Conversations, Reflections & Meditations


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Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics Prejudice Prayer, Discipline, Joy, Holiness Disciplined Evanglism Awe Freaking Out Authority, Fasting, Maturing Prejudice Date: March 6, 2004 (Answering a series of questions from a devotional book, on prayerwalking, that I have been using) Has God revealed any hindering sin in your life today? Yes! Looking down on, making a little bit of fun of people who are different. Like ___, for whom I had to make a birthday cake. There was no need for me to tell people how many times she reminded me that it's her birthday. But I did say it, numerous times. That is so wrong. God has blessed me so much. Why do I turn around and poke fun at people who are different than me? Or laugh along, lots of time (or at least not stand up for them) when others poke fun? Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Please forgive me, dear Lord. Help me love all Your children, without any prejudice or dishonor, just as You have loved me, with all my faults, sins, imperfections... I, who am so deserving of being put down, or even chucked out, yet You loved me so much that You died for me, and now You live for me and bless me! Was it painful to see this? Yes, and embarrassing too. I'm so sorry. Were you resistant to acknowledging it and repenting of it? Yes, obviously, because I felt guilty but kept on doing it. (The amazing thing is that in spite of my very wicked attitude, You helped me make her a very cool cake! Wow!) Oh dear God, please help me to love and forgive and be patient with and bless others as You have loved me. Thank You. How were you tempted to rationalize and compromise God's conviction and illumining of sin? Well, I said to myself, "Other people think its amusing, and roll their eyes, so it can't be that bad... And she can be annoying... And I like the attention and amusement I get from other people... And I know other people think that way too, and I don't want them to think I am wierd.... And anyway it's kind of a habit... It's just a little sin..." Oh, dear God, how embarrassing and immature and humiliating and sinful and inexcusable my excuses are! How does it feel to forsake sin and be cleansed and filled again with His Spirit? I should have dealt with this right away when it arose. But I didn't even do my devotion this morning. I had lots of excuses to put it off, but I think I was just putting off facing up to my sin. Yet God was good to me today! Which just makes me feel worse. Oh, dear God, please forgive me now for my unkind, unloving, prejudicial, nasty attitudes. Please cleanse me and change me, in the name of Jesus. Please fill me, with Your Holy Spirit, with all that is good and pure and beautiful. Help me to totally forsake these kinds of thoughts and actions and words against others. Help me love others as You love me. Fill me with the Spirit of Christ, the Holy Spirit of God. Thank You, Father, Son, Spirit... my Lord and my God. In Jesus' name, amen. Return to the top Prayer, Discipline, Joy, Holiness Date: March 7, 2004 The Spirit of the Lord was really, really upon the service at church today. Thank You, Lord. And thank You for forgiving me for not praying this week for the pastor and the service. Thank You for cleansing me and changing me. Thank You for making clear to me how much the enemy wants to stop me praying, partly by getting me hung up on "learning to pray, teaching prayer, theory of prayer" etc. Oh Lord, help me to pray. Period. Pour out Your Holy spirit on my spirit and help me walk in prayer, to pray without ceasing, to hear Your voice, to read and hear Your word, and truly meditate on it so much that I will not be able to do anything but act on it for Your glory and honor and kingdom! Oh dear God, help me to walk without ceasing in Your presence, by the power of Your Holy Spirit and the grace of God and the love of Jesus! Praise Your holy name! Thank You, Jesus! Amen and amen. Our pastor told us something neat today: God does not punish His children; He loves and forgives them. But He does discipline them to teach them to forsake sin and evil and to become like Jesus. Punishment is just anger lashing out. Discipline is done with love to make you a better person, to develop your character. God disciplines us in love that we may develop the character of His Son, Jesus Christ, our Saviour; and so that we may enjoy sweet unbroken fellowship with our Heavenly Father. For when we have seen and known Jesus the Son, we have also seen and known our Heavenly Father. Praise You, Father! Thank You, Jesus! Thank You dear Holy Spirit! Amen and amen. The sermons this morning were a joy, and they were for me! I understand now the difference between happiness and joy. You experience happiness when you get the world's pleasures (instant gratification but often negative consequences), but you experience joy when you get into relationship and get connected with God. It's not something we can work up or hype up in ourselves, but we can ask the Holy Spirit for it, and He will give it to us. If we lose sight of the