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Get your own Free Home PageAuthor's Note: This story is the sequel to "Walls". The song 'Sister of Night" is from DePeche Mode from their album UlTRA; the Shakespearean sonnet on page 172 is Sonnet 73 and comes from Shakespeare's Sonnets edited by Katherine Duncan-Jones.
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Michael rolled his eyes as he heard the loud voice drift into the workout room. He dried his face on the towel in his hand and glanced over at the other operative who shared the room with him. Simon straightened up rapidly and turned towards Michael, fixing him with a pleading look.
"Don't leave me with him, French."
A small quick smile crossed Michael's face before he composed it into a mock serious expression. Humor glittered in his green eyes. He shrugged and started for the door. As he got to it, he stopped and said, "How can a little guy like me protect a big guy like you from that?"
Simon rolled his eyes this time, looked heavenward and then tossed the free weight in his hand to the floor. "He will make me lose my mind from absolute boredom if I have to spend any more time with him. Come on, Michael, help a buddy out. Please?"
Michael ducked out of the room but stuck his head back in. "No." He pulled back quickly as a tennis ball flew out the door and bounced against the opposite wall. He chuckled softly as he strode down the hall. A shouted "Traitor!" from Simon followed him. He looked down at his watch and realized he was running late for his meeting with Madeline.
He sighed heavily, his good mood rapidly evaporating as he thought of another "Make Michael Whole Again" session. Michael felt that he had rebounded fine from his encounter with Elouette and could go without them.
No matter how many times he tried to broach the subject with her, he was rebuffed. Her reasons ranged from the vague "we still have more issues to cover" to the multilayered "you still have some feelings to work on and admit to." It all depended on her mood at the time.
He sighed again and quickened his pace. He wanted to grab a shower before he went and if he hurried... Michael didn't see the person in front of him as he rounded the corner. He was stopped by the two raised hands of a man. It was the owner of the loud voice.
"Michael, to where are you headed in such a hurry?"
Michael looked at each of the hands on either shoulder. He backed up a bit, brushing the one off his right one. He purposely switched to a blank expression, as he looked at Kaspin, an "exchange" operative from the Israeli substation. He had come in conjunction with Nikita's temporary transfer. A subject that still angered Michael. He swallowed the angry feeling for the moment.
Kaspin was just a pawn and besides he was being a bit useful. He was an experienced trainer in Krav Maga. He had been holding training sessions in the Israeli police combat techniques since his arrival. Michael had been training in it for several years and was now just as proficient as Kaspin. Fully healthy, Michael was better according to several Section One members who has made their opinions known to Kaspin. And from what Simon had told him, this irritated the Israeli to no end. He was glad he irritated the other operative.
Where it had taken Kaspin several years to prefect his technique under the constant tutelage of trainers, Michael had achieved it in spurts when ever he met up with a trainer. The rest he had done with SIMMS that Birkhoff had dubbed up for him. At first Michael had been glad for Kaspin's arrival. He was eager to get some pointers. However their first session had been one of dominance. He had wanted to prove his superiority to Michael and the rest of the Section. Especially since in his mind he out ranked Michael. It was arguably that technically, he was because Michael was not on active status since he was still recovering.
Actually, Michael was more in command than was realized. Operatives neither liked nor trusted Kaspin. In a variety of ways, things were still being cleared through Michael. Quietly he ran the teams though in an indirect manner. He had tried to access files on Kaspin but they were security level coded beyond even his level. This had surprised him and bothered him. But when Birkhoff had even been unable to access them, he knew there was some sort of investigation going on. Kaspin was being watched and evaluated. This had made him even more on alert around the man.
Kapsin had sensed this and singled Michael out when ever possible, trying to win him over. His efforts were futile and their dislike of each other was plain. Not that is was any different than the way any other Section member felt about Kaspin. It was just that Kaspin knew the center of power of the Section seemed to be drifting towards Michael and away from Operations. Quiet well thought out authority was winning over tyrannical authority. Kaspin knew who he had to secure first. He also knew he was failing in that endeavor.
"I have a meeting with Madeline in 20 minutes. If you'll excuse me, I'd like to shower before I speak with her." Michael tried to step past Kaspin but was unsuccessful.
"As always neat and punctual! Good qualities in a man. Please go on. I don't want to make Madeline wait." Michael sidestepped him and had only taken a few steps before Kaspin spoke again. "By the way Michael, I talked to Martina today." Michael stopped in his tracks, holding his breath.
Martina was Operations for the Israeli substation. That was where Nikita had taken the temporary transfer and from there had refused to talk to or make any other kind of contact with him. It hurt but he understood her reasons. She was giving him space and time. But he didn't have to like it and so he didn't. He had keep a long distance eye on her and felt proud of the way she had been working there. Her position was similar to his own, as she was taking on the role that Kapsin usually filled there. Reports of her work had been almost "glowing" for lack of a better word. There had been an element of surprise in Martina's initial reports.
Perhaps, Operations had rather colored his own paperwork to Martina about Nikita. That would not have surprised him in the least. Perhaps it was the first look that Martina had of Nikita. She was striking and seemed vulnerable. He knew people had a tendency to underestimate her because of her looks. It was a great weapon. People didn't equate looks with intelligence and strength. Not many would believe she was as dangerous as she was. He was proud to have her as basically his partner, almost a second in command on his team. He could always count on her, sometimes she was off the mark but she always helped him come through. Not having her near hurt and made him feel off balance. He had to admit he was unfamiliar with the feeling but was growing accustomed to it.
