Dell Guy Busted On Misdemeanor Drug Charge
by Dozr
New York City, NY
This past Sunday, actor Benjamin Curtis, better known as "Steve, the Dell Guy", was arrested on
a misdemeanor drug possession charge after buying an unknown amount of marijuana. Curtis, who
is currently a drama student at NYU, was nabbed by officers assigned to a drug detail
immediately after his purchase. Said one officer, "Dude, you're going to jail!" Another is
quoted as saying "You're experiencing award-winning protection and service."
Curtis was arraigned earlier today. The judge presiding over the case told him his record would
be wiped clean if he did not find himself in legal trouble again for one year, and made "no more
commercials, EVER!" Many legal experts were somewhat disappointed with the decision. The No. 1
Paper's resident attorney, Sue Yu, told us "In my professional opinion, I think they should have
thrown the book at him. And maybe some large rocks as well. I fucking HATE that asshole!". Other
lawyers have expressed similar feelings about the case (and Mr. Curtis) as well.
As for any plans Dell
(NASDAQ:DELL)
have for Curtis advertising their products in future, they
remain uncertain. On the one hand, it would seem that "Steve" has tarnished the reputation of
the company, which has already battled a slump in industry growth by cutting costs. This will
not necessarily be the fatal blow to the ever-annoying "Dell guy" character though. Dell
president Kevin Rollins confided to us that "Steve is one whacked out dude, dude. Man, we like
dared him to eat a live goat once, and after like eighteen bong hits of some 12th gen crystal he
did it. It was rad, dude." He then went on to explain to us that Dell's primary market consists
of college students, who might admire Curtis' rebellious behaviour and told us where we could
find some "killer bud". As to whether this image will hurt the company or endear it to younger
consumers remains to be seen, but one thing's for sure. Practically everyone was disappointed
that "Steve" isn't someone's bitch tonight.
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