| One day Charlie was walking in the park when he smelt that piss smell again. He quickly hid as he saw Darren mingle past on his mobile...Darren had tried it on with Charlie many times. Even though he was only a 10 year old boy. Charlie hid as still as possible, any forms of breathing would attract Darren. Darren continued walking, Charlie started remembering past experiences with him... The time he had asked him if he wanted to 'see his puppies'. He would never forget that, even though he wished more than anything he couldn�t. Darren took Charlie to the outskirts of town to see the 'puppies' but when they got there, all that was there, was Darren�s forklift truck, and Darren drove Charlie back to his smelly pissy hairy flat. The ride to Darren's flat in the forklift was what seemed to be the longest journey in Charlie's life... With Darren asking if he knew anybody who would like a '3sum'. Charlie regretted telling Darren where he lived so they could pick up Charlie's sister Martha for a 3 sum. Martha was the same age as Darren, and was sadly was just as thick too. She was however, not as ugly. That was damn near impossible. Darren liked Martha a lot, but he still liked Charlie more. Martha fell madly in love with Darren... how? She was stupid. They soon reached the piss stained flat and Darren set up his video equipment and sex toys, and he started to strip. Charlie tried to kill Darren with Darren's vibrator, but it didn�t work. Darren carried on stripping, and Charlie tried not to look, but he had no need to worry. Darren had nothing anyway... But Darren had body dysmorphia or something and thought he was a Sex God. Martha also had this condition, so she joined in with the stripping. Darren got distracted when his mobile rang. This gave Charlie a great opportunity to escape, but Martha wouldn�t leave! He decided 'fuck it' and escaped through the cat flap. And now, here Charlie was faced with Darren, again. 'Don't breathe... Don't breathe' he thought to himself. Charlie was halfway through the catflap when Darren sauntered past. But then Darren's cat Nokia decided to perform sexual rituals up Charlie's leg. Darren saw Charlie and carried him back upstairs. 'Damn' Charlie cried. But when they got back to the bedroom, Martha had vanished! But not to worry... Darren soon found her in his bathroom, trying on 'sexy underwear'... Darren took the underwear back off her, because he thought it would suit Charlie better. Charlie struggled to break free from the frilly bra, and pushed Darren away. Darren fell over his other cat, Siemens and knocked his head on the video camera. He was unconcious. Charlie got dressed, dressed Martha, grabbed the forklift keys and they drove away. They dumped the forklift into the nearest lake. He hadn't seen Darren again since that day. Until now, in the park. He still looked as ugly as ever and still smelt of wee. Charlie watched Darren go past, they took a deep breath of relief. He decided to go get an ice cream BUT THEN.. *cue shocking music* Darren turned round and saw him!! Charlie ran as fast as possible and jumped into the ice cream van! The ice cream people was Davey Havok and Billy Corgan. They saw he was in danger and drove him to their friends Kayleigh and Natalie's house. They were very excited by the arrival of this special ice cream van. But their excitement soon turned to fear when they found out Darren was close by. They all went indoors and bolted up every door and window, to make sure that Darren couldn�t get in. The house was dark... Kayleigh and Davey were making weird noises in the bedroom while Billy handed out ice cream. Kayleigh and Davey didn't want any ice cream.. they were too busy. Charlie was scared... How could anybody be too busy for ice cream?! They saw Darren walk up to the door. He then nicked a cornetto from the van, cheeky bastard! Then Mark from blink was driving along, saw the van and decided he was hungry. Darren was also hungry for sex... poor Mark! Nat had to save him...Mark decided he should 'repay' Nat, and he threw Kayleigh and Davey out of their bedroom, but they carried on having fun in the bathroom. Everybody was so busy they didn't notice Darren sneak in - with his camcorder. Charlie hid behind the sofa, and Billy had eaten all the ice cream and had passed out. Darren wandered through the rooms. But he had needed he loo so he went into the bathroom... Kayleigh and Davey were very busy and Darren didn�t notice them in the shower... Kayleigh and Davey got tired. Eventually Kayleigh saw Darren still having a 'shiter' in true Simon style and screamed. Darren had a panic attack, and his bladder prolapsed. Kayleigh and Davey got Mark, Nat, Billy and Charlie. Should they save Darren? Nah, they grabbed his legs, dragged him outside, kicked him a bit and then drove the van over him a couple of times. They thought Darren would be dead by now, but no such luck... He had so much energy (he'd been saving it all for when he actually got someone to have sex with him). He came back to life! They searched the van for weapons... they tried to choke him on Mr Whippy and poke him with ice cream cones... Darren enjoyed it. Just as Darren was enjoying this 'hot' action (or cold, whatever), a small retarded boy named Simon appeared. He was playing with his Tamagotchi and listening to Slipnot on his walkman. He saw the commotion and decided to go over and see what was happening. He saw Darren, and shouted 'DADDY!!'