He squared his shoulders and changed position to look at Kaspin. "So?"
Kaspin laughed. "Try this on for size. Martina was thinking of making this a permanent arrangement. Can you believe it? Could prove to be interesting." He clapped his hands together as he looked at his watch. "Well, I will be late as well. Later, Michael?"
Michael nodded as Kaspin turned and walked down the hall-way. He leaned against the wall as the other man went around the corner. Then the mask slipped. Varying emotions flew across his face. Permanent? Merde! Over my dead body! She is coming home! He pushed himself off the wall and angrily strode back the way he had come from. He had forgotten about his shower and his disheveled appearance. Madeline had better have some answers for him or there was going to be hell to pay.
He walked into Madeline's office without ceremony. He glared at the operative who sat in the chair in front of her desk. Wordless the female operative hurried from the room. Michael placed both hands on the desk and leaned forward. His face was inches from Madeline's. He hid nothing of what he was feeling from his face or his voice. With a voice laced with anger he said, "Did you hear from Martina today?"
Madeline leaned back in her chair, studying him. Months ago he would have calmly asked the question or perhaps not even asked the question. But she acknowledged with a sense of satisfaction, he had made definite progress. In his eyes she could see anger, apprehension and , yes, a small degree of desperation. Considering he had asked about any contact with Martina, Madeline knew Kaspin had dropped his little bombshell. For a moment she wondered whether or not Kaspin was laying in the hall unconscious, but then chided herself for the thought. Even though Michael was not in complete command of all his emotions yet, he was still much more restrain-ed and self controlled than most people. She knew he would like nothing better than to knock the Israeli operative "out cold", a desire most of the Section shared.
"And why do you need to know that, Michael?"
He straightened up, staring down bitterly and angrily at her before his mask slipped into place. His ability to rapidly switch from one emotion to another or to complete blankness worried her. It made him formidable as an operative combined with his intellect and physical abilities. But it was a liability when it came to relationships. Michael's method of compensation was to not deal with them. Don't get involved and don't let anyone know what was going on behind his eyes or in his heart. Bury the essential part of yourself that makes you human. She had taught him to do that and he had taken it to an extreme. It was now after almost 15 years that she was finally able to revise her lessons and show him the right way.
She had to admit though it would not have been possible if the Section had not recruited Nikita. She had melted the ice that Michael had encased himself in after the death of his wife and child. With the feelings and emotions she had been able to invoke in him, he had returned to being almost a full person. But a person who was crippled by his past and the world that he participated in. Nikita constantly fought against his reluctance to be whole and had even challenged Operations and Michael's "death" to bring him around. The rage that Michael had projected as a result of his torture by the Red Cell operative, Elouette and the gulf that the Section that made between Nikita and he had badly frightened Nikita. Enough to push her to ask for a transfer, one which Operations had readily granted her. It had been a difficult situation. Michael's voice brought her out of her reverie.
"Because I spoke Kaspin in the hallway just now. He said he talked to Martina today." Madeline nodded briefly, "And he mentioned something about a permanent transfer in regards to Nikita."
Michael's expression didn't change but his tone of voice still said anger.
"He didn't mention her outright, he was more referring to himself. But the implication was there. I thought it had been agreed..."
She cut him off in mid-sentence. "There was no 'agreement', Michael. As I told Martina, the decision rests with Nikita. I reiterated that we would prefer she come back. But we can not force her to do that."
He walked over to the bonsai trees in their light box on the wall. He had himself under control but the anger was still there. She could tell by the set of his shoulders and the stiff way in which he held himself. He was getting into the rhythm of switching his emotions on and off as warranted by the situation.
Calmly he spoke, "I know that I can't force her. But I am unable to get her to acknowledge me either. She needs to know how she is missed by everyone around here."
Madeline smiled slightly at his back. "Do you not mean how much you miss her?"
He turned, his arms across his chest. "That goes without saying. It has to, because she will not talk to me. So I keep it to myself."
"Have you tried to contact her or are you assuming she needs to make the move because she was the one to make the request to leave?"
Michael shook his head. He knew he was giving Madeline the wrong impression but he was still unable to voice the majority of feelings concerning Nikita. He cared deeply for her and would sacrifice anything for her. But that was still all he could manage. Anything more was still beyond him. His fears about admitting to loving her were still profound. Loving meant that person would die. And that was not something he wanted to happen to Nikita. It had almost happened once and he would rather it was him instead. It would not be allowed to happen again. He had tarnished her enough with his own darkness. He would not do anymore.
"More times that I want to admit to. Every one has been a failure." He leaned back against he light box's edge. His eyes were on the floor, contemplative in their focus. "I know she wants me to admit it but I can't say what I can't feel. Whenever I have admitted to feeling that way about someone that person had died. That jinx, fate or whatever it is has created a very dark tarnished element to me. I know that some of that has worn off on Nikita. I have seen the way she can be if she has to. Cold, ruthless, selfish and uncaring. She was not like that three years ago. She admitted that to me before she left. She also claimed that I had her on a pedestal where she didn't want to be. A place where she shouldn't have been either she said."
