing.

"Just got back from work. Tired." His smile is small. He holds the cordless to his ear with one hand and holds a sandwich in the other on his way to the couch.

"That's nice." She curses herself for saying such a stupid, insipid thing. She wonders how it had seemed so much easier to talk to Pacey in Starbuck's and now she's struggling to maintain a decent conversation with him. Must be something about telephones as compared to face-to-face conversations.

"Yeah." Pacey can't seem to say anything now. "Um," he begins, "what are you doing these days?" He shakes his head. Why bother calling her if you can't come up with something witty or worthwhile to say to her?

"Nothing." Another inane comment. This is great Joey. At least think of something to say to him. Something good. "How's Gretchen and Doug?"

"Uh, they're okay. Gretchen just came back from work. And Doug...last we talked he said everything was all well and good."

"That's good, that you still keep in touch." Joey says lamely. "And it's good that Gretchen's good..." Her voice drifts off.

Pacey is silent. Only his breathing is heard over the phone. He finally speaks, "Yeah. Everything is good."

"Good." Joey plays with the cushion on her lap and after awhile, bored, she picks up her mail and begins sifting through the pile of letters again.

"So..." he sighs. "You're probably wondering why I called, huh?"

"Um, yeah..." Junk. Junk. Bill. A letter from Bessie. Bill. Junk.

"I just wanted to say hi, basically, and to um, see how things were going. You know, to see if you learned anything informative during your daily grind of classes today." Pacey lays down on the couch and props his head on two of the pillow cushions.

"Well, classes are classes. Informative, sometimes mindless. Similar to high school only different." Joey sighs. More bills. More junk.

"I figured." Why did you call the girl, Witter? You can't even seem to talk to her. Pacey closes his eyes and sighs. You wanted to hear her voice. That's why. "How's Val? Is she there?"

Joey’s hand stills and her eyes widen as she spots a familiar scrawl on a white envelope. She picks it up barely able to concentrate on Pacey’s words; intent on the envelope. "What?" She asks Pacey dazedly.

"I, uh, asked how Val was and if she was there."

"You want to speak to Val?" Joey's hands tremble as she opens the envelope. At the same time her mind is filled with confusion and a little hurt over Pacey's words. Pacey and Val? Pacey and Val. Val and Pacey.

"No, I just wanted to know if she was there." Pacey closes his eyes. "I wanted to talk to you and see how your day was. And I," Pacey hesitates for a few seconds, "Called because I wanted to see if you would like to meet up again?"

Her eyes are frantically reading the letter. And then she searches the envelope finding one more item. A familiar drawing. "You want to meet up with Val?" Joey's barely able to keep up her side of the conversation.

Pacey shakes his head with a glint of laughter in his voice. "No, silly. I was hoping to meet up with you, Joey." Pacey pauses. He senses preoccupation in her voice. "Are you busy now? Do you want me to hang up?"

"Pacey…" She hesitates. "Pacey, I-I got it."

"You got what, Jo?" He asks confused.

"Your letter."

"Oh." Pacey voice falls. She's just received the letter today. "Um, and you read it?"

She nods her head dumbly even though she knows Pacey cannot see her. "Yes."

Pacey sits up wondering what he's going to say next. She was supposed to have received that letter at least a week ago. Now he doesn't know what to say.

Joey hugs a cushion as she reads the letter over and over again. She's not sure what it means. She's not sure if he feels the same way. Has anything changed since now and then? Is the letter a relic of feelings long passed? And it seems like he's asking her to move on. Because she deserves better? Joey scoffs at the thought. Maybe what Pacey is really trying to say is that he loves her but he's moved on. Perhaps moved on to Val? Joey feels nauseated at the thought.

Silence continues for what seems like a few minutes. Just the sounds of their breaths reverberating through the phone. "Jo?" Pacey breaks the silence unable to take it anymore. "You're pretty quiet there. I...do you...what are you thinking?"

"What does it mean?" She's determined that her voice won't break.

"The letter?" Pacey stands up and goes by the window. It feels cool against his hand. "It means what it says. Although..."

"What?" Her voice is soft and beneath the quiet, calm tone is the underlying fear, confusion and dread.

"I did send that a few weeks ago. I don't know. I don't think this is something that should be talked about over the phone." He stares out the clear glass onto the street below.

"Then..." She wonders if she's making a mistake but the words rush out in a tumble of courage. "Come over and we'll talk."

"Now?" He looks at the clock in the kitchen.

She's suddenly overwhelmed by the notion that this is a bad idea. A very bad idea. And yet, her mouth has a mind of its own. "Yes."

"Sure, Jo. Just give me half an hour."

"Okay." She places the phone back on the cradle and bites her lower lip. Then, she looks down at the letter in her hands and the sketch on her lap. She rubs the temples of her forehead and sighs.

Pacey hops in his car and begins his drive to Worthington. All the while he's thinking about the letter. What he wrote. How he feels now. Her reaction. He makes the last several turns into the Worthington campus. With a deep breath he exits his car and makes his way towards her dorm. "How come Starbuck's was all banter and now it's all nervous tension?" he questions himself out loud.

Joey sits numbly in her chair as if paralyzed. Minutes passed and she continues to remain in that almost statue still position. Then, it finally sinks in that Pacey will be here in a few moments. Joey jumps up from her position and throws herself in a flurry, trying desperately to clean up the place before Pacey's arrival.

Pacey exits the elevator door and walks down the hall counting the numbers on the doors until he finds Joey's room number. He takes a few deep breaths. "You can do this, Pace." He chants. One more deep breath and he lifts his left hand to knock on the door. Waiting for her to open the door he begins to fidget, switching his weight from one leg to the other.

