Conversations, Reflections & Meditations


	Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family
Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics Teaching Christianly Martha Laptop More Lord Christ In Me Teaching Christianly Date: September 26, 2005 I was reading more last night, Lord, from the book about "teaching Christianly." Oh, dear God, I've been doing all this planning for my school courses. But no matter how much I plan, I keep feeling like I am missing something incredibly important. And I am. How do I put You integrally into all this, at the core? Oh, dear God, please help me! I used to want to start my own school, or work at an "open" school like that one I visited a couple years ago, or home school more, or something. I just kept feeling there has to be more. I tried out all kinds of approaches when I was home schooling, but always ended up feeling that no matter how promising and exciting they seemed, something was missing. I did do Bible study and prayer and so on, with my children in home school, the very best I knew how. I created Godly goals and mission statements. But God, it was only a start. I want to go deeper, Lord. I want all my teaching, at school, in the Bible study group, helping my children with homework, tutoring, whatever the future might hold - to have You as the core, to have everything wrapped in, enveloped in, and radiating You! This is my desire, Lord. Please grant it! Touch my heart, O Lord! In Jesus' name. Amen. Thank You, Lord! Return to the top Martha Date: Oct 16, 2005 Lord, You know my heart. You know all about last night, about the enemy attacking, about me not keeping "prayed up." You know I've bowed before You and asked forgiveness. You know I have no strength of my own to help my children and their friends in these situations. But You have all strength, and I can trust in You. You know that in the past month I've been overwhelmed with all the things I "have to do." And that in the process of my "Martha" busyness I have lost track of "what is most needful." I am so sorry, Lord. I feel so badly that this "fallout" has come upon my children. Oh, dear God, please help them, too, to stand strong for You, and not to depend upon me. I am such a weak, failing vessel, but You are all in all. Help me to point them straight to You, without "preaching." Help them to see me turn to You in my times of need, instead of trying to do things in my own power, Lord. Help me to turn my studies, my classes, my students, my lessons, totally to You, every time. Help me to love my husband, and not blame him for my problems. I have used him as an excuse for far too long. I see I must simply stop the excuses and do what is right. Lord, please help me to make right choices. Speak to me by Your Spirit and help me to listen and obey. You know my heart, the things I cannot even say or write down. You know my questions that I feel as though I should just bury. Speak Your truth clearly in my heart and mind, O Lord. Please take these issues that burn inside me, Lord, and turn them to Your purposes. Help me to see them clearly, truthfully, brilliantly in the shadowless light of Your truth and glory. Thank You, Lord. Return to the top Laptop Date: Oct 17, 2005 Well, today I have to let ______ know about the laptop. So it is up to You, Lord. I'm just going to leave it up to You to provide, if it is Your will. Some people say that if one says "Your will be done," it is a sign of small faith, a loop-hole just in case. But You know my heart, Lord. You know I do want Your will. Last night ____ said, "Don't pray too much!" when I told him I have to pray about it. I thought that was pretty weird, because I know he believes in praying for God's guidance. But I think that I now understand... I often pray myself right out of God"s blessings. I pray, then make endless excuses about why it shouldn't happen, at least not for me, not for now. Dear God, I have been doubting You. I do keep thinking that "I'm not worthy; I'm being selfish; God has bigger things than this to think about; God wants me to be independent and pay my own way all the time; there are so many other way greater needs out there; God wants me to sacrifice." Forgive me, Father. You do love me. You do want me to write and study; that is clear. It is time right now to tell _____ that yes, I will buy it. I tell my children to put their unexpected extra college study needs on my card, and I do find ways to pay it off (actually, over and over, God finds ways for me to pay it off!) because I love them! God loves me! More than I love my children. This is it. He wants me to draw on His bank account. I can't "see" the money but when He leads me clearly, as He is doing now, I can go ahead and draw on it anyway, because He loves me and He wants me to. Period. Thank You, Lord. (The book I am reading about prayer says, "You will be a faint-hearted pray-er, unable to persevere in prayer until you know in your heart that God is able - always! Then you will refuse to doubt God." So, okay, Lord. I