"Those attributes you've listed are ones that she had all along, Michael. You were the one who choose not to see them. They are part of why she survived on the streets for the length of time she was on them. Nikita is a very strong woman. As she becomes more emotionally mature and better understands that strength within her, she will become a powerful woman. I have already seen that potential in her. I think in some ways that potential is what you are actually seeing. She isn't changing per se but revealing more of herself; to you and to herself."
Michael sat down in a chair in front of the desk and sighed. He wasn't happy with Madeline's words. They stung a little. He had felt at one point that he knew Nikita inside and out. But his failure at that had been made painfully obvious. Just again one in my life. He knew Madeline wasn't done talking so he waited patiently for her to go on.
She didn't disappoint him. "I know you will not like to hear this but her strengths are in the areas where you are weak. And the opposite is true of her. Her weaknesses are your strengths. Not only do you two perfectly complement each other but completely vex each other as well."
"Madeline, you know as well as I do the feelings shouldn't be here. My feelings towards her are a weakness not a strength. They make me want to deal with her first all the time. That interferes with getting the job done." He shifted uncomfortably in the chair. He did not like to discuss his weaknesses. He preferred to bury them, just like his feelings.
"Stop with the standard rhetoric. I'll admit to you that maybe at times feelings can seem that way. But tell me truthfully, Michael, how many times have you survived a dangerous situation because you put her survival in the forefront? How many operatives have you saved because you looked for another resolution instead of the one that instinct would have dictated to you because she said no? Because she introduce a new element into the scenario? She makes you think and feel. In many ways she makes you better at what you do. You two are the elite here. You have molded her into a powerful operative. She doing a job with Martina and while you were missing too that not many females with in the Agency have done. She doesn't always apply things as we want but we are learning to deal with that. That's why Martina wants her to stay there. She is very good at what she does and she has a future ahead of her within Section one.
"I have been monitoring her performance. She has done exceptionally well. She took with her many of the things you taught her. Martina wants her there in the same position you hold here. What I'm about to say stays here. I tell you this in confidence, Michael. Martina is not particularly fond of Kaspin either."
Michael laughed at that. A smile playing across his face. He couldn't imagine anyone being 'fond' of the man. He had to wonder why Kaspin was recruited in the first place.
"That does not surprise me at all, Madeline. Satisfy my curiosity, why was he recruited? And why was he acting as a second? I would not have put him in that position. He lacks the necessary skills."
Madeline nodded in agreement. "I understand that Martina was forced into the choice by the Agency. He is somehow connected to George."
He gave a short laugh again, "I can see the family resemblance."
Madeline joined him in the laugh. He had a point. He had also skillfully changed the subject from Nikita. He was if nothing smooth. She decided it was time to test her repairs. "I want to let you know that I am pleased with the way things have progressed Michael. You have adjusted well considering the circumstances. I do want to ask you several questions and I would appreciate you being as honest as possible."
"I'll do my best"
"How are your nightmares?"
Michael shrugged and made a face. "They are still with me. Listen Madeline, I've had them since I was a child even before Red Cell. Some nights are worse than others, a lot of it depends on what my waking hours have been like, what is on my mind. I can never tell. I only deal with what comes to me. Most nights I do not sleep long. I'm very use to running on little sleep. Believe me when I say I am accustomed to it. You have tried many things over the years, have they worked?" She shook her head. Then he said, "Next question."
"What do you feel you're ready to handle?"
He smirked, "What do you want to throw at me?"
"As confident as always. Fine...one more question and remember I asked for honest and I expect to get it. What do you want most right now?"
He looked directly into Madeline's eyes. There was only one thing he wanted right now and that was to have Nikita with him and being able to be free in his feelings towards her. He could admit that to himself but not to anyone else. It was his desire and it would remain unsaid.
"A shower," was all he replied.
Madeline inhaled deeply in frustration. He was building up that wall again. She had wanted to stop that from happening again. But in spite of all her hard efforts, she seemed to have failed. She watched him as he stood.
"Since that was the last question, can I head to my quarters? I really would like to take that shower."
Madeline laced her fingers together and rested them against her abdomen. "Of course, go on." Michael turned and strode towards the door. "Michael, please one more minute." He paused but did not turn around. The tension in him once again evident by the set of his shoulders "Just one more quick question. If you could get a message to Nikita, right now; what would you say?"
At first she thought he hadn't heard her because suddenly he was in motion. He was almost out of the door when she got his answer. It was simple and direct.
"Please come home."
The warmth of the burgundy color of the wine was followed by the warmth it spread inside as Nikita finished swallowing. She felt some relaxation of her body but not as much as she had hoped for. She looked at the glass, wondering if a third one would do the trick. She frowned and slammed the glass onto the table. Getting drunk it not going to help me decide. I've got to think this through. Let my head do the decision making not my heart.
She turned from the table and looked around the small room. She hadn't bothered looking for an place upon arriving here in Israel. She had thought that it would be better to just stay in close quarters. Not that it made her feel safer, but because it was less of a hassle and less contact with other people. Without contact, she didn't have to explain anything. And in the substations, no one really asked where you were from and what your story was.
