Unknown Separation
Chapter One: A Summer Of New Beginnings

Once upon a time it was a trademark sight to behold, the familiar vision of a ladder against the side of a house, its metallic rungs leading up to an always open window; an invitation to enter. Last summer the ladder disappeared, commissioned to a more ordinary, general use, propped up against various houses so that young men could climb the rungs and paint. Later onwards the ladder was set aside to hide away with the dust and the spider webs in the Leery’s tool shed.

As Joey Potter clambers up the ladder’s metal rungs, one step at a time, there is an overwhelming sense of familiarity. It is now the summer of 2001 and for the first time in over a year, the ladder has re-appeared. Memories of the past besiege her as her feet touch the carpet of Dawson Leery’s bedroom. Scattered haphazardly across the bedroom are posters from the past - Jaws, ET, Jurassic Park and various other Spielberg paraphernalia.

“What’s going on Dawson?” Joey has to ask.

“I was going through all my old stuff. It brings back memories doesn’t it?”

“It does.” Joey nods slowly with a smile.

“All of this seems so distant, so far away. Like this golden age of childhood and innocence and youth. It’s almost impossible to imagine that at the end of this summer no more Capeside. We won’t be attending Capeside High any more. We’ll all be in Boston, in different colleges with different separate lives. You won’t just be a boat ride away. No more Movie Nights every weekend.” Dawson replies.

“We’ll still stay in touch. I mean they’re such things as telephones and emails. The wonders of technology.”

“I know that Joey. It’s just…it’ll be different.”

“The more things change…”

“The more they stay the same.” Dawson finishes. “Or at least I hope so. You know what we should do? Just for the summer?”

“What?” Joey asks intrigued.

“I thought it might be nice to recapture the good ol’ days. The magic of the past. Be children once more before we go off to college and leave Capeside and everything we’ve ever known. Go back to when things were less complicated.”

Joey stares at Dawson for a moment, understanding his sentiment but realizing that things have already changed irrevocably. Sometimes you can never go back. Joey knows part of Dawson’s need to recapture the past is due to Mr. Leery’s injury. During the beginning of the summer Mr. Leery was in a car accident which seriously injured him. Upon the news of his father’s accident Dawson came rushing back to Capeside and after realizing the extent of his father’s injury Dawson decided to transfer to Boston University. Mr. Leery’s accident has made Dawson confront the mortality of his parents and it is harsh, frightening. Now Joey recognizes Dawson’s plea for the good ol’ days as a plea for a known time filled with security and certainty.

She understands Dawson's need. The need to block out the future, if only for the summer. It will be a way of forgetting; forgetting the pain and angst and the hollow feeling inside whenever she thinks of Pacey and her future.

“I plan to be wherever you are.” Pacey once promised her.

It looks like some promises really are meant to be broken, some promises simply too hard to keep.

She shakes her head trying to banish away such thoughts. Dawson is still talking, desperate to convince her of the merits of his plan. Producing a small smile and a nod of consent Joey decides to concentrate on capturing the essence of a long ago past, to a time when heartache and true love did not exist.

*****

The rest of the summer is a typical Dawson and Joey summer and for the first few weeks it is just the two of them. They go water skiing, every Saturday night is Movie Night in Dawson’s room and occasionally they splurge and go to the Rialto. Aunt Gwen comes for a visit during the summer and invites Joey and Dawson to spend a week in Boston with her. Joey, Bessie, Bodie and Alex spend the Fourth of July on Waldeck Island with the Leerys. The summer has the idyllic innocence of childhood.

Around four weeks into the summer Jack and Jen arrive back in Capeside with tales from their trip to Las Vegas. All four of them sit in Grams’ kitchen munching on cookies and drinking milk as they sift through the many photographs that Jen has taken. There are some hilarious ones of Jack dancing with Elvis and later Jack as Elvis. Jen tells a sordid tale of a drunken Jack, a gay strip club and karoke. It has everyone bursting out in laughter and a red-faced Jack.

Later, after Dawson and Jack and Grams have departed, Jen gives Joey a more detailed account of the trip.

“I’m surprised the two of you wanted to come back to Capeside!” Joey exclaims.

“I don’t know. As exciting as the rest of the world is, there’s something utterly charming about Capeside.” Jen replies. “This town has become more home to me than New York or any other place in the world has or could ever be. It kind of grows on you. Besides I’d like to spend the rest of the summer with Grams. I’m really going to miss her and Capeside when we start college.”

“I know what you mean. For almost all of my life, I’ve dreamed of getting out of this town. I hated the small town prejudice. I hated the confines and being the too-tall girl from the wrong side of the Creek, with a drug-dealer for a Dad and a dead Mom. And now that leaving is becoming more and more of a possibility, I can’t help but feel a little hesitant. As much as I hated my childhood, in many ways they were the best days of my life, Jen.”

“I remember when I first re-entered your lives. There you were. You, Dawson and Pacey. And you looked so tight and so close. The three of you had this special bond of friendship that I so wanted to be part of.”

“You are part of it, Jen.”

