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Purify Your Church, Lord
...And Purify and Refine Me
...Fill Me With Your Spirit; Make Me Like Jesus


Purify Your Church, Lord
...And Purify and Refine Me
...Fill Me With Your Spirit; Make Me Like Jesus

Date: November 6, 2006

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for Your Word. Thank You for the story of the fall of Israel and of the faithfulness of Hezekiah in Judah, and how he destroyed all the high places and even the brass serpent of Moses (which had started out as a wonderful gift from You, but had become a snare as people started to worship it. It was a great "tradition" and a "precious icon" but it had been perverted from being a memory of the power of God, into an idol in itself). Lord God, thank You for showing me every day new ways in which we too have turned from the pure worship of You alone, to bringing in the things of the world (as the people who replaced Israel worshipped both You and other gods - as did Israel and Judah themselves), but also to perverting the very worship of You by worshiping the objects and methods related to the worship, and by trusting in the rituals rather than in You!

Oh dear God, purify Your church! Purify Your people, individually and as the church, the Kingdom of God. Please continue to open our eyes, that we may truly see the truth of our condition, and come before You in true repentance, and utterly cast aside all that has replaced You in our hearts and minds and beings, and help us to turn unto You alone with our whole hearts, with all that we are, and lay ourselves on the altar of sacrifice before You and cry out to You to bind us to the altar and destroy all that is in us that separates us from You, that draws us away from worshiping and following You alone. Thank You for the great love You showed in giving Your Son as our Substitute Sacrific, to rescue us, to save us from the power of sin and death. Now, oh dear God, please make us daily, continuous living sacrifices before You of all we are, all we cherish, all we value and hold dear, and make our hearts and minds and bodies and emotions - all that we are - single minded before You, dear Lord.

(And Lord, please forgive me for getting caught up in the "words" just now. Oh dear God, it is so easy to just like that get drawn aside by both the enemy and by the old fleshly nature trying to rise up within us and regain its old place.) Oh dear God, please pour out Your Holy spirit upon me, dear Lord, in great power, in a clear "second work" dear Lord, in a clear visitation that is so powerful and certain that I can never doubt nor forget it, and then, oh dear God, please keep me faithful, please keep me bound on the altar, living a life of daily, moment-by-moment sacrifice of myself and all I have held dear, all that I ever could hold dear, except for You alone.

Please, dear God, this is my longing - even though, even as I write these words, I feel a sense of "fear" rise up in me, at the potential outcomes that could arise out of such a life of self-sacrifice before You. But Lord, I know that is only my old nature trying to hold on, and the enemy trying to hold on - and I know, I know, I know! that if the joy and eternal reward of being totally submitted as not only Your child but also your bond-servant, indeed Your slave, is a billion-trillion times- uncountably, eternally - better than anything the world or any created being or thing can offer!

To be with You, to know You, to be in relationship with You, unhindered by anything or anyone else that could come between - that is what You created me for, that is Your eternal purpose, that is the outpouring and natural conclusion of Your love - and it is the only way in which I can truly, truly worship and love and obey and trust You, and truly give You glory! It is the only way to truly be able to say, "Thank You, Lord, for Your great salvation!" It is Your way, not something I can aspire to myself, no matter what kind of an amazing, wonderful person I might be in the eyes of the world - for truly "I" am less than "filthy rags" in truth, in Your sight, totally in the wretched, helpless, hopeless, eternally destructive clutches of sin and death, with no hope, not even the tiniest glimmer of hope, within myself! But it is only in You - with "Christ in me, the hope of my salvation" that I can be forgiven, and redeemed, and filled with Your Spirit, and live in righteous, holy, complete and perfect relationship with You, my Lord and King and God Almighty, for ever and ever -- to Your Glory!!! Amen!

Thank You for this revelation to my spirit from Your Spirit, oh dear God. Thank You for opening my heart, that I might be able to understand and respond to and accept Your great salvation! Thank You for the work of Your Holy Spirit in my heart all my life, and especially in drawing me, and then leading me every day since You have been my Father and I have been Your child! Thank You for Your many great revelations. Thank You for the moments of "glory" when I was "awash" in the light of Your Presence in a special way. Thank You for the dark times, the deep valleys, when I sometimes could not even sense You, when I was blinded to You and neglected You, even turned from (against?) You, oh my Father, and yet You never turned Your back on me for even an instant, never stopped loving me, drawing me, caring for me... Oh, what an Almighty God I (we!) serve! Praise Your Holy Name!

And yet, oh Lord, I feel as though there is something missing. Yes, I know that I have to keep growing in You all my days, that You will continue to show me things in my life that I must give to You and allow You to change, to purify and refine me and make me daily more and more into the likeness of Christ until one day You take me into Your very Presence, after I cross that final river and come into Your eternal glory - but Lord, what about that "second blessing," that moment of "entire sanctification", that moment of "being baptized/filled with the Holy Spirit" that I hear of over and over - that moment of total assurance that You have filled me...

Lord, I know that Your Spirit is in me in a great way, greater and greater as the days go by; I know You are revealing amazing things to me; I know You are increasing my faith and giving me (dare I say, "finally"??) great boldness for You, and wisdom, and great answers to prayer such as I had dreamed of but often felt would never come to pass - but Lord, to be honest, I can't "put my finger" on that "Asuza Street" or "Aldersgate" or "Pentecost" experience that we hear of in the lives of the first disciples and people like John Wesley and other great men of God.