It was all so plain. Everything was pretty much white and chrome. Nikita had not added any touches to make it hers. The only things that said her was the mass of C/Ds scattered across a table, the sunglasses scattered on another and of course the clothes on the floor. She smirked and shook her head ruefully. Michael had on occasion made comments on her less that neat habits. Things like that had a tendency to annoy those with a perfectionism streak. God knew his was as big as...Nikita stopped herself. Her head was suppose to helping her to decide against returning to Section One. Not reminding her of something that she bore a kind impression about.
Her meeting with Martina had set her on edge. She was being pushed to make a decision that she didn't want to make. But deep down she knew she couldn't avoid it. It had to be done. For her sake as well as his. For their futures, too. Nikita fingered the silver charm that Martina had just given her.
Nikita..To a good friend. With admiration and respect...Martina
She also recalled her words. " I don't want you to think that the next statement I make is a reflection on your performance since you came here. But I think you need to go back to Section One. You left a lot undone there. You also left a very important piece of yourself, your heart, there as well. You aren't complete without it. You also can't fight or bury your feelings for Michael. And from what I've heard from Madeline, he can't either for you. Partners that work as well as you two do are hard to find. I know you have a lot of factors to weigh in your decision. I am also aware of the possibility that you may wish to remain here. I hope that you understand I would love to have you remain here as my second. But we must consider the big picture here." Martina had then slid a disk towards Nikita. "This is a message from Madeline. She wanted to you view it after we talked. You're free to go back to your quarters or where ever you think is best."
Nikita had then stood, thanking Martina for both the charm and the understanding. Then she left the office and wandered back to her room. And so she was still there. No decision any closer to having been made then when she had sat in Martina's office. She sat down at the desk, fingering the mouse of the computer. Martina had said that Madeline had sent her the message on the disk and was hoping that Nikita would view and react she hoping to the information on it. She knew time was running out. Temporary meant short, flighting and she was edging into permanent.
Operations would probably be the next to call. With a little laugh, she wondered how they were getting along with Kaspin, the insufferable pig. Probably as well as she had the first time she met him. He had made an obnoxious offensive sexist remark. Something about a female operative's best work being carried on her back. She had retaliated of course, it was not something that she could ignore. As he had laid flat on his back looking up from the floor at her, he had remarked that an underling should not try to best its superior. She had stared down at him with a sneer and told him to remember who was on the floor and who was standing, then they could talk about underlings and superiors.
The next day she had gone out on a mission, a complete disaster that she preferred not to dwell on. The events still echoed in her dreams almost every night. When she had come back, Kaspin was gone and she was put in his place. She had felt uncomfortable in it, unsure of whether or not she was ready for this or even wanted it. Martina had told her that since she was temporarily transferred from Section One, she felt that she had to reciprocate. Besides Operations had said her wanted to further train some of the operatives in Krav Maga and since Kaspin had a brown belt he was offered as an instructor.
At the time, she had not thought it unusual, after all she had been injured and not thinking too clearly at the time. But as the days had passed she was puzzled by it. Michael knew the techniques and had taught some of it to operatives. As far as she knew he was of the same level if not higher skill wise than Kaspin. She had trained with Michael, one to one in the techniques. He had amazed her with his knowledge of it. No one had been willing to spar with him anymore, Walter had told her the other operatives' pride took too much of a beating if they worked on it with Michael. They preferred Simon, who was good but no where near Michael's level. She had approached Martina on this who had replied that Michael was still recovering from his injuries, how could he train anyone. Nikita admitted that she hadn't followed that train of thought.
With a deep breath, Nikita clicked the mouse, trying to push all thoughts away and focus on what Madeline had to say. It started with just a short note,
"I thought if you saw this it might make your decision easier to make... Madeline
Nikita clicked on the small icon next to the end of the message. She waited as it booted up. It took a while, making her wonder what in the world Madeline had sent to her. An image of Michael striding very angrily into Madeline's office appeared. Nikita caught her breath as she watched him on the screen. He had returned to his former physical condition and he moved with the energy she had come to associate with him. She took in his outfit, loose black sleeveless t-shirt and tight black bike pants. She could see the sweat marks on the shirt and knew he had just come from the workout area.
The course of the conversation stunned her. Why had Madeline sent this to her? It should have been kept private, not shared with her. She frowned as the video progressed. The old Michael was still there but he had new facets. Like a newly reshaped gem. But why show this to her now? What was the motive behind this? Then she heard Michael's last words before the screen went blank.
"Please come home."
Nikita sat in the chair staring at the computer. His words echoed in her head. ...feelings are a weakness....please come home....... You want me home...Strange choice of words. Section one is home now, huh? Well I guess it's the only place we can call that now. You're still not ready to admit what you're feeling. You want me to guess. I don't want it to be that way. I want honesty. No more lies and manipulations! No more hiding! No more pushing me aside! No more shutting me out! I don't want to go back to the automaton, the machine man who says he can't and won't feel. I want the man underneath to show himself!
She shoved herself away from the computer and grabbed the glass from the table. Going into the small kitchenette and snatching the bottle of wine out of the refrigerator, she poured out some and then took a large swallow. She smacked the glass down on the counter. The force of it snapped the stem, causing the bowl of the glass and its contents to spill onto the counter. She stared at it and in a fit of rage, grabbed the wine bottle and hurled it at the wall. It cracked as it hit and tumbled to the floor. Wine covered the wall in large dripping splotches.
