previous day's entry September, 24, 2003
next day's entry
Dear Online Journal,

Okay, i don't really know what to write here.  I'm sitting here at my computer (obviously) and i'm trying to come up with something constructive to write, but it's not working AT ALL!!!!!  I have some crackers sitting here staring at me, because i don't really want to eat them anymore, and i have a sprite remix accompanying it, but im not drinking it, because im not really thirsty.  To tell you the absolute truth, im not exactly sure why i have these things here.  Anyways. Im sitting here, and "Unbreak my heart" By Toni Braxton is playing, ok now its playing "Nobody wants to be lonely" by Ricky Martin and Christina Aguilera!!!  UGH!!!!!  Damn this is a depressing song.  Ever listened to the lyrics?  I wouldn't if i were you, you might decide to top yourself. (kill yourself for you non british lingo understanding people).  ok now im listening to "Officially missing you" by Tamia.  You think something is trying to be said to me? i think that it's time to turn off the music! I hate this, all this depressing my lover left me music, if i wanted to listen to that then i would listen to country music, and how everything has up and left, including the dog!!!, i need to see what else will be playing.  Alright, i got some
Kelis, "Caught out there"  I love this song, it says the words: "I hate you so much right now" and i love it for that!!!! It's kinda how i feel i suppose.  "What is this is see? u dont come home to me...*humming* I hate you so much right now, i hate you so much"  ooops sorry guys! i love this song, the lyrics are just great! If you ever have a guy cheat on you, or maybe even lie to you, you can use this song!!! It's great, and i know how it feels to be cheated on, and lied to!  anyways, wow thats a great song!  I also really like this song called "Pretty Girl (it's the way)" by Sugarcult. that song is really great!  anyways, i got some Evanescence now "Going under", this should be my theme song!  it's interesting! Here are some of the lyrics: "Now i will tell you what i've done for you, 50,000 tears i cry, Screaming, Decieving, and bleeding for you, And you still wont hear me, Going Under... Don't want your hand this time, i'll save myself, maybe i'll wake up for once, not tormented daily, defeated by you, just when i thought i'd reached the bottom i dive again..."  Ugh, i didn't come here to write about songs that i'm listening to now did i?  No.  I'm writing because i have something that i need to get off my chest....let me reword that for you sick people out there!  I need to discuss something.  A friend of mine really hurt my feelings yesterday, but i really do still care about him, i want to be his friend, but i can't put up with the constant fights that seem to be ignited whenever we talk, what should i do?  He appologised this morning, VERY EARLY this morning, and left a message on my cell saying he was willing to try to be friends if i was willing.  I left a pretty sarcastic message on his voicemail, saying the ball was in his court, and "THat's on you" i think. (only b/c he uses those phrases, and he knows they bug the hell out of me, plus they help to show my sarcasm and upmost annoyance with the situation.  He knows that i still care, and i am puzzled as to why he is acting this way, and making me feel like everything is my fault. I'm not really sure as to what i should do.  i want to accept his appology and try to work things out, but my other friend who i called last night when i was crying my eyes out told me that i was better off without him, and that it would be better if he was out of my life.  I don't like the sound of that, but i'm thinking that it may be what the 2 of us need.  since we dated, things went down hill.  i assumed everything was great, but obviously not, and obviously we will not tear open that wound again now will we?  Well, i'm not really sure what to do, so that's why i'm asking you! What would you do?  I do want to be his friend, but he really hurt me!!  I don't know. i'm thinking i would rather be his friend, then totally leave his life.  i don't know, i will leave that up to him, he can make the decision.  I will stick by the voicemail i left him yesterday, and tell him that it's up to him. the ball is in his court, and well...if he doesn't want to be my friend, then that's on him.  I feel bad for being so sarcastic and mean, but i really have had enough of it!! I have cried for the last time!!
human doormat i suppose,
    - The Turtle
Hosted by