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Prayer topics And Then Blessings Discouraged ... But Still a Child of the King Heading Down Life's Highway Bottoming Out My Self ... And Lifted up by the Lord! A Word From the Lord And Then Blessings Date: March 7, 2005 Thank You for the daylight growing as I go through my paper route, for the birds calling and singing, for the warmer temperatures, for actually having good legs and good enough health that I can go out and do the papers and get exercise and breathe in the fresh morning air. Thank You for last night’s spring showers, clearing the air, and softening the soil, and encouraging new life and growth. Thank You for a good night’s sleep after all, which I finally asked You. Thank You for my teddy bear and my loving husband who bought it for me. Thank You – dare I say it – for healing little ________, top to bottom. Anyway, thank You! Amen Return to the top  Discouraged... But Still A Child of the King Date: March 8, 2005 Lord, I am really not liking myself these days. I don’t like how emotional I get about things. Looking back, I’m embarrassed about getting emotional on the phone in the past, when dealing with companies who have made billing errors. I realize I am still really defensive. And I want things to be “fair,” and I’m not good at “turning the other cheek” when they aren’t fair. And, this is a bad thing, I’m not real honest. I’m sorry, Lord. That’s a huge problem! And I gossip. And I get hurt way too easily and get upset and run off at the mouth complaining about people. And I listen to one side of the story and jump to conclusions, even though other people who do that really bug me. And I am not a good communicator. I get way too emotional. I bumble when I try to talk. And I’m really afraid of being “wrong.” And when I disagree with people, I always end up apologizing, even if I won’t back down and agree with them, but a lot of the time I do break down and agree (even if I don’t really agree). I want peace. I’m too tired to fight. And when I do fight, or stick up for what I think, it just kind of back fires). And my head is really messed up right now about how I can be of use to the Lord when I don’t even know what my gifts are any more. And it seems like everything I try screws up one way or another. And it really bothers me, hurts me, when I think the Lord has given me a message or direction, and others disagree, or things don’t turn out at all. I really, really, really am feeling like I totally don’t know what God is saying to me. I don’t know if I was really sick this morning, or just stressed. I’m afraid it is stress, and that’s evil too, because it means I’m not trusting God. And I’m also worried because I feel like I’ve bad mouthed my hubby, and he couldn’t be that bad. And he acts so nice and sweet lately and I feel even more guilty. Anyway, there is other stuff, too. But the point is, I am so tired, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I do try to give things to God, and it seems like I just don’t anyway. Lord, I do want to serve You. I want to share with others things I’ve learned. My head feels like it is going to burst because I have so much that I’m excited about, and want to share and discuss. But it seems there is so little opportunity, the way things are. I just want to serve You. At least I think that is my motivation. I do love You, I do want to “pay You” for what You’ve done for me. (Oh yes, that is not theologically sound. I want to honor You, I want to show I’m grateful, I want to use the talents and gifts You’ve given me). Am I babbling? It sounds like it but I don’t think it is. Oh dear God, I want to be a good Christian, a good child (to You, but to my own parents, too… another source of guilt….. but then guilt is from the enemy… while I am a child of the King!) Return to the top Heading Down Life's Highway Date: March 10, 2005 I was wondering, Lord, why most times I think You are leading me to a specific goal, when I start getting there it gets closed, and I have to trek on down the road, and I was wondering if I was really hearing You. Then I was explaining something to ________, and suddenly I saw in the explanation, an answer for me. It is like going on a long trip. You’re going along, and you’re getting hungry, and you pass a McDonald’s sign. So you say, “Praise the Lord!” and you drive on down the road and pretty soon you see the Golden Arches in the distance, and you’re all excited because you are reaching your goal. But when you get there, you discover it closed 5 minutes earlier. So your tummy is really hungry, but you just have to get back in the car and go down the road. It’s long and dark and bleak, no civilization in sight, and then you see a sign for “Truck stop ahead! Real down-home cooking!” and you say, “Praise the Lord! That’s better than McDonald’s!” But when you reach the place, it is all boarded up. There is a gas bar, though, so you gas up and buy an over-priced chocolate bar from a really dusty glass case, and head out again. Your tummy is still hungry, but at least the chocolate bar gave you a little sugar energy-rush and stimulated your “happy enzymes” a bit. And so on it goes. Sometimes you actually get a good meal. Other times you go hungry and thirsty. Sometimes you get just a little fix. But finally, after driving cross-country for several days, you reach your destination, a big city with a five-star hotel, and a five-star dining room! Or maybe, even better, you reach home and family and a real home-cooked meal, cooked by your mom, with all her love. It’s a good picture for me, and its an answer to a question that has really been bugging me. So thank You, Lord! (And “get behind me, satan!”) Amen, Lord! Thank You, Jesus, for Your love. Amen! Return to the top Bottoming Out My Self ... And Lifted Up By the Lord! Date: March 25, 2005 Can I say something, Lord? (I feel like David in the Psalms, kind of whining!) It is just that it does not seem fair that people who try to do right should suffer if other people don’t do right. But that’s the nature of sin, isn’t it? And I never see myself as I am. I think I am so good, but really I am so bad. So probably You are already being way, way, way, way more merciful that I deserve! Of course You are. Because I don’t deserve anything. I deserve to be dead, physically and spiritually. I am really having a hard time lately seeing myself. I hate what I see. I feel like I am so stupid. I complain about other people. But I am so much worse than they are. I get these huge “logs” in my eye all the time! And I can’t change myself. And I ask You to change me, and then I just keep seeing more and more stuff that is horribly, terribly, nastily wrong with me. Which I suppose means that You are trying to change me by letting me see myself for the horrible, ghastly, disgusting, sickening, pukey, gross, miserable bad wicked person that I am. So