Conversations, Reflections & Meditations


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Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics My Heart Filled With Joy Afraid to Step Out Daily Surrendering, Praying, Glorifying God Struggling With Forgiveness and Bitterness Is It Pride? The Least of These More Than 'Just Salvation' Blessings My Heart Filled with Joy Date: March 15, 2004 O precious and loving and wonderful Heavenly Father, worthy of all praise and glory and thanks and honor! Holy, holy, holy art Thou, O my God. You are from everlasting to everlasting. I yearn to walk in Your ways every one of my days, and to dwell in Your Presence at the foot of Your throne, bowing before You in praise and worship, honoring and glorifying You forever and ever, for all eternity, my God Almighty, Sovereign, Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent, King of kings, Lord of lords, great shepherd of the flock, Saviour of my soul, guardian of my eternal hope, my Father, my Master, my God! Oh, I believe! My heart is filled with Your joy this morning! What a blessing it is after a few days when my body felt tired and sluggish, and my feelings were hardly joyful at all. Yet all that time I knew You were present, I was assured of Your love, I looked to You and reminded myself to trust in You, even as my flesh and the enemy have tried to draw my eyes away from You. Yes, there were times - perhaps too many times, Lord - please forgive and cleanse me, O my God, by the blood of Jesus my Saviour - when I started to slip, even to fall, as my eyes dropped from the face of my precious Saviour to focus instead on my physical or emotional state or on unpleasant events around me. But every time, Your gracious and precious and wonderful Holy Spirit gently prodded me, reminded me, empowered me to lift my eyes and refocus on You. Oh, my dear Heavenly Father, O Jesus, my elder brother and Lord and Master and Saviour, O dear Holy Spirit, my guide and comforter and teacher -- Oh, my God! I love You, I trust in You, I cling to You for You are my all-in-all, You are my very life and breath, the very source of my existence now and forever. You are my joy! This morning as I turned to Your Word in the Psalms, my heart leaped for joy as the pen of the Psalmist, inspired by Your precious Holy Spirit, recorded Your very Word! In the last few days I have been reading from Psalms 139 through 145, and all the time it was so hard to focus, and I "felt" no joy. But I knew it was Your word, and I trusted in it anyway. Then this morning I started to read Psalm 145 again, and it was a though the glory of the Lord was shining all around me! It was as though the words were leaping up from the pages in great bounds of joy, right into my heart so that I too felt like I was leaping and bursting with joy! Oh my God, how utterly, incomprehensibly amazing and awe-inspiring it must be - will be - in heaven to stand before Your Presence with all the great company of the redeemed, and with the angels looking on and joining in, as we will all bow low before You, with our faces to the ground, surrounded, infused eternally with Your glory and might and power and love, joining in one great voice and chorus of eternal praise to You, our wonderful eternal God and King. And bowing before Jesus, our Lamb, slain from the foundation of the earth, who has by the precious sacrifice of His shed blood, redeemed us from our sin and corruption and vile iniquitious natures, to purify and clease us for all eternity and to bring us as perfect, sanctified beings into the Presence of the Sovereign, holy, perfect, loving God of the universe and of all eternity, presenting us to God as blameless, as His own children and brethren, and as sons and daughters and even as friends. We deserve in ourselves only to be cast into the fires of hell, into outer darkness and eternal misery and pain and separation from God, tortured forever with he who once was our prince and father, the archenemy of God, the devil. Yet Jesus, the perfect God-man, has rescued us, redeemed us, paid through His own suffering and shed blood and death, the debt of sin and disobedience to God that no other man, marred as we are with sin, could every pay. Oh, dear God, thank You, thank You, thank You for this great revelation of Yourself to me these days! Thank You for opening the book of Hebrews to me these past days, for peeling back the thick layers which had always intimidated me in the past, making it seem like a great tome of massive, heavy theology, with just a few little gems shining here and there on its convoluted surface. But now You are opening up that surface to let all its glory shine forth to me - to see Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith, the high priest of my salvation, my joy, my life, my God! To the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, to my great, eternal, perfect God be glory and honor and praise and thanksgiving forever and ever! Thank You, my God, for opening my eyes through Your Holy Spirit, to see how all Your Holy Word is wrapped up, organized, how Your great plan and purposes for Your people are summarized in these few brief pages, in this "short exhortation" written by one of Your children (the writer perhaps unnamed so that we would really understand that it is Your Word alone! Your plan, Your purpose, Your love, Your salvation, Your will!) Return to the top Afraid to Step Out Date: March 16, 2004 I was going to go out today and take my town for God! Or at least, give a hungry person a loaf of fresh, hot bread. But I didn't. I did go out, but I kept being drawn to the Youth Center (which is due to be closed down at the end of the month), and I didn't have the guts to go in and offer them that bread. I still don't. I need someone to walk in there with me. I know God walks with me. I know He is there. I know He is my friend. I know He'll give me power by His Spirit if I ask for it. Okay, I haven't asked, at least for this. I am scared. I am so scared, dear God. The "Prayerwalker" book says to go out in pairs or in small groups. You sent Your disciples out in twos. I've been praying and fasting alone (it's supposed to be "in secret," right?). And I have been struggling. And not praying well. And easily distracted. I feel so bad. I have failed. I have failed! Am I wrong here? Am I still trying to make it on my own? Yes, I need to trust God. I try to trust God. He is present with me. I read His Word and see His creation and remember His working in my past, and I get so happy! I think it is joy! I think it is good and that God is with me. And then I fail, like today - and I don't want to go back there. I don't want to get stared at. I don't want to... I just am so afraid, scared, terrified... so not trusting God. I'm not able to "step out" and expect God to dry up the Red Sea or separate the waters or build a bridge across the great chasm, just because I have the courage (faith) to keep taking another step. Because, dear God, I do not have the guts! I don't trust You that much. I can't go it alone. Do You really want me to? Where are Your people I can go out with? Why am I still waiting to hear from ___ about praying? (Yes, I know. I still am not ready. I still am harboring ill will in my heart toward people who have hurt me, and people who hurt other people, prejudiced people, people who turn around and take out their anger and pain on me... I keep thinking I've dug that stuff out, but it turns out that it is rooted so deep I can't do it, at least not by myself. I try to stand firm against the enemy, and then I let him flick me over with a breath of air, not even wind. I feel like I have to go to that Youth Center. But God, I need someone to help me. I can't do this myself. Can I? .... later .... Look. Dear God, Have I just been playing games? Have I just been going through rituals and rites, trying to earn Your