ROCKO'S KIDDIE CORNER of DOOM!
Today's Activity: Fun With Fireworks!

What you need: The July page from a calendar, $200 cold hard cash, a fireworks vendor, stupid parents, scissors, duct tape, cardboard tubes, matches (optional: quart bottle of 100-proof vodka)

What you do: Start by marking off the first 3 days on the calendar. Now, convince your folks that it's now the 4th of July (this part may be tricky, but this is where the vodka comes in). Now, get them to drive you to the fireworks store. Take the $200 and buy as many fireworks as possible. Gte some BIG ones, and a few that make pretty colours. When you get home, use the scissors to hack open all the fireworks and get at the sweet gooey insides. Take your cardboard tubes (wrapping paper tubes work the best, but YOU CAN use tubes from paper towels or toilet paper) and seal one end up with the duct tape. Take a fuse from one of the dismantled fireworks (the green ones work the best) and lightly duct tape it to the inside of one of the ends of the tubes.Then, fill them with the gunpowder and coloured stuff you found in the fireworks. Make sure you pack them TIGHTLY. This is important. Now, seal off that end TIGHTLY, but do not tape your fuse too much. It's going to need air to burn. Then comes the fun part. Place your newly- made fireworks in fun places. Be creative. Mailmen LOVE fireworks. So put some in mailboxes. And NOONE loves fireworks more than the police. They always take mine. Show them you care by putting some under their cars. YOU CAN find other places where other people will enjoy them. Then, strike a match (BE SAFE! close the book first) and light the fuse. Then, pretend you are your favourite athlete and run away from the firework at top speed. When it goes off, it will make a pretty show that everyone can enjoy!

ROCKO SAYS: DON'T DO SCHOOL AND STAY IN DRUGS!

DISCLAIMER: Rocko The Clown and the Number 1 Paper In The Country assume no liability for anyone's stupidity. Attempting these activities can get you dead or arrested but you should know that already gink. If you fold, spindle or mutilate yourself then FUCK YOU. Seriously. Because if you don't know any better you're from the shallow end of the gene pool and we really don't want you around anyways.

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