sovereignty of God, we lose relationally with Him. We must recognize His love and holiness together. When satan wants to get you to sin, the first thing he tries to do is to discourage you so you'll lose your joy. Because the joy of the Lord is our strength, and if we let it go, we are powerless, because we start trying to fix things in the flesh. Stop! Go right back to God, affirm that He loves you, affirm His sovereignty, so that even if you don't understand what is happening, you still believe, and as you believe, God makes your joy complete. Be the salt, the joy God sprinkles into all the world. God out, serve, become all that God created you to be! The battle belongs to the Lord! But I have to give it all to Him... Return to the top Disciplined EvangelismT Date: March 8, 2004 I have been reading about the spiritual disciplines, and one that is listed is evangelism. I never really thought of it as a discipline before. But I think You are telling me that it is time to stop just waiting for You to send along serendipitous evangelism "opportunities" - although I should of course be open to and participating in those! - but I should also intentionally plan and set up and pray for and go out and do one-on-one evangelism. I don't have to go out and stand on a street-corner and preach, though that could be part of it. But I can go out and reach into my neighborhood in practical ways, build relationships, start conversations, and lead people to Jesus. I also read about the discipline of serving, and I came to realize that my gifts are primarily serving gifts, and that it is through service that God can use me to lead others to Him, to faith in Jeus! I see again, with amazement, and joy, too, how You are bringing together readings, sermons, prayer and Bible study insights, and circumstances in my life to express Your love and will and purpose for my life, as I will to come to know You and love You more. Oh, how You do love me! and care for me! and guide me by the power of Your Holy Spirit in every aspect of my life! Hallelujah! Thank You! I'm just totally becoming more and more convinced that You are leading me into a practical teaching ministry; that is, not just teaching, primarily from Your Word, but together with my fellow-students (learners together with me, under Your teaching), putting into practice those things You are revealing. And at the same time reaching lost souls for You and leading them into the joy of eternal life, of eternal relationship with You. Hallelujah! Colossians 4:5-6: Knowing how to respond to people to evangelize implies reflection and preparation, so evangelizing is a spiritual discipline! That means I discipline myself to be with unbelievers - schedule a meal with unbelievers, take food or a housewarming gift to new neighbors, get to know them as I work out in the yard, take some hot fresh-baked goodies to the hungry panhandlers on Main Street, focus on outsiders at social events at church - and dialogue with people in a conscious way that directs their hearts and minds to the gospel. Have private lunches with people and learn to ask good questions about the personal side of their lives. Ask how I can pray for them. Through conversation and good listening, discover their felt needs, and hopefully explore with them their deepest need, their need for Christ. But I have to discipline myself to bring these things about. They won't always "just happen." 1 Peter 4:10-11: "As each one has received a spiritual gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. Whoever speaks is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen" So, all spiritual gifts can be divided into serving gifts and speaking gifts. We can use our gifts to evangelize. Every family averages a "crisis" every 6 months. Being a Christ-like servant in times of need gives you an opportunity to fulfill the Great Commission by speaking to people, sharing Christian literature, inviting them to home evangelistic meetings, etc. - with discipline to put the date on the calendar, invite the people, cook the meal, pray for the gathering, etc. Also, no matter how well we live the gospel, sooner or later we must communicate the context of the gospel before a person can become a disciple of Jesus. For those of us who are shy, and maybe not gifted at speaking, why not evangelize in pairs or groups where we can all share in it and support each other? I totally saw this at our life group when ___ brought a man who was traveling through town, and as we all shared what Christ meant to us, and shared the gospel message, that man gave his heart to the Lord! That lines up with how Jesus sent his disciples out "two by two" before Him, and how even the great apostle Paul went out on his evangelistic journeys with partners (Silas; Luke; even John Mark, who though he "ran home" at first, later became very valuable to Paul in his ministry. And who did John Mark learn from, but of course the older apostles, plus the Holy Spirit.) One thing that has held me back from evangelizing is the sin and failures I have done. And how can I tell others of God's love, and of the gospel, when my own life has been so messed