“I guess what I’m trying to say, Joey, is that what you, Dawson and Pacey have is special. Pacey and Dawson are always going to be friends. Nothing can change that. Just like nothing can change that you and Dawson will always be friends. And I know that Pacey’s not here. But I’ve had the privilege to watch, and be part of, the bizarre triangle that is you, Dawson and Pacey. And he loves you Joey. Pacey does love you. And somehow, I can’t help feeling that he’s going to love you for a very long time.”

“You know for a blonde, you’re really not that bad, Jen. Or dumb. Despite all evidence to the contrary.”

Jen grins. “Thank you.”

*****

One hot afternoon, the gang sits in the front of the Leery household with glasses of Mrs. Leery's freshly made lemonade. Lily is crying in the background upset over the heat while Mrs. Leery tries to calm her down. Dawson and Joey sit and gaze at the familiar surroundings, as Jen lies flopped on one of the chairs with Jack fanning her. Everything is still the same and yet everything is different. On impulse Dawson gets out his camera and films a semi-documentary on their hopes and dreams for the future. They talk about academic success and successful professional lives.

“And how about your private life Joey?” Dawson asks. “What do you hope for in your private life?”

Her eyes grow distant. “What do you hope for Dawson?”

“I’d like to have family. A wife and kids, maybe a dog. I want a marriage like my parents. That despite all the problems, the separations, the heartache and betrayals, in the end they came back to one another. They loved each other that much, they loved each other that truly. And now they’re remarried with a newborn baby and it’s a renewal of their love. Stronger, more mature. A love that withstands all that life might throw at them.”

“Here! Here!” Jen mutters as she manages to lazily open one eye. “Jack, don’t fan the back of my head. Fan my face.”

“Whatever you say, slave driver.” Jack grumbles affably.

Amidst the chatter Joey’s eyes grow misty. She stares out into at the greenness of grass and the blue of the creek and whispers, “Pacey.”

“Did you say something Joey?” Dawson queries.

She nods slowly. “You asked me what I hoped for.” She pauses. “True Love.”

They sit in silence, Joey’s faraway look captured in ethereal beauty on camera.

*****

The sun is bright and yellow and the sky is blue and endless. Bessie, Bodie and Alex are out for the day. The guests have also opted to leave the confines of the B&B and enjoy the sunny weather. Joey is alone with the quiet of the house and the silence gnaws at her. The sound of silence is deafening, soul-destroying, heart-breaking. The sound of silence echoes throughout the B&B, an eerie quiet that haunts Joey.

She paces up and down the room, sometimes picking up stray items and sometimes rearranging the cushions again and then again and then once more. She walks to the refrigerator to get a soda but then decides against it, back in the living room Joey changes her mind and decides she wants a soda after all. Spinning around on her heel Joey walks purposefully back and then begins to run when she hears the ringing of the phone.

It is a delightful sound, breaking up the silence.

Her hand clumsily grabs at the phone and eagerly she answers.

“Potter’s B&B, how may I help you?”

“Hi my name is Paul Simmons. I’d like to book a room for my wife and I…”

The conversation continues and then ceases and awkwardly Joey places the handle back on the receiver with a ‘clunk’. Her hand trembles and disappointment greets Joey once more; a familiar face. Joey knows who she wanted the caller to be, know who the caller will never be.

The silence takes over again and the pacing recommences. She begins making some noise to block out the silence. Joey rattles some dishes, sings at the top of her lungs and finally resorts to talking, in a confiding, conversational tone, but they are just noises that can not fill the emptiness of silence.

“The summer has been good so far. Peaceful and quiet, which I suppose, holds its own magic. It’s different though. Nothing’s the same. Capeside seems so empty, devoid of people; you’re not here. The B&B is doing really well. Beyond imagination. Beyond anything we ever dreamed of. How are you? You’re taking care of yourself, aren’t you?”

Joey pauses.

“I know that there’s so much stuff that you’re going through, Pacey. I know that there are so many issues and that you need to handle them alone but I’m here. I’m always going to support you, I’m always going to be here when you need me. I love you. I love you so much and I wish that it was enough but I know you need your space. I understand.”

She picks up one of Alex’s toys from the floor and strokes the furry material of the bear before placing it in a box by the corner.

“Alex misses you. He keeps asking for Unca Pay-cee. He’s having a little trouble pronouncing your name. You somehow managed to worm your way into Alex’s little heart. He absolutely adores you Pace. And his Aunt feels the same way. You don’t realize just how special you are. One of a kind. You’ve made my life better in so many ways. You’ve made me better. I miss you, Pacey Witter. I miss you and your annoying ways and incorrigible charms. I just miss you. And I worry. A postcard would be nice. Or a phone call. Just so I could hear your voice. Just so I know that you’re okay.”

She stares at the stubbornly silent phone and sighs, knowing that it isn’t about to ring anytime soon.

*****

That night Joey, Jen, Jack and Dawson end up going to one of the many post-graduation/summer parties that Chris Wolfe has been hosting.