Joey bolts out of her chair as soon as she hears the knock on her door. Val has yet to come home and Joey has the feeling that Val is staying over at some guy's room tonight. Quickly, she smoothes her clothes and inspects her reflection in the mirror by the door. Satisfied, Joey opens the door.

"Hey." Joey breathes when she sees Pacey standing at the doorway. She moves aside to let him in.

"Hey." He returns as he walks into her room. He looks around. He's hesitant to start the conversation. So he stands there with hands in his pockets eyeing Joey's side of the room. All her belongings. Her desk. Her books. Her nicely made bed. Then, finally, his eyes find its way back to her face.

Joey fidgets in her spot aware of Pacey's scrutiny. Her stomach is fluttering. Butterflies. She's a nervous wreck. "Can I get you something?" She says, desperate to say anything. "We have Coke, Sprite, OJ, water, milk, tea, coffee, Mountain Dew…"

"Whoa, there. That's more than what's in my fridge." Pacey smiles. "I think I'll have a Sprite. Thanks."

"Ice or no ice?" Joey asks as she rummages around in the small fridge.

"Ice. I like to crunch on them sometimes after the drink is all gone."

"Sexual frustration."

"What's that, Jo?" Pacey asks knowing full well what she said, shocked by her bluntness.

Joey blushes when it suddenly sinks in what she's just blurted out. "Um, uh, crunching ice. My English professor says it's, uh, a sign of, um, sexual frustration; when we were, uh, studying Albee's 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf'."

"Yeah, I hear it means you're horny." Pacey grins. "I just like crunching the ice."

"Are you sure that's all there is to it Pacey?" Joey baits. Suddenly angry with him and his carefree, teasing manner. "I remember a pretty horny fifteen year old Pacey Witter who couldn't get enough of sex."

Pacey nods. "I've done a lot of growing up, I guess. Now it's a matter of having sex with the right person. Then again, crunching ice…I suppose there is a latent content with my liking to munch on them."

"I..." Joey's face softens and her voice loses its bantering edge. She feels guilty for her harsh words. "I know you've done a lot of growing up." She pauses as if she's going to say more but then opts not to. Instead she thrusts the glass filled with ice and Sprite towards Pacey. "Well, here's your drink. Enjoy."

"Thanks." Pacey's hand reaches out to take the glass.

She shivers when their hands make contact and instinctively steps back. Self-preservation.

Pacey flinches. His eyes lock onto hers, and he takes a seat on the chair by her desk. "You wanted to talk?"

"Yeah, talk. Talk is good." Her voice hitches a little.

Pacey takes a sip of his drink. The cool liquid relieving his parched throat. "So, let's talk."

She fidgets and realizes that she doesn't know where to start. "So the letter..."

"The letter."

"There was a lot in it."

"I had a lot to say, I guess."

"Yeah. It was a lot to digest."

Pacey takes a sip of his drink. "Is there something specific about the letter you wanted to discuss?"

She wrings her hands and looks to the ground. Her feet move side to side then she suddenly looks up again. "Did you mean it?"

"I meant what I wrote."

"Do you still mean it?"

He looks at her trying to decipher where this will all lead. "Yes."

She realizes then that her questions mean nothing and his answers reveal nothing, because she's not asking anything meaningful. She’s not asking what she truly wants to know; needs to know. Because she's too afraid to ask. A sad smile creeps onto Joey's face as she surveys the man she loves. And it seems tragic that they're so close and yet...

"You want to ask me something?" He can see it in her eyes.

"No." She shakes her head. "You look good. You look... older."

"You're changing the topic."

"Is there something you want to ask me? Something you want me to ask?" Joey challenges, uncomfortable with Pacey's focus.

Pacey sighs frustrated at the situation. He stands up and walks around the room. "You read the letter. What do you want me to say?" He runs his hand through his hair. "What's your reaction to the letter?" He asks with his back towards her.

"I don't know." Joey pauses. "It was a beautiful letter."

"It was a beautiful sketch." He returns.

"You sent it back." Her voice has the slightest hint of accusation in it.

"Yeah, I did."

"It was yours to keep."

"I...I don't know. I thought that maybe you might want it back. For your portfolio or something."

"I drew it for you Pacey. It was meant for you."

"Well, I can take it back. That is, if you'll give it back to me." He says somewhat shyly.

"If you really want..." Joey says uncertainly and with an equal amount of shyness. She offers him the sketch and waits for him to refuse or accept it.

"Thanks." He takes the sketch in his hand. "So…the letter."

"The letter..." Joey pauses for thirty seconds or so then continues. "I don't know what you want me to say. What you're expecting from me."

"Just what went through your mind when you read it." He states simply.

"Why is it so important to know that? Why does everything seem to hinge on a letter?"

"I just wanted to know what you were thinking. If you think any kind of relationship can come of it? If what you thought about that letter affects the way you feel about me?"

"A letter can't change how I feel about you, Pacey. It just adds another perspective to things."

Pacey sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "And that perspective being?"

Joey closes her eyes. Her head is slightly throbbing. "I'm tired and confused. And I'm not sure what any of this means." She opens her eyes. "But no matter what, I am glad to see you. And I'm glad that you are here."

He probably will never find out what she thinks. "Yeah. It's good to see you too, Jo." Pacey smiles. "Do you mind if I can have a refill on my drink?"

"No. Go ahead help yourself." Joey stands and watches as Pacey pours himself a drink. He takes another sip of his Sprite and is standing there, in silence, as he holds his glass. Tentatively, Joey steps forward and takes the glass away from Pacey, placing it on a nearby table. Her fingers are touching his hand and the feel of Pacey is indescribable. It seems like forever since they’ve last touched. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've missed you."

