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| Blaurbeth Blaurbeth is a monster the likes of which has only been seen only once in the history of Ninja Monkism. A conglomerate of all negative aspects of femaninity, she is deceitful, jealous, callous and rude. She does not wash properly. She is cheap and disloyal, angered easily and for unimportant reasons. Blaurbeth will turn on a friend or lover with the same lack of feeling she shows to her most dire enemies. She has attacked both Ninja Monkey Wave and Ninja Monkey Red, and her bites nearly left the former paralyzed. It was only through the quick thinking of The Dark Monkey that the two ninjas escaped with their lives. Every Ninja dreads that someday Blaurbeth will return. |
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| Blizabeth Though quite botarded in many ways, this odd-looking goth deserves to be rated highly in the evil category because she is strongly resourceful and able to manifest various levels of unexpected and unexplained bitchiness seemingly from thin air. Having decided early on to stalk and annoy Ninja Monkey Red, it was The Dark Monkey who unfortunately experienced the majority of Blizabeth's cruelty. Once she caputured and kept him in a cage for nearly a month without food, water, or sexual gratification. He escaped only when the resourceful Bush Baby used her powerful sense of smell to locate Blizabeth's fortress, creep in undetected, and chew through the cage bars with her razor sharp teeth. Without Bush Baby, The Dark Monkey might to this day be mired in Blizabeth's evil gothic clutches, doomed to watch reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, wear fishnets, and go to midnight showings of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. |
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| Blabitha Blabitha is a uniquely evil individual. Gifted with an ability to bore the pants off even the most stridently dull people, Blabitha poses as an interesting person before pouncing on her victims with irrelevant and unimportant conversation. When she is not exhibiting her talent for tedium, Blabitha works as a coffee "barrista," aka fast-food employee. She discusses her work with the passionate inflection of someone who does something interesting, confouding her listeners who understand that the subject matter is incredibly tiring, but who are nevertheless hearing tones that imply rapture and enthusiasm. Blabitha has attacked Ninja Monkey Wave, The Dark Monkey, Bush Baby, and Ninja Monkey Red--and she would've attacked more had they not managed to banish her to the Starbucks hell from which she came. Good riddance to Blabitha, the face of deceptive dullness! |
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| Bmolly Bmolly is a tritarded compulsive liar. Clinically disturbed, she enjoys spreading rumors and stealing boyfriends in her home town of A______. And though she's often busy with her lucrative job at Petco, Bmolly manages not to let her work distract her from her greater goal of living with her parents until she is at least 35. A fan of the goth scene, Bmolly wears black lipstick and ripped fishnets to give an impression of how bad-assed she really is; once she has appropriately attired herself, she calls her dad for a ride to S_________, the local A______ mall where all the cool high school kids don't go. It was only by virtue of luck and coincidence that Bmolly got involved with the Ninjas at all; finding her stupid and inane, the ninjas laregly disregarded this skinny dolt--however, because of her propensity for compulsive lying, Bmolly managed to upset the monkey order anyway by being aggressively stupid, calling all the Ninja Mokeys and insisting upon things that were not true. |
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| Bpenny This Scientologist uses sex as a means of drawing in new members of the "Church" of Scientology. Often described as a "Texas Sized Girl," Bpenny's greatest weapons are her huge breasts and voluptuous ass. If she doesn't manage to appeal to the libido, she can simply sit on you! Somehow Bpenny missed the memo that Scientology is bullshit, and continues to dedicate herself tirelessly to growing the Scientologist ranks. For a trend that is perceived as tardy even in Hollywood, this kind of devotion is rare. Bpenny once made an attempt on the life of Ninja Monkey Wave, but he was luckily pulled to safety from under her voluminous thighs by the strong armed Pimp Daddy and the benevolent Pjosley. p.s. Scientology sucks. |
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| The B-People |
| "But what is the female equivalent of a D-Person?" asked Ninja Monkey Wave. "There is no equivalent," said Ninja Monkey Red, "For the D-People stand alone in their hideous evilness." "With all due respect, Madame High Commander," Said Ninja Monkey Wave, "We must recognize the threat this group of female evils poses to Ninja Monkeys everywhere. Truly, they are hideous and evil as well." Ninja Monkey Red thought for a moment, her tail curling in consideration. "Yes," Pjosley interjected; the monkeys turned to face him. "They may be different, but they are also evil. We must name and make known these bossy, bratty, bitchtastik women!" Ninja Monkey Red raised a paw to silence the noise in the room. "Alright," she said, "I can see the men of the group feel strongly about this. These women, like Hester Prynne, must be marked as evil so that they may be avoided." A cheer went up in the Great Monkey Hall, and thus, the B-People were known. |
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| Bewitch A cruel and beautiful B-person, Bewitch utilized her gifts of large breasts and intoxicating eyes to ensnare the wise and benevolent Pjosley. After flaunting herself in front of him, Bewitch pulled away and directed her attentions elsewhere--to Ninja Monkey Han and Pjosley's closest friend, Stew. She delighted in the pain that these relationships caused, and further delighted in the fact that regardless of her involvement with other men and Ninjas, Pjosley remained haunted by her magnificence. To this day she manages to be a bitch, maintaining an inexplicable grudge against Pjos and using it as an excuse to yell at him whenever the fancy takes her. Bewitch should be besmacked. |
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| Brianbow Lesbian my butt. Man, what a cunt. |