“Tell me again why we’re going to one of these things?” Dawson whines as Jack propels him forward.

“Because we’re young and single and it’s about time we got out and had some fun.” Jen explains.

“Can’t we do that in the safety and comfort of my bedroom? Munching popcorn and watching a movie?” Dawson asks hopefully.

“No!” Jen shouts forcefully.

Dawson sends a pleading look at Jack to reason with Jen.

“Nuh uh.” Jack shakes his head. “Sorry Dawson. Can’t help you out man. I’m whipped. I’ll happily admit that I’m Jen’s gay, whipped best friend.”

“Joey?” Dawson begs.

“Actually Dawson I think Jen has a point. It might actually be fun and it’ll do us some good.” Joey wrinkles her nose as they step into a large house filled with the squeals and shouts of hormonally driven, drunk males and females. “Or maybe it won’t. But it’ll be a change of scene. Something different. Besides we’re going to college. I suppose we should get used to this debauchery.”

“That’s the spirit, Potter!” Chris Wolfe comments as he saunters over to the gang. He takes his time to leer at Joey and Jen before breaking out into what he considers to be his most charming grin. “Ladies. Welcome to my humble abode. Let me give you the grand tour. Jen, I know you’re familiar with the hot tub but it never hurts to get reacquainted.”

Joey rolls her eyes as Jen tries to smother a giggle.

Chris, oblivious to their actions, hands Jack and Dawson a cup each of potent punch. “This is good stuff gentleman. There’s more in the kitchen if needs be. Knock yourselves out.” He nods his head goodbye and then leads Jen and Joey around his place.

Two hours later and Joey has managed to weave her way out of Chris' clutches and Grant Bodine's and Warren Gray's.

“Think of this as practice on how to handle the slimes and sleazes that might come your way during college.” Joey mutters to herself.

She navigates throughout the house trying to get outside for some fresh air when a body bumps into her.

“We-ll, we-ll.” A familiar voice slurs. “If it ain’t Joey Pot-ter.”

“Matt Caulfield.” Joey greets the man tersely.

“Where’s your knight in shinin’ armor? Ooohh, that’s right he dump’d you. At the Senior Prom. Said you made him feel like a loser. Did he‘ve problems gettin’ it up?” Matt giggles uncontrollably at his own joke.

“Pacey Witter is more man than you’ll ever be.”

“That’s because you’ve nev-ah had a real man honey.”

“Go away, Caulfield.” Joey replies in disgust. “Go crawl back to whatever sewer you came out from.”

“How y’ goin’ make me? Witter ain’t here to defend y’.” Matt demands as he takes a threatening step closer to Joey. “Y’ gonna fight? I like ‘em feisty.”

In one swift and smooth movement Joey punches Matt Caulfield in the face before promptly kneeing him in the groin. He howls in pain and falls to his knees. Joey eyes him with satisfaction before marching out of the house and away from the party.

She goes back to the B&B but still feels too restless. Instead she grabs a jacket and a bag and decides to go for another walk. She walks aimlessly throughout the streets of Capeside until she finds herself strolling down the docks and decides to sit on the hard wooden planks, her arms hugging her legs tightly to her chest, as the pale glow of moon dances and ripples in the water. The boats bob up and down and she can almost imagine the lost True Love sitting amongst the other vessels.

She hugs one of the wooden poles and sighs. From out of her bag she pulls out a bottle with a delicate, beautiful boat inside. A little momento that Pacey and Joey picked out in a small, antique shop just around the corner from one of the ports they had docked at on their way back from the Keys. Next Joey takes out a sketch she has drawn of Pacey and a love letter she has written to him trying to say everything she never did. She carefully rolls them and then inserts them in the bottle and seals it. Then she flings the bottle out to sea, throws her heart away and hopes that someday it will return to its rightful owner. The bottle and the tiny boat inside bobs in the water barely moving at first until a gust of wind and wave washes over it and it disappears.

*****

“It’s time to start a new life,” Pacey says to himself as he approaches the Dean’s boat. It is a gorgeous boat. At least three times the size of True Love. It’s name…Prestige.

“Not a bad new home for the summer. Huh, Pace?” He boards the boat and puts his bags down on the deck. “Not bad at all.”

“Hey there!” He is greeted by Dean Newman. “I’m glad you decided to join us.”

“Who am I to pass up the opportunity to sail to the Caribbean and earn a little extra cash. I want to thank you for the offer once again, Dean Newman.” Pacey extends his hand.

“It was my pleasure. When I heard that you had sailed the coast last summer, I knew you might just be the guy to join in our excursion.”

“Well, I’m looking forward to it.” Pacey turns his head to explore the boat from where he stands in front of the Dean.

“We will be setting sail in an hour. Until then, please set your things in your cabin and feel free to roam around. I will meet with you and the others later.”

“Will do.” Dean Newman points Pacey into the right direction toward his cabin.

His summer days are spent mostly on the boat sailing the Caribbean waters. Many of his nights are spent gazing into the night sky when all duties were completed and the Dean and his passengers did not need him anymore. The other nights are spent out on the islands when the yacht is docked for several days. Pacey enjoys the time spent on the different islands touring the cities and villages. He meets new people and on occasion decides to buy little trinkets and souvenirs.