Pacey is taken aback but recovers. "I've missed you too, Joey. That's what I was saying in my letter. That I've missed you."

His thumb is gently caressing the back of her hand and Joey has the biggest urge to just lean forward and to kiss him. To feel him inside of her once more and to hell with the consequences. She silently notes that his body is harder and more toned. He is more a man than a boy now. She wonders if it will feel any different; be any different. Just his simple touch is sending electric jolts tingling through her body. For one brief second her eyes seem to glaze over and then she shakes herself from her reverie.

The touch of her skin is soft like silky rose petals. Smooth and gentle. Her scent is sweet and inviting. It's all that it was when they were together and moreso now. Maybe it's because of their time apart. Their separation. To have her in his arms is all he wants at the moment. To kiss her and caress her. To be inside of her and be one with her. He looks into her eyes flooded with so much emotion. Right now, his mind is overflowing with so many thoughts; Pacey is speechless.

Her head tilts to an angle and she moves ever so slightly and then her lips are touching his. It starts off soft and hesitant, catching both of them by surprise. Then, the gentle tentativeness disappears. Their mouths are hungry. His hands bring Joey closer to him so that she is caught in his tight embrace. Her arms wrap around his neck and she pulls his head down. Their lips touch again and they're devouring each other. She feels dizzy from emotion and desperate for him.

His lips move from hers to her jawline down to her neck. He places sweet kisses on her skin, at the juncture between her neck and shoulders. Her hands are working; she pulls out his shirt; her hands are cold against his skin, exploring the hardened territory of Pacey's chest. He shivers at her touch. They step away but only to give Joey enough distance to rid Pacey of his shirt. He lifts his arms up and the blue material is pulled off. Pacey returns the favor then he draws Joey closer, bridging any distance, whether a foot or an inch. Her white cotton cupped breasts rub enticingly against him and her scent envelops Pacey, overriding his senses. Her touch. Her soft lips. Her slow movements. It is sensory overload.

There is a war brewing in Pacey’s mind. A battlefield of love. The consequences of tonight's actions and the ramifications they will have. Should he go through with it? He loves her. He needs her. He can't get enough. His mind or his heart? Which will win in the battle of love? Or is it lust, desire, passion? Perhaps they are all encompassing. Either way, the end result of what happens between them, in her room, under dimmed lights and away from the world, will be one they will struggle with in the next few days.

Her hand plays with his zipper, unintentionally brushing his bulge and all thoughts cease.

He rids himself of his jeans and helps Joey out of hers. Their shoes are kicked off. Their underwear drops soundlessly to the ground. Joey looks up at him through darkened eyes. Her mouth makes an adorable, kissable dent and when Pacey bends down to fulfill his desire he realizes. He realizes that this is what he needs, what he savors and delights in. Her. Just her. All of her. He continues to kiss her. He's missed and desired the feel of her lips against his. He's missed her more than he imagined possible. And now that she is here, in his arms again, he realizes just how much he has truly missed her.

Pacey moves from Joey’s sensuous lips and works his way down to the valley of her breasts. For one moment Joey hesitates. She knows this is wrong. Too fast. Too soon. So right. Her leg hits the back of a chair as they blindly stumble towards the bed. They tumble onto the bed. Val's bed. Joey pulls her mouth away to say something to Pacey but he takes her nipple into his mouth, grazing the tender flesh of her breast, and the words come out in a muffled moan for more.

As he suckles on one nipple he pays homage to the other with his hand, massaging her breast and pinching her nipple with his thumb and index finger. Her moans grow, arousing Pacey. He lowers his head to feast on her breast once more. His tongue encircles her nipple and then blows a cool air causing it to harden more. Joey squirms, feeling the wetness and the heated itch inside of her. Her lower body rubs against his and she can feel his hardness. So close but not close enough. Her hips jerk upwards, desperate for him to enter her. They're less than an inch apart.

“Condom." Joey gasps in sudden recollection. Pacey jerks away looking for his jeans. He can't seem to locate where he's discarded them. His eyes search frantically and then he spots them. Too far away. Joey seems to intuitively agree with Pacey's silent assessment. "Try the drawer." She whispers.

Pacey yanks the drawer open to reveal several condoms. A lacy black bra. And some furry handcuffs. He takes them out and looks at Joey quizzically.

"This is Val's side of the room." Joey explains. "Her bed. Her drawer."

Pacey just nods his head and drops the handcuffs back in the drawer; the painful throb of his lower body reminds him that he has more pressing matters to deal with. He reaches for a condom amongst all of Val’s other shit and grabs it. The foil is hastily ripped open and without hesitation he rolls the latex onto himself.

Pacey’s inside of Joey as soon as he’s sheathed.

He's eager. She's eager. They're both too worked up. Hormones racing through their blood. They're too impatient. It's been too long. He wants to relish the moment, to enjoy the feel of her, but he can't. Pacey's thrusting deep and hard without rhythm. It's erratic and fast; pumping in and out in a frenzied state. Joey meets his thrusts with equal abandon. Perspiration forms and drops of sweat slide down from his head and face and fall onto the heated, sweaty, feminine body below him.

The bed’s springs creak and the mattress sags under their weight.

Their hands are entwined and they grasp onto the headboard for extra leverage and he's ramming into her harder and faster than before. He plunges into her like there is no tomorrow and she clings onto him. Her voice is hoarse and aching from screaming and she can't hear her own cries. She’s still clinging onto him, nails digging deep and marking him; making him feel. They both feel alive. He grunts and shouts a little himself as he feels her walls closing in on him. Her screams have died and she’s reduced to harsh, dry, empty sobs and moans.

The world grows smaller and tighter in a span of seconds.