favor, trying to do it "right," so You can use me? Have I really not surrendered? I mean, it sure looks like I didn't surrender this afternoon, with the bread and the Youth Center thing... But when I was out there, I was aware of Your Presence, and I really did feel You talking to me about people and their need for You... like all those rich people spending their money at the hotel and casino when they really need You... and the young cook standing there outside the kitchen door... I did hear You, Lord, didn't I? And I did try to pray for them, didn't I? And I talked to the guy painting the bridge, for a moment. But I didn't go into the Youth Center. I guess I just should have followed that kid in right then. And asked You for strength to do it. So - I still messed up. I don't want to mess up, Lord. You know I read that chapter about hindrances to prayer. You know I asked Your forgiveness and asked Your help for all those ways I hinder my own prayers so You can't answer. I came home and tried to be nice to my daughter... but then I just got ticked off at my other daughter (messed up again). And Lord, I still don't want to go to the Youth Center. I know this is a battle with the enemy. I know I'm supposed to resist him and fight back with the sword of the Spirit, the Word of God. I even know some appropriate verses. But I don't want to use them, because it didn't work before, so will it even work now? At least it didn't seem to work before... Do You have someone out there praying for me right now, dear God? If there is someone You could use, could You talk to them right now? I can't do this on my own. I think this is the way You work.... using Your people together. Our pastor said, "When you are tired you are most vulnerable. That's why you need the body of Christ with their varied giftings to gather around and protect you." I am tired, Lord. I'm tired from fasting, and weak and hungry a bit, maybe, too. I am in a battle. Lord, I can't stand up against this attack alone. I can't. Oh dear God, I need Your Holy Spirit. I need Your cleansing. I need Your courage. And yes, I need Your people. I need to get over my pride and ask for help. I need Your army - You, Your angels, Your people and their prayers. Together. Forgive me, Lord, for trying to do it myself. Forgive me. Help me to ask for help. Help me now, dear God. Please send someone to help me. Now. Please. Thank You. Amen. Return to the top Daily Surrendering, Praying, Glorifying God Date: March 17, 2004 Yesterday was a great struggle, a spiritual struggle, for me. In some respects I no doubt failed - not going back to the Youth Center, for example, and getting snarly at my daughter instead of praying. Even watching some TV sci-fi shows. But at the end I felt You had taught me a valuable lesson about spiritual warfare, and about needing the support of Your people, and of You - Father, Son, Holy Spirit - and even of the angels. I cannot "do" by myself. And I had peace. I was really feeling bad (wicked, evil) - (a satanic half-truth) - realizing my lack of surrender to Your will, but I also more clearly understand now the need to be continually surrendering, not just looking back to a special, particular "moment of surrender" (though those moments are important, too). "Psalm 139: 1 O lord, You have searched me and known me... You scrutinize me... You know it all... where can I flee from Your Presence?... Search me, O God, and know my heart, Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see it there be any hurtful way (any way of pain) in me, And lead me in the everlasting way." I also realized how critical it is to start - and maintain - my daily "prayer without ceasing" with adoration of God, getting to know You so much that You become the one goal of my life, my north start, my compass, my every breath! We always say that "what else could we do considering how much He loves us" - but I have had a hard time really accepting that You do (even could) love me that much, for I have, without doubt, bought into the enemy's half-truth that I am wicked and worthless and totally undeserving. That is true so far as it goes, but it is only the first sentence of the never-ending story! Because the second sentence says, "For God so loved the world (me!), that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever (me!) believes on Him, shall not perish but have everlasting life!" (John 3:16). And then this morning when I woke up, I decided to read some of the scriptures about the glory of God, so as to know You more, to catch a glimpse of Your glory, so that I might really understand - and the second verse I read just astounded me! "This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent." (John 17:3). Of course I have heard and read this verse many, many times. But it just hit me - the whole "thing" about "eternal life" is KNOWING GOD! Even as a little child I used to wonder if eternal life was really such a great thing - untold eons of wandering around in pretty gardens, playing harps or whatever! Sometimes I had a feeling that it might get pretty boring... Later, I thought maybe I could do a lot of exploring the universe (Star Trek-ish! ) but even that seemed to have its limits. I did have some inkling about what it might really be about whenever I sang those words, "When we've been there ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun, We've no less days to sing God's praise, Than when we'd first begun!" It always gave me a wonderful thrill to sing that, but at the same time I ddep down kind of wondered how long I could sing praises before that got kind of "tired" too... Lately I've been starting to understand that our whole purpose is to glorify God. And I keep reading that I can't really glorify Him until I come to KNOW HIM! Right now, even in these wonderful days when He has given me opportunity, and grace, to come to know Him more than ever before - Oh praise Your holy name! You are worthy of all glory! - the thing I'm coming to see is how very, very little I do know Him at all. That's why it is so hard for me to believe Him (as I read yesterday, to go beyond "believing in/on" to just believing), and without that believing (which is the essence of faith) how can I step out and do what He commands? How can I trust Him that much? How can I have faith to move mountains? How can I possibly praise Him in everything? To really believe Him, to have faith in Him, I have to know Him! I have to be His friend as Abraham and David and Job and Noah were His friends. Yet apparently - yes! - it is possible in this life to be God's friend! To Know Him! To even have a taste of eternal life, of eternal joy! And oh, when I get to the other side of this little box of time within eternity, I shall see Him face to face. And I shall know Him even as I also am known by Him! "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known!" (I Cor 13:13). I think I was hung up on the "eternal" part - not seeing the "life" part: This is life: to know God! Even here and now I catch glimpses of God's glory, and that just about bowls me over. It makes me feel as though I will burst with joy. But then - I can barely imagine, but oh, the glory of even that "barely imagining!" I will be bathed forever in His glory for I shall see Him and know Him fully (as fully as ever a creature could possibly know its Creator), just as He already knows me (Psalm 139). And I'm beginning to see that at that point I could never, ever, be bored - never, for all eternity! I'm beginning to see the real glory of the "hope of my salvation!" "To know Him, to know Him, is the cry of my heart; Spirit, reveal Him to me!" "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty! Heaven and earth are full of His glory!" On Sunday at church we sang an old favorite with a new twist, and it really hit me how much God loves me - whether (get this, satan!) I deserve it or not! He loves