I began my search at the place where I had been the day my parents had died. It was hard to go back there.
If I had decided to go with my parents that day instead of going to the library I might be dead, or they could have lived. I thought about it all the time. If I had gone, who knows what would have happened. Maybe I would have convinced them to stop at a convenience store, and they could have missed the driver who asleep behind the wheel.
I blamed myself; I just knew there was some way I could have prevented their deaths. However, I was a rational person, and deep down I knew that it wasn't my fault. How was I to know that day that my parents would die?
It had only been two months since their death, but there were still times when I couldn't believe it was real. I missed little things, like just talking to my mom, or the way my dad and I could discuss one topic for hours. Although we hadn't always agreed, they were good parents. They were fair and understanding. I missed them like crazy.
I knew that they would have wanted me to finish school and make something of my life, but just now I couldn't do it. The only thing that got my mind off my parents for a while was Paul.
I had to find out everything about Paul and me. I couldn't concentrate on college Algebra, or biology when there was Paul to think about, so I dropped out of school with every intention of returning when I had everything straightened out.
Once again I headed to the downtown library. I began with the book I had found a picture of Paul and me in. I found more information under a heading titled "Anne O'Sullivan", it said:
Anne O'Sullivan (pictured left) was Paul's girlfriend from 1961-1965. O'Sullivan, an American, met Paul while visiting Liverpool. Anne heard of the Beatles from a local fan, and went to a performance at the Cavern. It was there that Paul and Anne met. It seems that the two hit it off right away. However, it was a bit of sticky situation because Paul was still dating Dot Rhone at the time. Soon Paul broke up with Dot, and Paul and Anne began dating. Anne stayed in Liverpool and went to the same Art College that John Lennon and Stu Sutcliffe had attended. Anne attended the college, majoring in photography, until she and Paul moved to London. While Paul was always out in public, Anne seemed to shun the limelight. She was never one to draw attention to herself, though wherever she went she turned heads. She was a redhead, like Paul's girlfriend after her, Jane Asher. Anne had offers to become a model, but she turned all of them down, choosing instead to work on her photography. The two were inseparable until early 1965. They even announced their engagement in late 1964. The relationship seemed steady up until the breakup, which shocked many people. It is not known what actually happened between the two, but Paul later said that she had left him. There is a bit of a mystery as to what happened to Anne. The press tried to contact her after the news of the breakup, but she could not be found. It is believed that she returned to America but no one has been able to find her and Paul does not discuss the subject. Paul took the breakup very hard, not even dating again for a year. It is rumored that the reason Paul never married was because he never got over losing Anne.
After I read that paragraph I had even more questions to answer. So Paul never married? Was it really because of me? But the biggest question was how could I get to Liverpool in 1961, when I was in America in 2001?
It was really strange reading about myself in another time. The paragraph said that I went to Art College and studied photography. It was strange because photography was my major in college here.
However, another piece of the puzzle fell into place. The article said that Paul and I had dated from 1961-1965, and then I disappeared. That must mean that I had either died or, more likely, that I came back to the future. Paul had written, "Come back to me", so there must be a way I could go back in time.
All of this was mind boggling to me. Had I really already gone back in time before, or had it not happened yet? Somehow, I had already gone back and seen Paul in 1961. How did I know things that I wouldn't have known if I hadn't already gone back in time? I went around in circles trying to figure out what had really happened. In the end I just ended up more confused than when I began, so I decided it was best to try and not make sense of it.
I looked through the book with the picture of Paul and me in it. There wasn't anything more about me in it, but I did learn a few things. It was true that Paul had never married, but he had had a lot of girlfriends. A couple of them were serious, but he never asked any of them to marry him. Paul had talked about having children, but had said that he would only have children with someone he really loved. It made me sad to think that Paul had lead a lonely life, and I hoped it wasn't because of me.
It seems the person he got closest to marrying was a woman named Linda Eastman. It seems Paul really liked her and her young daughter, but still something stopped him from marrying her.
After reading about Linda, I decided I was done for the day. So I took the book to the return stack. And there, sitting on top of all the books, was my answer.
