Conversations, Reflections & Meditations


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Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics Family Discouragements - Help Me Trust You, Lord Tiredness, Discouragement... and Thanksgivings! Exchanging My Burdens for His Light and Easy Yoke Don't Take On Other People's Work! My Environment is of His Determining Family Discouragements - Help Me To Trust You, Lord Date: November 13, 2003 "I know him that he will command his children." (Gen 18:19) I guess God hasn't been able to say that about me. And I'm scared to ask for it because it would cause more troubles, I expect, and I've asked before to be a better, more consistent mom, but look at me, look at us. Dear God, if You want me to be able to "command my children" - if it's in Your Word, then it is Your will - well, go for it, Lord, but oh my, You are totally going to have to be in charge because I so obviously am not. You'll have to take my husband's spot. I know I have trusted in him instead of in You, and I have resented it and been terribly hurt when he "hasn't been there for me/us." But You are always there so I guess I'm just here to dump it all on You. Our cell group was hard last night, with all that discussion about connecting with Your mate. And ___ seeing me sitting there so quietly, and bringing it up. But I've been trying hard to be a good wife and not talk against my husband, and trying to love him, and bury my feelings of hurt and desertion (re his having a job where he is away so much) in times of trouble. And I guess You sent me there to bring in up again so You could deal with it. So please. Deal with it already because I hate carrying it. I need a husband to lean on. But what I really need, I know, is to truly lean on You. Sometimes I think I need someone to fix this problem. Funny, all those ladies kind of complaining that their men are fixers but not listeners. Maybe I really don't know what I need at all. Good thing You do. Because I'm sure my poor husband doesn't. So, I'm sorry for the past. For this whole mess I've made with my husband, family and You. I was going to say, "Please fix it now!" But maybe that is wrong. Please do what is right, and help me to trust you and accept that, whatever it is. Amen. (I think the thing that was said last night at cell group that was most true for me, was that our connection with our spouse - or anyone - is really about our connection with God!) Return to the top Tiredness, Discouragement... and Thanksgivings! Date: Nov 14, 2003 Well, Lord, I'm back to my regular $8.53/hour paycheque. I had such a long, busy, tiring day yesterday, including working till almost 4:20 (overtime without pay, as usual), and then came home and looked at my cheque, and just wept in disappointment. I've worked so hard, and it seems my job just gets busier and busier, and more things added to it - so many dishes, cleaning, filling doughnuts, keeping the danish and cookies and croissant trays filled, and all those stews and bread bowls - and I was able to (barely) handle it before because of Theresa's kind words, and the extra pay last cheque... But then yesterday I just felt like it was all too much, just tumbling down around me. I guess we need the money to pay rent - but at what cost to my health and life? And my family's? Am I doing any good there at all? I'm sure not much of a witness. I'm disappointed in myself. I feel like maybe You might be disappointed in me too. (Tears...) I have to go to the dentist today. My mouth and teeth are a mess. Way too much sugar in those donuts and coke these past 2 months, and not taking care of myself... or my family. I must cook proper meals (but I'm so tired). Thank You for a long night's sleep on Tuesday night and Thursday night this week. It has been lovely. Oh! And thank You most of all for spending this special, wonderful time with me every morning. And thank You for looking after my daughter - please help her and heal her back and neck - and please keep drawing her - and all of my children - to Yourself. Oh, Lord, draw __ . She's been so sad and lonely and her best friend is mad at her. Bring her to Yourself, Lord. And take care of ___. He's been mouthy lately, Lord - seeking attention, I think. He seems so angry at me. Help me to give him more of myself, more love. Oh! Thank You for the good things that are happening in his education. He is doing so well, and becoming much more independent and, I think, more self-assured and less discouraged. Bless ___, Lord. Help her to know what to do about these potential young men in her life. She seems wise and mature, Lord. Oh, dear Lord, please bring all my children to Yourself. I wonder what ever happened to that young man who was setting out to travel around the world? Help him find You, Lord, find what he is really seeking, even though he may not know it yet. Thank You. Oh, Lord, let Your Word go forth into the world. Gather all those You have paid for by Your blood. Lord, You say You don't want any to perish but for all to come to repentance. Help me to spread your good news of Your love and acceptance. In Jesus' name! "Let my teaching drop as the rain, my speech distill as the dew... For I proclaim the name of the LORD" (Deut 32:2-3). Oh Lord, please use my mouth to proclaim Your name! Return to the top Exchanging My Burdens for His Light and Easy Yoke Date: November 15, 2003 I have a limited amount of time outside of work and sleep and housework, so I'm not joining up anything new (unless God really shows me). I'm going to start relaxing and having more fun. As in joy! because I am a child of the King. And I don't have to carry the loads of life alone. I don't have to carry them at all, because I am exchanging my burdens for His yoke, which is light and easy, because He is walking through life totally with me, if I only let Him (and not letting Him is just foolish!). Return to the top Don't Take On Other People's Work! Date: November 16, 2003 I was feeling kind of bad this morning at church. Someone was kind of complaining about (or should I say suggesting alternatives to) the current children's church set up, and I ended up in tears. I just can't handle criticism right now - though that isn't my responsibility, as I told the lady, and advised her to talk to ____. I have to learn not to take on other people's work. As long as I do, they won't do it... the things that God purposed for them to do. ___ said something about being careful not to take on things that aren't my gifting. I pointed out that the registration table isn't her job, and that she herself was doing something that she was coerced into herself . But her point is well taken. I must learn to pull back and do what God has purposed for me. And give others the space and the need to step into what God has purposed for them. God's purposes will succeed. I've had a strong tendency to accept the saying, "If I don't do it, it won't get done." But that's not true. If God has purposed it, it will get done (in a way, without doubt, which I totally haven't expected). And if it doesn't get done then maybe (surely?) it wasn't in God's purpose. (Is that right? It almost sounds heretical). Like right now it seems we are "stuck" about a dozen volunteers short for Children's church. So maybe the current configuration isn't God's will. Or maybe His timing is just different than ours. Or?? Anyway, Lord, Your will be done with the children's church thing - please. Either supply workers for the harves (Jesus said to ask that!) or show Your people more clearly what Your will is for this whole thing. Thank You! And good night! Return to the top My Environment is of His Determining Date: November 18, 2003 But it is just as easy (maybe easier because it isn't as clear to see) to be "offended in Jesus" in the daily circumstances of life. Like it says, "My environment is of His determining." I am finding my job kind of trying, hard work for low wages, and all the fun or challenging parts (for example, cake decorating) being stripped away one by one. The hype is that the work is becoming physically lighter and safer and the products more consistent. But from my viewpoint, it's becoming boring. When I try to picture myself in a job like this for years (or even one year) I feel like quitting now. (A good reason to live by the "one day at a time" mantra). Why should I always be tired and not feel like I'm accomplishing anything? I can't even make the "beauty line" cake display look "beautiful" when there are hardly any products to put in it. And the ongoing issue of my husband's coming and going: I used to need him, but now... ____ thought maybe I'm lonely, but that is not it. I guess I am a bit, but I just don't like the constant changes. And I don't like his moodiness the last few days every time he has to go to work. I know he loves me, but I want something other than hugs, gifts and phone calls. I don't even know what it is that I want, for sure. Continuity.... having him "be there" when tough times come (but maybe even if he was present he wouldn't be able to handle the crises and would just get upset. I've seen that before. To be honest, sometimes I think this job of his might well have been the Lord's provision while the kids are in their teens. Now that is a radical thought! I always thought the Lord just gave him his choice of this job, and there have been natural consequences, and that God has been with me/us through the consequences - hard times - but maybe God knew that if he was staying at home it would have been impossible for him, or me, or all of us. Maybe we never would have left our former community, and I would never have learned to turn to the LORD (though I'm still not very good at that). And maybe we would have all driven each other crazy and our family would have blown apart. We do like each other even if we sometimes resent each other... So many "maybe's." But it still comes down to that statement: "My environment is of His determining." He does not create what seems to be evil in my life, and He does allow man, His creation, to exercise free will in choosing dependence or independence from Himself, but in the end He knew it all from he beginning, and sovereignly chose to make it happen, along with interventions of His own... His mercies... along the way. "For the Lord will not reject forever, For if He causes grief, Then He will have compasssion.... Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass, Unless the Lord has commanded it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth? Why should any living mortal, or any man, offer complaint in view of his sins? Let us examine and probe our way, And let us return to the Lord." (Lam 3:31) "He means... to draw me into nearer communion with Himself." And that makes it all worthwhile. That gives ultimate purpose to everything, not only the grand struggles but the boring times at work too! Thank You, Lord, for loving me so much. Return to the top
Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family


	Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family
Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics Family Discouragements - Help Me Trust You, Lord Tiredness, Discouragement... and Thanksgivings! Exchanging My Burdens for His Light and Easy Yoke Don't Take On Other People's Work! My Environment is of His Determining Family Discouragements - Help Me To Trust You, Lord Date: November 13, 2003 "I know him that he will command his children." (Gen 18:19) I guess God hasn't been able to say that about me. And I'm scared to ask for it because it would cause more troubles, I expect, and I've asked before to be a better, more consistent mom, but look at me, look at us. Dear God, if You want me to be able to "command my children" - if it's in Your Word, then it is Your will - well, go for it, Lord, but oh my, You are totally going to have to be in charge because I so obviously am not. You'll have to take my husband's spot. I know I have trusted in him instead of in You, and I have resented it and been terribly hurt when he "hasn't been there for me/us." But You are always there so I guess I'm just here to dump it all on You. Our cell group was hard last night, with all that discussion about connecting with Your mate. And ___ seeing me sitting there so quietly, and bringing it up. But I've been trying hard to be a good wife and not talk against my husband, and trying to love him, and bury my feelings of hurt and desertion (re his having a job where he is away so much) in times of trouble. And I guess You sent me there to bring in up again so You could deal with it. So please. Deal with it already because I hate carrying it. I need a husband to lean on. But what I really need, I know, is to truly lean on You. Sometimes I think I need someone to fix this problem. Funny, all those ladies kind of complaining that their men are fixers but not listeners. Maybe I really don't know what I need at all. Good thing You do. Because I'm sure my poor husband doesn't. So, I'm sorry for the past. For this whole mess I've made with my husband, family and You. I was going to say, "Please fix it now!" But maybe that is wrong. Please do what is right, and help me to trust you and accept that, whatever it is. Amen. (I think the thing that was said last night at cell group that was most true for me, was that our connection with our spouse - or anyone - is really about our connection with God!) Return to the top Tiredness, Discouragement... and Thanksgivings! Date: Nov 14, 2003 Well, Lord, I'm back to my regular $8.53/hour paycheque. I had such a long, busy, tiring day yesterday, including working till almost 4:20 (overtime without pay, as usual), and then came home and looked at my cheque, and just wept in disappointment. I've worked so hard, and it seems my job just gets busier and busier, and more things added to it - so many dishes, cleaning, filling doughnuts, keeping the danish and cookies and croissant trays filled, and all those stews and bread bowls - and I was able to (barely) handle it before because of Theresa's kind words, and the extra pay last cheque... But then yesterday I just felt like it was all too much, just tumbling down around me. I guess we need the money to pay rent - but at what cost to my health and life? And my family's? Am I doing any good there at all? I'm sure not much of a witness. I'm disappointed in myself. I feel like maybe You might be disappointed in me too. (Tears...) I have to go to the dentist today. My mouth and teeth are a mess. Way too much sugar in those donuts and coke these past 2 months, and not taking care of myself... or my family. I must cook proper meals (but I'm so tired). Thank You for a long night's sleep on Tuesday night and Thursday night this week. It has been lovely. Oh! And thank You most of all for spending this special, wonderful time with me every morning. And thank You for looking after my daughter - please help her and heal her back and neck - and please keep drawing her - and all of my children - to Yourself. Oh, Lord, draw __ . She's been so sad and lonely and her best friend is mad at her. Bring her to Yourself, Lord. And take care of ___. He's been mouthy lately, Lord - seeking attention, I think. He seems so angry at me. Help me to give him more of myself, more love. Oh! Thank You for the good things that are happening in his education. He is doing so well, and becoming much more independent and, I think, more self-assured and less discouraged. Bless ___, Lord. Help her to know what to do about these potential young men in her life. She seems wise and mature, Lord. Oh, dear Lord, please bring all my children to Yourself. I wonder what ever happened to that young man who was setting out to travel around the world? Help him find You, Lord, find what he is really seeking, even though he may not know it yet. Thank You. Oh, Lord, let Your Word go forth into the world. Gather all those You have paid for by Your blood. Lord, You say You don't want any to perish but for all to come to repentance. Help me to spread your good news of Your love and acceptance. In Jesus' name! "Let my teaching drop as the rain, my speech distill as the dew... For I proclaim the name of the LORD" (Deut 32:2-3). Oh Lord, please use my mouth to proclaim Your name! Return to the top Exchanging My Burdens for His Light and Easy Yoke Date: November 15, 2003 I have a limited amount of time outside of work and sleep and housework, so I'm not joining up anything new (unless God really