One afternoon on The Prestige, Pacey encounters a captivating acquaintance. Lying on one of the deck chairs of the boat, Pacey lets his mind wander looking into the sky. Clouds pass by looking like dinosaurs, stuffed animals, and several other things.

Everybody’s got something
They had to leave behind

His thoughts wander unto forbidden territory. Joey.

One regret from yesterday
That just seems to grow with time

He doesn’t want to think about her. But something is conjuring up thoughts of her and her past. His mistakes. Her mistakes.

Pacey looks around. His space is no longer quiet or tranquil. He stands and walks to the other side of the yacht. Apparently no one else on the vessel cared. The yacht is docked and Pacey prefers to stay while many of the others go to the beach. Pacey is there and he wants to relax. Something he can’t do with music blaring from a small portable stereo.

I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you

“Excuse me! Do you mind?” He projects.

A young lady looks up from her daydreaming. “Oh, sorry. Is the music bothering you?” She looks up to see Pacey looking down at her.

Even though I pretend that I moved on
You’ll always be my baby

“Sorry.” She turns the volume down, but the words can still be heard and apparently has an affect on Pacey.

You’re the one I think about each day

“Thanks. Can I ask you something?”

A part of me will always be with you

“Sure.”

“What makes you think you can just blare your music and share it with unwilling listeners?”

“Like I said, I apologize. As for unwilling listeners, I wasn’t aware there were any. You’re the only complaint.”

“I see. Well, I would appreciate it if you would lower the volume on your stereo. Sometimes I like to think without the aid of musical accompaniment.”

“I can do that. Next time I’ll make it a point to remember your request.” She rolls her eyes and pauses the CD track and returns her eyes to the young man that has so graciously blocked the burning sun from her face. “You’re Pacey, right?”

“That’s me. You’re Dannie, right?”

“The one and only.”

“You just joined our little Caribbean journey didn’t you? A couple of days ago if I’m not mistaken.”

“Yeah. My uncle invited me here for the summer. He found out that I was sailing down here with my father. We own a small boat. Not as big as this one. But big enough and sea worthy enough to sail the seas.”

“Ah, Dean Newman is your uncle?”

“That he is. Are you Worthington bound or does another illustrious school have the pleasure of your presence?”

“Neither.” He squints looking out toward the horizon.

“Neither?”

“That’s what I said. I’m still deciding if any school deserves my intellectual wit or if I deserve to be holed up in some dorm room with a poindexter.”

“I, myself, am a Worthington sophomore. And no, my Uncle was not an influence in the admissions. I worked my ass of in high school. Honor student and all that.”

“I wasn’t going to say a thing.”

“Yeah, but you were thinking it. What do you have against music?” She changes the subject sensing that higher education is not a topic he wants to elaborate upon.

He takes a seat across from Dannie.

“I have nothing against it. I just have a problem with it when disturbs the peace. My peace. You know…the time when I’m in thought, away from the chaos of the world.”

“I see. Have you ever thought about the lyrics of a song and it’s meaning? A possible reminder of your own life?”

“Yes, I have. And right now, thanks to the volume of your stereo, the song is reminding me of something I am trying to forget.”

“Ah…a special love?”

“You could say that.”

“I feel the same way. Which is exactly why I’m listening to this particular song.” She un-pauses the track and allows it to play at a reasonable volume this time. “Listen.” Pacey nods his head and listens as the air is filled once again by the lyrics of a melodic song.

Somewhere in my memory
I’ve lost all sense of time
And tomorrow can never be
Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind

Dannie lets the music continue but speaks, “What are you thinking about?”

“Just what the lyrics say. I mean, this summer is supposed to be about me moving on with my life. Trying to separate myself from her. Trying to grow without her. Only I can’t. When I look at the stars all I see is her. You know, last summer we went sailing for three months on our boat, True Love. From Capeside, Mass. to the Florida Keys.”

“What happened to True Love?”

“The boat or her?”

“You tell me.”

“The boat was lost during a storm. The girl…well, obviously we broke up.” Pacey isn’t sure if he should continue. He has just met this girl and he isn’t about to pour out his heart to her. It is bad enough he wears his heart on his sleeve.

“So you think all that’s happened, the boat and the break-up, are connected? You know…symbolism. It’s all in the stars type of thing?” Dannie asks with a wisdom of her own. After all, she herself is trying to escape from the devastation of a break-up.

“Symbolism?” Pacey repeats and ponders in thought. “Maybe. I will tell you one thing. It certainly had to do with insecurities and trust.” He looks out into the horizon over Dannie’s shoulder. The music plays on.

You’ll always be the dream
That fills my head
You’ll always be the one I know
I’ll never forget
It’s no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try
I just can’t say goodbye

They both sit in silence after the song had ended. The words have struck a chord with both of them.

“Can one ever say goodbye to their dreams and true love?” Pacey quietly asks in reflection.