up? But oh! "Part of the beauty of our message is that God saves sinners, sinners like us." If we return to those who have observed or been victims of our sin, and ask forgiveness, we may well get their attention and be able to give a powerful witness. And if they scorn us out - well, then I can rejoice for I am sharing in the sufferings of my Saviour. And that is joy! "Count it all joy." Through my failures and weaknesses Christ can become strong in me. Also, "when I am weak, then I am strong" because that's when I have to let Christ do the work, just letting Him use me as a willing vessel as He wills and as He strengthens. I am still not sure what my spiritual gift(s) is/are. But one thing I learned in a course I took was that "...in addition to the study of Scripture, the best way to discover and confirm which spiritual gift is yours through serving." And, your "natural talent, rightly sanctified for God's use, often points to the identity of your spiritual gift." I realized that as time has gone by, I have learned to love to serve. God is so good to let me do things that I enjoy. Like singing in the congregation, baking and shopping for the youth night cafe, organizing the church library and filing system, teaching the lesson sometimes at children's church - and maybe now facilitating/teaching/leading a prayer and service and evangelism focus group(?) Sometimes I've done things that I didn't end up liking, or I started doing something and then the job was given to someone else. But that is God's leading in my life. So, I've found a closed door there, but an opening perhaps coming up elsewhere. At the Saturday night youth service sometimes I feel badly that I am not more outgoing and friendly, but my ability to shop, organize, bake, and cook - to serve! - opens the doors for those with outgoing speaking-type gifts to be able to more easily fellowship and share Christ verbally with others. And so God uses us all together to do his work. And yet sometimes I myself get to speak up for Jesus, too! Then I am teaching, and being an older woman guiding the younger women into greater Christ-likeness (Titus 2:3-5). I always felt badly because people love my mom so much, because she is a really good listener etc. And I was so crushed when I was told, "Get over it. You'll never be like your mom!" But I'm just finally realizing that I am like my mom. I do serve. I do have opportunities and abilities God can use to reach others and to honour and glorify Him and fulfill His purposes. It's just that the details (ie the specific abilities and giftings and my particular personality and background, etc) are different. But the goal, the purpose is the same. So I am really like the people I've held in high esteem all my life. Because, wow! God wwant to use me, too. He has a special place for using me. He made me special and He does have a "wonderful plan" - and purpose - for my life. I was so down on myself. I was so discouraged. I had so little joy; though God was so faithful during all that miserable time. But now I know. I am a child of God, an heir of the King of kings, a sister of Jesus Christ, my Saviour. Fantastic! He has chosen to want and need and use me! Amazing grace! Even when I was having such a hard time a while back, God gave me moments of sunshine when He used me to lead singing, and as a guest speaker for a Christian women's group. God has called me, and He has already used me, and He will keep using me more and more as I learn to truly walk with Him, and truly "practice the presence of God" in every aspect and moment of my life. Thank You, Jesus! Return to the top Awe Date: March 9, 2004 I was at a meeting yesterday, and I tried to sit quietly, but finally I spoke out about things I thought were really important. Afterwards, I realized that I need to learn to "say it in love," and I have asked God's forgiveness for my "outburst." But I do believe God has created me with the ability to think things through, and to express those things. And I have also realized that, contrary to how I have felt about myself in the past, I am not stupid, ugly, useless! After all, God made me for His purposes, and as I grow to know Him and love Him more and more, He will continue to refine me into the "image of Christ." And I believe He does want me to proclaim (in love, and by the guidance of His Spirit) His warnings and exhortations to His children, who have been so influenced and molded by the philosophies of man, and who need, just as He has been teaching me, to sacrifice themselves to their Father, to surrender totally to His will, to go and think and act God's ways, no matter what the world may think, and no matter how "we have always done it" if doing it that way turns out not to be God's way, according to His Word and His Spirit. I am learning, slowly, some humility as I come to understand the Sovereignty of God, and my own minute place in His creation. And that just causes me to be more and more and more amazed, and awed, that He really loves me, and wants to not only use me, but has already made me His child and heir with all the privileges accruing thereto, and then eternity spent with