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Prayer topics
Writing - From You?
Your Way, Not Mind
I Want Your Purposes, Not Mine
Please Help My Faith

Writing - From You?
Date: January 27, 2005

Since I’m not doing the Breath of Life Newsletter anymore, I was asked to write an article each month for the cell group newsletter. So I asked You for help, Lord, then followed the editor's theme, and came up with an article. When she read it, she said she wept and cried. Lord, if it is from You (which I sure hope it is: oh God, I don’t want to waste time with writing that’s not of You!), then it is for whoever You want it for, and that is good. _______ also said he thinks it was from You, and he wants to send it out to people he knows.

Lord, I need to ask You about this. Now this last article was kind of an “assignment” with the two themes of “love” (for Valentines Day) and “cell church.” I did ask You for help. But I spent quite a lot of time writing down notes as I researched scripture. Then I spent time writing and then editing. I was in a hurry to meet a short deadline, and I know it really needs more fine tuning. Anyway, it wasn’t like I just sat down, poised my pen, and said, “Speak, Lord, and I’ll write!” But I do know You were guiding me. It seems like everything that is happening lately is a message from You, and that You are really, really changing my thinking and molding my mind into Your mind (though my mind keeps trying to jump back in…)

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Your Way, Not Mine
Date: January 30, 2005

It’s been a long day, Lord. But a good day. Thank You. Thank You for the soup time. Oh, Lord, I want “Sunday Soup” to be an outreach, not just a feeding-people-food time, but a spiritual outreach. And same with our life group.

And Lord, I want to lead some kind of group. I want to reach out to my neighbors, to my kids’ friends, to francophone people, to my students and their families. I want our life group to grow and multiply. I want the other group to grow, too.

I’m tired of things just bumbling along. I find it hard to imagine that “bumbling along” is what You want. Oh. I know that Your timing is better than mine, of course. But I want to see the church in action. I am feeling impatient, Lord. Please, please help me to see opportunities, dear God.

I feel like such a failure because I am not out bringing people to You. I’m not bold. Yes, I pray on my paper route, and some other times. And I’m going to start fasting tomorrow! But oh dear God, I want my kids to come to You, sooner rather than later. I don’t want to see their lives wasted. Though I kind of wasted mine, didn’t I? I’m sorry. I don’t want them making the same mistake.

Lord, I want action. I want to act. Only I don’t want it to be “me.” I want it to be Your plan and purpose. Suddenly I’m feeling so excited, burdened, almost driven.

I want to communicate that to people both inside and outside the church. I want to lead people to You. Open my eyes to the opportunities, Lord. Cleanse my heart. Forgive my terrible sins. Fill me with Your Spirit. I need Your Spirit so much, dear Heavenly Father, Jesus, Hope Spirit. Oh dear Jesus, use me! Please!

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I Want Your Purposes, Not Mine
Date: January 31, 2005

At church yesterday the pastor said something about not being a workaholic but being one who works for the Lord. He was talking about the need for leaders for evangelism groups and discipleship groups. I see this vision, Lord. I want to be part of it. I think You have prepared me for it.

There are things I don’t understand. What about my kids who are not walking strong with Jesus right now? What about my problems in my relationship with my husband? Even my place as a woman (but I could be working with children, youth, women… wherever You lead).

Oh dear God, there is so much to learn, and so many possibilities in reaching out to others for You. I’m tired, fed up, bored with sitting around “taking in.” I want to give. I want to share You proactively. But not as a workaholic who’ll just burn out and end up worrying all the time.

I just want to be trusting You to provide all the purpose, plans, moves. Just being a servant, doing what You want, joyfully. Taking it as the great adventure that Your way, Your purpose truly is.

My little grandson came and crawled in with me for a few minutes, and I prayed for him and dedicated him to You and begged You again for his salvation, and the salvation of his parents. Oh Lord, he is such a precious little treasure. Surely You have chosen him and his family. Surely You have chosen my other children. Oh Lord, let them all be “whosoever believes” people. Soon! Before they waste any more of their lives.

Thank You for helping me write. Thank You for my love of learning, too. I think it is a gift from You. I wonder why it took so many years for all this to “come together?” Has my life been wasted? No, I think not. I just had some different jobs to do for You, first. Like raising my family. And education. It is all coming along to reach this point, isn’t it?

