Pee Wee Herman Impersonator Cuts a Hole Too Thin
by Cerb
Humacao, Puerto Rico
A Puerto Rican man, identified as Jesus el Salvador abruptly ended his career today as a Pee Wee
Herman impersonator. Jesus is a local favorite for his similar characteristics to the once host
of the Pee Wee Herman Show and star of Pee Wee�s Big Adventure, and his amazing ability to mimic
the Pee Wee Herman Dance. Jesus� discharge was brought upon by a sex scandal in a local movie
theatre. However today�s big adventure wasn�t on the big screen; using a common dating trick,
referred to by today�s teens as the "Popcorn Technique", El Salvador surprised his date when she
found not only popcorn but "Pee Wee"�s wee-wee. Leeza Dawson reported that at first she thought
the theatre worker had "dropped his pen in the popcorn bag" and later realized that after
extensive meandering of her hand an extra seasoning seemed to develop on the popcorn. After the
movie, when discarding the popcorn bag, Ms. Dawson noticed a hole in the bottom of it. She
promptly called the police and filed a sexual assault charge against el Salvador.
When news of this report reached el Salvador�s agent, Carla Izquierda, she called for a press
conference, reporting "My former client (Jesus el Salvador) has been relieved of any further
responsibilities held with this agency or their customers. This agency will do everything in its
power to make sure (Jesus) never again acts in this ciudad again." Young males all over Puerto
Rico frown upon Jesus� demise and refer to him as "el dios de las palomitas".
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