Orchestra To Charge More For Concert Tickets
by Raiden


Vancouver, BC

Due to an overwhelming number of cell phones going off during concerts, the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra has requested a dampening shield to be built into the Orpheum Theatre. Due to the expensive cost of the technology, ticket prices will now be increased by as much as 70% just to offset the cost of the installation.

When asked why such drastic measures, VSO conductor Freidrick Dorfenheimer quickly replied, "How about you be up there on the stage and have a cell phone go off even AFTER we have kindly remind the audience to turn off all cell phones and pagers. It's common sense as well."

The public, being totally outraged by this recent increase are planning to boycott any upcoming concerts and have demanded that the VSO get rid of the shield.

"Why should we suffer because of one person who's stupid enough not to abide by common sense and requests?", asks Mary Goldman, who has been going to concerts for the past twenty years.

"I think it's a great idea!", another anonymous patron said. "At least I'll be able to attend a concert knowing that a damn cell phone or pager won't go off. Yeah it's gonna burn a hole in my pocket, but it's a step in the right direction."

Concert goers have mixed feelings about the issue of cell phones and pagers. One suggestion was to collect all of the devices before concertgoers took their seats, possibly by having a phone check booth. Until a more suitable solution can be found, the dampening shield will be in place.

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