Conversations, Reflections & Meditations


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Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics Peace Use Me Lord Take My Mind My Children Lord You Are Here Trust Peace Date: November 23, 2005 Sudden, utter stillness. The panic of my soul cut off. Peace. (I'm not quite sure how to handle it.) This is Your way, Isn't it, Holy Spirit? Just sit and wait In the stillness. Rest (how, Lord? Teach me, I pray). Just trust You. Yes. Okay, thank You. It's time to go, Lord. Let me walk... No, let me be With - no, in - You. And You in me. Oneness. Unity. Obedience. Childlike faith. Trust and obey - And be happy in You! Joy! Thank You. Amen. Return to the top Use Me Lord Date: Nov 23, 2005 Yesterday at our study group, I talked about You, Holy Spirit, and about Your place and power and needfulness in our lives. You know how I feared to do it, Lord - and I certainly did not have a miraculous experience such as having Your words just pouring out of my mouth, or people casting themselves before You (though there were some tears). Indeed, I taught the lesson in weakness, with fear and trembling. But I know that some people told me they were blessed, and oh, Lord, what a blessing were the words ____ shared, the words You gave through her! What I could not clearly express, she spoke forth with love, clearly and boldly, yet also with trembling. Lord, Your truth, Your life, Your power is totally worthy of our fear and trembling! We are so totally weak in the light of Your glory and power. How wonderful and amazing that You deign to bring Your Presence into the room with us, Your totally unworthy servants - and yet, Your children, by Your amazing, unspeakable love and grace! Oh, thank You, Lord! It has been so long since I have been able to open my heart to You this way. Only yesterday, I gave my all to You, willing to - yes - take nothing, seek nothing, expect nothing in return. And how You have already blessed, in ways I never imagined, or even at first recognized! Thank You for so many wonderful ways You have made Your love and presence clear to me in all my ordinary activities! Amazing! Thank You for opening my eyes to see the numerous blessings I have somehow become blind to in my daily life. I left the group feeling that perhaps I had failed. But no, that is not right, for it was not "I" that presented Your Word. It was You, only graciously using me. Lord, often it even seems strange to me that You would trust me enough to use me, for I am so weak and so apt to get it Your way. And yet this is what I asked You for yesterday, what I most desire, that I will not get in Your way, and that I may be Yours only, to become dissolved into Your will, way, purposes, love. Return to the top Take My Mind Date: Nov 28, 2005 Heavenly Father Why do I have such a hard time appropriating Your promises? I know that often I feel that I am not worthy, that I don't have the right to Your promises, because I feel I'm not important enough, or whatever. Also, I'm afraid that I'll just be fanatical, even heretical. And also, I think, there are so many incredibly poor, war ravaged, starving, uneducated, disease-ridden people in the world, while I have so much. So how do I dare to ask for more? And then, I feel like maybe only super-spiritual church-leader-types have the right to dare to ask for things from You. I know I am Your child. I know You have redeemed me and made me righteous in God's sight. I know I am a child of the King and Creator of all things. So why do all these things lurk in my mind and heart? Are they really doubts? Do I not hold You to be all that You truly are? Is that why I have such a hard time to praise You, at least right now? When I try to praise You, Lord, my words and thoughts just seem to fall flat. I know You are there, I even sense Your presence, yet I just can't seem to vocalize, verbalize, even think, clearly about how to praise and worship You. Lord, my brain is so tired. It just seems like I can't take things in and process them the way I used to. I look at my mom, with her dementia, and I guess I worry that maybe my mind is going downhill, too. Lord, I am finding it so hard to understand about people losing their reasoning ability. Your Word tells us to rejoice in all things, to trust, to believe, to obey, to meditate - all things that require the mind. And then it seems that You allow the mind to be stolen away. Lord, I know that the other day I said that all I want is You, that You could take everything I have, as along as I have You. I said You could even take my mind. Lord, I still mean that, but now that I've said it, I'm really starting to reflect on what it could mean. And I don't like what I see. I do still mean it when I say I am willing for You to take everything, but I guess I just never realized how much value I place on my mind. And unfortunately, I guess I never realized how small my mind seems in comparison to the minds of others, as I discover when I study Your Word, and when I listen to and read the thoughts of others, and often find it really hard to wrap my mind around what is being said. But Lord, I do want You! Return to the top My Children Lord Date: Dec 6, 2005 Dear Heavenly Father, Oh, this is a day of needs in our family. Relationship breakdowns, struggles in relationships with You, so many things. I heard one of my children cry, "Somebody up there sure doesn't care about me." Oh, Father, please show my children that You do care. Please let them see, in times of trouble, their need of You. Help them to draw closer to You, rather than listening to the enemy's lies that You don't care. Lord, I don't know how to comfort them at all. We haven't truly talked for so long. They put their confidences in their peers and boyfriends and all. And so I don't really know where they stand in relationship with You. Oh dear God, I did all I could, all I knew how, when my children were small, to point them to You. I know I made a lot of mistakes. I know I didn't turn to You enough. But You know all that. And