Top Reporter Mysteriously Disappears
by Dozr
Seattle, WA
After nearly a week of being unable to contact our top reporter, we are sad to announce that he
is officially missing. At the present time, authorities (aka "The Man") are refusing to aid in
the search for him. Currently, we have no solid leads to his whereabouts. Some of his friends
have speculated that he is no longer on US soil.
During our search, we contacted friends and relatives of Blur in an attempt to determine the
nature of his disappearance. A phone call was placed to his mother, who was at the time ignorant
of her son's "missing" status. When told that she may never see her son again, she became
understandably upset, saying "What do you mean? He just went to the store! He should be back any
time! Who is this?" We also informed her that if his body is recovered it might not be
immediately recognizable as her son. She then became extremely upset and promptly hung up the
phone. The Number 1 Paper would like to extend our sympathies to her during this terrible ordeal
and hope that she is able to come to terms with whatever tragedy has befallen this great
journalist.
We also contacted fellow reporters and long-time friends Raiden and Dozr. "Man, we're like
totally screwed without Blur", said Mr. Raiden. "He's our paper's bread and butter. Heh." Editor
and co-founder Dozr had only this to say: "I hope to God they don't ask for a ransom. I used up
all my money calling his mom."
So far, noone has taken credit for Blur's sudden disappearance and no demands have been made for
his return. We miss you greatly Blur, and hope that wherever you are you return to us without
incident.
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