I will definitely come back to you.
These words echo in my mind as I hear the gunshots. It�s not that I have no faith in him, it�s just that I worry too much. So therefore, when he headed out to save Adel, I just had to follow.
That�s how I ended up standing here, hair plastered to my face thanks to the pouring rain, helpless as the one I love slips away.
Bladen and the other guy from the company are dragging Adel off, but I don�t really give a damn. All I can see is Saburo as he lies in front of me, slashed up to hell and a bullet through his chest besides.
�I�m sorry�I��
�I said I�d come back.
I fall to my knees beside him, starting to shake as I pull him close to me. �You don�t have to be sorry if you don�t leave me�� I protest, trying to keep the waver out of my voice and failing miserably, �You�ll have nothing to apologize for if you make it through��
�I�m no Adel�� he says with a half-hearted laugh and a weak smile, �I�ve done all I can��
�You can�t just leave me!� I half-yell, half-cry, in a fit of selfishness, �What the hell am I going to do without you?�
�Honestly, Sato�� he sighs tiredly, but still has that faint smile, �you act as if I�m doing this to you on purpose�I swear, if I had a choice��
�I know, really, but you�re everything to me�� I say softly as my vision blurs more and I brush his hair from his face. Those golden eyes have started to cloud over; lose that mischievous gleam they always had, and I�m not sure I can stand it much longer. �I just don�t know what�� I pause and cut off the rest of my sentence, replacing it with something more important than my doubt, �I love you��
�I love you, too�Don�t you ever forget�� A hand reaches up to graze my cheek, and I close my eyes tightly as tears spill over, covering his hand with my own.
It won�t be the last time I see you�
Then why does it feel that way?
I don�t know how long I stayed there like that, but the rain had stopped by the time Sora had found me and drug me home. It�s been a week since then, I think, or maybe even a month. I can�t say I�ve bothered to keep track of days or anything. Seconds pass as minutes, minutes pass as hours, and hours blur the days into something indiscernible. Sora hasn�t been much help lately, but I can�t blame him; I wouldn�t know what to do with me either.
Besides, he�s got Katarina to worry about, too. She�s worried about Adel and myself, and the loss of Saburo hit her pretty hard as well. She tries to make things better for me in her own way, and I manage a smile for her sake, but she knows as well as I do it�s not working.
At the risk of sounding clich�, I feel as if I�ve lost a part of myself. Then again, because of our connection, I suppose I did. Half of my mind keeps yelling at me to get over it because we need to do something about getting Adel back, and the other half tells the first half to shut up because I just lost the only one I ever loved, for Leviathan�s sake. The result is me being stuck in this rut of patheticness and self-pity that I can�t seem to get out of.
I hate it. And time is supposed to heal all wounds, yet as the days go by, everything just gets worse.
Fall has turned from winter to spring, and I managed to put my drama on hold long enough for us to retrieve Adel sometime in the middle of winter. I�m still acting as if everything�s fine, though no one buys it. Sora�s taken to shooting me these worried glances all the time. He doesn�t know how to help me as I�ve been brushing off all forms of comfort, and its bringing him down. You see, Sora�s the type that, if he can�t do anything to help someone he cares about, it absolutely kills him.
But I wish he wouldn�t feel so guilty; I hate how he suffers because I can�t snap myself out of this.
I�m giving him at least a small break (though he�ll probably worry even more when I�m out of his sight) and heading downtown today. Look ma, I�m making progress. She�d be so proud. Hey, I left the house, watch me go! Now to take on the world�
This year, it appears spring is a warm one. There�s a gentle, warm breeze blowing my hair around as I head down the sidewalk, mostly oblivious to whoever may be around me. The sky is clear and blue, and it�s really a perfect day, though of course I can�t appreciate it.
I�m beginning to think coming down here was a bad idea after all, because there�s memories everywhere I look. And speaking of memories, I do believe I just smacked into one.
I glance up, open my mouth to apologize, and freeze. I just ran into the one responsible for Saburo being gone and me being in my sorry state. Something snaps, turns shock to anger, and, before I even have time to think it might be a bad idea, I introduce my fist to his jaw. A few of the passerby around us let out quiet gasps and quickly remove themselves from our vicinity.
Recognition replaces the look of outraged shock on his face, and he glances away with a somewhat pained expression.
�Alright, so I deserved that.�
�Damn right you did,� I nearly growl, clenching my fists tightly, �I should shoot you down where you stand; you know, like you did to him.�
�So what�s stopping you?� There was sincerity in that statement, as if was surprised that I hadn�t done so yet. I�m slightly surprised as well, but I know why I haven�t.
�Saburo wouldn�t forgive me if I killed in his name. He�d just tell me it was a waste, because it�s not like it�ll bring him back�� It�s my turn to glance away now, and I turn to walk away as well, giving him one last glance over my shoulder and the parting statement of: �So consider yourself lucky.�
But I�m not getting away that easy.
�Hey, wait�� he says softly, catching me by the arm, �would he forgive you if you forgave me?�
�That�s figuring I would,� I say, leveling a glare at him and jerking my arm out of his grasp.
�Not figuring,� he replies, shaking his head slightly, �asking if you would.�
�I don�t really know what to say to that, so I just stare at him with a slightly confused look. He shakes his head slightly as he laughs quietly, glancing up at me with a saddened smile before continuing on his way.
�I�ll take that as a �no� for now, then.�
I growl and stalk off, not bothering to look back. �For now,� he says. For the love of Leviathan, I can�t believe I actually considering forgiving him. What the hell is he acting so down for, like he�s the one who lost someone?
I�m sufficiently calmed by the time I get back home, though I slam the door open anyway, just for the satisfaction of it. I wander into the kitchen, and freeze. I find myself faced with the greatest thing I�ve seen possibly ever. Sora stands in front of me, cooking something at the stove, apron and all.
�Oh, you�re home,� he says casually, glancing back over his shoulder while I stand there not sure what to think. But, faced with the absurdity of the situation, I choose to collapse laughing.
�Sora!� I say, gasping words in between laughs as I lean on the wall for support, �You look like someone�s housewife!�
To his credit, he isn�t fazed by the fact that I just smiled, let alone truly laughed, for the first time in Leviathan knows how long. He just gives me a bright smile, clasps his hands together, and gushes, �Honey, you�re home!�
I think I�m going to die.