Hi! The honor, the joy, the glory of being able to bow prostrate before Him, on my face, worshiping and glorifying Him forever! In comprehensible, pure joy! Hallelujah! Thank You, Jesus. You sacrificed Yourself, You died that terrible death, You suffered unbelievably, for me! That is mind-blowing! What a Mighty God I serve. Thank You for expanding my narrow tunnel-vision human mind to catch just a glimpse - but what a glimpse: I can never be the same! - of Your gloriousness. Keep revealing Yourself to me, please, dear God and Father. Dear Holy Spirit, please keep revealing the Father to me through His Son. Clean me and fill me anew this moment, this day, dear God. In the name of Jesus, amen. Return to the top Freaking OUt Date: March 10, 2004 My husband phoned this morning about the possibility of the air fare charges being on the upcoming small cheque... and I just freaked out and told him to beg the office to put them on the next big cheque instead. Then, I was doing my Bible reading, and the Lord impressed this verse onto my heart: "Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have, for He Himself has said, 'I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you.' So that we can confidently say, 'The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?'" (Hebrews 13:5-6). Dear Lord, freaking out like that was not honoring You or trusting You or surrendering to You. Forgive me, Lord. Please help me to be very conscious of, and stand firm against, my old habitual reactions to these kinds of things (and also to my kids' arguing and fighting). Cleanse me afresh this morning, dear Heavenly Father. Fill me, overflow me, dear Holy Spirit. "Lead me to some soul today." Help me to pray faithfully. Reveal to me for what You would have me seek Your face. Thank You, Lord, in Jesus' name. Amen. Return to the top Authority, Fasting, Maturing Date: March 12, 2004 I believe You have been showing me about order of authority, Lord: Your Holy Spirit in authority over my spirit, and my spirit (made holy by the blood of Jesus) in turn in authority over my flesh (my "earth suit," still tainted by the effects of sin). But if I quench Your Spirit, my spirit is still seeking to be under authority, and then I will end up using my flesh to try and make my spirit rule over my flesh. And that is ridiculous and useless, because then my flesh is ruling over my flesh, and I cannot withstand sin and/or the enemy. And how does it happen that I quench the Spirit? Well, lack of prayer and Bible study and meditation and fasting and worship (thanksgiving, praise, giving sacrificially, serving God); and lack of fellowship, serving the body, loving and obeying God, daily seeking God's forgiveness, cleansing and filling by His Spirit, and praying in and through the Spirit. Also failing to walk constantly in the Presence of God; and not fearing and reverencing the Lord. I have been thinking about fasting. Fasting is good! It really does sharpen my sense of the Presence of God through His Holy Spirit in my life/with my spirit. And it makes me far more aware of the constant demands my flesh is making: not just for food, but for fleshly thoughts, attitudes and desires which want to kick up and over-rule my spirit, which has been washed in the blood of the Lamb and made perfect in the eyes of God. Yet, also, my spirit cannot have strength to overcome the flesh without the indwelling of the Holy Spirit who gives us power over our flesh and the enemy. Is this right, Lord? Lord, please show me the Truth through Your Word and through Your Spirit Whom You have promised will teach me all things. Thank You! Hallelujah! (Fasting, I think, also sharpens the mind, and makes it want clear, not fuzzy, understanding of what God longs to teach me about Himself - Father, Son and Spirit - and of His purposes for mankind, for me, for eternity. Praise His holy name!) I have been reading Joshua, and it appears to me that at first the people of Israel drove out only as many peoples as was necessary to make space for the new nation of Israel (at some point God had said He would not give it all to them right away, because there weren't enough Israelites to care for it all, yet). But after the people settled in, God assigned more inheritance for Israel. A few of them seem to have taken the Lord's word, and carried on to drive out the nations from some of those new areas, but it looks to me like a lot of it wasn't taken. And oh what a lot of trouble that caused down the line! It's a good picture of our Christian life. We need to keep growing, expanding, pushing back the "enemies" in our life (bad attitudes, habits, desires, the enemy, the ideas of the world, etc) and keep fighting the battles with God always in charge. And not sitting back in our comfortable pews and becoming complacent and lukewarm (God says he will spit us out if we get like that), and self-righteous, and going back to, or getting stuck on the milk of the word; instead of growing and maturing into the meat of the Word, holiness (sanctification), being led by the Spirit, maturing, becoming Christ-like. Return to the top
Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family


	Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family
Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics Prejudice Prayer, Discipline, Joy, Holiness Disciplined Evanglism Awe Freaking Out Authority, Fasting, Maturing Prejudice Date: March 6, 2004 (Answering a series of questions from a devotional book, on prayerwalking, that I have been using) Has God revealed any hindering sin in your life today? Yes! Looking down on, making a little bit of fun of people who are different. Like ___, for whom I had to make a birthday cake. There was no need for me to tell people how many times she reminded me that it's her birthday. But I did say it, numerous times. That is so wrong. God has blessed me so much. Why do I turn around and poke fun at people who are different than me? Or laugh along, lots of time (or at least not stand up for them) when others poke fun? Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Please forgive me, dear Lord. Help me love all Your children, without any prejudice or dishonor, just as You have loved me, with all my faults, sins, imperfections... I, who am so deserving of being put down, or even chucked out, yet You loved me so much that You died for me, and now You live for me and bless me! Was it painful to see this? Yes, and embarrassing too. I'm so sorry. Were you resistant to acknowledging it and repenting of it? Yes, obviously, because I felt guilty but kept on doing it. (The amazing thing is that in spite of my very wicked attitude, You helped me make her a very cool cake! Wow!) Oh dear God, please help me to love and forgive and be patient with and bless others as You have loved me. Thank You. How were you tempted to rationalize and compromise God's conviction and illumining of sin? Well, I said to myself, "Other people think its amusing, and roll their eyes, so it can't be that bad... And she can be annoying... And I like the attention and amusement I get from other people... And I know other people think that way too, and I don't want them to think I am wierd.... And anyway it's kind of a habit... It's just a little sin..." Oh, dear God, how embarrassing and immature and humiliating and sinful and inexcusable my excuses are! How does it feel to forsake sin and be cleansed and filled again with His Spirit? I should have dealt with this right away when it arose. But I didn't even do my devotion this morning. I had lots of excuses to put it off, but I think I was just putting off facing up to my sin. Yet God was good to me today! Which just makes me feel worse. Oh, dear God, please forgive me now for my unkind, unloving, prejudicial, nasty attitudes. Please cleanse me and change me, in the name of Jesus. Please fill me, with Your Holy Spirit, with all that is good and pure and beautiful. Help me to totally forsake these kinds of thoughts and actions and words against others. Help me love others as You love me. Fill me with the Spirit of Christ, the Holy Spirit of God. Thank You, Father, Son, Spirit... my Lord and my God. In Jesus' name, amen. Return to the top Prayer, Discipline, Joy, Holiness Date: March 7, 2004 The Spirit of the Lord was really, really upon the service at church today. Thank You, Lord. And thank You for forgiving me for not praying this week for the pastor and the service. Thank You for cleansing me and changing me. Thank You for making clear to me how much the enemy wants to stop me praying, partly by getting me hung up on "learning to pray, teaching prayer, theory of prayer" etc. Oh Lord, help me to pray. Period. Pour out Your Holy spirit on my spirit and help me walk in prayer, to pray without ceasing, to hear Your voice, to read and hear Your word, and truly meditate on it so much that I will not be able to do anything but act on it for Your glory and honor and kingdom! Oh dear God, help me to walk without ceasing in Your presence, by the power of Your Holy Spirit and the grace of God and the love of Jesus! Praise Your holy name! Thank You, Jesus! Amen and amen. Our pastor told us something neat today: God does not punish His children; He loves and forgives them. But He does discipline them to teach them to forsake sin and evil and to become like Jesus. Punishment is just anger lashing out. Discipline is done with love to make you a better person, to develop your character. God disciplines us in love that we may develop the character of His Son, Jesus Christ, our Saviour; and so that we may enjoy sweet unbroken fellowship with our Heavenly Father. For when we have seen and known Jesus the Son, we have also seen and known our Heavenly Father. Praise You, Father! Thank You, Jesus! Thank You dear Holy Spirit! Amen and amen. The sermons this morning were a joy, and they were for me! I understand now the difference between happiness and joy. You experience happiness when you get the world's pleasures (instant gratification but often negative consequences), but you experience joy when you get into relationship and get connected with God. It's not something we can work up or hype up in ourselves, but we can ask the Holy Spirit for it, and He will give it to us. If we lose sight of the sovereignty of