“I don’t think one can. If you can’t forget your dreams or your true love then I don’t think you can say goodbye. It’s always there. Maybe not in the forefront of your mind, but it’s there. It’s there in your heart.”

Pacey looks at Dannie and smiles a sad smile.

“Pacey, someone once told me that true love has no happy ending. True love never ends.” The dark haired girl gets up, stretches. “We just met so I don’t think we should delve into anything further about our lives, let alone our love lives. Just remember, I do know what you are going through. I recently broke up with someone I loved dearly. It’s heartache.”

Pacey stands up. “Thank you Dannie. I guess I needed to talk about it, although, I really didn’t tell you much. It is a start. Maybe we can talk again some other time?”

“I would like that, Pacey.” She smiles and watches as Pacey walks off. Then a sudden remembrance comes to Dannie. “My God. It’s him!” She runs below deck to her cabin and retrieves a small metal box. She opens it, examines the fragile and textured paper, a striking sketch of a young man. The adoration and admiration for the young man is evident in the drawing. The smooth texture of the charcoal, the shadows, the features. They all encompass strong emotions. She gently lays the sketch down and scans through the words of a love letter that accompanies the latter. Her thoughts are confirmed.

*****

All summer there is no mention of the kiss. The kiss between Dawson and Joey at the very beginning of the summer. A kiss that means everything and nothing at all. Neither of them bother to discuss or dissect the significance, the meaning, the importance or unimportance of the kiss. It is an unspoken agreement between them.

In itself the purpose of the kiss still holds. It is still the end for Dawson and Joey. The daydream is still over. One chapter of their lives is still closed. New and separate lives still beckon but just for the summer, time and life has been rewound; they re-read the chapter just for the summer. They are children again. They are younger than fifteen. They are at an age before soulmates and love, before heartache and betrayal, before broken friendships. Everything is serene and simple. It is a deceptive illusion they are both willing to accept.

And every ten seconds or so, although Dawson fails to notice or pretends not to notice, Joey’s smile will falter and she will think of Pacey. Every ten seconds or so she will glance at Dawson and half anticipate Pacey to come tumbling out of nowhere, calling her names and spouting out crazy schemes and games for the three of them to participate in. Sometimes a quip, a sharp retort will enter Joey’s head and she will open her mouth to speak only to quickly close it again. Ten seconds later she’s ready to spar and banter but her partner is still missing. Pacey is not there.

Not all of Joey’s time is spent with Dawson. She spends days painting and sketching. She visits the art gallery with Jack or goes shopping with Jen. She’s learning to be independent or at least trying to be. She’s learning to live her life on her own. She has a long way to go, she’s fragile, she’s weak and she’s vulnerable. And yet she’s strong as well. And no matter what life throws at her Joey will survive. Because she is a Potter. And Potter women are survivors.

Every Sunday Joey visits her mother’s grave. Sitting on the green grass with a red rose lying next to the grayness of stone she talks to her mother. She renews her faith. Every Sunday Joey finds something to believe in.

Every other week Joey takes the Potter truck and drives to the correctional facility where her father is being held. They have long talks about life, about college, about the future. Her father has grown older, wearier. There are dark lines under his eyes and his face seems more haggard, its once youthful appearance irrevocably lost. She shows him photographs of Alex and talks about how much he’s grown. She tells him about the success of the Potter B&B and Joey detects gladness in her father’s eyes; a sad smile of pride. He tells her how she’s grown up and matured. He tells her she’s come a long way.

Joey squeezes his hand and agrees.

*****

Pacey walks down the foam lined sandy beach. Waves crash and water splashes his tanned legs. There is a calming quality to the aura that surrounds him. He loves the water. It symbolizes so many things and holds many secrets. Secrets he would tell when he is in a world all his own.

He sits down legs apart and knees bent. Pacey observes the waves. Its highs, its lows. The description of anyone’s life. Moments filled with highs and lows.

“Hey, stranger.”

Pacey doesn’t turn around. He knows the voice. A voice he has grown familiar with as the days go by.

“Hey.” He says in a low hushed voice. He turns his head slightly and sees a young girl standing behind his shoulder. “What? No stereo?” He teases.

“Funny, Pacey. I don’t carry that thing with me everywhere I go.” She smiles as she takes a seat next to him. She holds a small metal box in her hands. She taps the box lightly trying to figure out what to say.

“What’s in the box, Dannie?”

“Something very interesting actually. Whatever is in this box will definitely grab your attention. You might even go so far as to say that it has to do with you and Joey.”

“Oh, really? Do tell and show for that matter.”

“Well, before I start, I guess I should say you’ve become a friend to me, Pacey, and it’s only been, what, a few weeks. It took us a while to open ourselves emotionally…somewhat. But I think it’s our membership in the broken hearts club that brought us together.” Dannie turns from Pacey and looks out into the horizon.

“This has to do with what’s in the box how?”

“Well, I wanted to show you this the second time we conversed. But I wasn’t sure how you would take it, or even if it was a good idea considering what we were talking about. So, after several talks with you and learning about Joey, it’s about time you saw this.”

