Conversations, Reflections & Meditations


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Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics Wandering From Your Presence What Are You Saying to Me? My Protector My Desires, God's Will Thank You For Sickness Wandering From Your Presence Date: March 23, 2004 Oh, dear God, I feel sick to my stomach. And not from physical causes, either, I don't believe. I feel sick because, I think, the last few days I've been sliding out of Your Presence. Even though some good things have happened (thank You), I've been slacking off, drawing away. I've watched quite a bit of TV. I've felt at "lost ends" without a purpose, so watching TV was even easier, but the fact is, I wanted to watch. I did it on purpose. I sat down and turned it on, and watched it because I chose to, even though I knew it was wrong for me. It "feels" good, it is "satisfying" for my "self," to my flesh, to rebel and take control. And at the same time I've really backed off praying. I haven't cracked open my prayer book in ages. I argue to myself that now that I've learned to "pray all day" I don't need to take a specific time to sit down and do the hard work (and sometimes kind of boring work, Lord) of actually laying out specific requests before You. Lord, the enemy must be dancing circles and cackling with laughter. I see what happens when I let those things go. I start feeling proud and exaggerating the few little encounters I do have with people, and become boastful and arrogant. I loudly push my "great ideas" for the church, life group, etc, onto people. And now I realize that while some of the ideas may be good, my spirit has been critical and undermining at a time when support and uplifting prayer and encouragement would be way more helpful (as it always is). And my fasting has been failing, too; I even have too much pride about that. Lord, I know people say we blame the enemy way too much, and that he isn't that strong, but You know how weak we are in ourselves, and how hard it is for me to stay under Your control and not fall into the traps of spiritual pride and desire for personal recognition and for "self"-control. Is it really true that the enemy can't read our thoughts? If he can plant thoughts in our minds, why would he not be able to read our minds? He sure manages to mess up our dreams when we sleep, doesn't he? (If we are not really, really pure, holy, and on guard). Lord, please show me exactly what we are fighting against, and oh dear God, please help me to really, really keep You in control, and keep me off the throne of my life! Help me to really, really resist the devil, to stay humble - and to pray, pray, pray, intentionally, intensively, prevailingly, earnestly, specifically (as well as "walking in Your Presence," which I find if I emphasize it so much that intentional prayer is lost, ends up not being walking in Your Presence at all). Thank You, Lord, for revealing this to me. Oh Lord, please forgive me and cleanse me right now. Please help me to pray intentionally, specifically, prevailingly, starting right now. In Jesus' name! Fill me anew with Your Spirit, dear Lord. Use me, please. Thank You. Return to the top What Are You Saying to Me? Date: April 4, 2004 Lord, I'm struggling. I get all excited, thinking I am hearing something from You, so then I go all gung-ho with it and nothing happens, or I gather enough courage to verbalize it, as our pastor says to do, and then people look at me wierdly, or kind of correct me. Maybe speaking out isn't one of my gifts at all. Does this mean my "call" is all wrong? And if that is all wrong, is my "vision" all wrong too? See, how on earth do I know what You are saying to me? Return to the top TMy Protector Date: April 11, 2004 Dear Heavenly Father, I love You! Thank You for Your care and protection! You are my hiding place, my refuge, my strong rock in times of trouble. Father, I ask - I beg - Your spiritual protection on our entire family again. The nightmares are happening again. Draw us to You, Lord. Help us to commit our lives totally to You. I know I can't manipulate you. I know I haven't been faithful in my prayers or in so many ways. I know I am as easily distracted spiritually as my mom seems to be mentally these days. Oh I must drive You crazy. But You keep loving and forgiving me. And I at least have more choice than my mom does. Even though sometimes it feels like I have little or no choice, or that I'm being swept along by a current that I've just given into, and am too tired or discouraged to try to fight or break loose of - and not even sure if I should. Return to the top My Desires, God's Will Date: April 17, 2004 Thank You for another great day. Thank You for taking away the very sick feeling I had during the night, right after I asked You. I fell back asleep and woke up feeling so much better. Praise God! Can I ask something? I know we are to pray for our daily needs and ask for our desires and stuff. But sometimes all I want to pray is, "Dear Lord, here I am and here is my day. I love You, and all I really want is for You to fulfill Your purposes and plans for me and the world. So please just do whatever You know is ultimately best for me and for everyone, and grant me Your grace and love, and fill me, dear Holy Spirit, with Your power and guidance, so that I may stand fast, resist the devil, and fulfill all Your purposes for me. Help me to love and worship You, love my neighbor, and fellowship with the brethren, become like Jesus, serve God and others, and bring Your gospel to the whole world, preaching, baptizing, discipling. Amen." Dear Lord, it is true that sometimes I do have specific needs (ie food, money to pay bills, car repairs) and desires (healing, health, spiritual growth for myself and others, conversion and commitment for family, friends and the world), but even then what I really want is Your will to be done because You