God, we lose relationally with Him. We must recognize His love and holiness together. When satan wants to get you to sin, the first thing he tries to do is to discourage you so you'll lose your joy. Because the joy of the Lord is our strength, and if we let it go, we are powerless, because we start trying to fix things in the flesh. Stop! Go right back to God, affirm that He loves you, affirm His sovereignty, so that even if you don't understand what is happening, you still believe, and as you believe, God makes your joy complete. Be the salt, the joy God sprinkles into all the world. God out, serve, become all that God created you to be! The battle belongs to the Lord! But I have to give it all to Him... Return to the top Disciplined EvangelismT Date: March 8, 2004 I have been reading about the spiritual disciplines, and one that is listed is evangelism. I never really thought of it as a discipline before. But I think You are telling me that it is time to stop just waiting for You to send along serendipitous evangelism "opportunities" - although I should of course be open to and participating in those! - but I should also intentionally plan and set up and pray for and go out and do one-on-one evangelism. I don't have to go out and stand on a street-corner and preach, though that could be part of it. But I can go out and reach into my neighborhood in practical ways, build relationships, start conversations, and lead people to Jesus. I also read about the discipline of serving, and I came to realize that my gifts are primarily serving gifts, and that it is through service that God can use me to lead others to Him, to faith in Jeus! I see again, with amazement, and joy, too, how You are bringing together readings, sermons, prayer and Bible study insights, and circumstances in my life to express Your love and will and purpose for my life, as I will to come to know You and love You more. Oh, how You do love me! and care for me! and guide me by the power of Your Holy Spirit in every aspect of my life! Hallelujah! Thank You! I'm just totally becoming more and more convinced that You are leading me into a practical teaching ministry; that is, not just teaching, primarily from Your Word, but together with my fellow-students (learners together with me, under Your teaching), putting into practice those things You are revealing. And at the same time reaching lost souls for You and leading them into the joy of eternal life, of eternal relationship with You. Hallelujah! Colossians 4:5-6: Knowing how to respond to people to evangelize implies reflection and preparation, so evangelizing is a spiritual discipline! That means I discipline myself to be with unbelievers - schedule a meal with unbelievers, take food or a housewarming gift to new neighbors, get to know them as I work out in the yard, take some hot fresh-baked goodies to the hungry panhandlers on Main Street, focus on outsiders at social events at church - and dialogue with people in a conscious way that directs their hearts and minds to the gospel. Have private lunches with people and learn to ask good questions about the personal side of their lives. Ask how I can pray for them. Through conversation and good listening, discover their felt needs, and hopefully explore with them their deepest need, their need for Christ. But I have to discipline myself to bring these things about. They won't always "just happen." 1 Peter 4:10-11: "As each one has received a spiritual gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. Whoever speaks is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen" So, all spiritual gifts can be divided into serving gifts and speaking gifts. We can use our gifts to evangelize. Every family averages a "crisis" every 6 months. Being a Christ-like servant in times of need gives you an opportunity to fulfill the Great Commission by speaking to people, sharing Christian literature, inviting them to home evangelistic meetings, etc. - with discipline to put the date on the calendar, invite the people, cook the meal, pray for the gathering, etc. Also, no matter how well we live the gospel, sooner or later we must communicate the context of the gospel before a person can become a disciple of Jesus. For those of us who are shy, and maybe not gifted at speaking, why not evangelize in pairs or groups where we can all share in it and support each other? I totally saw this at our life group when ___ brought a man who was traveling through town, and as we all shared what Christ meant to us, and shared the gospel message, that man gave his heart to the Lord! That lines up with how Jesus sent his disciples out "two by two" before Him, and how even the great apostle Paul went out on his evangelistic journeys with partners (Silas; Luke; even John Mark, who though he "ran home" at first, later became very valuable to Paul in his ministry. And who did John Mark learn from, but of course the older apostles, plus the Holy Spirit.) One thing that has held me back from evangelizing is the sin and failures I have done. And how can I tell others of God's love, and of the gospel, when my own life has been so messed up? But oh! "Part