“Well, open it already. Jeez.” He teases, somewhat excited to find out what is in the box. Obviously something that has to do with him…and Joey.

“Okay, okay. Damn. You must have been one of those kids that just couldn’t wait to open his presents. Had to know what was in it beforehand, huh? You still are aren’t you?” She nudges his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah. Now show, woman!”

Dannie begins to open the box, but stops short to say, “You should know that I found this as I was sailing down the coast a while back. It was in a bottle floating along the waves of the ocean.”

“Like the movie? Message in a Bottle?” He looks down at the box wanting her to so desperately show him the contents.

“Yeah, only this bottle wasn’t meant for me. It was meant for you.”

Pacey looks at her with eyebrows raised and a confused expression strewn over his face. Dannie hands him the bottle with a miniature boat inside. A strange sense of familiarity washes over him. True Love. Florida Keys.

“And these here were also in the bottle, Pacey.” She slowly hands over the paper which possesses the sketch of him. Pacey takes it gently in his hands and examines it closely. It is a drawing of him.

“Joey.” he whispers. He lightly fingers the outlines of the sketch.

“She’s very talented. I mean, look at the way it’s drawn. The lines. The shadows. Even this black and white charcoal drawing holds so much emotion and depth.

“She is talented. So very talented.” His voice is low in speaking as if any louder he will break the serenity of the moment.

“I looked at this sketch after our initial conversation. I knew you looked familiar. And well, now your story does too, and not only because I went through the same thing, but because of this.” Dannie hands him the letter. “This came with the sketch. Pacey, this is your message in a bottle.”

Pacey takes the letter. He just looks at it as it lies in his hands. He closes his eyes. Joey’s handwriting. Joey’s words. Her words to him.

“I read it, Pacey. I mean…call it curiosity or you can call it ‘I thought it was my message in a bottle’. If I had known, I wouldn’t have read. Well, maybe I would have anyways, but that’s beside the point. Pacey she still loves you. And from our time together I know you still love her. You’re still in love with her.”

“How do you know if she still loves me? It’s been what, a month or two since you retrieved this from the water? Things change in that time span.”

“Listen you stubborn fool, those words and that sketch - that kind of love just doesn’t die in two months. Hell, I’m right in saying that you still love her. I’m right in saying that she still loves you until you prove me wrong. Now read the damn letter and see what I’m talking about.”

Pacey looks down at the letter once again and begins to read aloud.

Hey Pace,

When I was five my mom sat me on her knee and told me a fairytale of a princess and her knight on a white stead, a prince charming, and the promise of happily ever after. I never believed in fairytales. I never expected my prince charming to come in the form of my childhood nemesis, a boy who pulled my ponytail and called me “Ice Queen”. I never expected my knight to come revving up in the Witter Wagoneer and to honk his horn so loudly to announce his arrival. I never expected to find my true love. I never expected a happily ever after.

We’re so far away from the promised happily ever after, Pace. We’re so far away from each other. I told you once that I could never promise to let you go. I suppose I never anticipated that you would be the one to let go. I’m tired of being angry at you. I’m tired of missing you. I’m tired of being so sad. I’m just plain tired. All I want is for you to hold me in your arms and love me; all I want is you.

I feel so hollow inside. I feel like the world should stop and take notice of your absence. And it scares me that everything continues, that everything seems the same. The rest of Capeside moves onwards, forgetting you, forgetting us. I wonder if you’re the same. I wonder if you have forgotten too. Am I a memory? Can you picture me in detailed clarity or have I become fuzzy in your mind? I’m scared the years will go by and I will become just a name you associate with the past; a name you struggle to link a face, an image, or an emotion with.

You told me once while you held me in your arms and we danced, that you remember everything. I fear that remembering everything will only make you want to forget. Are you trying to forget now?

Three months at sea was pure magic. Perhaps that is why when we stepped off the dock and re-entered the shores of Capeside we were doomed to lose the magic. Magic is fantastical, dream-like and surreal. Everyone needs a little magic in their lives but Pacey, sweetheart, you are not my magic…you are my reality.

I see us, in my heart, worn and tired and a little battered from life, sitting on a porch on a cool, crisp autumn’s day watching children frolicking in the fallen leaves. They are not ordinary children. One has the bright blue of your eyes and the other has your mischievous, incorrigible grin. Another will have a temper which could only belong to a Potter. We sit and watch the children play though our eyesight has long since failed us. Our hair is gray and our skin wrinkled but your touch is still as soft and warm and loving as ever. Time has aged us, time has changed us but one thing remains constant: you are forever my true love. The love of my life.

One day you’ll own another boat and I will stand on a dock, anywhere in the world, and ask for permission to come aboard. One day, when I least expect it, I’ll turn the corner and there you will be and I won’t be surprised at all. Because no matter where you go or where I go, no matter how time and distance will separate us, you will always be there. You will always be in my heart.