"They Found the Secret," Lord.
I want it, too - please!

(And Lord, if I "have" this fulness of the Spirit; if I have experienced "Pentecost" but maybe more in a "developing over time" kind of way, a series of experiences, perhaps - then dear God, please give me assurance and peace about it - but Lord, You know that even my "salvation" experience, although I will point to that moment in the little native Pentecostal Church in Masset as the moment when I really gave my heart to You, and determined never to turn back, (and my baptism, when I knew I couldn't turn back because the world had witnessed my witness of Your salvation - ha! guess that there was quite a bit of "me" pride mixed up in that - and yet You used that to keep me keeping on - though I do believe I already knew that I could never, would never, turn back) - yet I often wonder about those other moments before - the crusade with one of the Billy Graham associates when I was about 10 years old and I went forward to "give my heart to Jesus", when I was 9 or 10 at Pioneer Girls singing, "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus," when I was even younger and listening to my Grandpa pray and attending those camp meeting early morning prayer services, the time at camp when I went forward to "give my heart to Jesus" when I was 12 years old, coming back on the ferry after that Pioneer Pacific ISCF retreat when I was 13 or 14, "going forward" at the Sutera Twins crusade when I was 16 or so and asking my dad (and God) for forgiveness and "rededicating" my life to You Lord, and the Nazarene camp meeting when I was in University (yet it turned out to be a kind of closing down) -- what were all those about? Why did I "fall away" over and over? Did I know You, Lord? Was I "saved"? Was there something "wrong" with me that I kept "falling back"? (Could it even be - this just came to me - that the "salvation experience" at the little Pentecostal Church, and my subsequent baptism at Pure Lake were a "second blessing"?) Or was it true what I heard, growing up, about "backsliding" and "losing your salvation"? Or was that just pounded into me until I believed it? Even though I never really stopped believing in You?

And Lord, there have been "experiences" since then when You have revealed Yourself to me in amazing ways - like when I went to that native Pentecostal service in Rupert when I was pregnant with Wendy, and You did indeed "Pour in the oil and the wine, the kind that restoreth my soul, You found me bleeding and dying on the Jericho road, and You poured in the oil and the wine" - physically and spiritually. And when I was "slain in the Spirit" at that Bible study meeting at Pixie's - another time of great healing in my spirit. And when the angel woke me (two times) to rescue my babies from what surely must have been near-death/ SIDS experiences. And that time I had a vision or dream of Jesus surrounded by great light, standing through the doorway of the "dark, dark room" I was in, and His light reaching into the darkness in which I stood. And the times of Peter's dedication, and the instant healing of his eyes, and the miraculous healing of his blood poisoning. And at the Pentecostal Church in Keremeos, before we went back to Masset, and You gave me such incredibly glorious assurance that "It is well, It is well with my soul" and that You would never leave me nor forsake me and my family, and that You would be with us as we back to that place I feared and hated to go. And then You brought us back to the Okanagan, and You carried me through those dark, dark days in Keremeos when I could not "see the light" and yet always I knew You were there even in times of greatest despair and sorrow and pain and desperation and even anger and bitterness against those whom I should have loved the most...

And You have been with me and guided me and comforted me, and have been merciful and forgiving, and provided for our needs in incredible ways to this very day, and revealed Yourself and Your ways and will to me, and been unimaginably patient with me, and so on and on. To this very moment You are loving me, answering my prayers, bringing me closer to You. I haven't perhaps had those "miracle moments" for a long while, but perhaps it is because You are growing me up and I don't "need" those "concrete" exceptional experiences, and anyway, the things You are revealing to me and teaching me, and the path You have been leading me on in this time of my life is so much deeper and closer to You and "held in the palm of Your hand" far more than ever before.... it is greater to me, more wonderful and meaningful and eternal even than all the "miracles" and "experiences" that came before -- and it's nearly every day (except the days that I neglect You... and even then Your Presence is so clear that I must rush back to You, because I can't bear the barrenness of "being on my own!") rather than kind of "spaced out 'experiences'."

Oh Lord, I hear people speak longingly of the days of their "first love" - and I know I was excited and experienced great emotion and even zeal for You in the times of those "salvation/rededication" experiences (especially the "final" one, but the others too) - but oh, Lord, where I am right now is so much greater and deeper and satisfying (though I hunger and thirst more and more! for more! - yet that in itself is a great joy and satisfaction!) than ever before...

Which is why I wonder about the "second blessing experience," if it really has to be a "road-marker" experience that can be dated and pointed back to, or if sometimes You just do Your work, steadily, continuously building up from the solid foundation of Your great salvation through Jesus the foundation corner-stone, and through the work of Your Master Builder, the Holy Spirit, as I grow up into relationship with You, my Father God, and learn to truly lay down my life, give it all to You, worship You in Spirit and in Truth, and give You all the glory - that the whole purpose of my existence may become the glory of God!

Yes, Lord, I have longed for a definite "second blessing experience" - and Lord, if that is what I need, if that is Your will for me - then, O Lord, bring it on! Please! But if You have a "different expression" for me, as You have helped me see, even as I wrote this, the work You have done and are doing in my life... then so be it!

Lord, I want all of You! - but I want it in Your will and Your way and Your time - and for Your glory alone!

Thank You, Lord.
Amen.

(peace)

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