It's just the two of them

Pacey inside Joey.

He shudders at the thought and finds his release. Joey's beneath him, her body still shuddering in a continuous, pleasurable orgasm.

The springs yelp in a final protest and the mattress sinks into a helpless state; its bounce forever lost.

Slowly Pacey pulls out of Joey. He discards the condom and it falls into the little trash bin by the bed. He opens his mouth to say something but his words are a yawn. He rolls over as his eyelids flutter and then shut. He's been drained of energy. Utterly spent. He falls into a dead sleep. Besides him Joey is still awake. She can feel his arms around her naked body. Their sweaty bodies still entwined. She's so sleepy but her mind is racing. One ache has subsided and another takes its place. The clock ticks loudly. She closes her eyes and wishes for sleep.

*****

Pacey's eyes begin to flutter open. It is early morning. After several weeks, he is now used to waking up as the sun rises due to his morning job. His senses detect the slight sounds of birds chirping and the minor numbness of his right arm. As his eyes open, he becomes acutely aware that his surroundings are different than what he is accustomed too. His eyes widen and then close in realization of what happened the night before. He exhales and brings his hand to his head.

In her sleep Joey hears the twittering of birds as they greet the morning. Instinctively, she buries her head under the covers and rolls over to block out the sound. As her body shifts position, she groggily becomes aware of the long forgotten feel of a male erection between her thighs. In the back of her mind Joey can smell the familiar scent of Pacey and she arches and moans, still mainly asleep. She snuggles up closer to the imagined body and sleepily drops kisses on his neck as her hand slides down.

Pacey's eyes shut tighter. Visions of the previous night re-emerging. "Joey," he whispers. "Joey." He begins to tap her.

Joey only mumbles incoherently in reply and grumbles for Pacey to shut up. She snuggles even closer to him and drifts back to a sleep she never really departed.

Pacey looks around. He takes a deep breath and tries to release his arm from under Joey's body. "Jo, baby, wake up." He voice is still hoarse from sleep.

"Go back to sleep, Pacey." Joey mumbles once more. Something in the back of her mind, through the haze of sleep, is telling Joey that something is decidedly wrong and odd. But she makes a decision to ignore it; too intent on sleeping.

"Jo. I have to go. I have to be somewhere." He is successful in removing his arm gently from underneath her. He begins to sit up and searches the room for where is clothes lie.

Joey lets out a mewl of protest as she feels the loss of Pacey's warmth. Her leg brushes against his thigh and she moves restlessly in the bed.

He maneuvers his way over and around her. His feet feel the hard, cool floor. He picks up his clothes and quietly makes his way to the bathroom for a quick shower and wash-up.

Joey feels oddly empty and the happy slumber she has previously enjoyed is gone. Her eyes flutter open and she sees the emptiness of the room. Everything looks different. Like she is looking at everything from a different angle or perspective. Joey rubs her eyes and as the last remnants of sleep disappear, she realizes that she is on the wrong side of the room. On the wrong bed. Val's bed. Memories of last night come rushing back in a horrendous stormy flood of memories. Her eyes drop to the left side of the bed. There is the faint impression that another body has slept on that side of the mattress. Brown eyes cast a look into the wastebasket and Joey spies a used condom. "Oh, God." Quickly she shuts her eyes and covers her head with the blankets. It is then that Joey is aware of her nudity. "Oh, God."

The cold-water droplets pour over Pacey's tired body. The cold temperature serves to relieve any tension and to aid in waking up. He shakes his head then moves forward again to feel the cold-water cascade over his head. His hands reach out and turn the shower faucet counter-clockwise. The water slows and finally ceases to drop. Pacey steps out and grabs what he recognizes as one of Joey's towels from the B&B. He quickly dries off and puts on his clothes. By the sink, he looks at himself in the mirror and shuts his eyes wondering how last night happened. Why he had let it happen. He grabs the bottle of mouthwash on the counter and takes a swig, gargling the minty liquid and then spitting it out. He braces himself and then opens the door.

She hears his ominous footsteps and the creak of the door handle as he begins to open the door. For one brief moment, Joey contemplates feigning sleep but then the door swings open and it is too late. He enters the room and Joey has to remind herself that breathing is essential for the continuation of life. She is acutely aware of her nakedness beneath the blankets and curses herself for not having the forethought to change into some clothes. She stares at Pacey as he stands in the room and waits for him to say something.

He looks down to her. "I have to go to work. 6am call."

She feels like a fool as she nods. "Okay."

He walks toward her and places a soft kiss on her forehead. Once standing he says, "You should, um, maybe move to your bed before Val comes tumbling in."

"Right." Her voice is cold and short. She pulls the sheets up to her neck and looks pointedly at Pacey, waiting for him to leave.

Pacey walks toward the door but stops just before it. With his hand on the knob, he turns his head slightly to look back at Joey. A small smile escapes his face and he turns to head out.

"Oh, God." Joey mutters; the abruptness of Pacey’s departure stings. "Fool. Fool. Fool." She scampers out of Val's bed and changes into some clothes. She yanks the bed sheets off her bed and Val's bed and decides that today is a very good day to do some laundry.

*****

It hasn’t been that long since Pacey left. Val’s bed sheets have been washed and dried and now don her bed once more. The room is conspicuously clean and devoid of any evidence indicating Pacey’s late night visit. Yet, all around her Joey can still feel his presence. She lies on her bed, too despondent to go to her early morning class. It’s around 5:30am at the moment and Joey knows that Jen should still be in bed sleeping. The need to talk to a friend who knows and understands her history with Pacey is overwhelming. She picks up the phone and frantically dials Jen’s number.