I don’t expect a happily ever after. I expect life to be painful, heart wrenching. I expect tears and sadness and grief. I expect regret after regret, disappointment after disappointment. I don’t expect a happily ever after. I don’t need a happily ever after because amongst all the angst and despair there will be moments of pure happiness and joy. Moments of friendship and love. Moments to live for. And in the end, despite it all, there will be you.

True love never ends, sweetheart. True love never dies.

In the end, in my heart of hearts, no matter what the future brings, the two of us will be standing on True Love, your arms wrapped around me, still in love.

Forever in love,

Joey.

A single teardrop falls onto the worn paper. Pacey folds the paper in three and places it on the sand next to him. He picks up the sketch from his lap and looks at it once more. He is silent.

“Pacey?” Dannie whispers.

“I’m okay.”

“Do you want to be alone?” She places a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Nah.” His eyes ascend from the sketch back to the fading sunset. “Forever in love.”

“I told you, Pace. There’s no escaping a love like yours and Joey’s.”

“I never wanted to escape it, Dannie.”

“Then why are you here sitting on the beach with me and not back in Capeside with her?”

“I don’t know.” He sighs. Pacey is getting exhausted. In a span of a few minutes so much has happened. So many words expressed. He is emotionally drained. “Maybe it’s the fact that she would be moving on and I would remain a townie for the rest of my life. I’m not a top notch scholar you know.” He slumps his shoulders and hugs his knees.

“Pacey, you are a smart guy. Book smart, maybe not. But you are an all around smart guy that doesn’t give himself enough credit. You can’t be dumb and sail the coasts.” She playfully nudges him.

A pause in conversation is accompanied by the sounds of waves rolling and crashing against the beach.

“Dannie, you have to know that there was more to it than just going away to college. There was so much more behind why we broke it off.”

“Does she know this?”

“She does. We’ve talked about it.”

“Have you talked to her since your departure? Have you talked to anyone from Capeside since you left?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, you’ve talked to her?”

“No. Yes, I’ve talked to someone in Capeside. Not her. Dawson.”

“Dawson. This is the best friend/ex-best friend, yes?”

“Yeah.”

“And what did you talk about?”

“I apologized for not saying goodbye to him. Told him that was one thing I regretted doing before I left. Said that I just wanted things to be the way they were back in the beginning when we were best friends.”

“So you call Dawson to apologize for not saying goodbye and for wanting things to go back the way they were. Couldn’t you say that to Joey?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s my best friend and blood brother.”

“And Joey is what? Chop liver? Couldn’t you call Joey and apologize and say you wanted things to go back to the way they were also.”

“If things were to go back to the way they were in the beginning we would have been friends.”

“Problem being?”

“I want to be more than her friend.”

“So go back to the beginning when you two were a couple in love in its simplest terms.”

“One can never go back to the beginning. Things change and are never the same. You can go back to being similar to what you were, never exactly to what you were.”

“Shit. You’re frustrating as all hell, Witter.”

“And you’re annoying and tiring with these questions, Newman”

“I’m trying to help you sort out you’re feelings.”

“I have no doubt of that. I can imagine my sister doing the same thing when I get to Boston and no doubt when I bump into you in that city you will be inquisitive as ever.”

“Talking helps. When you actually speak your problems out loud it’s like you are actually examining it, analyzing it. Find out what’s wrong in you’re thinking. That’s what I’m here for. To help you analyze.”

“Eh, you’re like Dawson. Analyze, analyze.”

“And what’s wrong with analyzing? Analyzing can be good. Besides, I don’t just analyze you know.”

“Yeah, you listen to the radio and then analyze some more. With Dawson, it’s movies and analysis.”

“Enough of Dawson. I want to talk about you and Joey.”

“Well, I don’t.”

“Well, you’re going to have to. I’m not going to stop pestering you unless you do. You can expect loud music from me from now on.”

Pacey’s eyes remain scanning the horizon. Dannie sighs.

“How about this, Pace. If we talk now, we won’t have to talk about it again unless you bring it up.”

“Yeah. Fine.”

“Good. So why not call her?”

“Because, I couldn’t. Because I can’t.” Pacey sighs.

“Why couldn’t you and why can’t you?”

“Why must you ask extended questions about my answers?”

“Because you don’t answer them fully. Your answers don’t explain a thing to me.”

“I told you why I called Dawson. He had told me that Joey was thinking about me and she was miserable.”

“All the more reason to call her then.”

“He had asked me if I wanted to pass on a message. I said no. And before you ask me why, it’s because I’m not ready to say anything to her. I can’t very well explain the reasons of why she deserves better. Why I left without a word.”

“So you couldn’t leave a message saying hello, or that you’re fine, or that you miss her?”

“She would have asked more of me in the message. Asking why that’s all I said. I know her.”

“But at least you’re saying something to her. Why do you think she deserves better?”

“She doesn’t deserve a person like me.”

“What do you mean ‘a person like you’?”

“This is getting tiring, Dannie.”

“I grant you this seems all cyclical. But that’s only because you make it that way.”

“I am a loser. Plain and simple.”

“A loser, huh? Define loser.”

