1. I can't reach my license unless you hold these stolen diamonds.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are!
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
the Catholics were driven crazy because, while they were eating fish, the
Baptist was outside barbecuing steaks. The Catholics worked on the
Baptist, attempting to convert him to Catholicism. Finally, after much pleading and
some threats, the Catholics succeeded. They took the Baptist to a priest
who sprinkled Holy Water on the man while saying, "Born a Baptist, Raised a
Baptist, Now a Catholic!"
The Catholics were ecstatic but this was short-lived for, the next Friday
evening, the scent of barbecue once again drifted through the
neighborhood.
The Catholics all rushed to the ex-Baptist's house to remind him of his
new diet. They found him standing over the cooking steaks, sprinkling water on
the meat and saying, "Born a cow, Raised a cow, Now a fish!"
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury."
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast."
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as
evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."
Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."
And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda..."The Apostles were in one Accord."
There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil
shortage here in the USA.
Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We
just didn't know we were getting low.
The reason for this is purely geographical.
All the oil is in Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, Wyoming, Alaska, etc.
All the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.