am going to dare to trust that You are able. And that You love me.) Speaking of love, My husband said he'd been wanting to get a lap top for me, but had been afraid to bring it up because he was afraid I'd be opposed to the cost! But when I told him about this laptop, he was really happy. So he took me down and paid for it. On the credit card. And You know how I feel about credit cards. But Lord, thank You. And I am looking forward to seeing how You will work out these finances. Thank You! Return to the top More Lord Date: November 21, 2005 Oh Lord God, I long for more, so much more of You. I cannot be content with what I have right now, even though I appreciate what You have done in me thus far. There has to be more. I cannot live content with this much only. I need more, more, of You, Lord. I have so much to be grateful for, already, but I feel that You desire to fill me, overflow me, work Your work within me to an infinitely greater level than I have ever known. I do recognize my weakness. I see that my tiredness, my loneliness, my discouragement, my failure comes from my dependence on myself. You know I have tried, over and over, to "give it all to You." You know that there have been moments of "crisis," times of seeming "breakthrough," times of light and joy and sweet release and relief. But then I discover again that there is still far more, far, far more, that I must give over to You. Dear God, I know that I just have to keep giving those things to You. I know You will keep revealing to me where I am holding myself back, keeping my control, even when I don't know it or intend it. But Lord, oh Lord! Is there no end? Is there no defining, clear as crystal, ice-cold-brilliant moment of clarity, breath-taking, knowing-for-sure? Dear God, in They Found the Secret by V.Raymond Edmond, I have been reading about great men and women of God who really knew You. Who knew that they knew You. Who had a "crisis moment" (or 2 or 3 or 5...) in which Your Spirit just totally, permanently took over as they finally understood what You were telling them. Am I so slow, dear God, that I can never have this experience? You know my heart, dear God, You know my longing, my cries, my distress. You know the circumstances of my life and the fears I have. Or are You telling me again, to be still and wait? Is that really part of the truth You have for me, the path You have laid out, so that I might have time and space to truly let go of my dreams and desires, and come to desire only You alone - even if there are no dreams of mind, no adventures, that come as part of the package? Oh. I didn't quite see that before, did I? Could I be willing? Am I willing? Willing to have nothing but You - no mission, no dreams, no service, no acclamations by men� just have You alone with nothing else? Is that even possible, God? I am so wrapped up in the world, the here-and-now-physical-fleshly environment of the body and flesh and skin. My head says that if I have only You, I do have everything. But even if I never, ever see any of that "everything stuff", do I still then have everything? Are You not Yourself everything? Is it that true that the "stuff" is only ephemeral, useful to Your purposes as You purpose it to be, but essentially non-necessary, non-important, even non-existent unless You choose it to be? How do I wrap my head around that? Is it possible? Is this one of those "faith alone" things where my "head" has no part, where I must be willing to permanently, for ever, cast aside my body, my intellect, my creativity, all those things I value, and in baring myself, in becoming thus totally naked before You, just give what is left? And what is that Lord? Perhaps nothing but the breath of life; Your breath, Your life in me. You breathed into me to make me a living being that could worship and glorify and love You in return for the simple gift of Your love creating me. Amazing. I have a Bible study group to lead tomorrow, and You have a message for me to bring to them. Your Words alone. It is not yet "time" for the Spiritual Disciplines, for without the fullness of Your Spirit, the disciplines are only the efforts of men. Legalism. Law-bound. Yes, we are washed in Your blood, Lord Jesus. Yes, You have given Your Spirit as a seal of our salvation. But oh, dear God, where is the power to be Your disciples, and to win and disciple others? Without that extra, ultimate step, what is the point of carrying on into these disciplines? Dear God, I'm too tired even to think. My head and eyes and nose ache, and my eyes droop and run. Sometimes I choke up, and tears trickle down my cheeks. I'm so tired. Can't You just take it over? Now? Please? (How old do I have to be? Will I even have time to really serve You? Oh! There it is again. Me thinking about "me." Forgive me, dear Lord. Please cleanse me - of me. Now. Thank You. Return to the top Christ In Me Date: Nov 22, 2005 Dear Heavenly Father, You know my heart. You know that I have truly desired and longed for abundant life. And I have