I’ll get really sick of myself, I suppose, and then I’ll really hand myself over to You. Only, every time I hand myself over to You, I just get worse and worse, or at least I seem worse and worse. And I wonder if there is ever going to be a time (before I die, You know) when I won’t be a horrible, wicked person. Because as long as I’m this horrible, how ever can You use me anyway? Yes, I know You use weak, unfit vessels. And yes, I know You see me through the blood of Christ. I know I am justified. I know I am Your child. I know that stuff but…. I don’t know, I guess I just need to bottom out of “myself.” I guess I kind of keep hoping You will just snap Your fingers or whatever, and presto! I’ll be all “fixed.” Of course You don’t do that as a general rule. Well, maybe once in a while, especially to encourage a new Christian or a little child or whatever… but then You expect us to grow up. I guess I’m just not doing very well in the growing up department, and I wonder if I ever will because I’m already 50 years old and look how little distance I’ve come to this point. I do, do, do, do want to be holy, Lord. I know You use pain. Maybe I’m just tired. Well, this kind of stuff makes me tired. Which I suppose means I’m not trusting You, eh? Can You fix things or something? Are You already fixing them? I think so. For sure – Your way, of course. The end (for now). Return to the top A Word From the Lord Date: March 25, 2005 Set my people free. Go forth, my child, and speak the words I give you. Yes, I will be with you and keep you. I will cleanse your lips. I have cleansed them already with the burning coal from my altar. You are washed perfectly in the blood of My Son, Jesus Christ. His life is now your life. His work is now your work. Step out! I will have you say the things I want you to say. Do not fear the words and the wrath of man. It will come, and yes, you will be in pain. But fear not, I will be with you. My words, my love, my eternal salvation, My Spirit, will comfort you. I will set a table before you in the presence of your enemies. I will anoint your head with oil and your cup will run over, indeed will burst forth, gushing, overflowing with the words I will place in your mouth. Be open to me, my child. Do not fear those who would say you cannot be gifted this way. I myself am the one who chooses to gift whomsoever I will gift with whatsoever gift I choose. Open the gift, child. Open your lips. Let my words flow through you. Carry always pen and paper, so that you can record my messages. Record them, child. Don’t only speak them, but record them, and send them out that others may also hear My word. I have a big plan in mind. I like to use small people Step out for me now, my child. My time is the right time. My work must be done. The harvest is ready, the workers are few. Many of my children are languishing in the fields, dying of thirst. Give them my words, my child, that they may drink and be filled, that My Spirit may flow in their lives and that I may be able to use them to stand up, to swing the sickle and gather the grain, to march into the fray without fear of man, and even without fear for their life. They need to know that their life – you need to know that your life – is in me alone. There is no longer any time to waste sitting around thinking about me, talking about me, singing about me, even praying and fasting before me, yet ultimately fearing to really charge into the battle and do my will, my work. The enemy has done all he can to place my people in bonds of doubt and discouragement and fear, but I choose now to break those bonds, and present before him an army, My army, my eternal army of saints victorious, washed in the blood of the Lamb, my Son, glorious and righteous and ready to build my kingdom, ready now to break down the barriers of satan, to present the truth of my gospel, the good news of Jesus, to all the world, so that all men through Him may be saved. I have set the harvest fields before you. Take up the sickle. Take up the sword of my word. Open your mouth and cast down the barriers of the great enemy. Their strongholds will no longer be strong. They will melt before you, as simply and quickly as a birthday candles melts and disappears beneath the small flame set upon it. As a match lights a small wick stretching up from a tiny candle, and transforms that candle into a strong glowing light that pushes back the darkness and fills the space with light, so my word will light my people, if they will willingly reach out to me. But unlike the candle, my people will not burn out, for I pour my Spirit into them, and my Spirit is for them an eternal flame which will never die. And so it is thus, that my word, too, is a flame, a great flaming sword, and I am putting it in your mouth this day to be used, used every day and every moment, to fight and win the victorious battle of God. There will be blood and gore. There will be death and pain on every side. This is the nature of battle. But fear not, for as you already know, the war has been won. The Blood has been shed. The Sacrifice has been made, and the debt of sin has been paid. The victory is complete. The enemy hates to give in but even his last, final, holes and hiding places will be laid wide open through my Son, the Light of the World, and then the end of the kingdom of darkness will come once and for all, and My Kingdom, the Kingdom of Christ and His church, the Kingdom of God, will reign victorious forever and ever. This is my word to you. This is my word to the church. This is my word to all mankind. This is the word of the Lord. Speak it, speak it boldly and fear not. I am with you always, to the very end, to the final moment of victory, and then through all Eternity. You are mine and the victory is mine. What then is there to fear? Trust in me. Do my will, no matter how dark the world, and even the church sometimes, may seem. My work is moving forward. My plan is being fulfilled. I know the end from the beginning. I planned it. I purposed it. It is all mine. You are mine. I will use you, now and always. I am The Adventure. My way is The Journey. I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. I am all you need, all you desire, all you long for. I AM. (The word of the Lord… Thanks be to God…. Let it be so…. Amen.) Saturday, March 26, 2005 Last night I was very depressed about myself; then _______ emailed and reminded me of God’s calling and purpose – and gifting! – in my life. And God really broke through my self-doubt and the lies and arguments of the enemy and spoke a great, wonderful word to me. Thank You, Lord! Return to the top |
| Main
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Articles for The Life Connection | Prayers and Meditations
| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections | Education & Home-School | Family |
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