of the beauty of our message is that God saves sinners, sinners like us." If we return to those who have observed or been victims of our sin, and ask forgiveness, we may well get their attention and be able to give a powerful witness. And if they scorn us out - well, then I can rejoice for I am sharing in the sufferings of my Saviour. And that is joy! "Count it all joy." Through my failures and weaknesses Christ can become strong in me. Also, "when I am weak, then I am strong" because that's when I have to let Christ do the work, just letting Him use me as a willing vessel as He wills and as He strengthens. I am still not sure what my spiritual gift(s) is/are. But one thing I learned in a course I took was that "...in addition to the study of Scripture, the best way to discover and confirm which spiritual gift is yours through serving." And, your "natural talent, rightly sanctified for God's use, often points to the identity of your spiritual gift." I realized that as time has gone by, I have learned to love to serve. God is so good to let me do things that I enjoy. Like singing in the congregation, baking and shopping for the youth night cafe, organizing the church library and filing system, teaching the lesson sometimes at children's church - and maybe now facilitating/teaching/leading a prayer and service and evangelism focus group(?) Sometimes I've done things that I didn't end up liking, or I started doing something and then the job was given to someone else. But that is God's leading in my life. So, I've found a closed door there, but an opening perhaps coming up elsewhere. At the Saturday night youth service sometimes I feel badly that I am not more outgoing and friendly, but my ability to shop, organize, bake, and cook - to serve! - opens the doors for those with outgoing speaking-type gifts to be able to more easily fellowship and share Christ verbally with others. And so God uses us all together to do his work. And yet sometimes I myself get to speak up for Jesus, too! Then I am teaching, and being an older woman guiding the younger women into greater Christ-likeness (Titus 2:3-5). I always felt badly because people love my mom so much, because she is a really good listener etc. And I was so crushed when I was told, "Get over it. You'll never be like your mom!" But I'm just finally realizing that I am like my mom. I do serve. I do have opportunities and abilities God can use to reach others and to honour and glorify Him and fulfill His purposes. It's just that the details (ie the specific abilities and giftings and my particular personality and background, etc) are different. But the goal, the purpose is the same. So I am really like the people I've held in high esteem all my life. Because, wow! God wwant to use me, too. He has a special place for using me. He made me special and He does have a "wonderful plan" - and purpose - for my life. I was so down on myself. I was so discouraged. I had so little joy; though God was so faithful during all that miserable time. But now I know. I am a child of God, an heir of the King of kings, a sister of Jesus Christ, my Saviour. Fantastic! He has chosen to want and need and use me! Amazing grace! Even when I was having such a hard time a while back, God gave me moments of sunshine when He used me to lead singing, and as a guest speaker for a Christian women's group. God has called me, and He has already used me, and He will keep using me more and more as I learn to truly walk with Him, and truly "practice the presence of God" in every aspect and moment of my life. Thank You, Jesus! Return to the top Awe Date: March 9, 2004 I was at a meeting yesterday, and I tried to sit quietly, but finally I spoke out about things I thought were really important. Afterwards, I realized that I need to learn to "say it in love," and I have asked God's forgiveness for my "outburst." But I do believe God has created me with the ability to think things through, and to express those things. And I have also realized that, contrary to how I have felt about myself in the past, I am not stupid, ugly, useless! After all, God made me for His purposes, and as I grow to know Him and love Him more and more, He will continue to refine me into the "image of Christ." And I believe He does want me to proclaim (in love, and by the guidance of His Spirit) His warnings and exhortations to His children, who have been so influenced and molded by the philosophies of man, and who need, just as He has been teaching me, to sacrifice themselves to their Father, to surrender totally to His will, to go and think and act God's ways, no matter what the world may think, and no matter how "we have always done it" if doing it that way turns out not to be God's way, according to His Word and His Spirit. I am learning, slowly, some humility as I come to understand the Sovereignty of God, and my own minute place in His creation. And that just causes me to be more and more and more amazed, and awed, that He really loves me, and wants to not only use me, but has already made me His child and heir with all the privileges accruing thereto, and then eternity spent with Hi! The