| GRAYLINE TOUR STORIES |
| grayline tour stories |
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| I woke up this sixth morning of the tour feeling quite shitty and really stiff. I was wrapped up in my sleeping bag, curled up on the couch with pins and needles racing up and down my arms. Pete knocked on the door of the apartment and Jess let him in. He had decided to sleep outside in the van. I was glad that I wasn't the only person up and soon the pancakes were cooking and the troops were all up and ready to... well... sit in the van for the next 6 hours. The breakfast was really good, I'm glad we didn't eat out this morning, especially with the little scare from the night before. Darren actually cooked the pancakes and they were HUGE!! We all ate up and assumed positions in the van as we left Fredericton to head to the next destination on our Menage A Tour. As usual, Pete was driving. This long day on the road was just that...LONG! We really can't complain since it was overcast and the van was not totally cooking us. There was some initail concern about driving in a dark van, in the middle of July with no air conditioning. To quote Pete, "You fuckers will probably fry". The good news was not only today, but throughout the whole tour, the weather was very co-operative. As we drove on this forgettable morning my mind drifted. Before this tour, my only reference for what it would be like was Hard Core Logo. If you are spending your free time reading this page, I'm going to assume you know that this movie is one of the top 10 ever made and it is in fact Canadian. There are obviously a lot of differences from our tale to that of the movie, most noteably, nobody killed themselves at the end. We also didn't drink blood from an animal and as far as I know, none of us jerked off in the van. We did however, drive a lot, smoke a lot, laugh a lot and rock a lot. For me anyway, during this tour, we were low budget rock stars... and we were about to embark on our trailer park adventure in Truro. As we pulled into this small town in Nova Scotia the first thing that caught my eye was a Ponderosa restaurant. "Holy shit guys, its PONDEROSA!!" I yelled. "Oh, well I guess we've found our dinner spot!" Pete also seemed a little excited in this discovery. I can remember going to Poderosa as a kid all the time but I haven't seen one in over 15 years until this lucky day. We found our way to Cafe X-treme which was our venue for the night. Cafe X-treme is really an old grocery store converted into a skate park/hang out for the youth of Truro. As we pulled up there were a group of kids hanging out front. They recognized Darren from the poster and then let us know that the doors were all locked since the guy running the show was a bit late. We talked to the people for a while but decided we should eat now so we didn't have to break up the night anymore. Back to Poderosa and it was steaks all around. Pete just had to have brussel sprouts and judging by the look on Randy's face, this was not a good thing. Turns out it is a source for some extreme gas in Pete's body. I sometimes don't think that words can do justice to certain events. The smell of brussel spouts seeping out the tail end of somebody is one of those events. If this could be captured in SMELL-O-VISION believe me, you wouldn't want to be a subscriber. We got back to Cafe X-treme and still had to wait a while before we could get in but once we did I can say I was really impressed. They had lots of ramps and some of these kids were just thrashin it up really well. I was a bit dissappointed to discover that we weren't going to be playing in the huge open area were the skaters were, but around the corner in a separate room with a stage. We spent about half an hour cleaning this area out as it was filled with, well, junk. They had just had a garage sale and we were clearing out the left overs. We did manage to score a rubics cube, a Pimp Hat, and two Gremlin-like toys we named Cock & Sucker. The stage was set and the first band was on to rock. They seemed to be a bit sloppy but they were playing gutter punk and the crowd was getting into it. My theory is, give young rebellious kids fast and loud music to dance to and you generally will do okay. A friend of the band came up on stage and did a Dead Kennedy's cover with them which we (Grayline) all knew that Pete was just itching to grab the mic and show these young guys how it is suposed to be done. There set had come and gone and it was once again our time to ROCK. The kids were moshing and dancing and we were rocking out hard on stage as well. It was all good. All good except the fact that Pete kept ripping these atomic brussel sprout farts that were clouding the stage. I was terrified that it was going to stunt the gowth of our you audience. Of course Pete just laughed his ass off (no pun intended) from behind the drums. As our set progressed I could tell that these kids were really digging us. Even further, I could see the sparkles in a bunch of 14-16 year old girls as they stared up at Randy. We ended our set with a bang and the intense sweat we had shed was proof of our Rock and Roll conquest. A whole bunch of kids stuck around after the show and bought stuff and just talked to us. They were intisting that we hang out with them that night, and since we needed a place to shower and park the van, we were quick to oblige. As it turns out, one of the guys, Eric, was leading us to a trailer park where he was looking after his cousin's place. When we got there, a bunch of kids were in the trailer already listening to our CD. Some of the young Randy fans were sitting anxiously as they awaited his arrival. I showered first and then sat around as a quite observer. Darren was making friends, Pete had taken apart the rubics cube, and Randy was showing the kids some of the finer lessons of rock and roll. As I took in the evening, I was getting home sick and decided it was time to lock myself in the van and call my girlfriend back home. "Hi, its me..." I said, " I'm in the van, in a trailer park, surrounded by 15 year old girls, booze, and drugs!" "Oh my GOD! Are you serious!" She laughed. After our conversation, she had cheered me up enough to venture back into the party. Darren actually used one of the cheesiest pickup lines I have ever heard in my life. He was talking to a girl who was wearing a Surrong skirt. "Doll, why do they call it a surrong when its ooohhhhh soooooo right!" YES!! This guy is a classic. This guy has an arsenal of one liners and little, well I'll call them dance moves that instantly put me in stitches. Everytime I would look for Randy, he was being followed by twp girls that would spark the now infamous Randy Fan Club. Well I was tired, and the loud and smokey trailers' walls were starting to close in on me and it was time to head back to the van for a safe haven for the night. Pete also decided since he had put the rubics cube back together (complete) he would call it a night also. "Those little fuckers better keep shut the fuck up soon 'cause I can see the cops paying us a visit here!" Pete mumbled. But as luck would have it, it was a peaceful night. Darren and Randy went for a walk and ended stuck in a downpour. They had to seek refuge at the Foodland until the rain let up. When they got back to the trailer the cuddled together in a single bed for the night. As I drifted into dreamland I really was thinking of my rock and roll career. So many people have wanted me to fail over the years. People that told me I'd never make it off the stage of The Embassy in London Ontario. Haters who would bark "Kiss Sucks" at me as I walked by them with my mullet when I was in high school. Snobby musicians who would frown upon me because I can't read a note of music. Boy bands who told me that what I call dancing on stage they call a muppet on heroin. Former bandmates who have done jack shit in years, ex-girlfriends, people who hate punk rock, the list could really go on forever. If they could only see me now. On top of the world. There I was, taking rest in my stinky sleeping bag. Sleeping on a slab of wood in a van. Parked in the middle of a trailer park in Truro Nova Scotia. AH! SUCCESS!!!!!!! |
| I was kind of looking forwards to this show as I knew there was some promo for it because I had mailed it myself. The kids told us that they had been playing our stuff non-stop in the building which was cool. Cafe X-treme is a youth centre/hangout that was really good for the kids and community. It gives them someplace to go and hangout. We don't have that kinda shit where we're from. The show went pretty well with the first band Inferior Cross playing a Dead Kennedys and a GG Allin cover. We were impressed. We showed our approval by playing GG's "Suck My Ass It Smells" to totally blank stares from the audience. Oh, and I will say that my ass did smell that night. Woah... fucking brussel sprout farts from hell. Chew on that you whiny little bastards!!!! Hail Ponderosa!!!! Pete |
| Wednesday July 11, 2001 Truro, Nova Scotia |
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