are sovereign God, You have total control, You know the beginning and the end, You see the eternal picture and therefore can make the ultimately best decision and plans about everything. I'm actually kind of afraid of asking for "my" desires because they could really, really mess things up. Still, You have commanded us repeatedly to pray and to lay our desires before You, so I guess I need to do that anyway, because You command us to be obedient, and because it is in the nature of a parent/child relationship, and even a friendship relationship, which You designed me for, and which gives You pleasure. But at the same time, You do want me to trust You and to live in dependence upon You, and to become like Jesus Your Son, who did Only what You, the Father, wanted. Okay, thank You. I see this. Pray without ceasing. Keep that relationship going and growing, never close off that free and open communication for a moment. Express without hesitation and with great joy, perseverance, and desire, all my desires and needs and supplications, my love and worship of You, my praise and thanksgiving to You for Your mighty works. Yet in all these things, focused and committed and desiring only and always that Your will be done and Your purposes and plans be fulfilled. Thank You, Lord! I understand even as I write to You right now that it isn't an either-or proposition; it's a whole integrated package wrapped up in Your eternal love and grace and sovereignty, my Lord and my God - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, one God now and forever. Amen. Kind of like the "mystery" of the Trinity: one God, three persons - so it is with prayer: my desires, God's purposes and will, Personality within Unity. God be praised! Thank You, Lord, for this understanding - and acceptance even if it still seems a bit mysterious to me. Thank You, Jesus, for dying for my sins, and living eternally for my eternal salvation and relationship in holiness with God my Creator and my salvation. Praise Your Holy Name! Return to the top Thank You For Sickness Date: April 19, 2004 Feeling much better this morning. Thank You, Lord. Still a bit tired, I'll take it kind of easy today, stay at home mostly. Oh, thank You, Lord, for all the time I had yesterday, while I was sick, to listen to Your voice, to spend in Your presence, and to rest my tired mind and body. Thank You, Jesus. (And thank You again for the great worship service yesterday, even if I did miss it! Thank You for answering my prayers!) Thank You for my prayer book, for all You have taught me about prayer, for all the time yesterday to pray and recall everything that You have taught me, that I recorded in that book. Thank You, Jesus. Amen! The sun is shining. The sky is blue. My heart rejoices in You, my God and my Savior. I love You, Lord. Praise Your holy and wonderful name. Amen! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Return to the top
Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family


	Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family
Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics Wandering From Your Presence What Are You Saying to Me? My Protector My Desires, God's Will Thank You For Sickness Wandering From Your Presence Date: March 23, 2004 Oh, dear God, I feel sick to my stomach. And not from physical causes, either, I don't believe. I feel sick because, I think, the last few days I've been sliding out of Your Presence. Even though some good things have happened (thank You), I've been slacking off, drawing away. I've watched quite a bit of TV. I've felt at "lost ends" without a purpose, so watching TV was even easier, but the fact is, I wanted to watch. I did it on purpose. I sat down and turned it on, and watched it because I chose to, even though I knew it was wrong for me. It "feels" good, it is "satisfying" for my "self," to my flesh, to rebel and take control. And at the same time I've really backed off praying. I haven't cracked open my prayer book in ages. I argue to myself that now that I've learned to "pray all day" I don't need to take a specific time to sit down and do the hard work (and sometimes kind of boring work, Lord) of actually laying out specific requests before You. Lord, the enemy must be dancing circles and cackling with laughter. I see what happens when I let those things go. I start feeling proud and exaggerating the few little encounters I do have with people, and become boastful and arrogant. I loudly push my "great ideas" for the church, life group, etc, onto people. And now I realize that while some of the ideas may be good, my spirit has been critical and undermining at a time when support and uplifting prayer and encouragement would be way more helpful (as it always is). And my fasting has been failing, too; I even have too much pride about that. Lord, I know people say we blame the enemy way too much, and that he isn't that strong, but You know how weak we are in ourselves, and how hard it is for me to stay under Your control and not fall into the traps of spiritual pride and desire for personal recognition and for "self"-control. Is it really true that the enemy can't read our thoughts? If he can plant thoughts in our minds, why would he not be able to read our minds? He sure manages to mess up our dreams when we sleep, doesn't he? (If we are not really, really pure, holy, and on guard). Lord, please show me exactly what we are fighting against, and oh dear God, please help me to really, really keep You in control, and keep me off the throne of my life! Help me to really, really resist the devil, to stay humble - and to pray, pray, pray, intentionally, intensively, prevailingly, earnestly, specifically (as well as "walking in Your Presence," which I find if I emphasize it so much that intentional prayer is lost, ends up not being walking in Your Presence at all). Thank You, Lord, for revealing this to me. Oh Lord, please forgive