You love me anyway, and You have forgiven me. And if I haven't said, "I'm sorry," about all that, I say it now. Lord, there just doesn't seem to be anything I can do now, so I just have to bring this whole big need to You. Oh, dear God, please bring my children, every one of them, into intimate relationship with You. Please! (And if there is some thing You would have me to do, some way You would work through me, here I am. You know I'm willing.) Return to the top You Are Here Date: December 6, 2005 Lord, heres another need. I've been preparing this study on worship. And You know that I've been going through a kind of "dry period." Oh yes, I am aware of Your Presence so much, and I have had so much peace and rest in the midst of things that in the past would have totally panicked me. (Though I still do give in to some moments of panic, Lord. Please forgive me). But I have not had those emotional highs, lately, that worship used to bring. And I don't even feel like singing. Maybe it is just me. Or maybe You are just teaching me a new way to worship You, a new way to walk with You, independent of my feelings, of my "need" for emotional back-up and assurance. I do have a clear sense of Your Presence. Even when I don't "sense" it, I have no doubt about it whatsoever. I know You are here with me always - even if I get impatient and frustrated sometimes because You don't do things the way I would! (Thank goodness!). Thank You for being always with me. Be always with my kids, too, please. Thank You. Return to the top Trust Date: December 11, 2005 Lord, I have been reading today The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life by Hannah W. Smith, and I have just understood something which I have struggled and struggled to understand for years and years! And yet it is so simple, I cannot understand how I could have missed it before. It is what "trusting God" really means. I mean, I have known all the theory. I have even known You and known that You are worthy of total trust. But I have not been able to figure out how to just trust You. Oh, I have often caught glimpses of it, and even experienced it for short time. But it always seems to have slipped out of my grasp just when I think I have finally got a hold of it. Sometimes I wonder if I had a hold on it at all, or if it were just some ephemeral "will o' the wisp" that I was hanging on to, mistakenly believing it to be trust. But then it seemed that what I thought I "had" was only a shadow, a gossamer kind of slippery edge of a garment which I just could not quite get a firm enough hold onto, that I could not cling to no matter how hard I tried. As usual, my problem, it would seem, has rested in my very trying. The harder I try, of course, the less I am trusting. But, I have thought, trust (and faith) is a hard thing to accomplish and must take great effort - my effort. Nothing good is free, I've thought. Turns out I have been wrong! Thank You, Lord, for showing me this! Return to the top
Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family


	Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family
Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics Peace Use Me Lord Take My Mind My Children Lord You Are Here Trust Peace Date: November 23, 2005 Sudden, utter stillness. The panic of my soul cut off. Peace. (I'm not quite sure how to handle it.) This is Your way, Isn't it, Holy Spirit? Just sit and wait In the stillness. Rest (how, Lord? Teach me, I pray). Just trust You. Yes. Okay, thank You. It's time to go, Lord. Let me walk... No, let me be With - no, in - You. And You in me. Oneness. Unity. Obedience. Childlike faith. Trust and obey - And be happy in You! Joy! Thank You. Amen. Return to the top Use Me Lord Date: Nov 23, 2005 Yesterday at our study group, I talked about You, Holy Spirit, and about Your place and power and needfulness in our lives. You know how I feared to do it, Lord - and I certainly did not have a miraculous experience such as having Your words just pouring out of my mouth, or people casting themselves before You (though there were some tears). Indeed, I taught the lesson in weakness, with fear and trembling. But I know that some people told me they were blessed, and oh, Lord, what a blessing were the words ____ shared, the words You gave through her! What I could not clearly express, she spoke forth with love, clearly and boldly, yet also with trembling. Lord, Your truth, Your life, Your power is totally worthy of our fear and trembling! We are so totally weak in the light of Your glory and power. How wonderful and amazing that You deign to bring Your Presence into the room with us, Your totally unworthy servants - and yet, Your children, by Your amazing, unspeakable love and grace! Oh, thank You, Lord! It has been so long since I have been able to open my heart to You this way. Only yesterday, I gave my all to You, willing to - yes - take nothing, seek nothing, expect nothing in return. And how You have already blessed, in ways I never imagined, or even at first recognized! Thank You for so many wonderful ways You have made Your love and presence clear to me in all my ordinary activities! Amazing! Thank You for opening my eyes to see the numerous blessings I have somehow become blind to in my daily life. I left the group feeling that perhaps I had failed. But no, that is not right, for it was not "I" that presented Your Word. It was You, only graciously using me. Lord, often it even seems strange to me that You would trust me enough to use me, for I am so weak and so apt to get it Your way. And yet this is what I asked You for yesterday, what I most desire, that I will not get in Your way, and that I may be Yours only, to become dissolved into Your will, way, purposes, love. Return to the top Take My Mind Date: Nov 28, 2005 Heavenly Father Why do I have such a hard time appropriating Your promises? I know that often I feel that I am not worthy, that I don't have the right to Your promises, because I feel I'm not important enough, or whatever. Also, I'm afraid that I'll just