“I barely graduated from high school. No plans for college. I’m a poor boy that can barely afford to take her to a nice dinner at a restaurant. I’m bound for townie status.”

“Do you think she thought you were a loser? I mean, why would an intelligent girl like her, Worthington bound, date a loser? Let alone love one, right? If she is as smart as I think she is, then she should be the one who decides what she deserves when it comes to love and the heart.”

“Sometimes she needs help.” Pacey remembers their spring break at Aunt Gwen’s place.

“She doesn’t need help in breaking her own heart Pacey.”

Pacey sighs and sets the letter on top of the sketch by his side. He puts his hands behind his back and looks up at the sky.

“You know, I did try to communicate with her during the summer. I wrote a letter to her on my way down here on the plane. I haven’t sent it though. I don’t plan on it either.”

“Why?”

“It was just a way to express my feelings to her and for me to get things off my chest.”

“So why not send it?”

“She doesn’t need to see the letter to know how I feel.”

“That’s a load of crap. Why? Are you waiting to tell her in person? Cause I can bet that you still will be hiding some of those sentiments in that letter from her.”

“It’s not like she was planning to send me this letter either, Dannie. Or this sketch. It just happened to find it’s way to me.” Pacey grows frustrated, tired. But his new friend will not let the subject die down.

“But it did, Pacey. So now what are you going to do? In a couple weeks time you will be living in the same city as her. Are you gonna avoid her? I don’t care how big a city is, something always causes two forces to meet. Call it fate. Call it destiny. Or call it sheer coincidence, but you two will end up meeting sometime and it won’t be under the happiest of conditions.”

She is right. Joey and Pacey. Something always brought them together.

“Pacey, do something about it. Send it or write another one. Just let her know how you feel before it’s too late.”

“What if it’s already too late?”

“You never know unless you do something.”

Dannie slowly begins to stand up and stretches out. “Come on. It’s getting late and I’m hungry as hell.”

Pacey stands up and gathers his new found treasures in his hand.

They walk towards the end of the sand and onto the sidewalk. “Pacey, can ask you something else?”

“I’m sure you would ask me anyway so go ahead.”

“Why are you going to Boston?”

“To keep a promise.” He says quietly as he eyes on the pebbled road before him.

*****

Days continue to pass and suddenly the weather is less warm. Summer is nearing its end and college is calling. Jack and Jen have already left for Boston and Dawson will be leaving in a few weeks’ time. And there is a special orientation week for new students at Worthington in a few days that Joey is going to attend.

She is leaving Capeside.

Joey wanders alone through the streets of Capeside. She passes Capeside High, Leery’s Fresh Fish, the small art gallery, the Rialto and numerous familiar places. It is nighttime and the stars are shining brightly.

Somewhere out there or so the animated movie song goes, Pacey is staring up at the same stars. It provides her no comfort. She longs for him to be here, his arms wrapped around her body as they lie on the grass staring up at the night sky. She hates their distance, hates their separation.

She continues to walk until she finds herself standing in front of her wall. There is a huge poster plastered onto the wall where the top left edge is peeling and falling. It is an advertisement for the local hardware store. They are having a summer sell out. She stares at the wall and imagines red against white; bold, startling red.

Ask me to stay.

“Stay.” Joey whispers in an inaudible plea.

There is no one to hear her. No one to listen. She is alone.

It is her last night in Capeside. The summer is over and it is time to go.

She walks to where Bessie’s truck is parked on the side of the street. She heads back to the Potter B&B and discovers once again that there are too many traffic lights on the streets of Capeside. She stalls five times. At least she is improving. Each time she stalls her mind automatically travels to Pacey.

She stumbles into the B&B late at night. She trips over the scattered boxes, all neatly filled and packed with the life of Josephine Potter. Tiredly she flops on to the bed and hits some the hard cardboard of a box. In the moonlight shadows of the night Joey opens the box and tenderly takes out the items inside. Albums. She opens the book and sees a child. A child in a garden, gazing out beyond the border of the photograph, beguiled by some fancy in her childish imagination. Then a young girl between child and teen scowling at a young boy around her age. There’s pure emotion in her face. Resentment and hidden, deep affection. The page is turned. Surrounded by false immortals that are her family and friends she stands in the middle, distant like she’s waiting for something, waiting for someone. Her face is questioning. She longs for answers. Longs to speak to the oracles and ask of her fate, ask of her love. Joey longs to speak to the child/teen and tell her all, tell her the answers she has not been looking for. The page is turned. A girl and a boy. A man and a woman. True Love.

Her mouth opens in a strangled sob and Joey shuts her eyes tightly but the ghosts of the past haunt her. She falls into a death-like sleep empty with the knowledge of irreclaimable happiness. A dreamless state.

In the morning, her bags already packed, Joey bids Bessie, Bodie and Alexander tearful goodbyes. Dawson, Mr and Mrs Leery and baby Lily also come to the Potter B&B to say goodbye. Joey and Dawson hug and promise to meet up once Dawson gets to Boston. Then Joey hops onto the train and leaves Capeside for Boston.