me!!!! God is love!!!! And "we love Him because He first loved us and gave His Son for us!" That's the sword of the Spirit talking. That's full truth, not half-truth. Full truth conquers always, because Jesus is the Truth, and He has already conquered satan and all the forces of evil, once and for all! And we have His power because His Spirit lives in us. We are victorious, too. And we have abundant life! Here is what we sang: "My child, you are more precious than silver, My child, you are more costly than gold, My child, you are more beautiful than diamonds..." God really feels that way about me!!! That alone is enough reason to worship Him and give Him glory forever. But oh, to KNOW a God like that! What a hope! Joy! Peace! Glory! Thank You, Jesus, for making it all possible. Without Your sacrifice, it could never, ever happen. How much You must love me. And how much You must love Your Father, to follow His will in obedience in that way. And How much He must love You for being such a faithful and obedient Son! Lord, help me to be faithful and obedient and loving, too. Return to the top Struggling With Forgiveness and Bitterness Date: March 18, 2004 Thank You, Lord! I love You! I worship You! I honor You! For You are great and You do wondrous things. Search me, oh Lord, and know my heart, and see if there be any wicked way in me. And if there is, Lord, please reveal it to me, and help me to humbly repent, and forgive me, Lord, and cleanse my heart. And lead me in the way everlasting, the way which is knowing You, obeying You, honoring You, communing with You, trusting You, having faith in You, believing! (And,grant our family's needs today, dear Lord, I pray.) Amen! Lord, last night at life group, our leader asked if anyone was struggling with forgiveness. Lord, You know my heart. You know I try to forgive and think I have forgiven, and then something happens and the past is remembered, and I discover that somehow I still have the tips of those tap-roots of hurt and bitterness still reaching deep inside me, deeper than I ever imagined. And Lord, I have to dig some more, to will some more to love those people, to try to know You more so I can gain more of Your love, and seek Your forgiveness of my faults, Lord. Our leader made it sound so simple, Lord, and I suppose it really is, or should be. He talks about just "loving on people," and Lord, it's not so hard it they are people you don't have to live with every day, as I'm quite sure You are aware. And the thing is, I do love them: yes, warm, fuzzy feelings, true; but also I mostly enjoy serving thm, and I long for their salvation and growth in You, and I'm learning (I hope) to be more consistent and firm, and more bold to share Your name, Your gospel. I think I'm dealing with them more patiently and kindly, and with others of the fruit of the Spirit, and according to the definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13. And as You so well know, that is so "not me!" It has to be the work of Your Holy Spirit in my life, making me at least a little more each day (oh, I pray) into the image of my precious Lord and Saviour, my elder brother, my God - my dear Lord Jesus Christ! Hallelujah! So Lord, my question is, can't You excise that whole deep tap root of bitterness all at once, and heal me so that it can't get infected in me right away again? Or do I just keep forgiving every time I realize another aspect of my attitude of unforgiveness, every time I am reminded of the past, and then the enemy gleefully pokes a red hot poker in to try and reactivate old hurts? Is it always the enemy? Is it weakness in my flesh? It is even You growing me, purifying me, making me more holy, more like You Lord? I do understand that I am forgiven, that my sins have been washed away, that my spirit is made perfect - but Lord, I myself said at life group last night that we need to turn to the body of believers (as well as to You and to the spiritual armour which You have provided for us, of course, hallelujah!) for support, because You have provided us with giftings and talents for this very purpose. But when our leader asked if anyone needed prayer for dealing with issues of forgiveness, I found myself holding back, in fear of being found out, in fear of what people would think. Well, You know my heart, Lord. Lord, how can I possibly witness to my children, and my husband, and others, when I find I can't - or at least haven't yet chosen to totally - let the past go completely, when I am reminded by some hurt inflicted (physical or emotional), some thing stolen, etc. And I immediately react (at least inwardly, often outwardly) with anger and suspicion and distrust and frustration? Lord, our leader says that when people do bad things to us (or others) we need to remember that ultimately "the devil made them do it" ... and we need to direct our anger against the enemy (because of the mess that the sin he introduced/offered to our first parents has caused) (even if we do choose to follow the lead of our flesh... our sinful nature - but has that nature not been replaced by a new spirit, guided by the Spirit of God, if we have accepted Jesus? ... I need to read Romans again, don't I? Make Your word clear to my heart, Lord...). Anyway, we need to "love our enemies, do good to them who hurt us and persecute us and do evil toward us" and of course, forgive them, seventy times seven and beyond. Lord, please cleanse my heart of unforgiveness and bitterness. Help me to put the past behind, forgetting the past, and running the race forward with my eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith, who for the joy set before Him (oh, Lord, I want Your joy! constantly! praise Your holy name), endured the cross, scorning its shame, and now sits at the right hand of You, Father, presenting me before You, interceding for me, making it possible for me to walk in Your Presence and be holy and forgiving and loving, making it possible for me to fulfill the purpose for which I was created, but which sin had torn apart and destroyed - but now, cleansed and sanctified by the precious and wonderful blood of Jesus, I am entering the Holy of Holies and am a friend of God, communing with Him, knowing Him, walking with Him in His very Presence,being on terms of intimate friendship with Him. Oh, Lord, I do not want unforgiveness in my life to remain, even in the smallest degree, to mar my relationship with You. Help me, Lord! Totally heal my wounds, Lord; dig out and destroy my root of bitterness, help me to will always to forgive and love, help me to have no goal but to bring others to You so You can make them Your friends, too. And help me also to humbly seek the support and prayers of the brethren, Lord, as You give me opportunity. In Jesus' name, amen. Return to the top Is It Pride? Date: March 19, 2004 Dear God, I am having a really hard time fighting (and I think losing to it, most of the time) my desire for attention and my pride when we are singing and worshiping You. Lord, I want to enjoy worshiping You in song, but every time I do, I just get caught up with this battle with my pride about my voice. What am I to do? Please help me, Jesus. Thank You, Lord. Amen Dear Lord, I struggle, too, in any worship time - prayer, discussion, whatever. I feel like I want people to notice that I do love You. Lord, I know it looks like pride, and maybe it is. But Lord, I so want to talk about You. And I feel like not too many people want to do that, or maybe they already have a mentor or a friend to share with, and they don't need to talk about You with me. Okay, Lord, this is true: I have this "need" to be needed. But not just needed to do dishes and cook and clean. Maybe I just need to teach something because maybe You have made me that way. But what if it is just pride? I wonder what it is You want from me? I guess I will find out moment by moment as You reveal Yourself