Jockey Jorge Santana Cleared Of Wrongdoing
by Blur
Louisville, KY
Above: Jockey Jorge Santana in fine form upon
Suey Cide, about to take a whack at the jockey in the number 12 jersey. His trusty
baseball bat is clearly shown.
The investigation into Jorge Santana's Kentucky Derby win was spurred by this image.
Churchill Downs stewards pored over photos of the jockey and found no evidence he
cheated in winning the Derby aboard Suey Cide, a racing official said on condition of
anonymity. Said official then enthusiastically autographed photos of himself which he
handed to passersby, as well as your humble servant.
The stewards also searched the racetrack and turf course where Suey Cide and Santana
crossed for postrace ceremonies and did not find any illegal device, the source said.
However they turned up evidence that the racetrack was the burial site of Jimmy Hoffa,
as well as being a secret meeting place for high ranking Illuminati.
Santana met over a sumptuous banquet with stewards who are investigating whether he
held something in his hand besides his whip when he crossed the finish line. When the
meeting ended, Santana, along with his lawyer and agent, rode away into the sunset
without comment.
"Conversations between Mr. Santana, his attorney and the stewards have been
completed." said Joe Cassher, Churchill Downs' vice president of racing
communications. "I would not draw any conclusions. This was part of the process.
The stewards have to sit down and talk about a few things over hard liquor."
Suey Cide, a 100-1 shot, beat favorite Home Wrecker by 10 lengths to become the first
gelding to win the Derby since 1929. Stewards decided to investigate after a local
paper published the photo, along with a story. The photo depicts a what appears to be
a baseball bat in addition to the whip in Santana's right hand.
Race replays show that Santana smacked around several of his opponents and their horses
with the baseball bat when it looked like they were about to pass him. Suey Cide's
trainer Reginald Barklay said it would take a special jockey to pull off the feat.
"If you can bash your opponents while balancing on a galloping mount, you have to
be a pretty good horseman. A pretty poor sportsman, though." the trainer said.
The stewards have ultimate authority over race results. Suey Cide could be disqualified
if it is determined Santana failed to show good sportsmanship when he attacked his
opponents. Kentucky Racing Commission rules do not prohibit a jockey from assaulting
his opponents, as long as they can get some return whacks in too.
When Santana was approached for comment, he first exclaimed "No engles!"
before laying about him with his trusty baseball bat. His attorney later said that
his client had a heavy accent and was actually saying "My name is Inigo Montoya,
you killed my father. Prepare to die."