"Why do I let him get to me like this? I'm a weakness for him. God damn it! He drives me to absolute distraction. How's that for a weakness, Michael? You make me run from myself, run from you. I constantly feel like I have to hide and restrain the way I feel. I'm not you! I can't do that. To live and survive, I have to feel and show what I'm feeling. That's how I am. I'm tired of running. I'm tired of this loneliness inside."
Nikita knelt down with a cloth to clean up the wine. Tears welled up and she started to cry. The hours spent alone had finally caved in on her. There was a big difference between being alone and loneliness. Being alone could be handled, but the starkness of how lonely she had begun to feel in the past few weeks was too much. She was incomplete, it was as plain and simple as that. Just as she and Michael had pushed each other away in the months before his capture by Elouette, she had done that to him when she came to Israel. You fought through hell to bring him back and then you decide you're not a big enough girl to handle it. You tuck your tail like a spineless little cur and run! You leave him to work out his problems on his own. Some partner you are! You're supposed to love him. You don't run from somebody you love. You stick it out and make things right. YOU DON'T RUN!!!
She sat down hard on the floor. Exhaustion from lack of sleep was setting in too. Many times she had laid on the bed staring at the ceiling, wondering how Michael did it. The dreams at night were intense. Momma, the failed mission, Elouette and... she pulled back. This wasn't the time.
She shouldn't have been reduced so easily to tears. But her defenses were down. Her shoulders shook with her sobs. Any one who meant anything to Nikita was back at Section One. And here she was hiding her wounded whatever here. It was time to grow up. She picked herself up and wiped the backs of her hands across her cheeks. Taking a deep breath, she went back to the computer.
Tapping a few keys, she logged into the mainframe at Section One and then into Michael's box. She kept her message to him simple as well.
"All right...Michael...soon."
And then she logged off. With a sigh and a slight grimace, she stood. After all these weeks, things still had a tendency to get stiff. She need to work on that. It was time to talk to Martina. It was time to go back and face her feelings and her fears. She hoped she was doing the right thing.
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Michael sat at his desk, typing in yet another report. He spent more and more time, it seemed doing them. Operative evaluations were of great importance, that he was well aware of, but they got on his nerves. He took a sip of the coffee from his mug and looked back at the screen with a sigh.
Then he noticed the orange circle in the lower corner of the screen. He activated it and the message on the screen caused his heart to hammer wildly. His eyes opened wide and disbelieving as he read it for a second time.
"All right...Michael...soon."
That was it, no name to or name from. But he didn't need either. It was meant for him and it could only be from Nikita. Soon... He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to slow his heart. Almost 4 months had passed and she had remained silent. What had made her decide to send the message?
It read like the answer to a question. But what was it, he didn't remember sending her a question. Doubt sprang up. Maybe this isn't from her. Maybe it's not for me.... Merde, Michael! Use your head, idiot. Look at the message! What else could you possibly think? How many times have you asked her? But how...Madeline asked me what I wanted to tell her and then she sent it to Nikita. Who cares how this came about!?
At least she's coming back. Back to me.
Michael decided that he would stay at the Section until she arrived. Then they would talk and work things out. That meant that Kaspin would be leaving too. A smile began to form on his face. His heart was coming back and the thorn that was stuck in his toe was about to be removed. He looked up as he heard his door open and found Operations standing in the doorway.
"I need to speak with you, Michael, regarding an serious internal situation."
Knitting his brows together at the serious tone of Operations' voice and the look on his face, Michael motioned him to a chair.
"What's wrong?"
Operations was blunt and straight to the point. " You're back to full active status. Cancel Kaspin."
Michael raised an eyebrow at him. He didn't try to hide his surprise, he'd just been blind sided. "Why? Did I miss something here?" He waited for Operations to confirm the assumptions he had made about Kaspin.
"No. This just came down. One of the reasons he was sent here was to be watched. His activities in Israel were being investigated." Operations could see the question appearing in Michael's eyes and confronted it. "Before you ask, that was not why Nikita was sent there. She requested a transfer and Martina was what I thought she could use at the time. Things just worked out the way they did by coincidence. However, Martina did ask me not to tell you this but I think you should know what this guy is like. How dangerous he is. Kapsin went after Nikita almost soon as she got there."
Michael stood, "He what?"
"There is something big involved here Michael and somehow Nikita got caught in it without knowing it or being part of it. About 6 months ago, an attempt was made on Martina's life. They tried to say it was an attack by a splinter from Hamas but other intel lead them back to Kaspin. Nothing could be proved so he was being watched carefully. Nikita arrived and they did not hit it off very well. If fact Martina walked in on an altercation between the two the day she got there. Kaspin was flat on his back and Nikita had her foot on his windpipe. He underestimated her I think. He made a mistake and an enemy. Martina was determined to nullify the situation before it got out of hand."
"What did he do to rile her up?"
"I'm not entirely sure but suffice to say, Martina did save his hide. She should have let Nikita finish him though. Two days later he sent Nikita out on a mission as lead. Martina has a rule that all operatives go out with subcutaneous com units. He sent her out without one and jammed the ones on the raw recruits she was sent with. No back up either. The mission was compromised due to poor groundwork. Nikita managed to get herself and only one of the five other operatives out alive."
"Was she hurt badly?" Worry was grabbing Michael as he listened to Operations. Anger was jockeying for room too. The bastard had put her in danger.