to me in a myriad of different ways. Thank You, Jesus. Amen. br> Return to the top The Least of These Date: March 21, 2004 I love You, Lord God Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, Sovereign God, Almighty God, King of kings, Lord of lords, God of love and mercy and grace and kindness and patience and justice, Wonderful Counselor, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, Shepherd, Saviour, Light and Life of the world, Comforter, Guide, Eternal One: Father, Son, Holy Spirit, One God, "I AM" - now and forever. Amen. Lord, _____ said he would like to make up coupons to hand out on the street to young people, offering free coffee and apple pie (or whatever the weekly special might be) at our Saturday night youth outreach. It sure sounds like a good idea to me, a practical way to reach young folks. I am willing. But Lord, if this is Your plan, we need You to provide the strength and time and funds to provide these free snacks. We need Your committed people, people willing to sacrifice their time talents and treasure. But even more, we need You to inspire and direct Your people to pray and to be prepared to minister to, invite, lead, and disciple these potential converts; to get us on our knees before You in fasting and prayer and in knowing You through learning Your word. And most of all, we need to be sure of being in Your will. I have a question. When Your word says "as You did it to the least of these My brethren," does that refer only to Your born-again children, or to all Your created human beings? Do we help only those in the family, or do we reach out to those You may be calling? Do unbelievers "know we are Christians by our love" to each other - or by our love to all the world? Christ healed ten lepers, but only one was grateful, and Jesus probably knew that would happen. Did all the people Jesus healed, and ate with, and provided food for (thousands of them), already believe on Him? No, for there were Pharisees and other in those crowds that were actually opposed to Him. Lord, I want to do only Your will, follow only Your example. Lord, I think that "social gospel" must be in Your will, but only if the total goal and focus is gospel, the good news that people can KNOW YOU personally and forever be in relationship with You. This is life: knowing God! So, Lord, I give this whole thing to You. Use me as You will. Let it be Your work, just using me. Let me stay in Your rest - resting totally from "my works" - and yet letting my faith be a living faith, proved by my good works, which my Father in heaven has given me to do. And all for the glory of God! One last thing. Last night we were told that all pastoral staff at our church, aside from the senior pastor, have been laid off and told they should find outside work for income, since the church cannot afford to pay them. ____ feels that this is a spiritual war, and that You will bring us through. As soon as he mentioned what has happened, I just had a really deep, profound, sense of peace from You that You are in control and that this situation is in His will and plan. And that You are bringing us through already. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus! This is so awesome. This whole situation is a great way You can show us in Your sovereignty and love and grace and mercy. And draw us (drive us) into true commitment, surrender, sacrificial giving of all w have and are - to You! You are so great! Return to the top Morre Than 'Just Salvation' Date: March 23, 2004 Dear Lord, our pastor talked yesterday about our "eternal security" - and I do believe that is true (I hope). But Lord, You know how I was brought up with the whole "backsliding" and "losing your salvation" idea, and Lord, I think it has affected my relationship with You, and with my children. I feel driven to "drive them" to You so that I won't have to enter eternity without them, even though they all did give their hearts to Jesus as children. Still, Lord, I also don't want them "getting in by the skin of their teeth," by fire and purging and judgment. I want them to know You and love You now.... and for the rest of their earthly lives... and for eternity! Lord, I don't want "just salvation." I want all that You have available for them. I want them to be Your children, complete, perfect, surrendered, consecrated. I want our family to be totally Yours. Oh dear God, grant me this desire, I pray, for I know it is Your will that none should perish, that all should come to repentance and be saved, that all Your children should grow and mature and develop Christ-likeness as they grow in relationship with You. Lord, I never even heart about predestination and Your sovereignty and election (though I read about it and puzzled over it in Your Word). And I still don't understand it all. Help me to understand, Lord. Help me to know You and know Your ways and accept them and joy in them. Thank You for the sermon notes on joy that I have from a couple weeks ago. Lord, dear God, grant me joy. Fill me with Your Spirit, overflow me. Your joy is my strength in times of trouble. I'm asking for it now. I praise Your holy name for You are worthy. What a mighty God we serve! Hallelujah! Amen. Return to the top Blessings Date: March 24, 2004 In the morning I was praying about our food and financial situation. I was asking God for His blessings, whatever form He would choose, though I also told Him our needs specifically, as "I" see them. Just then, _____ phoned and said God told her to phone me and bless me. Wow! God is answering my prayers - immediately. She really encouraged me. I told her a bit about our financial straits and she asked if I've gone to the food bank. Of course I said, "No!" And then she encouraged me to go there. Anyway, I realized, somewhat to my horror, that I don't want God to help us by sending us to food banks or whatever. I'm more like hoping for some work to drop in my lap, or find or be given some money (preferably given: I'd have to turn "found money" over to the police!) - anything that wouldn't affect my pride. Me go to a food bank? Oh no! That's what really poor people do, people living under bridges, or alcoholics or drug addicts, or nasty people who abuse the system because they are lazy and dishonest. Oh my! I sure didn't see that coming! But it's true. I am proud! I do look down on people, especially people who look to me like they could be out making money. But the truth it, I don't know what is going on in their lives. And I am judging. And I am condescending to people who are obviously "down-and-outers." And I do get annoyed with and judge people. Oh dear God, please forgiv me. Please cleanse my heart. Please. Make me like Jesus, Lord. Please! Thank You. ____ phoned me back a few minutes after we talked, and said the Lord gave her a verse for me: Psalm 23:5 "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over." And oh, when she said that, tears just came to my eyes, and my heart was filled with joy - because my God does provide for me, is providing for me, not just food and gas, either, but looking after my children, too. Thank You, Lord, for Your mercies. You are so awesome! Anyway, You do provide, dear God, and my cup is running over! ____ also said the Lord told her that I am His "precious little handmaid." Oh, that was precious to me. That is so what I want to be. I want You to be happy with me, Lord. I want to serve You and love You better, because You are so wonderful and beautiful and good and loving to me. You know that, Lord. Oh thank You, thank You, Jesus. "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart and all my actions, too, be acceptable in Your sight, Oh Lord, my God and my Redeemer.... Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God of hosts! Heaven and earth are full of Your glory!... Glory to God in the highest and on earth, peace, goodwill to men. Return to the top