. Simon was Darren's long lost son! (It was a bit like Jesus... Darren wasn't really involved in the 'making', but he was the father, all the same) Darren sat up, pulled the cornetto from his arse and slid over to Simon. Simon dribbled a bit and passed Darren the walkman and began listening to Slipknot. But Darren�s mobile rang which caused this electric shock thing to happen... oh no, Darren was having another attack!!!! What a shame... Simon screamed like a girl, and hoped somebody would help his lovely father. Everyone got back on the van and tried to drive over Darren again, not only was his bladder prolapsed now, so had his kidneys. No need to worry... Doctor Mozzy appeared!! The doctor Mozzy was also a family planner and relationship counsellor. He came over with his brother Stevie who was in a wheelchair (after being attacked by peacocks) Mozzy suggested that �u shud get an ambulance and a fit nurse to help him. u need to ring 4 help�. But oh no, all of Darren's many millions of phones were broken because the walkman radiated to Darren's house (because of all the electrical equipment he had there) and caused his pervy smelly hairy piss smelling house to erupt into flames! Darren's house was totally ruined... Along with all of his sex equipment and his porn films. He was heart broken, and dying. But did anyone care? No, not really. Only Simon did, so he began to give Darren mouth-to-mouth to try and revive him. Even Darren couldn't stand Simon's breath, and he awoke suddenly and threw up all over himself. Simon screamed and started hyperventilating. Mozzy got out his big needle, closed his eyes and stuck it somewhere... Simon screamed...it was in his eye. Mozzy got the needle again and stabbed Darren in the arse, just because he felt like it. Darren had never been so excited. |
| Darren the evil smelly perv! |
| Simon and Darren�s blood both mixed on the needle... the blood dropped to the floor and began to reproduce... OMG it was the ugly monster, it looked just like Darren, only with rollerblades and a slipknot hoodie. Darren and Simon were soooo excited... It was female!! Darren wanted to call her Darrina, and Simon wanted to call her Simona Mizua Corey (add slipknot names here) They decided on Mizua. They wanted her christened, but couldn't because they realised they couldn't spell her name. With Simon's hideous grammar problems and Darren's lack of words that don�t involve '3sum' they stuck her in a pram and walked her to the park.... So Simon could mizu and Darren cold go perv hunting and teach Mizua his perverted ways. They got distracted, and she was attacked by a giant seagull! The seagull shit on Darren and lifted Mizua into the air... then Stevie came along in his propeller powered wheelchair and killed the seagull. He hated birds since being attacked by peacocks. Everybody cheered! Except Higgins, who came walking along... It had been his seagull and best friend. The seagull was called Windina and he had got her from the RSPCB for his bday. She was so beautiful... Higgins blamed Darren and attacked him with a big stick. Everybody cheered for Stevie again for causing this attack, and then for Higgins. For once, he had done something good. Then Simon did a 180 stall and crashed into a nearby hedge. He saw a shiny object glaring up at him�OMG it was a magic lamp!! He rubbed it and rubbed it and rubbed it. But his hands were all dirty so a genie didn't come out. Darren wanted a quick rub... he rubbed for a long time and soon a crowd gathered round him... well he was the local perv, so what did you expect? Soon a bit of smoke appeared. Darren, Simon and Mizua fell asleep then awoke again in a big cave. A big fat genie stood in front of them... It was Donnie. He was going to make them pay for their pervy, ugly ways. He put on his thong and started to dance. Darren was in love.... But he was too excited to think about sex. Donnie said he'll grant them 3 wishes if they corrected their thick, ugly smelly pervy ways. |
| Darren is an evil smelly perv who Kayleigh and I started talking to a while back. I have a whole page dedicated to him on my site too! he's sex-obsessed and just plain weird. He has been inspiration for many stories, and this one is in classic 'Darren-Style' |