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O N L Y m e

This is something that I hid, that I kept secret, that I tried to dismiss as nothing. But it isn't nothing. It's something that I can't really control and it scares me that hurting myself actually manages to make things seem better.

People see me as a strong person. Someone who will stand up for what they believe in, always give their true opinion. People think I'm blunt (sometimes verging on rude I suppose), but some are impressed by it. I feel that I can't really control who I am. But this image of myself encourages people to see me as strong and independent. But I'm not. The only reason I can put this here is because you don't know me.

I don't cut - so does that mean I am not depressed? - but I do scratch. I have these red marks down my arms so often - it's lucky that I live somewhere where it is not always hot, otherwise everyone would see them. It's not something I do because I'm weird, it's an escape from the pain and problems of my life.

But I don't want to do it. I shouldn't have to.

I thought I was alone, but having surfed the web I have found sites dedicated to showing people that there are others who feel as desperate and depressed. I wanted to put this here so that if someone else does this they know they are not alone. If you want to gain/feel support visit: SCARS