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Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics My Heart Filled With Joy Afraid to Step Out Daily Surrendering, Praying, Glorifying God Struggling With Forgiveness and Bitterness Is It Pride? The Least of These More Than 'Just Salvation' Blessings My Heart Filled with Joy Date: March 15, 2004 O precious and loving and wonderful Heavenly Father, worthy of all praise and glory and thanks and honor! Holy, holy, holy art Thou, O my God. You are from everlasting to everlasting. I yearn to walk in Your ways every one of my days, and to dwell in Your Presence at the foot of Your throne, bowing before You in praise and worship, honoring and glorifying You forever and ever, for all eternity, my God Almighty, Sovereign, Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent, King of kings, Lord of lords, great shepherd of the flock, Saviour of my soul, guardian of my eternal hope, my Father, my Master, my God! Oh, I believe! My heart is filled with Your joy this morning! What a blessing it is after a few days when my body felt tired and sluggish, and my feelings were hardly joyful at all. Yet all that time I knew You were present, I was assured of Your love, I looked to You and reminded myself to trust in You, even as my flesh and the enemy have tried to draw my eyes away from You. Yes, there were times - perhaps too many times, Lord - please forgive and cleanse me, O my God, by the blood of Jesus my Saviour - when I started to slip, even to fall, as my eyes dropped from the face of my precious Saviour to focus instead on my physical or emotional state or on unpleasant events around me. But every time, Your gracious and precious and wonderful Holy Spirit gently prodded me, reminded me, empowered me to lift my eyes and refocus on You. Oh, my dear Heavenly Father, O Jesus, my elder brother and Lord and Master and Saviour, O dear Holy Spirit, my guide and comforter and teacher -- Oh, my God! I love You, I trust in You, I cling to You for You are my all-in-all, You are my very life and breath, the very source of my existence now and forever. You are my joy! This morning as I turned to Your Word in the Psalms, my heart leaped for joy as the pen of the Psalmist, inspired by Your precious Holy Spirit, recorded Your very Word! In the last few days I have been reading from Psalms 139 through 145, and all the time it was so hard to focus, and I "felt" no joy. But I knew it was Your word, and I trusted in it anyway. Then this morning I started to read Psalm 145 again, and it was a though the glory of the Lord was shining all around me! It was as though the words were leaping up from the pages in great bounds of joy, right into my heart so that I too felt like I was leaping and bursting with joy! Oh my God, how utterly, incomprehensibly amazing and awe-inspiring it must be - will be - in heaven to stand before Your Presence with all the great company of the redeemed, and with the angels looking on and joining in, as we will all bow low before You, with our faces to the ground, surrounded, infused eternally with Your glory and might and power and love, joining in one great voice and chorus of eternal praise to You, our wonderful eternal God and King. And bowing before Jesus, our Lamb, slain from the foundation of the earth, who has by the precious sacrifice of His shed blood, redeemed us from our sin and corruption and vile iniquitious natures, to purify and clease us for all eternity and to bring us as perfect, sanctified beings into the Presence of the Sovereign, holy, perfect, loving God of the universe and of all eternity, presenting us to God as blameless, as His own children and brethren, and as sons and daughters and even as friends. We deserve in ourselves only to be cast into the fires of hell, into outer darkness and eternal misery and pain and separation from God, tortured forever with he who once was our prince and father, the archenemy of God, the devil. Yet Jesus, the perfect God-man, has rescued us, redeemed us, paid through His own suffering and shed blood and death, the debt of sin and disobedience to God that no other man, marred as we are with sin, could every pay. Oh, dear God, thank You, thank You, thank You for this great revelation of Yourself to me these days! Thank You for opening the book of Hebrews to me these past days, for peeling back the thick layers which had always intimidated me in the past, making it seem like a great tome of massive, heavy theology, with just a few little gems shining here and there on its convoluted surface. But now You are opening up that surface to let all its glory shine forth to me - to see Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith, the high priest of my salvation, my joy, my life, my God! To the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, to my great, eternal, perfect God be glory and honor and praise and thanksgiving forever and ever! Thank You, my God, for opening my eyes through Your Holy Spirit, to see how all Your Holy Word is wrapped up, organized, how Your great plan and purposes for Your people are summarized in these few brief pages, in this "short exhortation" written by one of Your children (the writer perhaps unnamed so that we would really understand that it is Your Word alone! Your plan, Your purpose, Your love, Your salvation, Your will!) Return to the top Afraid to Step Out Date: March 16, 2004 I was going to go out today and take my town for God! Or at least, give a hungry person a loaf of fresh, hot bread. But I didn't. I did go out, but I kept being drawn to the Youth Center (which is due to be closed down at the end of the month), and I didn't have the guts to go in and offer them that bread. I still don't. I need someone to walk in there with me. I know God walks with me. I know He is there. I know He is my friend. I know He'll give me power by His Spirit if I ask for it. Okay, I haven't asked, at least for this. I am scared. I am so scared, dear God. The "Prayerwalker" book says to go out in pairs or in small groups. You sent Your disciples out in twos. I've been praying and fasting alone (it's supposed to be "in secret," right?). And I have been struggling. And not praying well. And easily distracted. I feel so bad. I have failed. I have failed! Am I wrong here? Am I still trying to make it on my own? Yes, I need to trust God. I try to trust God. He is present with me. I read His Word and see His creation and remember His working in my past, and I get so happy! I think it is joy! I think it is good and that God is with me. And then I fail, like today - and I don't want to go back there. I don't want to get stared at. I don't want to... I just am so afraid, scared, terrified... so not trusting God. I'm not able to "step out" and expect God to dry up the Red Sea or separate the waters or build a bridge across the great chasm, just because I have the courage (faith) to keep taking another step. Because, dear God, I do not have the guts! I don't trust You that much. I can't go it alone. Do You really want me to? Where are Your people I can go out with? Why am I still waiting to hear from ___ about praying? (Yes, I know. I still am not ready. I still am harboring ill will in my heart toward people who have hurt me, and people who hurt other people, prejudiced people, people who turn around and take out their anger and pain on me... I keep thinking I've dug that stuff out, but it turns out that it is rooted so deep I can't do it, at least not by myself. I try to stand firm against the enemy, and then I let him flick me over with a breath of air, not even wind. I feel like I have to go to that Youth Center. But God, I need someone to help me. I can't do this myself. Can I? .... later .... Look. Dear God, Have I just been playing games? Have I just been going through rituals and rites, trying to earn Your favor, trying to do it "right," so You can use