Operations shook his head. "A flesh wound to her shoulder and a clean one through her leg. She's fine. Martina however was infuriated. She contacted me and begged me to bring him here so she had the freedom to investigate as she needed to. It's pretty tangled but somehow he's tied in with others, he's not acting on his own. He taking directives from someone higher up. The others we not sure of yet but there are suggestions they are connected to the Agency. But the security of Section One, the substations and the Agency are at risk. We need to take him out of commission. He's dangerous though cautious when it comes to most of us at command level but there seems to be a lack of worry on his side about you. He's been overheard saying you are not a worry because of the events of the last few months. I guess you can say he's discounted you."
Michael's eyes hardened and his jaw set. There was no readable emotion on his face. "When?" was all he asked.
"As soon as you find the opening."
In his machine like monotone, Michael answered, "It will be done." He stood and clasped his hands in front of him, looking down at the older man.
Operations stood and started to leave. "Be careful Michael. He may already be up to something here and may set things in motion if he thinks he has been found out. His dismissal of you may be a ruse as well. We're dealing with a lot of grey area here."
There was no reaction from him. "I'll be fine."
On that note, Operations left and Michael stood silently staring at the far wall of his office. Kaspin would go down and he would know exactly why as he breathed his last.
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Kaspin looked around as he finished inserting the small box onto the hole he had made in the waterline. There had been no sound except what he had made. He was not pleased with the recent turn of events. The blonde bitch was coming back earlier than he had expected. The resident hero must have finally been able to break through that icy reserve she had. Kaspin sneered. Now that is an interesting prospect.
He had to set things in motion earlier than he had anticipated. Hopefully they would still work out as he had planned. He straightened himself up. Maybe before he killed her he could experience some of her 'work', but now was not the time to fantasize about it. He checked his watch and suddenly felt like he was being watched. He paused and let his eyes carefully sweep his surroundings and found no one. He decided that his nerves were working on him. He wasn't on his own turf and had to admit he was not sure of himself. He shook off the feeling and quietly said, "A workout sounds good." He stretched his arms out in front of, cracking his knuckles and exited the area.
Michael melted out of the shadows and inspected the device on the pipe. Disgust and loathing plain on his face. Softly he whispered into the mouthpiece of his com unit.
"He's placed something on the incoming water pipe. Get housekeeping down here. Remove it and bring it to Walter."
He ground his teeth together as he tensed his jaw. He needed to dispose of Kaspin now. The man was going forth with some kind of plan against the Agency and those under its umbrella control. Michael has asked Madeline if he should be interrogated. She had expressed the opinion that due to the length of time Kapsin had been in their employ, it would probably be a waste of time. Better to cancel him and work with the intel they had, they were close to identifying the others involved anyway. He had relented but felt some misgivings. He thought that they might be missing an opportunity but then again this was Madeline's area of expertise. He let it go. There were other things to deal with.
One of those things to deal with was Kaspin. Michael decided that is was time to finish the job.
"Where is Kapsin, Birkhoff?"
"In his quarters."
"Tell him to meet me in Room D. I need a few pointers on some holds. 15 minutes."
"Will do."
Tapping the pipe once and with a determined look, Michael walked away from the area and headed up.
-----------------------------------------
"Thank you, Birkhoff." Kapsin slapped off the intercom. He chewed the inside of his lower lip thoughtfully. He sensed that something was up. No matter what he had been told or what he portrayed, he knew one thing. He knew Michael was one of the most, if not the most dangerous, operatives in any unit that the Agency called its own. Not only was it his physical prowess but his chameleon like abilities to deal with a situation and always come up on top as the "winner".
Incompetent was not a word to describe Michael. He had been told to expect him to be an easy target. And Kaspin had arrived with that impression in mind, especially bearing in mind the events he had read about involving Red Cell and his capture and imprisonment by them. Michael had been brought back, by Nikita no less, in a catatonic state and now just about 4 months later, as if nothing had happened. However, Kaspin knew there was concern about his mental state. He had heard whispering about it between Walter and Birkhoff.
The computer nerd had been worrying about Michael dealing with Nikita's transfer. He was reminding Walter of how Michael had reacted before to Nikita being away. Walter had reminded him that there was not the guilt issue was as big this time and Michael was staying centered in spite of what he had been through and not teetering on the edge. Besides everyone knew where Nikita was and not worrying if she was dead or not.
Kaspin had been fascinated by what the background of the conversation was and did some digging. He had found the details of the incident that had happened just about a year ago. The facts were loud and clear to him.
Against all directives, Nikita and Michael were involved as more than just mission partners. There was a very close relationship beyond that. An element to manipulate if necessary. Operations had failed at using it properly, Kaspin had decided. He would not be so inept.
Suddenly he realized that the door of opportunity was opened. He would get rid of Michael during their training session. The story would go that he had snapped like he had done just before Nikita left. The motivation would be Michael's distress over the possible permanency of Nikita's transfer and Kaspin's involvement. He would be Michael's victim and thus had to defend himself. As for why he had the gun, in his world one never went anywhere without one; even in the bathroom.
He smiled. Another flawless plan old man! Nobody is better than you are. You're even better than the machine upstairs, Martina or even grandfather Operations. He checked his watch again. Things should be starting to get a little hot for Martina and company! And soon for here too. Time to take the hero out of the equation. He grabbed his towel from the back of the chair and a small hand gun from the table. Whistling happily he went to meet Michael.
