How to Win at Golf

Here are a few tips on improving your golf game or for the beginers, how to get started in the game of golf.

  1. Training
    1. Mental prep
      1. Watch PGA on TV religiously
      2. Get that Playstation game "Hot Shots Golf"
      3. Rent "personal victory" subliminal tapes
    1. Equipment
      1. Avoid baseball or football food
        1. No hotdogs
        2. No pretzels
        3. No peanuts and Crackerjacks
      1. Drink diet Cooke only, no Pepsi
  1. Pre-game
    1. Dress
      1. Put on shorts, even if it's freezing
      2. Buy a new hat if you lost last time
    1. Location and Sceduling
      1. Select a course where your spouce won't find you
      2. To save on fees, play where your buddy works
    1. Opponent
      1. Look for:out-of-shape, inexperienced players
      2. Shun: suntan, stethescope, strident walk, Florida accent
      3. Buy opponent as many pre-game sodas as possible
  1. On the Course
    1. Tee first, then develop severe hayfever
    2. Drive cart over opponent's ball to degrade aerodynamics
    3. Say "fore" just before ball makes contact with opponent
    4. Always replace divots when putting
    5. Water cooler holes are a good time to correct any errors in ball placement
    6. Never re cord strokes taken when opponent is visiting the "facilities"

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