me? Have I really not surrendered? I mean, it sure looks like I didn't surrender this afternoon, with the bread and the Youth Center thing... But when I was out there, I was aware of Your Presence, and I really did feel You talking to me about people and their need for You... like all those rich people spending their money at the hotel and casino when they really need You... and the young cook standing there outside the kitchen door... I did hear You, Lord, didn't I? And I did try to pray for them, didn't I? And I talked to the guy painting the bridge, for a moment. But I didn't go into the Youth Center. I guess I just should have followed that kid in right then. And asked You for strength to do it. So - I still messed up. I don't want to mess up, Lord. You know I read that chapter about hindrances to prayer. You know I asked Your forgiveness and asked Your help for all those ways I hinder my own prayers so You can't answer. I came home and tried to be nice to my daughter... but then I just got ticked off at my other daughter (messed up again). And Lord, I still don't want to go to the Youth Center. I know this is a battle with the enemy. I know I'm supposed to resist him and fight back with the sword of the Spirit, the Word of God. I even know some appropriate verses. But I don't want to use them, because it didn't work before, so will it even work now? At least it didn't seem to work before... Do You have someone out there praying for me right now, dear God? If there is someone You could use, could You talk to them right now? I can't do this on my own. I think this is the way You work.... using Your people together. Our pastor said, "When you are tired you are most vulnerable. That's why you need the body of Christ with their varied giftings to gather around and protect you." I am tired, Lord. I'm tired from fasting, and weak and hungry a bit, maybe, too. I am in a battle. Lord, I can't stand up against this attack alone. I can't. Oh dear God, I need Your Holy Spirit. I need Your cleansing. I need Your courage. And yes, I need Your people. I need to get over my pride and ask for help. I need Your army - You, Your angels, Your people and their prayers. Together. Forgive me, Lord, for trying to do it myself. Forgive me. Help me to ask for help. Help me now, dear God. Please send someone to help me. Now. Please. Thank You. Amen. Return to the top Daily Surrendering, Praying, Glorifying God Date: March 17, 2004 Yesterday was a great struggle, a spiritual struggle, for me. In some respects I no doubt failed - not going back to the Youth Center, for example, and getting snarly at my daughter instead of praying. Even watching some TV sci-fi shows. But at the end I felt You had taught me a valuable lesson about spiritual warfare, and about needing the support of Your people, and of You - Father, Son, Holy Spirit - and even of the angels. I cannot "do" by myself. And I had peace. I was really feeling bad (wicked, evil) - (a satanic half-truth) - realizing my lack of surrender to Your will, but I also more clearly understand now the need to be continually surrendering, not just looking back to a special, particular "moment of surrender" (though those moments are important, too). "Psalm 139: 1 O lord, You have searched me and known me... You scrutinize me... You know it all... where can I flee from Your Presence?... Search me, O God, and know my heart, Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see it there be any hurtful way (any way of pain) in me, And lead me in the everlasting way." I also realized how critical it is to start - and maintain - my daily "prayer without ceasing" with adoration of God, getting to know You so much that You become the one goal of my life, my north start, my compass, my every breath! We always say that "what else could we do considering how much He loves us" - but I have had a hard time really accepting that You do (even could) love me that much, for I have, without doubt, bought into the enemy's half-truth that I am wicked and worthless and totally undeserving. That is true so far as it goes, but it is only the first sentence of the never-ending story! Because the second sentence says, "For God so loved the world (me!), that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever (me!) believes on Him, shall not perish but have everlasting life!" (John 3:16). And then this morning when I woke up, I decided to read some of the scriptures about the glory of God, so as to know You more, to catch a glimpse of Your glory, so that I might really understand - and the second verse I read just astounded me! "This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent." (John 17:3). Of course I have heard and read this verse many, many times. But it just hit me - the whole "thing" about "eternal life" is KNOWING GOD! Even as a little child I used to wonder if eternal life was really such a great thing - untold eons of wandering around in pretty gardens, playing harps or whatever! Sometimes I had a feeling that it might get pretty boring... Later, I thought maybe I could do a lot of exploring the universe (Star Trek-ish! ) but even that seemed to have its limits. I did have some inkling about what it might really be about whenever I sang those words, "When we've been there ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun, We've no less days to sing God's praise, Than when we'd first begun!" It always gave me a wonderful thrill to sing that, but at the same time I ddep down kind of wondered how long I could sing praises before that got kind of "tired" too... Lately I've been starting to understand that our whole purpose is to glorify God. And I keep reading that I can't really glorify Him until I come to KNOW HIM! Right now, even in these wonderful days when He has given me opportunity, and grace, to come to know Him more than ever before - Oh praise Your holy name! You are worthy of all glory! - the thing I'm coming to see is how very, very little I do know Him at all. That's why it is so hard for me to believe Him (as I read yesterday, to go beyond "believing in/on" to just believing), and without that believing (which is the essence of faith) how can I step out and do what He commands? How can I trust Him that much? How can I have faith to move mountains? How can I possibly praise Him in everything? To really believe Him, to have faith in Him, I have to know Him! I have to be His friend as Abraham and David and Job and Noah were His friends. Yet apparently - yes! - it is possible in this life to be God's friend! To Know Him! To even have a taste of eternal life, of eternal joy! And oh, when I get to the other side of this little box of time within eternity, I shall see Him face to face. And I shall know Him even as I also am known by Him! "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known!" (I Cor 13:13). I think I was hung up on the "eternal" part - not seeing the "life" part: This is life: to know God! Even here and now I catch glimpses of God's glory, and that just about bowls me over. It makes me feel as though I will burst with joy. But then - I can barely imagine, but oh, the glory of even that "barely imagining!" I will be bathed forever in His glory for I shall see Him and know Him fully (as fully as ever a creature could possibly know its Creator), just as He already knows me (Psalm 139). And I'm beginning to see that at that point I could never, ever, be bored - never, for all eternity! I'm beginning to see the real glory of the "hope of my salvation!" "To know Him, to know Him, is the cry of my heart; Spirit, reveal Him to me!" "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty! Heaven and earth are full of His glory!" On Sunday at church we sang an old favorite with a new twist, and it really hit me how much God loves me - whether (get this, satan!) I deserve it or not! He loves me!!!! God is love!!!! And "we love Him because