finally realized that "Christ in me" is abundant life. And that Jesus has placed inside me the Holy Spirit, His Holy Spirit - You, Spirit of God! - and that I just need to "ask and it shall be given." Indeed, You have already given me Yourself, dear Jesus, Your life, and Your Spirit who takes all that You have given me and is just waiting for me to allow Him to make all that You have given me to be real and experiential here and now! By faith! Claiming and accepting Your promises, Your gifts. And so here I am this morning, and I am just doing that. Casting aside any fears of "fanaticism," no longer trying to "get along" with everybody, no longer worrying about rocking the boat. I just want all of You, God - all You have for me in all Your fullness. I don't want to hold back or dictate in any area. Even if it means giving up all my dreams, all I want is You. Because I am finally realizing that You are all. With all of You, there is nothing more to need or want or desire. I want You in me, me in You. I don't want any more of me, any more of my dreams, my desires, my sense of fairness. I don't want to hold back anything from You and Your will. Even my children, even their salvation, must be in Your will. That's all. I am hereby opening myself totally to Your power, Holy Spirit. I no longer want to be only "Christ-like." I want to live, to be "Christ in me." And that can only be as You, Holy Spirit, fill me now, and then keep on filling me, with the fullness of Yourself, with the fullness of Christ in me. As I write this, I do not even know how to explain or express it clearly. But You know my heart, Lord. And I accept You, whatever that may mean. I want all of You in me, You living through me, me being You to the world. No matter what others may think or say or do. No matter what it does to "my life." I give "my" life to You, now. Cast it away, destroy it, dear Holy Spirit, and come to live in every molecule and atom, every breath of my body and spirit. Even if I had to lose my mind, Lord, whatever it takes. Do with me whatever You will. Whatever! Your word promises that if I ask, You will do. So I'm asking, and expecting, and even if I don't see or feel anything, I accept Your fullness, dear Holy Spirit, now and forever. Thank You. Amen. ....My child, you know how much I love you. You know I have been with you all the way and I will be with you always and forever. Return to the top
Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family


	Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family
Sign Guestbook \| View Guestbook Comments? Questions? [email protected]	Prayer topics Teaching Christianly Martha Laptop More Lord Christ In Me Teaching Christianly Date: September 26, 2005 I was reading more last night, Lord, from the book about "teaching Christianly." Oh, dear God, I've been doing all this planning for my school courses. But no matter how much I plan, I keep feeling like I am missing something incredibly important. And I am. How do I put You integrally into all this, at the core? Oh, dear God, please help me! I used to want to start my own school, or work at an "open" school like that one I visited a couple years ago, or home school more, or something. I just kept feeling there has to be more. I tried out all kinds of approaches when I was home schooling, but always ended up feeling that no matter how promising and exciting they seemed, something was missing. I did do Bible study and prayer and so on, with my children in home school, the very best I knew how. I created Godly goals and mission statements. But God, it was only a start. I want to go deeper, Lord. I want all my teaching, at school, in the Bible study group, helping my children with homework, tutoring, whatever the future might hold - to have You as the core, to have everything wrapped in, enveloped in, and radiating You! This is my desire, Lord. Please grant it! Touch my heart, O Lord! In Jesus' name. Amen. Thank You, Lord! Return to the top Martha Date: Oct 16, 2005 Lord, You know my heart. You know all about last night, about the enemy attacking, about me not keeping "prayed up." You know I've bowed before You and asked forgiveness. You know I have no strength of my own to help my children and their friends in these situations. But You have all strength, and I can trust in You. You know that in the past month I've been overwhelmed with all the things I "have to do." And that in the process of my "Martha" busyness I have lost track of "what is most needful." I am so sorry, Lord. I feel so badly that this "fallout" has come upon my children. Oh, dear God, please help them, too, to stand strong for You, and not to depend upon me. I am such a weak, failing vessel, but You are all in all. Help me to point them straight to You, without "preaching." Help them to see me turn to You in my times of need, instead of trying to do things in my own power, Lord. Help me to turn my studies, my classes, my students, my lessons, totally to You, every time. Help me to love my husband, and