“Whoever this is, go away.” Jen mumbles incoherently into the phone and is about to hang out when a familiar voice stops her.

“Jen. ”

“Joey? What’s wrong?” The tone of Joey’s voice has Jen concerned and manages to awake Jen from her relaxed haze of sleep to full alertness. Pointlessly Jen adds, “This better be good to wake me up at,” she glances at her clock, “5:30am. In the morning. The very early morning.” Despite her threat Jen already knows that whatever Joey has to say is good. Very good.

“I had sex with Pacey.”

“How...?!?”

“Well the basic components of human sexual intercourse, otherwise known as coitus are an erection of the penis, engorgement of the walls of the vagina and the labia majora, lubrication of the vagina by glandular secretions, and erection of the clitoris. This leads to the stage of intromission defined by the insertion of the penis into the vagina.” Jen remains quiet, listening in fascination at Joey’s entire speech, wondering how far Joey will take it. “There will be pelvic thrusting by one or both partners; elevation of the uterus with consequent forward and upward rotation of the mouth of the cervix; ejaculation of semen into the vagina; and orgasm. Orgasm is defined as the intensely pleasurable sense of climax and release, often accompanied by increases in heart rate, flushing of the skin, muscle spasms and involuntary vocalizations.” Joey’s voice is mockingly serious and in monotonic lecture mode.

Jen pulls the phone away from her ear and stares at it with a stupefied expression on her face, and yet, at the same time, she is desperately trying to hold back her laughter. "I can't believe you said all that...so calmly!"

Joey cracks a small smile. "Well, just making sure you're up to date with my latest notes for Bio."

"Good, for a second there, I thought you had gone insane, and you were trying to teach me about the stages of sex." Jen pauses. “So, you and Pacey had sex. How did this happen?”

Her nerves fail her, physically unable to vocalize the happenings of the night before, so instead Joey reverts back to humor; deliberately misinterpreting Jen’s question once more. “Do you need another crash course in Sex Ed 101?”

Jen rolled her eyes. "Joey...."

"Je-en."

"Joey, could you please be serious for a moment? I know you didn't just call me to insult me, so why don't you just stop hedging around the issue and talk to me?"

Joey sighs, knowing that Jen has seen through her false bravado. "Sometimes I hate how well you can read me." She bites her lower lip and plays with the ends of her hair, twirling it around her finger.

"I had sex with Pacey, Jen. And I don't know what that means. I think...I think it could have been the worse possible thing I could have done. And maybe the best. Everything is so completely fucked up."

Jen sighs. "Well, tell me how you feel about him? Do you love him? Do you hate him? Do you wish it never happened?"

"I love him. I love him so much that it hurts. It hurts all the time because I don't know. I don't know where we stand or what we mean to each other. Part of me thinks he still loves me but I'm not sure if that's enough. If love is enough."

Jen shakes her head wishing she is with Joey so she can reassure her. Somehow, the phone seems less than adequate in times of a crisis. "Then tell him. I've watched him, Joey. I know he loves you just as much as you love him. And love is enough. Anyone who says otherwise has never known what it is."

"I'm scared, Jen. I'm scared of telling him. Things have changed so much. You could just be mis-reading the look in his eyes. Besides that was then. This is now. His eyes are different now, Jen. I've seen the look in his eyes as well, and sometimes...sometimes it is so distant, so impenetrable like I can't even touch him. So far away. How can I tell him, Jen? How do I tell him?"

"I...I can't tell you how to tell him. This is just something you'll know when you see him...there's no set of guidelines on how to tell someone you love them. And, Joey, I'm not wrong. If I've learned one thing over the years, it's how to read a guy's eyes..." she trails off with a slight laugh. "At least when it has nothing to do with me."

"I wish there was. There should be a handbook. Or something." Joey grumbles with a half laugh. "Okay, Jen. I'll trust what you're saying. Somehow I'll find a way of telling Pacey. But you know…I'd rather be you than me any day. I mean, the right guy is just waiting around the corner for you. You still have that hope. The right guy...the right guy for me is slipping away."

Jen can just imagine the fear in her friend's eyes, and wishes she can reach over and give Joey a reassuring hug. "He's not slipping through your hands, Jo. He's yours, and yours alone. I don't know how you've managed to go on this long without realizing that."

Joey sniffs and gives a small smile. "Do you know that you might just be my best girl friend, Jen?"

Joey’s remark is followed by a long period of silence.

“Jen?” Still more silence. “Jen? Are you still there, Jen?”

"Sorry. I just HAD to go look outside. I thought it might just be raining purple elephants, because Josephine Potter just called me one of her best friends." Jen’s voice turns serious once more. “So, tell me how it all happened. Start from the beginning.”

“We bumped into each other two days ago. Last night he called. I invited him over, we talked, he drank Sprite and one thing led to another and he ended up spending the night.”

“Must have been one hell of a bottle of Sprite.”

Joey sighs.

“And the morning after conversation?”

“We didn’t have one. He made some lame excuse about being late for work and bolted.”

“Pacey’s not like that. He probably did have work. Any bet he’ll call you tonight.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

“It’ll never happen.” Jen dismisses Joey’s fears. “Pacey’s one of the good ones. Besides, I think it’s against his programming or something.”

“But what if…?”

“Stop obsessing over the impossible. You know he’s going to call. And when he does, you’ll talk and analyze and talk and analyze everything to death until you both finally realize something anyone could have told you in a second. You still love each other and belong together.”

“I don’t know.” Joey says uncertainly.

“Why don’t you just call him?”

“I can’t do that!” Joey exclaims. “For one thing, he was the one who walked out. He’s meant to call.”

“Oh, yes, I almost forgot, the rules.”

