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Prayer topics
Help Me to Honour My Husband
Questions About 'Unanswered' Prayer
Content In My Relationship With My Husband?
Questioning About My Gifts/Talents
I'm Tired, So Tired... I Just Want Peace
Why Can't I Do What is Right?
New Mercies Every Morning! Amazing God!
I Want True Total Holiness In My Life
Unto Us A Child... Your Greatest Gift!

Help Me to Honour My Husband
Date: December 1, 2003

Yesterday in the sermon about friendship, the pastor said a woman destroys her family when she speaks against her husband (or a husband, vice versa) in front of the children when he's away, or she doesn't stick up for him when the kids speak against him. Yes, I have been guilty of both those things. Was it always a habit, or did it start to happen more when I was alone for so long? I guess it doesn't matter, and there are no excuses. I should have been depending on the Lord all along to be my "husband" when my own husband was absent. I have stuck up for him and been pretty loyal to some of his decisions, like staying in that last community for so long, but I guess - I know - that the good times don't cancel out the bad ones.

The past is done. Lord Jesus, now is the time I can do something about. Help me, please, to love him and stick up for him (but Lord, please also give me wisdom to know if things are truly wrong). Help me to hear Your voice first of all. I defend myself for doing my Bible Study at 4 am on the grounds that You are number one in my life, even above my husband (but is that really true? or am I being #1 or just being ornery?) (Besides which, Your Word encourages meeting with You each morning. And it's quiet then so I can concentrate. And I'm not too tired. And it's too cold and dark to do other things. So am I making excuses? Or am I on the right track but with rather skewed motives?)

Help me to love my husband, Lord, while obeying and loving You. Help me find the right balance so I am living in Your joy and freedom, not under guilt and even resentment. And dear Lord, please help my husband not to be jealous of my spending time with You (if he even is... maybe he's just cranky about the light being on...) and help him develop an ever closer relationship with You, as You have been so graciously and wondrously and wonderfully doing for me! Thank You.

"Giving My Attitudes And Burdens to You"

In the last week or so I have been noticing I don't find work nearly so stressful, tiring, burdensome, even so boring, when I just change my attitude and look for the little pleasures instead of the things that bug me. I notice that on days when ___ is in charge I have quite a lot of cheery moments, but when ___ is in charge, I pick up her tension and perfectionism, and get all hurt and resentful, and tired and burdened. The same thing at home, and at Children's church and so on. The attitude I choose to accept really colors my day. What I think I realized just now, from reading today's devotional, is that my attitude results in either picking up and accepting the devil's burdens, or refusing them and accepting the joy of the Lord. But I also think "how much" joy depends on how much I accept the Lord's offer of freedom. If I'm just doing a "human" attitude change it will not be nearly as strong, fulfilling, or permanent as if I consciously serve the Lord's way. The human attitude change is kind of nice itself, but maybe it is the enemy's device to keep me from turning all the way to the Lord Jesus!

I think I have come to accept the circumstances of my life, in general, as being under the Lord's purpose and will, but I am still focusing on the details and being burdened by them. It's like they are trunks (suitcases) full of little bundles. I am giving the trunk to the Lord, but first I am reaching inside and pulling out some of the bundles (maybe most or all of them). So for a short time I feel relief because part of the weight of my cares is gone. But before long I'm getting worn out again by the myriad of little bundles I am still packing along.

Oh dear Lord, I want to let it all go. Dear God, everytime I am influenced by others, or even myself, (all from the enemy, ultimately), to hold those burdens, help me to refuse to touch them, and instead to call out to You to come and pick them up and remove them. Altogether! Thank You, Lord, in Jesus' name!

"She was like the old lady who once said she had suffered so much, especially from the troubles that never came."

This is another area in which I have not been truly trusting in and submitting to You, dear Lord. Worrying about how boring my job will be (in the future) when there are no more cakes to decorate, and how my husband will be cranky about my morning devotions, and so on... when those events haven't even happened yet, and there is no guarantee they ever will. Just because something has happened in the past doesn't guarantee a repeat. And besides, now I'm learning - have learned - to walk step by step with Jesus and let Him deal with each circumstance and result and care, instead of me having to bear it alone, or really even bear it at all.