He first loved us and gave His Son for us!" That's the sword of the Spirit talking. That's full truth, not half-truth. Full truth conquers always, because Jesus is the Truth, and He has already conquered satan and all the forces of evil, once and for all! And we have His power because His Spirit lives in us. We are victorious, too. And we have abundant life! Here is what we sang: "My child, you are more precious than silver, My child, you are more costly than gold, My child, you are more beautiful than diamonds..." God really feels that way about me!!! That alone is enough reason to worship Him and give Him glory forever. But oh, to KNOW a God like that! What a hope! Joy! Peace! Glory! Thank You, Jesus, for making it all possible. Without Your sacrifice, it could never, ever happen. How much You must love me. And how much You must love Your Father, to follow His will in obedience in that way. And How much He must love You for being such a faithful and obedient Son! Lord, help me to be faithful and obedient and loving, too. Return to the top Struggling With Forgiveness and Bitterness Date: March 18, 2004 Thank You, Lord! I love You! I worship You! I honor You! For You are great and You do wondrous things. Search me, oh Lord, and know my heart, and see if there be any wicked way in me. And if there is, Lord, please reveal it to me, and help me to humbly repent, and forgive me, Lord, and cleanse my heart. And lead me in the way everlasting, the way which is knowing You, obeying You, honoring You, communing with You, trusting You, having faith in You, believing! (And,grant our family's needs today, dear Lord, I pray.) Amen! Lord, last night at life group, our leader asked if anyone was struggling with forgiveness. Lord, You know my heart. You know I try to forgive and think I have forgiven, and then something happens and the past is remembered, and I discover that somehow I still have the tips of those tap-roots of hurt and bitterness still reaching deep inside me, deeper than I ever imagined. And Lord, I have to dig some more, to will some more to love those people, to try to know You more so I can gain more of Your love, and seek Your forgiveness of my faults, Lord. Our leader made it sound so simple, Lord, and I suppose it really is, or should be. He talks about just "loving on people," and Lord, it's not so hard it they are people you don't have to live with every day, as I'm quite sure You are aware. And the thing is, I do love them: yes, warm, fuzzy feelings, true; but also I mostly enjoy serving thm, and I long for their salvation and growth in You, and I'm learning (I hope) to be more consistent and firm, and more bold to share Your name, Your gospel. I think I'm dealing with them more patiently and kindly, and with others of the fruit of the Spirit, and according to the definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13. And as You so well know, that is so "not me!" It has to be the work of Your Holy Spirit in my life, making me at least a little more each day (oh, I pray) into the image of my precious Lord and Saviour, my elder brother, my God - my dear Lord Jesus Christ! Hallelujah! So Lord, my question is, can't You excise that whole deep tap root of bitterness all at once, and heal me so that it can't get infected in me right away again? Or do I just keep forgiving every time I realize another aspect of my attitude of unforgiveness, every time I am reminded of the past, and then the enemy gleefully pokes a red hot poker in to try and reactivate old hurts? Is it always the enemy? Is it weakness in my flesh? It is even You growing me, purifying me, making me more holy, more like You Lord? I do understand that I am forgiven, that my sins have been washed away, that my spirit is made perfect - but Lord, I myself said at life group last night that we need to turn to the body of believers (as well as to You and to the spiritual armour which You have provided for us, of course, hallelujah!) for support, because You have provided us with giftings and talents for this very purpose. But when our leader asked if anyone needed prayer for dealing with issues of forgiveness, I found myself holding back, in fear of being found out, in fear of what people would think. Well, You know my heart, Lord. Lord, how can I possibly witness to my children, and my husband, and others, when I find I can't - or at least haven't yet chosen to totally - let the past go completely, when I am reminded by some hurt inflicted (physical or emotional), some thing stolen, etc. And I immediately react (at least inwardly, often outwardly) with anger and suspicion and distrust and frustration? Lord, our leader says that when people do bad things to us (or others) we need to remember that ultimately "the devil made them do it" ... and we need to direct our anger against the enemy (because of the mess that the sin he introduced/offered to our first parents has caused) (even if we do choose to follow the lead of our flesh... our sinful nature - but has that nature not been replaced by a new spirit, guided by the Spirit of God, if we have accepted Jesus? ... I need to read Romans again, don't I? Make Your word clear to my heart, Lord...). Anyway, we need to "love our enemies, do good to them who hurt us and persecute us and do evil toward us" and of course, forgive them, seventy times seven and beyond. Lord, please cleanse my heart of unforgiveness and bitterness. Help me to put the past behind, forgetting the past, and running the race forward with my eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith, who for the joy set before Him (oh, Lord, I want Your joy! constantly! praise Your holy name), endured the cross, scorning its shame, and now sits at the right hand of You, Father, presenting me before You, interceding for me, making it possible for me to walk in Your Presence and be holy and forgiving and loving, making it possible for me to fulfill the purpose for which I was created, but which sin had torn apart and destroyed - but now, cleansed and sanctified by the precious and wonderful blood of Jesus, I am entering the Holy of Holies and am a friend of God, communing with Him, knowing Him, walking with Him in His very Presence,being on terms of intimate friendship with Him. Oh, Lord, I do not want unforgiveness in my life to remain, even in the smallest degree, to mar my relationship with You. Help me, Lord! Totally heal my wounds, Lord; dig out and destroy my root of bitterness, help me to will always to forgive and love, help me to have no goal but to bring others to You so You can make them Your friends, too. And help me also to humbly seek the support and prayers of the brethren, Lord, as You give me opportunity. In Jesus' name, amen. Return to the top Is It Pride? Date: March 19, 2004 Dear God, I am having a really hard time fighting (and I think losing to it, most of the time) my desire for attention and my pride when we are singing and worshiping You. Lord, I want to enjoy worshiping You in song, but every time I do, I just get caught up with this battle with my pride about my voice. What am I to do? Please help me, Jesus. Thank You, Lord. Amen Dear Lord, I struggle, too, in any worship time - prayer, discussion, whatever. I feel like I want people to notice that I do love You. Lord, I know it looks like pride, and maybe it is. But Lord, I so want to talk about You. And I feel like not too many people want to do that, or maybe they already have a mentor or a friend to share with, and they don't need to talk about You with me. Okay, Lord, this is true: I have this "need" to be needed. But not just needed to do dishes and cook and clean. Maybe I just need to teach something because maybe You have made me that way. But what if it is just pride? I wonder what it is You want from me? I guess I will find out moment by moment as You reveal Yourself to me in a myriad of different ways. Thank