“Besides...I wouldn’t know what to say to him. And…and I’m afraid of the rejection.”

“He won’t reject you. Just speak from your heart.” Jen states as if it is the most obvious solution.

Joey sighs as she gazes across the room. Her eyes rest on Val’s neatly made bed. “If only it were that easy.”

“It is that easy.” Jen disputes. “It’s just that you and Pacey have a tendency to complicate things.”

“Must be all those years spent with Dawson.” Joey shifts the blame.

“Well, stop complicating things. Stop analyzing and just follow your heart. Now, are you okay? I’m really looking forward to the precious forty-seven minute sleep I can take before I have to get ready for class.”

“I’m fine.” Joey with more confidence than she is actually feeling although speaking to Jen has lifted her spirits.

“Good. Now I’m going back to sleep. And stop obsessing.”

“Thanks.” Joey enunciates her heartfelt gratitude. She puts down the phone and determinedly decides to put Pacey, the talk, the night before and his impending phone call at the back of her mind.

*****

“Hello?” A groggy voice speaks.

“Stevens, get your ass down to the café at once!” Pacey exclaims anxiously.

“PJ? What the fuck is this? It’s six in the morning!” Patrick turns to his side to snuggle with the pillow by his head and holds the phone with his free hand.
“I know what time it is. I need to talk to you. NOW!”

“About what?” He says eyes closing.

“Joey and I slept together.” Pacey whispers into the phone.

Click.

“Patrick? Patrick?” Pacey sighs and hangs up the phone. “I guess he’ll be here in ten minutes. That or he fell back asleep.” He returns to wiping the tables and setting out the napkins and utensils.

“You did what?!” Patrick runs into the café.

“Shhh. Sit down and order some breakfast. I have to tell Mark I need a quick break.”

“Fine, fine. But you better give me details.”

“Yeah.” Pacey goes into the kitchen as Patrick tells one of the waitresses his order.

Several minutes later, Pacey comes out with Patrick’s order. “Enjoy.” He slides his plate in front of him.

“On the house?”

“Are you crazy?”

“Doesn’t hurt to ask? Sheesh.”

Pacey slumps onto the chair opposite Patrick.

“So what happened?”

“We slept together.”

“I got that. So what now? Now that you’ve had sex with her after seeing her two days before for the first time in six months?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay. First, tell me what happened.” Patrick sprinkles pepper and salt on his eggs.

“I called her. She asked me to come over and we talked. Then, one thing led to another and we had sex.” Pacey explains.

“Did you two talk in the morning?”

“Not really. I took a shower and told her I had to be at work. And then I left.”

“I see…” Patrick says contemplatively.

“Yeah. I think I screwed up, Stevens.”

“So, what now? What happens between you two? No doubt there must be residual feelings the morning after. How do you think she feels?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I know what I’m feeling. I just don’t want to ruin any chances we have of getting our friendship or whatever relationship we may have on the right track.”

“Well, considering you left without basically a word, that might be a problem.”

“So, what do I do?” Pacey asks as if it is his last resort.

“You love her, right?”

“Yes. You know I do.”

“Does she know you love her?”

“Yes. Well, she should know that.”

“She should know that? Let me ask the question again. Does she know that you still love her?”

“I told her so in the letter. I told her that I would love her always.”

“Oh-kay. Are you still in love with her?” Patrick clarifies.

“Yes.” Pacey sighs. “Yes, I’m still in love with her.”

“But she doesn’t know it. She knows you love her, but she doesn’t know that you’re still in love with her. Love and it’s many simplicities and complications. Wording is so important these days.” Patrick chuckles. Pacey puts his head on the table with his crossed arms serving as a cushion. “Are you getting back together?”

“I don’t know.” And for Pacey, at the moment, he doesn’t.

“What do you know? Honestly. When are you going to talk to her again? You’re going to at least call, right?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I suppose. I don’t know.” Pacey claims in frustration.

“You don’t’ know shit do you?”

“Patrick…” Pacey sighs.

“PJ, you need to decide on a course of action and follow through with it. You two have been through so much all ready as a couple. Don’t ruin a chance at friendship or even more by doing something stupid.”

“It’s complicated.” Pacey says simply.

“It’s complicated.” Patrick mocks. “Whatever. Things with you Capesidians are always complicated.” He drinks his coffee. “Go fetch me more coffee, busboy.” Patrick smirks and slides his cup to Pacey.

Pacey slides off his chair to get the pot of coffee and brings it to the table.

“Did I tell you she works here too?”

“I do believe you mentioned that over dinner the other night. Remember, you couldn’t stop blabbering about our run in at Victoria’s Secret?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“So, that gives you the perfect opportunity to talk with her then.”

“Actually, she comes in later after I leave for the marina.”

“So, wait a while. Wait til she shows up.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Docked pay.”

“So, then you will just have to call her, Pacey.”

“We’ll see.”

*****

That same evening, Pacey and Patrick are watching a movie. Gretchen took an early weekend and went on a mini road trip with friends to Atlantic City.

“I take it you have the evening off from the marina?”

“Yeah. There really wasn’t much to be done anyways before the weekend.”

“So why are we here on a Thursday night and not at some club or bar?”

“Tired.” Pacey shrugs. “We’ll hang out tomorrow.”

“Sure.” Patrick slumps down further on the couch and reaches for some popcorn.

“Dude, have you read this book?” Pacey asks Patrick.

“What book?”

“This book. I mean this movie. It’s based on a book.”

“Love Story?”

“Yeah. It’s not bad. Short and to the point. Not a big novel.”

“So you’ve read it? Is the movie like it? You know how movies tend to distort or embellish.”