Michael was already waiting for Kaspin in the room. He was unreadable as he leaned against the wall, arms folded across his chest and eyes boring holes into the door. He was dressed in black from head to toe, black t-shirt, black warmup pants and soft soled slipper type boots. He had purposely let his hair stay rumpled, hanging slightly in his eyes. As he heard the door open he brought his blank eyes up to look directly into Kaspin's. A small smile played on Michael's lips. He was going to enjoy this.
Seeing the smile, Kaspin returned it. The fool doesn't know what's coming. His guard was relaxed.
"Let me put my stuff down." He leaned over to put down the towel, his gun hidden in its folds. "So what do you want to go .."
As he stood and turned, Michael spun into a roundhouse kick. His foot caught Kaspin on the side of the head and slammed it back. He fell to the mat, dazed and blinking. From far away, he heard Michael say in a deep malicious tone, "Did you really think I wouldn't find out?"
Kaspin flew up grabbing Michael by the front of the shirt. Michael stepped back a bit, clasping his opponent's right elbow with his left. He reached over with his right , rocking Kaspin with a fist to the jaw as he did. Grabbing the right hand, he stepped forward pulling and twisting the arms in opposite directions. Kaspin went down to his knees hissing in pain.
"I.. You mean about Nikita. I'll admit she's good but you already know that."
Michael didn't reply because Kaspin shifted suddenly in the hold and tossed him over his shoulder. He hit the floor with a loud thud on his back and felt his breath gasp out of him. He rolled to his right, missing most of Kaspin's kick to his head. He sprang to his feet again and they circled. Kaspin spit venomously at him, "Hope you said good-bye before you came in. You're not leaving alive and neither are the rest of them here."
Michael smirked, "Death doesn't scare me. You should have been watching your back, not your watch. It's been removed."
"You are the prefect shadow, aren't you? Never seen and never heard but always in the background, watching. Like everybody's guardian angel. It's not over but you won't be able to do anything to stop it. Taps for every one of you. That leaves the blonde alone too. Kinda hard to be a guardian angel from the grave. Have any problems with that?"
They grabbed each other. Kaspin twisted away and grabbed Michael's right arm and wretched it hard away from him. Then he kicked Michael in the small of the back, driving him down to his hand and his knees while holding his other. Michael felt the shoulder socket start to pop. He shifted himself for better leverage and to relieve the pressure on his shoulder. He kicked backwards like a horse and hit Kaspin's knee. He grunted and Michael kicked again. This time he danced away. But Michael was not fast enough getting up. Kaspin slammed him to the floor again, this time flat.
With his good arm under him and the bad arm to his side, he felt the muzzle of the gun pressed by Kaspin to his left temple. Next to his right ear, he heard Kaspin hiss, "Enjoy hell. Say hello to Martina for me."
Michael suddenly pushed up with his left arm and cocked back with his right elbow into the other operative's nose with all the force he could. He felt the blood spurt from Kaspin's nose onto his arm and the back of his head. Placing both hands on the mat, he arched his back and turned, kicking in the same movement. Kaspin fell to the side, losing the gun. Michael scrambled for it and lurched to his feet. He was still somewhat bent over when Kaspin caught him in the jaw with a kick. His head snapped back and he felt his lip split. His teeth slammed together and he bit his tongue. With a noise of pain, he hit the floor. He maintained his senses enough to bring the gun up to where he saw the blurry outline of a figure, firing once. He hit Kaspin squarely in the face and then heard him hit the floor.
Michael laid there breathing heavily. He hurt all over. It had been the first no holds barred fight he had been in for months. He sat up with a groan. Kaspin laid on the floor staring at the ceiling. Michael looked away and wiped blood from his nose and mouth. Static cracked the silence. Michael spoke before anyone else could.
"Ready for clean up." He got up and staggered to the door. His quarters and the bed there were his next destination.
-----------------------------------------------
When he woke up, he looked up into Christine's eyes.
"About an hour. I thought it would have been more. Fortunately, you didn't wreck any of my handiwork. Try to keep everything in one piece, please?"
He tried to remember how he had gotten to his room but the memory just wasn't there. The only thing he could recall was feeling light headed as he opened the door. Then.... here.
"Whatever you want." He motioned her out of the way and swung his legs out. Stiffly he stood and started for the door.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"To Walter. I want to know what was in that box Kaspin had on the water pipe."
"It was prussic acid."
"Hydrogen cyanide. He was playing for keeps."
"The box was heavily loaded, Michael. He meant to take us all out as quickly as possible. It was an ingenious device. Walter is tickled pink with it. I found something interesting on it too."
Michael watched her carefully, "What was it?"
"L-virus. Inactive, it'd been in the open for too long."
"Merde" was all she heard as he started to leave the room. He was brought up short by Operations. They studied each other.
"No worse for wear?"
"I'll be fine." He studied Operations closer. Something was wrong. "What's the problem?"
"Martina's was compromised. They're gone."
"What?" Michael felt the weight of the world on his back suddenly. His head was screaming her name. He felt his chest get tighter as he fought for air.
He fought for control, too. Operations couldn't see his reaction, if would be interpreted as a weakness. And he had shown enough of those lately. He could afford no more.