not blame him for my problems. I have used him as an excuse for far too long. I see I must simply stop the excuses and do what is right. Lord, please help me to make right choices. Speak to me by Your Spirit and help me to listen and obey. You know my heart, the things I cannot even say or write down. You know my questions that I feel as though I should just bury. Speak Your truth clearly in my heart and mind, O Lord. Please take these issues that burn inside me, Lord, and turn them to Your purposes. Help me to see them clearly, truthfully, brilliantly in the shadowless light of Your truth and glory. Thank You, Lord. Return to the top Laptop Date: Oct 17, 2005 Well, today I have to let ______ know about the laptop. So it is up to You, Lord. I'm just going to leave it up to You to provide, if it is Your will. Some people say that if one says "Your will be done," it is a sign of small faith, a loop-hole just in case. But You know my heart, Lord. You know I do want Your will. Last night ____ said, "Don't pray too much!" when I told him I have to pray about it. I thought that was pretty weird, because I know he believes in praying for God's guidance. But I think that I now understand... I often pray myself right out of God"s blessings. I pray, then make endless excuses about why it shouldn't happen, at least not for me, not for now. Dear God, I have been doubting You. I do keep thinking that "I'm not worthy; I'm being selfish; God has bigger things than this to think about; God wants me to be independent and pay my own way all the time; there are so many other way greater needs out there; God wants me to sacrifice." Forgive me, Father. You do love me. You do want me to write and study; that is clear. It is time right now to tell _____ that yes, I will buy it. I tell my children to put their unexpected extra college study needs on my card, and I do find ways to pay it off (actually, over and over, God finds ways for me to pay it off!) because I love them! God loves me! More than I love my children. This is it. He wants me to draw on His bank account. I can't "see" the money but when He leads me clearly, as He is doing now, I can go ahead and draw on it anyway, because He loves me and He wants me to. Period. Thank You, Lord. (The book I am reading about prayer says, "You will be a faint-hearted pray-er, unable to persevere in prayer until you know in your heart that God is able - always! Then you will refuse to doubt God." So, okay, Lord. I am going to dare to trust that You are able. And that You love me.) Speaking of love, My husband said he'd been wanting to get a lap top for me, but had been afraid to bring it up because he was afraid I'd be opposed to the cost! But when I told him about this laptop, he was really happy. So he took me down and paid for it. On the credit card. And You know how I feel about credit cards. But Lord, thank You. And I am looking forward to seeing how You will work out these finances. Thank You! Return to the top More Lord Date: November 21, 2005 Oh Lord God, I long for more, so much more of You. I cannot be content with what I have right now, even though I appreciate what You have done in me thus far. There has to be more. I cannot live content with this much only. I need more, more, of You, Lord. I have so much to be grateful for, already, but I feel that You desire to fill me, overflow me, work Your work within me to an infinitely greater level than I have ever known. I do recognize my weakness. I see that my tiredness, my loneliness, my discouragement, my failure comes from my dependence on myself. You know I have tried, over and over, to "give it all to You." You know that there have been moments of "crisis," times of seeming "breakthrough," times of light and joy and sweet release and relief. But then I discover again that there is still far more, far, far more, that I must give over to You. Dear God, I know that I just have to keep giving those things to You. I know You will keep revealing to me where I am holding myself back, keeping my control, even when I don't know it or intend it. But Lord, oh Lord! Is there no end? Is there no defining, clear as crystal, ice-cold-brilliant moment of clarity, breath-taking, knowing-for-sure? Dear God, in They Found the Secret by V.Raymond Edmond, I have been reading about great men and women of God who really knew You. Who knew that they knew You. Who had a "crisis moment" (or 2 or 3 or 5...) in which Your Spirit just totally, permanently took over as they finally understood what You were telling them. Am I so slow, dear God, that I can never have this experience? You know my heart, dear God, You know my longing, my cries, my distress. You know the circumstances of my life and the fears I have. Or are You telling me again, to be still and wait? Is that really part of the truth You have for me, the path You have laid out, so that I might have time and space to truly let go of my dreams and desires, and come to desire only You alone - even if there are no dreams of mind, no