Another New Year is almost here. Help me to start it early, Lord, right now, on a new track of giving all my cares and burdens (well, they aren't mine to begin with: I've just accepted them from the enemy) to You the moment they appear, or even the moment they are suggested to me, since a lot of them, maybe most, are simply "what-if" scenarios. I have been a fool to pick them up and not recognize them for what they are. Please forgive me, dear Lord Jesus, and help me to see the truth. And to listen always to You and obey Your voice, not the enemy's sneaky suggestions. And put all my cares on You, giving You the whole trunk and all its contents and anything hanging off it, too. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus' name, amen.

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Questions About Unanswered Prayer
Date: December 2, 2003

I woke this morning about 3:15 am to the sound of my child coughing and coughing, as he has been for the last few days. I took him medicine, and then as I walked out his door, said a short prayer for God to heal him.

As I walked away I reflected, asked the Lord, about that. I had also prayed for him the night before when I took him medicine, but not otherwise. I was wondering why God doesn't seem to heal when I ask (or do lots of other things I ask for). Especially for the kids. How are we supposed to teach them that God answers prayers when He so often seems not to? Right away I heard His voice in my heart gently asking how often I'd asked for healing this time. And I remembered the devotional from a few days ago about "importunate" prayer, prayer that keeps asking in faith until finally it is answered. Oh yes, that too: that answer isn't always what we hope for. But it is always God's best, God's will. Though how do you explain that to a child in pain or sorrow? (But remember what Lamentations 3:19-40 says about young people and the Lord allowing grief, and His compassions that follow, and how suffering brings us to examine ourselves and return to the Lord). Anyway, maybe that's one of those things that can't be adequately explained but must be lived through. And somehow down the road one looks back and sees the whole picture... or not, but learns to accept God's will, in faith, anyway.

Anyhow, after I lay back down I started asking and asking, drifting off to sleep, then half awakening and asking yet again. And after awhile I realized his coughing had stopped! Hallelujah! And I'm thanking the Lord! (And resisting the voice of the enemy who is busy right now making excuses about the medicine, and what will happen when my son wakes up. "Get behind me, satan!") Lord, I do want a full healing, not just while he is sleeping. But You do know best, and I do not think it is a lack of faith to say, "Your will be done." After all, that is what this walk with You is all about.

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Content In My Relationship With My Husband?
Date: December 3, 2003

Lord, dear Lord, I am thinking of that verse, "Godliness with contentment is great gain."

I guess it is because I am not being content about my relationship with my husband. I asked him if there is anything at all I can do to improve our relationship, and he said, "No." He said he is content. And hard as it is for me to imagine, I think he is content. So why do I want more? Why do I want friendship? Why do I want to be able to share dreams, and discuss thoughts, and do fun things together, and have romance, and why, oh why, do I want to have a relationship on a spiritual level, that shares You? Why do I feel like I am married to a stranger (maybe just because we have so little time together. That's pretty simple and straightforward...)? Why do I want a relationship that grows and deepens? The thing is, he does love me. He's nice to me. He buys me things. Which is fine. But things aren't very important to me. I want to share intellectually and spiritually. And have some fun together (there was a time when we had fun, just simple silliness. It was great! So do I just need to grow up?). I feel like the way one and two year olds are: "parallel play." Contented to be in each other's company but doing their own things. I guess I really do need to cultivate some women friends. Maybe ___ would be good because she doesn't have a hubby who needs her time and provides her friendship. I wonder. Are other married couples happy and contented? Or is this just part of the "women from Venus, men from Mars" syndrome, and I just need to get over it?

Well, Lord, maybe You are holding me out of other relationships so that I can be cleared to depend on Your friendship first, most, even alone!

Maybe my husband is giving all he can. He is a good, caring man. Maybe he just doesn't have anything to give me (or he can't give) in areas I am wishing for. After all, I'm not very interested in his action movies, either!

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Questioning About My Gifts/Talents
Date: December 4, 2003

We talked about friends last night at our cell group, and I brought up about meals around the kitchen table, and about fast food restaurants. And I think I brought that up because the starting question (which I didn't answer out loud, but have been thinking about a lot) was "Which talent or spiritual gift would you really like to have?"