You, Jesus. Amen. br> Return to the top The Least of These Date: March 21, 2004 I love You, Lord God Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, Sovereign God, Almighty God, King of kings, Lord of lords, God of love and mercy and grace and kindness and patience and justice, Wonderful Counselor, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, Shepherd, Saviour, Light and Life of the world, Comforter, Guide, Eternal One: Father, Son, Holy Spirit, One God, "I AM" - now and forever. Amen. Lord, _____ said he would like to make up coupons to hand out on the street to young people, offering free coffee and apple pie (or whatever the weekly special might be) at our Saturday night youth outreach. It sure sounds like a good idea to me, a practical way to reach young folks. I am willing. But Lord, if this is Your plan, we need You to provide the strength and time and funds to provide these free snacks. We need Your committed people, people willing to sacrifice their time talents and treasure. But even more, we need You to inspire and direct Your people to pray and to be prepared to minister to, invite, lead, and disciple these potential converts; to get us on our knees before You in fasting and prayer and in knowing You through learning Your word. And most of all, we need to be sure of being in Your will. I have a question. When Your word says "as You did it to the least of these My brethren," does that refer only to Your born-again children, or to all Your created human beings? Do we help only those in the family, or do we reach out to those You may be calling? Do unbelievers "know we are Christians by our love" to each other - or by our love to all the world? Christ healed ten lepers, but only one was grateful, and Jesus probably knew that would happen. Did all the people Jesus healed, and ate with, and provided food for (thousands of them), already believe on Him? No, for there were Pharisees and other in those crowds that were actually opposed to Him. Lord, I want to do only Your will, follow only Your example. Lord, I think that "social gospel" must be in Your will, but only if the total goal and focus is gospel, the good news that people can KNOW YOU personally and forever be in relationship with You. This is life: knowing God! So, Lord, I give this whole thing to You. Use me as You will. Let it be Your work, just using me. Let me stay in Your rest - resting totally from "my works" - and yet letting my faith be a living faith, proved by my good works, which my Father in heaven has given me to do. And all for the glory of God! One last thing. Last night we were told that all pastoral staff at our church, aside from the senior pastor, have been laid off and told they should find outside work for income, since the church cannot afford to pay them. ____ feels that this is a spiritual war, and that You will bring us through. As soon as he mentioned what has happened, I just had a really deep, profound, sense of peace from You that You are in control and that this situation is in His will and plan. And that You are bringing us through already. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus! This is so awesome. This whole situation is a great way You can show us in Your sovereignty and love and grace and mercy. And draw us (drive us) into true commitment, surrender, sacrificial giving of all w have and are - to You! You are so great! Return to the top Morre Than 'Just Salvation' Date: March 23, 2004 Dear Lord, our pastor talked yesterday about our "eternal security" - and I do believe that is true (I hope). But Lord, You know how I was brought up with the whole "backsliding" and "losing your salvation" idea, and Lord, I think it has affected my relationship with You, and with my children. I feel driven to "drive them" to You so that I won't have to enter eternity without them, even though they all did give their hearts to Jesus as children. Still, Lord, I also don't want them "getting in by the skin of their teeth," by fire and purging and judgment. I want them to know You and love You now.... and for the rest of their earthly lives... and for eternity! Lord, I don't want "just salvation." I want all that You have available for them. I want them to be Your children, complete, perfect, surrendered, consecrated. I want our family to be totally Yours. Oh dear God, grant me this desire, I pray, for I know it is Your will that none should perish, that all should come to repentance and be saved, that all Your children should grow and mature and develop Christ-likeness as they grow in relationship with You. Lord, I never even heart about predestination and Your sovereignty and election (though I read about it and puzzled over it in Your Word). And I still don't understand it all. Help me to understand, Lord. Help me to know You and know Your ways and accept them and joy in them. Thank You for the sermon notes on joy that I have from a couple weeks ago. Lord, dear God, grant me joy. Fill me with Your Spirit, overflow me. Your joy is my strength in times of trouble. I'm asking for it now. I praise Your holy name for You are worthy. What a mighty God we serve! Hallelujah! Amen. Return to the top Blessings Date: March 24, 2004 In the morning I was praying about our food and financial situation. I was asking God for His blessings, whatever form He would choose, though I also told Him our needs specifically, as "I" see them. Just then, _____ phoned and said God told her to phone me and bless me. Wow! God is answering my prayers - immediately. She really encouraged me. I told her a bit about our financial straits and she asked if I've gone to the food bank. Of course I said, "No!" And then she encouraged me to go there. Anyway, I realized, somewhat to my horror, that I don't want God to help us by sending us to food banks or whatever. I'm more like hoping for some work to drop in my lap, or find or be given some money (preferably given: I'd have to turn "found money" over to the police!) - anything that wouldn't affect my pride. Me go to a food bank? Oh no! That's what really poor people do, people living under bridges, or alcoholics or drug addicts, or nasty people who abuse the system because they are lazy and dishonest. Oh my! I sure didn't see that coming! But it's true. I am proud! I do look down on people, especially people who look to me like they could be out making money. But the truth it, I don't know what is going on in their lives. And I am judging. And I am condescending to people who are obviously "down-and-outers." And I do get annoyed with and judge people. Oh dear God, please forgiv me. Please cleanse my heart. Please. Make me like Jesus, Lord. Please! Thank You. ____ phoned me back a few minutes after we talked, and said the Lord gave her a verse for me: Psalm 23:5 "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over." And oh, when she said that, tears just came to my eyes, and my heart was filled with joy - because my God does provide for me, is providing for me, not just food and gas, either, but looking after my children, too. Thank You, Lord, for Your mercies. You are so awesome! Anyway, You do provide, dear God, and my cup is running over! ____ also said the Lord told her that I am His "precious little handmaid." Oh, that was precious to me. That is so what I want to be. I want You to be happy with me, Lord. I want to serve You and love You better, because You are so wonderful and beautiful and good and loving to me. You know that, Lord. Oh thank You, thank You, Jesus. "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart and all my actions, too, be acceptable in Your sight, Oh Lord, my God and my Redeemer.... Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God of hosts! Heaven and earth are full of Your glory!... Glory to God in the highest and on earth, peace, goodwill to men. Return to the top
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