“Well, I think the script is written by the same guy who wrote the book. And he’s some professor too. At Harvard I think. Hmm…maybe Andie may have bumped into him.”

Patrick laughs. “Hold on a sec. What made you read this book in the first place?”

“Oh, I read it over the summer on the boat. One of the deck hands recommended it. He was all about romance and sap. Missed his girl.” Pacey chuckles. “I guess you could say we had some things in common. So he suggested the book and then watch the movie. Only I’m watching the movie now.”

“Ah, I see.” Patrick glances over at Pacey who seems to be really into the movie, surprisingly. He leans over, grabs the phone from the side table and hands it to Pacey.

“I didn’t hear it ring.”

“That’s because it didn’t.” Patrick thrusts the phone forward again.

Pacey takes the phone. “So, the point in handing me this is what?”

“I think you know what the point is. Call her.”

“And what makes you think I haven’t called her?”

“Have you called her?”

“That would be a not yet.”

“So, there you go. You haven’t called her yet. Call her now.”

“After the movie.”

“Now.”

“Why not after the movie? Only half an hour more.”

“Why not now? You’ve read the book anyways. Can’t be much different.”

“Fine. I’ll call her now.” Pacey begins to dial the phone.

“I’ll be in the kitchen fixing up a sandwich. I’ll make you one too.” Patrick gets off the couch and waltzes to the kitchen. “Gretchen must be the one who cleans up around here.” He laughs to himself.

The phone rings. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Hang up.

“No one’s answering.”

“It’s called an answering machine. I’m sure they have one.”

“Right.” Pacey calls back. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Four rings. Answering machine. “You’ve reached Val and Joey. We can’t answer your call right now. Please…” Pacey presses the off button of the cordless.

“Did you leave a message?” Patrick asks. His head in the refrigerator searching for more cold cuts and veggies to put in his sandwich.

“Actually…” Pacey trails off.

“Call back and leave a message.”

“Yeah. Yeah. You think this wouldn’t be hard for me.” Pacey sighs and begins to dial Joey’s number once again. “Uh, hey. This message is for Joey. It’s Pacey. Look, I’m sorry for leaving in the morning. I did have work. I think we need to talk. Can we meet later on tonight? I know it’s late, but we should really talk. And I don’t have work. Um, is 8:30pm ok? Or do you have work at the café? Maybe nine o’clock then? So, between 8:30 or 9:00pm at…”

“Patrick, where can I meet her?”

“That lounge. The one that’s like a café and bar. That’s a cool place.”

“Hmmm…” Pacey removes his hand from the phone, “at The Lounge. If you can’t make it call me. I’ll understand.” Pacey hangs up. “Well, I called her. It’s her move next.”

“Good boy. Here’s your sandwich.”

“Why is yours bigger than mine?” Pacey scrutinizes Patrick’s sandwich. More like a sub than a mere sandwich.

“I’m hungrier?” He says biting into his sub.

“Uh huh. And that’s why you’re gonna have the bigger stomach if you keep eating like that.”

Patrick shakes his head and swallows his food. “Not when you work it off with the help of some ladies, dancing. Especially the horizontal mambo.” He winks.

Pacey laughs and turns his head back to watching the movie.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

“What?” Patrick asks.

“She just said love means never having to say you’re sorry,” he answers pointing to the television set.

“Oh. You’re not going to go analyze this movie are you?”

“Nah. I don’t think I’m up for analyzing anything at the moment. I’ll take a break from the analysis department for now.”

“Phew. Thank goodness.”

*****

Val stumbles into her room with guy in tow. They kiss frantically and are pulling and grasping each other. As the tall blonde male tries to lead her to her bed, they bump into other furniture.

“Ow.” She laughs and then assaults her male friend once again.

“Messages deleted.” An automatic digital voice sounds.

“Oh, shit.” Val pulls her lips away. His lips trail down to her neck garnering pleasurable moans from Val. “Oh, well. Whoever called will call back if it’s important.” She waves her arm and pulls her prize for the night closer to her as they topple on her bed. “Mmmm….lower. Oh yes. There. Lo-oo-o-wee-er. Oh. Ohh. Oh!”

*****

Joey stares at the white scarf on the doorknob and sighs in resignation. “Insatiable doesn’t even begin to describe Val.”

“She’s like the Engerizer Bunny. The girl keeps on going and going and going and going.” Jordan marvels.

“Well at least one of us is having a normal, healthy sex life.”

“I’m, uh, not sure I would call Val’s sex life normal, JP.”

“Relatively normal then. At least better than mine.”

“Pacey still hasn’t called?”

“No. And I don’t think he ever will.” Joey gives Jordan a small smile as she slumps onto the floor. He sits down beside her and wraps his arms around Joey.

“Forget about him. He’s not worth it. Especially since he seems blinded by the fact he has this wonderful, amazing woman’s love. Not to mention that he’s stupid enough to let her go.”

“You’re way too good for my ego, JD.”

Jordan grins as he plays with the tendrils of Joey’s hair. “Well, you know, I have to have some use.”

“So, I suppose I’m crashing at your place… again.”

“Can I help it if the woman can’t resist my bed?”

Joey rolls her eyes and playfully pushes Jordan away. “That’s the couch for you tonight!”

Jordan sighs and hangs his head despondently, giving Joey a meek yet adorable look. “Yes, dear.”

“We can watch reruns of ‘My So Called Life’.” Joey considerably brightens at the prospect. “And eat popcorn and lust over Jared Leto.”

“I’ve been told that I have a very Catalano-esque appeal.” Jordan grins.

There’s something in the tone of his voice that has Joey turning her head and staring quizzically at her friend. “Okay, spill. Who is she?”