Well... I really, really wanted to be able to sing... and God granted that in a most amazing way, thought it really only "works" when I'm actually praising the Lord - which is great, because I wound otherwise get a swelled head, and it would be wasted. I have to remind myself constantly that it is a gift from God for His use and glory, and let Him choose the times and places He wants it used for.

Forgive me, Lord, for being constantly tempted, and so often falling into the trap of wanting attention for my voice. But I do want to use it to encourage others to praise You in song,too. Lord, I need to ensure that my motives at pure.

I want to be hospitable. I always remember ____ saying she believed I have the gift of hospitality. And Lord, You know how I long to have my door open, a pot of soup on the stove, my home a lighthouse and port of safety and Christian influence and growth and down-home, old-time hospitality to my community. But Lord, what about my family? Can I do it if they don't seem to share my vision?

The 301 course said that my #1 gift (but - is it a gift, or just a natural talent or leaning? and how is it spiritual?) is "administration." Lord, You know I am really struggling with that idea. Churches are led by men, and in churches (and, face it, everywhere else) men don't much like the idea of women adminstrating anything (except maybe children's ministries - where men are really, really needed! - okay, that's where they've slotted me now, isn't it, though it is dealing with adult volunteers in that ministry -- or in women's ministries, which is where my "vision" lies, so that could be very cool!). I'd still like to do that church data base of gifts and talents and life experiences, Lord.

What were the other "gifts" identified in 301? Let me see... Oh! Writing (100%), Administration (90%), Knowledge, Music (instrumental/vocal), and teaching (tied at 80%). Hospitality was only 58%, but I wonder if that doesn't reflect the barriers I've run into - or created in my own mind?

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I'm Tired, So Tired... I Just Want Peace
Date: December 9, 2003

Lord, I have some needs to bring before You. I was just going to say, "I hope You don't mind," but then I realized - You don't mind! You love me. You care. You want me to bring all my life to You. So... I've been concerned about ___ and the way her boss treats her badly at work... I'm worried about our finances again... I'm not happy in my job. I believe You gave it to me when we came here, and I liked it at first, but even with its good moments, I'm just - well, I don't know what it is, but I just want out. But it seems I "need" the income... Why do I have to be always so tired? Why do I have more responsibilities than I want?.... Do You want me to stick with my job I have now, or start my own business, or "step out in faith" - and if so, do what?...

I'm having a hard time living from moment to moment, Lord. I don't seem to be able to clear my mind of all the worries and hassles. Does that mean I'm a "bad Christian" on top of every other way I fail in life? Are You mad at me too? (Okay, now I'm being silly, but I'm so tired, and I'm tired of the pain in my back and my head, and I'm tried of not being a bold witness for You, and I'm tired of worrying, and I'm tired of having to deal with money and bills and stuff, and I'm tired of feeling guilty about the way I feel about my hubby sometimes, and I'm tired of my kids being upset at me and fighting with each other -- oh, Lord, I just want some peace.

.... "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world. (Jn 16:33)" ....

Thank You, Lord. Please take all my "tribuations" and give me real peace in the midst of them. I do want Your peace. But I don't know how to keep it even when I do get it (and You do give it!). Have I been "taking back" my worries? Do I have to keep asking for Your peace? Shouldn't Your peace be lasting and abiding? Thank You for listening to me "dump." And thank You for answering.

Today's devotional! -- "For this our light and transitory burden of suffering is achieving for us a weight of glory (2 Cor 4:17 Weymouth)" "Nearer my God to Thee, nearer to Thee, E'en though it be a crosss that raiseth me." "Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning." -- Thank You, Lord!

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Why Can't I Do What is Right?
Date: December 14, 2003

Well, my Christmas shopping is almost done. I'm more in debt to VISA and I shopped on Sunday ... but everybody will be happy (at least sort of)... Except maybe You, God ... and me, suffering from guilt; and disappointment that "simplifying" isn't something I can convince others to try). (Maybe I'm not convinced myself or I would have stood up and refused to get pulled into the Christmas financial mess...).

Why oh why can't I do what is right? How do you stand up against the Christmas crazies?

Well, I did enjoy teaching the lesson for Children's Church this morning! The kids were so enthusiastic!