shows me). I'm going to start relaxing and having more fun. As in joy! because I am a child of the King. And I don't have to carry the loads of life alone. I don't have to carry them at all, because I am exchanging my burdens for His yoke, which is light and easy, because He is walking through life totally with me, if I only let Him (and not letting Him is just foolish!). Return to the top Don't Take On Other People's Work! Date: November 16, 2003 I was feeling kind of bad this morning at church. Someone was kind of complaining about (or should I say suggesting alternatives to) the current children's church set up, and I ended up in tears. I just can't handle criticism right now - though that isn't my responsibility, as I told the lady, and advised her to talk to ____. I have to learn not to take on other people's work. As long as I do, they won't do it... the things that God purposed for them to do. ___ said something about being careful not to take on things that aren't my gifting. I pointed out that the registration table isn't her job, and that she herself was doing something that she was coerced into herself . But her point is well taken. I must learn to pull back and do what God has purposed for me. And give others the space and the need to step into what God has purposed for them. God's purposes will succeed. I've had a strong tendency to accept the saying, "If I don't do it, it won't get done." But that's not true. If God has purposed it, it will get done (in a way, without doubt, which I totally haven't expected). And if it doesn't get done then maybe (surely?) it wasn't in God's purpose. (Is that right? It almost sounds heretical). Like right now it seems we are "stuck" about a dozen volunteers short for Children's church. So maybe the current configuration isn't God's will. Or maybe His timing is just different than ours. Or?? Anyway, Lord, Your will be done with the children's church thing - please. Either supply workers for the harves (Jesus said to ask that!) or show Your people more clearly what Your will is for this whole thing. Thank You! And good night! Return to the top My Environment is of His Determining Date: November 18, 2003 But it is just as easy (maybe easier because it isn't as clear to see) to be "offended in Jesus" in the daily circumstances of life. Like it says, "My environment is of His determining." I am finding my job kind of trying, hard work for low wages, and all the fun or challenging parts (for example, cake decorating) being stripped away one by one. The hype is that the work is becoming physically lighter and safer and the products more consistent. But from my viewpoint, it's becoming boring. When I try to picture myself in a job like this for years (or even one year) I feel like quitting now. (A good reason to live by the "one day at a time" mantra). Why should I always be tired and not feel like I'm accomplishing anything? I can't even make the "beauty line" cake display look "beautiful" when there are hardly any products to put in it. And the ongoing issue of my husband's coming and going: I used to need him, but now... ____ thought maybe I'm lonely, but that is not it. I guess I am a bit, but I just don't like the constant changes. And I don't like his moodiness the last few days every time he has to go to work. I know he loves me, but I want something other than hugs, gifts and phone calls. I don't even know what it is that I want, for sure. Continuity.... having him "be there" when tough times come (but maybe even if he was present he wouldn't be able to handle the crises and would just get upset. I've seen that before. To be honest, sometimes I think this job of his might well have been the Lord's provision while the kids are in their teens. Now that is a radical thought! I always thought the Lord just gave him his choice of this job, and there have been natural consequences, and that God has been with me/us through the consequences - hard times - but maybe God knew that if he was staying at home it would have been impossible for him, or me, or all of us. Maybe we never would have left our former community, and I would never have learned to turn to the LORD (though I'm still not very good at that). And maybe we would have all driven each other crazy and our family would have blown apart. We do like each other even if we sometimes resent each other... So many "maybe's." But it still comes down to that statement: "My environment is of His determining." He does not create what seems to be evil in my life, and He does allow man, His creation, to exercise free will in choosing dependence or independence from Himself, but in the end He knew it all from he beginning, and sovereignly chose to make it happen, along with interventions of His own... His mercies... along the way. "For the Lord will not reject forever, For if He causes grief, Then He will have compasssion.... Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass, Unless the Lord has commanded it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth? Why should any living mortal, or any man, offer complaint in view of his sins? Let us examine and probe our way, And let us return to the Lord." (Lam 3:31) "He means... to draw me into nearer communion with Himself." And that makes it all worthwhile. That gives ultimate purpose to everything, not only the grand struggles but the boring times at work too! Thank You, Lord, for loving me so much. Return to the top
Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family