adventures, that come as part of the package? Oh. I didn't quite see that before, did I? Could I be willing? Am I willing? Willing to have nothing but You - no mission, no dreams, no service, no acclamations by men� just have You alone with nothing else? Is that even possible, God? I am so wrapped up in the world, the here-and-now-physical-fleshly environment of the body and flesh and skin. My head says that if I have only You, I do have everything. But even if I never, ever see any of that "everything stuff", do I still then have everything? Are You not Yourself everything? Is it that true that the "stuff" is only ephemeral, useful to Your purposes as You purpose it to be, but essentially non-necessary, non-important, even non-existent unless You choose it to be? How do I wrap my head around that? Is it possible? Is this one of those "faith alone" things where my "head" has no part, where I must be willing to permanently, for ever, cast aside my body, my intellect, my creativity, all those things I value, and in baring myself, in becoming thus totally naked before You, just give what is left? And what is that Lord? Perhaps nothing but the breath of life; Your breath, Your life in me. You breathed into me to make me a living being that could worship and glorify and love You in return for the simple gift of Your love creating me. Amazing. I have a Bible study group to lead tomorrow, and You have a message for me to bring to them. Your Words alone. It is not yet "time" for the Spiritual Disciplines, for without the fullness of Your Spirit, the disciplines are only the efforts of men. Legalism. Law-bound. Yes, we are washed in Your blood, Lord Jesus. Yes, You have given Your Spirit as a seal of our salvation. But oh, dear God, where is the power to be Your disciples, and to win and disciple others? Without that extra, ultimate step, what is the point of carrying on into these disciplines? Dear God, I'm too tired even to think. My head and eyes and nose ache, and my eyes droop and run. Sometimes I choke up, and tears trickle down my cheeks. I'm so tired. Can't You just take it over? Now? Please? (How old do I have to be? Will I even have time to really serve You? Oh! There it is again. Me thinking about "me." Forgive me, dear Lord. Please cleanse me - of me. Now. Thank You. Return to the top Christ In Me Date: Nov 22, 2005 Dear Heavenly Father, You know my heart. You know that I have truly desired and longed for abundant life. And I have finally realized that "Christ in me" is abundant life. And that Jesus has placed inside me the Holy Spirit, His Holy Spirit - You, Spirit of God! - and that I just need to "ask and it shall be given." Indeed, You have already given me Yourself, dear Jesus, Your life, and Your Spirit who takes all that You have given me and is just waiting for me to allow Him to make all that You have given me to be real and experiential here and now! By faith! Claiming and accepting Your promises, Your gifts. And so here I am this morning, and I am just doing that. Casting aside any fears of "fanaticism," no longer trying to "get along" with everybody, no longer worrying about rocking the boat. I just want all of You, God - all You have for me in all Your fullness. I don't want to hold back or dictate in any area. Even if it means giving up all my dreams, all I want is You. Because I am finally realizing that You are all. With all of You, there is nothing more to need or want or desire. I want You in me, me in You. I don't want any more of me, any more of my dreams, my desires, my sense of fairness. I don't want to hold back anything from You and Your will. Even my children, even their salvation, must be in Your will. That's all. I am hereby opening myself totally to Your power, Holy Spirit. I no longer want to be only "Christ-like." I want to live, to be "Christ in me." And that can only be as You, Holy Spirit, fill me now, and then keep on filling me, with the fullness of Yourself, with the fullness of Christ in me. As I write this, I do not even know how to explain or express it clearly. But You know my heart, Lord. And I accept You, whatever that may mean. I want all of You in me, You living through me, me being You to the world. No matter what others may think or say or do. No matter what it does to "my life." I give "my" life to You, now. Cast it away, destroy it, dear Holy Spirit, and come to live in every molecule and atom, every breath of my body and spirit. Even if I had to lose my mind, Lord, whatever it takes. Do with me whatever You will. Whatever! Your word promises that if I ask, You will do. So I'm asking, and expecting, and even if I don't see or feel anything, I accept Your fullness, dear Holy Spirit, now and forever. Thank You. Amen. ....My child, you know how much I love you. You know I have been with you all the way and I will be with you always and forever. Return to the top
Main Page \| My Articles for The Life Connection \| Prayers and Meditations \| Poetry Haida Gwaii Reflections \| Education & Home-School \| Family