“Who is who?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Jordan Delaware. Who’s the girl who told you that you’ve got a ‘very Catalano-esque appeal’?” Joey demands. “Who’s your Angela?”

He ducks his head and his cheeks are tinged with a faint blush. His eyes are intent on the ground – anywhere but Joey’s scrutinizing gaze – and thick, long black lashes frame his eyes. Joey notices, for more than the first time, that Jordan is beautiful. He is beautiful in an almost feminine way except that his whole aura radiates masculinity. There is a dreamy allusiveness about him; a brooding, dark figure; his eyes are so telling. Poetic. And yet within those dark irises lurks intelligence and mirth.

“So...?” Joey probes. “Who is she?”

“Mea.” Jordan mumbles.

“Who?”

“Her name is Mea.”

“And?”

“I met her in a bookstore. I know. I know. You can laugh, JP. But she was there - standing there - browsing through the romance section.”

“And what were you doing in the romance section?” Joey teases as she bites her lower lip, trying not to smile.

“I was lost.” Jordan defends himself. “Anyway, there she was, all 5 feet 4 inches of her. Her glasses were slipping off the tip of her nose, her black hair was tied haphazardly in a ponytail and she had this serious, intelligent frown on her face as she examined the shelves of books.”

“My God! You’re infatuated! Smitten.” Joey claps her hands in delight and this time her laughter spills out. “Could this be the end of Jordan Delaware’s whoring ways?”

“You. Are. Not. Nice.”

“I’m sorry.” Joey grins unrepentantly. “So tell me more about Mea.”

“She’s a pre Med student. Although she’s contemplating law again. We’re going out for coffee tomorrow. I think it’s a date but I’m not sure.”

“Aww…my little boy is growing up. He’s going on a date.” Joey coos and pretends to act all motherly, ruffling Jordan’s hair. “Now I want to meet this nice girl, see if she’s good enough for Mama’s boy.”

“You are so sleeping on the couch tonight.”

“Hey!” Joey protests. “You can’t do that! I’m your guest!”

“Then be nice.”

“I’m sorry, JD.”

Their conversation is interrupted by the loud moans emanating from Joey’s dormitory. Val is loud, extremely loud, and the man she has with her is equally enthusiastic. All of a sudden Joey is transported back to memories of that night with Pacey. Her face falls a little and her right hand automatically begins to twist a delicate shell ring that she wears on her left hand. It’s a present Pacey bought for her when they were in Florida.

“You’re thinking about him again aren’t you?”

“No. I’m not.” Joey denies. She tugs at the ring but it’s stubborn and refuses to come off. Val and her companion are becoming louder by the moment. “This stupid, freaking, fucking ring won’t come off!” She twists it once more and finally wrenches it off her hand with a painful tug, before throwing it against the wall.

Tears are pouring down her eyes as Jordan gathers her in her arms, letting Joey cry her heart out. “I’m not crying. I’m not. I don’t cry.”

“I know.” He cradles her and kisses the top of her head, rubs her shoulders comfortingly. The sobs subside until they’re only small sniffs. “I have rocky road and chocolate fudge and cream.”

“That sounds good.” Joey says in a small voice.

They go to Jordan’s place and spend the night indulging themselves in rich, unhealthy food. They watch tape after tape of ‘My So Called Life’ before going onto movies with drool worthy leading men. Jordan sits and watches without his usual complaints and eventually he drifts off to sleep on the couch. But Joey is still awake.

She takes out of her pocket her small shell ring. She had picked it up and pocketed it before leaving for Jordan’s. She didn’t have the heart to throw it away permanently. Her heart aches so much. Everything hurts. Too much. Too much feeling. The love is overshadowed. And Joey knows she can’t live like this. And somehow, some way…this all has to stop.

*****

The street lamps illuminate the streets under the dark night sky. Pacey leans against the wall by the entrance of The Lounge. Between 8:30 and 9:00 pm. He is sure that’s what he said. It’s 9:45. No sign of Josephine Potter.

At 8:30, he went inside The Lounge and sat at a table that was within sight distance of the door. He even ordered hot chocolate for both of them thinking that when she showed up she may want to warm up with the usual drink of winter. By 9:00 he had drunk both their drinks. At 9:10 he called to check his answering machine. Maybe she left a message. She was never one to be late for anything. No messages. He had returned to his table ordering another two mugs of hot chocolate.

“My friend hasn’t showed up yet. This time I won’t drink hers.” He had laughed as he told his order to the waiter. “Oh, and can I have a slice of carrot cake.”

“Will that be all?” The waiter asked.

“Yeah. Thanks.”

Pacey had watched in disappointment as couple after couple, guy after guy, girl after girl entered and exited the café. No sign of Joey. “I called. I did. Why isn’t she here? Revenge? But revenge for what? To spite me?” He sighed. The carrot cake is eaten and not a drop left of hot chocolate in his mug. Hers is still full. The marshmallows melted and the white froth was left undisturbed above the now cool liquid.

“I guess she couldn’t make it, huh?” Pacey shrugs and stands from his chair.

The waiter just smiles.

“How much?”

The waiter hands him his check. Pacey pays and leaves. The other mug of hot chocolate is left to the waiter to return to the kitchen to be disposed of.

10:00 PM. Maybe he shouldn’t have waited that long. He stands leaning against the outside wall of The Lounge. Still no sign of Joey. Pacey’s eyes are downcast and hands in pockets. His eyes just stare at the shadows and various shoes that walk across the paved street just in front of him. He takes a deep breath with one final look at his watch. 10:05. He turns to leave. Something must have happened to delay her or keep her from coming. Or maybe, just maybe, she chose not to call him. She chose not to meet him. She chose to move on without him.

Pacey’s shadow disappears into the night.