be fanatical, even heretical. And also, I think, there are so many incredibly poor, war ravaged, starving, uneducated, disease-ridden people in the world, while I have so much. So how do I dare to ask for more? And then, I feel like maybe only super-spiritual church-leader-types have the right to dare to ask for things from You. I know I am Your child. I know You have redeemed me and made me righteous in God's sight. I know I am a child of the King and Creator of all things. So why do all these things lurk in my mind and heart? Are they really doubts? Do I not hold You to be all that You truly are? Is that why I have such a hard time to praise You, at least right now? When I try to praise You, Lord, my words and thoughts just seem to fall flat. I know You are there, I even sense Your presence, yet I just can't seem to vocalize, verbalize, even think, clearly about how to praise and worship You. Lord, my brain is so tired. It just seems like I can't take things in and process them the way I used to. I look at my mom, with her dementia, and I guess I worry that maybe my mind is going downhill, too. Lord, I am finding it so hard to understand about people losing their reasoning ability. Your Word tells us to rejoice in all things, to trust, to believe, to obey, to meditate - all things that require the mind. And then it seems that You allow the mind to be stolen away. Lord, I know that the other day I said that all I want is You, that You could take everything I have, as along as I have You. I said You could even take my mind. Lord, I still mean that, but now that I've said it, I'm really starting to reflect on what it could mean. And I don't like what I see. I do still mean it when I say I am willing for You to take everything, but I guess I just never realized how much value I place on my mind. And unfortunately, I guess I never realized how small my mind seems in comparison to the minds of others, as I discover when I study Your Word, and when I listen to and read the thoughts of others, and often find it really hard to wrap my mind around what is being said. But Lord, I do want You! Return to the top My Children Lord Date: Dec 6, 2005 Dear Heavenly Father, Oh, this is a day of needs in our family. Relationship breakdowns, struggles in relationships with You, so many things. I heard one of my children cry, "Somebody up there sure doesn't care about me." Oh, Father, please show my children that You do care. Please let them see, in times of trouble, their need of You. Help them to draw closer to You, rather than listening to the enemy's lies that You don't care. Lord, I don't know how to comfort them at all. We haven't truly talked for so long. They put their confidences in their peers and boyfriends and all. And so I don't really know where they stand in relationship with You. Oh dear God, I did all I could, all I knew how, when my children were small, to point them to You. I know I made a lot of mistakes. I know I didn't turn to You enough. But You know all that. And You love me anyway, and You have forgiven me. And if I haven't said, "I'm sorry," about all that, I say it now. Lord, there just doesn't seem to be anything I can do now, so I just have to bring this whole big need to You. Oh, dear God, please bring my children, every one of them, into intimate relationship with You. Please! (And if there is some thing You would have me to do, some way You would work through me, here I am. You know I'm willing.) Return to the top You Are Here Date: December 6, 2005 Lord, heres another need. I've been preparing this study on worship. And You know that I've been going through a kind of "dry period." Oh yes, I am aware of Your Presence so much, and I have had so much peace and rest in the midst of things that in the past would have totally panicked me. (Though I still do give in to some moments of panic, Lord. Please forgive me). But I have not had those emotional highs, lately, that worship used to bring. And I don't even feel like singing. Maybe it is just me. Or maybe You are just teaching me a new way to worship You, a new way to walk with You, independent of my feelings, of my "need" for emotional back-up and assurance. I do have a clear sense of Your Presence. Even when I don't "sense" it, I have no doubt about it whatsoever. I know You are here with me always - even if I get impatient and frustrated sometimes because You don't do things the way I would! (Thank goodness!). Thank You for being always with me. Be always with my kids, too, please. Thank You. Return to the top Trust Date: December 11, 2005 Lord, I have been reading today The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life by Hannah W. Smith, and I have just understood something which I have struggled and struggled to understand for years and years! And yet it is so simple, I cannot understand how I could have missed it before. It is what "trusting God" really means. I mean, I have known all the theory. I have even known You and known that You are worthy of total trust. But I have not been able to figure out how to just trust You. Oh, I have often caught glimpses of it, and even experienced it for short time. But it always seems to have slipped out of my grasp just when I think I have finally got a hold of it. Sometimes I wonder if I had a hold on it at all, or if it were just some ephemeral "will o' the wisp" that I was hanging on to, mistakenly believing it to be trust. But then it seemed that what I thought I "had" was only a shadow, a gossamer kind of slippery edge of a garment which I just could not quite get a firm enough hold onto, that I could not cling to no matter how hard I tried. As usual, my problem, it would seem, has rested in my very trying. The harder I try, of course, the less I am trusting. But, I have thought, trust (and faith) is a hard thing to accomplish and must take great effort - my effort. Nothing good is free, I've thought. Turns out I have been wrong! Thank You, Lord, for showing me this! Return to the top
Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family