honor, the joy, the glory of being able to bow prostrate before Him, on my face, worshiping and glorifying Him forever! In comprehensible, pure joy! Hallelujah! Thank You, Jesus. You sacrificed Yourself, You died that terrible death, You suffered unbelievably, for me! That is mind-blowing! What a Mighty God I serve. Thank You for expanding my narrow tunnel-vision human mind to catch just a glimpse - but what a glimpse: I can never be the same! - of Your gloriousness. Keep revealing Yourself to me, please, dear God and Father. Dear Holy Spirit, please keep revealing the Father to me through His Son. Clean me and fill me anew this moment, this day, dear God. In the name of Jesus, amen. Return to the top Freaking OUt Date: March 10, 2004 My husband phoned this morning about the possibility of the air fare charges being on the upcoming small cheque... and I just freaked out and told him to beg the office to put them on the next big cheque instead. Then, I was doing my Bible reading, and the Lord impressed this verse onto my heart: "Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have, for He Himself has said, 'I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you.' So that we can confidently say, 'The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?'" (Hebrews 13:5-6). Dear Lord, freaking out like that was not honoring You or trusting You or surrendering to You. Forgive me, Lord. Please help me to be very conscious of, and stand firm against, my old habitual reactions to these kinds of things (and also to my kids' arguing and fighting). Cleanse me afresh this morning, dear Heavenly Father. Fill me, overflow me, dear Holy Spirit. "Lead me to some soul today." Help me to pray faithfully. Reveal to me for what You would have me seek Your face. Thank You, Lord, in Jesus' name. Amen. Return to the top Authority, Fasting, Maturing Date: March 12, 2004 I believe You have been showing me about order of authority, Lord: Your Holy Spirit in authority over my spirit, and my spirit (made holy by the blood of Jesus) in turn in authority over my flesh (my "earth suit," still tainted by the effects of sin). But if I quench Your Spirit, my spirit is still seeking to be under authority, and then I will end up using my flesh to try and make my spirit rule over my flesh. And that is ridiculous and useless, because then my flesh is ruling over my flesh, and I cannot withstand sin and/or the enemy. And how does it happen that I quench the Spirit? Well, lack of prayer and Bible study and meditation and fasting and worship (thanksgiving, praise, giving sacrificially, serving God); and lack of fellowship, serving the body, loving and obeying God, daily seeking God's forgiveness, cleansing and filling by His Spirit, and praying in and through the Spirit. Also failing to walk constantly in the Presence of God; and not fearing and reverencing the Lord. I have been thinking about fasting. Fasting is good! It really does sharpen my sense of the Presence of God through His Holy Spirit in my life/with my spirit. And it makes me far more aware of the constant demands my flesh is making: not just for food, but for fleshly thoughts, attitudes and desires which want to kick up and over-rule my spirit, which has been washed in the blood of the Lamb and made perfect in the eyes of God. Yet, also, my spirit cannot have strength to overcome the flesh without the indwelling of the Holy Spirit who gives us power over our flesh and the enemy. Is this right, Lord? Lord, please show me the Truth through Your Word and through Your Spirit Whom You have promised will teach me all things. Thank You! Hallelujah! (Fasting, I think, also sharpens the mind, and makes it want clear, not fuzzy, understanding of what God longs to teach me about Himself - Father, Son and Spirit - and of His purposes for mankind, for me, for eternity. Praise His holy name!) I have been reading Joshua, and it appears to me that at first the people of Israel drove out only as many peoples as was necessary to make space for the new nation of Israel (at some point God had said He would not give it all to them right away, because there weren't enough Israelites to care for it all, yet). But after the people settled in, God assigned more inheritance for Israel. A few of them seem to have taken the Lord's word, and carried on to drive out the nations from some of those new areas, but it looks to me like a lot of it wasn't taken. And oh what a lot of trouble that caused down the line! It's a good picture of our Christian life. We need to keep growing, expanding, pushing back the "enemies" in our life (bad attitudes, habits, desires, the enemy, the ideas of the world, etc) and keep fighting the battles with God always in charge. And not sitting back in our comfortable pews and becoming complacent and lukewarm (God says he will spit us out if we get like that), and self-righteous, and going back to, or getting stuck on the milk of the word; instead of growing and maturing into the meat of the Word, holiness (sanctification), being led by the Spirit, maturing, becoming Christ-like. Return to the top
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