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New Mercies Every Morning! Amazing God!
Date: December 15, 2003

God's mercies are new every morning (Lam 3)! Every morning a fresh start in my walk with my Saviour, a fresh opportunity to know Him more and follow Him with greater love and obedience, to choose Him as the pilot of my life, to let Him be the potter, molding and making me as He chooses. Amen!

Thank You, Jesus! for giving Your life to bring me out of death and into the glorious new morning of being in Your presence and in relationship with You, my God!

Lord Jesus, You know I struggle with how to express Who You are - for You are, as the Son, an individual in Your own right - but as God, are You also the Father and the Spirit? I know I can address You as God, but is it wrong to morph into calling You Father or Spirit? Or does it really matter? The Bible seems to teach (or does it? is this just another thing man teaches? Lord?) that we pray to the Father in the name of the Son, by the guidance and power of (through) the Spirit. And You prayed to Your Father. And the Spirit is called the "Spirit of Christ" so does that make You and the Spirit One? Yes, of course, but "the Father and I are One" also. Well, great theologians struggle with all that, too.

But I know You love me, dear God - and You are Father, Son and Spirit - and that's enough! I expect as I walk with You, I'll learn to know You better and better in all Your aspects, and that will be wonderful, awesome, but the basics will always be the same - One God! three persons - Father, Son, Spirit. The Godhead. Yes, what a mystery. Reminds me that You are the great Creator God, and I Your little creation, Your little servant.



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I Want True Total Holinesss In My Life
Date: December 17, 2003

"Holiness... appeared to me to be of a sweet, calm, pleasant, charming, serene nature, which brought an inexpressible purity, brightness, peacefulness, ravishment to the soul... it made the soul like a field or garden of God ... enjoying the ... gentle vivifying beams of the sun." (Jonathon Edwards)

"I feel alone with God; He fills the void; I have not one wish, one will, one desire, but in Him; He hath set my feet in a large room. I have wondered and stood amazed that God should make a conquest of all within me by love." (Lady Huntington)

Lord God, I want this! I want true, total holiness in my life. I keep discovering nasty things about myself, and feel so guilty and dirty and sinful. But my sins have been washed away and I have been made pure and holy - a saint! a set-aside one! by the precious blood of Jesus. Yes, I am still wearing my earth-suit, contaminated as it is by sin, but I am holy. Oh dear God, may the holiness of Your Spirit in my spirit diffuse to change my body and soul to the likeness of Your Son, Jesus Christ my Lord and Saviour.

Lord Jesus, I am hereby, again, in sorrow and repentance for my bad attitudes toward work and toward ___, and for trying to be cool and acceptable at work to those in the world. And Lord, I'm bringing my personality and habits, too, because I don't like them, at least I don't like the way they make me when I don't keep You and Your will totally in charge, totally at the helm. I bring all this, all my unholy thoughts, actions, behaviours, feelings to You, and beg You to take them all, cast them out of me, throw them out the door, and You stay inside and fill the whole space of my spirit, mind, soul, body, emotions, all of me. Don't leave! And please don't let me open the door to let all that garbage try to sneak, or boldly march, back in.

Lord, I hereby present my body a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to You (which is no more than my reasonable spiritual service of worship). Lord, I cast aside conformity to this world, and ask You to transform me by the renewing and changing of my mind to the mind of Your Son, Christ Jesus, so that in all that I do, think, feel, plan, I may prove Your will, that which is good, acceptable and perfect, so that I may be holy in all that I am.

Thank You, Lord. Amen. I love You, Lord.

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Unto Us A Child... Your Greatest Gift!
Date: December 22, 2003

Thank You, Lord, for our little Christmas tree, and all our gifts and food. But, oh dear God, help us not let all these unbelieveably generous gifts from You distract and blind us from the real, true, greatest gift of Jesus, Your Son and our Saviour. Thank You for the great opportunity to teach the lesson to the kids at children's church the past 2 Sundays, and share their enthusiasm and their simple faith and trust and joy in You, dear Jesus. Thank You for all the little preschoolers who wanted to pray! Amen!

What a Mighty God we serve! "And His name shall be called Wonderful Counsellor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace." "Unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given!"

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