me and cleanse me right now. Please help me to pray intentionally, specifically, prevailingly, starting right now. In Jesus' name! Fill me anew with Your Spirit, dear Lord. Use me, please. Thank You. Return to the top What Are You Saying to Me? Date: April 4, 2004 Lord, I'm struggling. I get all excited, thinking I am hearing something from You, so then I go all gung-ho with it and nothing happens, or I gather enough courage to verbalize it, as our pastor says to do, and then people look at me wierdly, or kind of correct me. Maybe speaking out isn't one of my gifts at all. Does this mean my "call" is all wrong? And if that is all wrong, is my "vision" all wrong too? See, how on earth do I know what You are saying to me? Return to the top TMy Protector Date: April 11, 2004 Dear Heavenly Father, I love You! Thank You for Your care and protection! You are my hiding place, my refuge, my strong rock in times of trouble. Father, I ask - I beg - Your spiritual protection on our entire family again. The nightmares are happening again. Draw us to You, Lord. Help us to commit our lives totally to You. I know I can't manipulate you. I know I haven't been faithful in my prayers or in so many ways. I know I am as easily distracted spiritually as my mom seems to be mentally these days. Oh I must drive You crazy. But You keep loving and forgiving me. And I at least have more choice than my mom does. Even though sometimes it feels like I have little or no choice, or that I'm being swept along by a current that I've just given into, and am too tired or discouraged to try to fight or break loose of - and not even sure if I should. Return to the top My Desires, God's Will Date: April 17, 2004 Thank You for another great day. Thank You for taking away the very sick feeling I had during the night, right after I asked You. I fell back asleep and woke up feeling so much better. Praise God! Can I ask something? I know we are to pray for our daily needs and ask for our desires and stuff. But sometimes all I want to pray is, "Dear Lord, here I am and here is my day. I love You, and all I really want is for You to fulfill Your purposes and plans for me and the world. So please just do whatever You know is ultimately best for me and for everyone, and grant me Your grace and love, and fill me, dear Holy Spirit, with Your power and guidance, so that I may stand fast, resist the devil, and fulfill all Your purposes for me. Help me to love and worship You, love my neighbor, and fellowship with the brethren, become like Jesus, serve God and others, and bring Your gospel to the whole world, preaching, baptizing, discipling. Amen." Dear Lord, it is true that sometimes I do have specific needs (ie food, money to pay bills, car repairs) and desires (healing, health, spiritual growth for myself and others, conversion and commitment for family, friends and the world), but even then what I really want is Your will to be done because You are sovereign God, You have total control, You know the beginning and the end, You see the eternal picture and therefore can make the ultimately best decision and plans about everything. I'm actually kind of afraid of asking for "my" desires because they could really, really mess things up. Still, You have commanded us repeatedly to pray and to lay our desires before You, so I guess I need to do that anyway, because You command us to be obedient, and because it is in the nature of a parent/child relationship, and even a friendship relationship, which You designed me for, and which gives You pleasure. But at the same time, You do want me to trust You and to live in dependence upon You, and to become like Jesus Your Son, who did Only what You, the Father, wanted. Okay, thank You. I see this. Pray without ceasing. Keep that relationship going and growing, never close off that free and open communication for a moment. Express without hesitation and with great joy, perseverance, and desire, all my desires and needs and supplications, my love and worship of You, my praise and thanksgiving to You for Your mighty works. Yet in all these things, focused and committed and desiring only and always that Your will be done and Your purposes and plans be fulfilled. Thank You, Lord! I understand even as I write to You right now that it isn't an either-or proposition; it's a whole integrated package wrapped up in Your eternal love and grace and sovereignty, my Lord and my God - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, one God now and forever. Amen. Kind of like the "mystery" of the Trinity: one God, three persons - so it is with prayer: my desires, God's purposes and will, Personality within Unity. God be praised! Thank You, Lord, for this understanding - and acceptance even if it still seems a bit mysterious to me. Thank You, Jesus, for dying for my sins, and living eternally for my eternal salvation and relationship in holiness with God my Creator and my salvation. Praise Your Holy Name! Return to the top Thank You For Sickness Date: April 19, 2004 Feeling much better this morning. Thank You, Lord. Still a bit tired, I'll take it kind of easy today, stay at home mostly. Oh, thank You, Lord, for all the time I had yesterday, while I was sick, to listen to Your voice, to spend in Your presence, and to rest my tired mind and body. Thank You, Jesus. (And thank You again for the great worship service yesterday, even if I did miss it! Thank You for answering my prayers!) Thank You for my prayer book, for all You have taught me about prayer, for all the time yesterday to pray and recall everything that You have taught me, that I recorded in that book. Thank You, Jesus. Amen! The sun is shining. The sky is blue. My heart rejoices in You, my God and my Savior. I love You, Lord. Praise Your holy and wonderful name. Amen! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Return to the top
Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family