Thank You for the delight I have in organizing things and cooking skills and hospitality in my home, and Sunday Soup. Thank You for the energy You give me, the healthy body, the paper routes, my interest in nutrition, my whole physical makeup. And thank You for my emotional makeup too, my mothering instincts, caring (but oh Lord, don’t let it turn into codependency again). And my intellectual abilities: those are for a purpose, too, aren’t they? And thank You for my enjoyment of all kinds of people. My love of Your Word. The vision You have given me. The home-based-skills you’ve given me a heart for and opportunity to acquire. My cross-cultural skills and interests. Yes, even my organization and administrative skills, which I haven’t always been too happy about!

Thank You for the past, the present, the future You have planned for me. Thank You for Your peace that has just washed over me!

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Please Help My Faith
Date: February 7, 2005

Lord, I remember all my rebellion in my teen and young adult years. I remember the awful sinful things I did, even wanting to kind of throw the rebellion in my parents’ faces. But at the same time I never stopped knowing what was right (following You), and even though I was kind of worried You wouldn’t take me back (“unpardonable sin?” … “once knowing the love of God, then turned back…re-crucified Christ?”) I at the same time knew that You were there chasing me, loving me, wanting me. And I never doubted that some day I would grow up, and get over whatever it was that drove me to do the things I did (rebellion, anger, hurt, wanting to be cool and accepted…). But it must have been hard for my parents, especially my mom, to wait. Because it sure is hard for me to wait for my kids to really turn their lives over to You. And I keep thinking, “What if something happens all of a sudden and then it’s too late for them – and/or for me – to see them come back?”

I know I haven’t prayed enough. I’ve gone through a few stages where I prayed earnestly and faithfully, but I’m sure not like my dad, who prays earnestly and faithfully for his sisters and their families, and his children and grandchildren, for the past 50 plus years, as far as I know.

Lord, I’ve read how You do answer prayers for salvation, even long after the pray-er has passed on. But I also worry that we do have free will and You don’t force us. (It must be nice to be a convinced Calvinist, and say, well, my kids gave their hearts to Jesus when they were little, so they are saved, and that’s that. Or to be like some churches that believe that baby baptism provides fail-safe “fire insurance”). Oh, but what if they are all wrong? What if it is my fault that my kids aren’t following You closely? (I know that’s not ultimately the question; they have to make up their own minds. I just have to let them go and let You deal directly with them.

But the “what if’s” keep haunting me. Is that just the enemy? How does he know what I’m thinking about, and keeps laying on guilt and questions, if I’ve purposely not said anything out loud or even written it down? Of course he has been at his task for thousands of years so he knows people pretty well, and he can see the circumstances in our lives and pretty easily guess what we’re thinking about anyway. And I think sometimes he makes mistakes because sometimes he seems to plant ideas that are immediately recognizable as “coming out of the blue/ from left field” and seem totally stupid and easy to see where they come from and are easily turned aside. “Bad guesses” on the enemy’s part, it seems to me. (And Your Spirit guiding my heart and protecting me, most of all!) (Thank you! Amen!)

I’m worrying again about my little grandson, too, Lord. What chance is he having to get to know You when he is little and his little heart is soft and open toward You? What can I do to help? Only pray? (Is there such as thing as “only pray”!! No! Prayer is so powerful!) Sing a few songs, say a few things, read a few Bible stories, love him, buy a few Jesus tapes and books… it all seems so petty (except the praying, of course). Do I have a right to blatantly interfere?

Well, Lord, I told You all that on my paper route this morning. And now I wrote it down so I don’t forget it. And so it is there before You (as if You’d even forget… but I will forget, get distracted, even just get tired, just as I am so, so tired even right now).

I know You answer prayer, Lord. I know You care about my children, and my husband and me, and my grandchild and children’s boyfriends and girlfriends. I know you are working. It just seems so slow, and I feel so alone. And I dread to come into Your presence without my children at my side… the total, ultimate failure of a mother, as it seems to me. It does seem that way to me…

I know these are probably “wrong” questions, planted directly by the enemy. And I know You love me, love my children, love my husband too. I know You are working. It just seems so slow to me. Please help my faith. I do believe, Lord! Help me! Please!

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