Area Man Still Confused Over Seattle Streets After Five Years
by Blur
Seattle, Washington
Five years is still not long enough for area man to get accustomed to the
subtleties of Seattle streets. "Don't get me wrong," the area man
said, "I love Seattle, the Mariners, the Supersonics, yes even the
Seahawks. But the roads in Seattle aren't just bad, they're diabolical."
Refusing to give this august publication his name, the area man cited several
examples of diabolical planning:
- >135° angle turn.
"There's like this one street which joins another just before the Montlake
bridge. If you have a passenger beside you, you might as well forget trying to
see when it's clear. You have to look right over your shoulder. I guess if you
trust your passenger, you can get them to help you look. I know I wouldn't
though. Heck I wouldn't use that street if it were the only one open and there
was an evacuation order in place."
- The hill which forces you to play chicken.
"As you approach the crest of the hill, you notice that the lanes jink to
the right. This pits you against the oncoming traffic in an involuntary game of
chicken. Sure hope that semi has good brakes and the driver isn't asleep."
- Segmented streets.
"Alright so they put this grid system of streets down. I'm driving west on
NE 65th Street, looking for an address. Suddenly I find myself driving into
freaking Green Lake. Turns out the address I want is on NW 65th. I have to take
a 15 minute detour south of the lake. I mean how can you even call the two
streets by the same number?"
The area man still believes the jury is out on whether he will risk Seattle
streets any longer, or if he'll move to some place with tamer streets, say New
York. "Give me good honest gridlock any day. They have a mnemonic for
remembering downtown Seattle street names. Jesus Christ Made Seattle Under
Protest. Well he must have, cause the devil finished the rest of the streets."
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