"We got half a scrambled communication just an hour ago from Martina. All we could decode was 'Internal compromise. Cancel Kaspin now. Lewisite bomb. K-I...' That was how it ended."
Michael swallowed hard. "Survivors?"
Operations shook his head. Maybe Michael didn't realize it but Operations knew what was going on in his head. He didn't need to see Michael's emotions to read his thoughts at the moment. He spoke slowly allowing Michael to absorb the impact of his words.
"Nikita was already in transit as far as we know. She was supposed to be on her way back here early this morning. She wasn't found there."
Michael sagged against the wall. A whole unit gone in a snap of the fingers. Martina's group was right after theirs. A lot of good operatives were located there. Some he'd even help train. And Martina... While Madeline was the queen bee, Martina was the queen mother. Everyone knew her and everyone liked her except for who ever had killed them all. Operations reached out and place a steadying hand on his shoulder.
"We're not 100% sure Michael but we think she's somewhere in Europe. Christine sent me orders though that you are to go home. One of us will take you in a van if we have to. You're not doing any good waiting here. We'll notify you when she shows."
He looked up into Operations eyes and then over to Christine. At the moment he was outnumbered and numb. He would go along with them for now.
********************************************************************************
Nikita pulled her coat tighter around her as she got out of the car. After all the time in Israel, she was not ready for this cold weather. She repressed an urge to let her teeth chatter. Shivering warmed you faster. She dashed the last few feet into the entrance to Section One. Her boots clicked as she slowly walked the ramp. As always the quiet of the place struck her.
Like a tomb or a mortuary. It was so unlike how Martina's substation was but then she wasn't as dark as either Operations or Madeline were. She had asked Martina not to make it a general announcement that she was going back. She had only sent the cryptic message to Michael. She wanted to surprise Walter and Birkhoff. As for the rest of them, she'd deal with that when it happened. She hoped he would not be there as soon as she walked in. She had no idea what to say or what to expect when she saw him. She would just have to let things take their course. She wanted to be prepared but it was impossible.
As she gained the main area, she found it quiet as well. Almost eerily quiet. She paused in the shadows, watching what little activity was going on. It felt strange to be back. Have I made the right decision? echoed in her head again and again She peeked into Walter's alcove and saw his back was to the entrance. She snuck in and slipped her arms under his and covered his eyes. Into his ear she whispered , "Guess who?"
Walter stood in place but a wide smile parted his lips. "Hopefully it's that girl who still gives me those best kind of dreams. Slightly damp.."
She shoved him a bit and he turned around. "You're disgusting!" she exclaimed with a smile in return.
"And you wouldn't have me any other way. Glad my girl's safe and sound. We were worried."
They hugged as Nikita asked, "What do you mean?"
"Some things have happened today. Your whereabouts were a bit of a concern to us here" Nikita turned at the sound of Madeline's voice.
"Welcome back, Nikita. I'm glad you decided to return."
Nikita gave her a puzzled look, "I hope I will be too. It's good to see you. Ah... why were you worried about where I was?"
Madeline set her mouth in a thin line. "We lost Martina's today."
Her eyes wide in disbelief, she exclaimed, "WHAT?"
"There was some kind of internal compromise according to Martina's last communique. Someone set off a bomb of Lewisite. There were no survivors. We were not sure when you were leaving Israel or if you already were in transit."
Nikita stood rooted to the spot next to Walter. He rubbed the back of her shoulders in a gesture of support. "They're going to be missed. Martina was in my 5%." he said gravely. He pushed Nikita forward a little. "Go with Madeline, Sugar." In shock, she did as he told her. They started down the hallway in silence.
"There's no reason to worry about getting right to work. This is a bit of a shock. I understand. Get yourself acclimated and settled." She pointed at Nikita's light trench coat. "I hope you have something warmer at home."
Without emotion she responded, "Yes, I think I have one in my quarters. I guess I forgot it would still be cool here. Got too accustomed to the warmer climate, I guess." She stopped. Thoughts of Michael's possible reaction to the news flew around her. Was he here?
She realized Nikita had stopped and why. "He's not here, Nikita. We sent him home to rest. It has been a long couple of days here."
"What else has been going on?"
"We had to cancel Kaspin."
"Can you repeat that?" Nikita asked with a incredulous tone.
"We had to cancel Kaspin. As you have probably already figured out, your first mission in Israel was a set-up. He planned it. Before you went there, an attempt had been made on Martina's life. And now with what happened today. He was connected to all of it as somehow. The decision came down two days ago. Michael had him under surveillance the entire time, completely focused on his every move. When he saw Kaspin plant a cyanide laced leeching device on the incoming water pipe for the Section, he decided it was time. Michael cancelled him earlier this morning. Just before we lost them. He came close to taking Michael too. "
Swallowing hard Nikita asked, "Is he all right?"
Madeline shrugged and then said, "Yes just not as ready as he thought he was. He was exhausted afterwards. He slept a little and then Christine checked him out. She sent him home for some down time. He is just about the old Michael again. His performance was unflawed as always. He just needs a little more time to get himself back physically. In the course of other matters, he is a little different. A little freer with his emotions but none the less for it. He is still very restrained and quiet. There is a lot that he will not admit to feeling or wanting to feel."
Nikita kicked at an imaginary spot on the floor with her boot. She didn't want to look at Madeline. "He knew I was coming back. I didn't say when though."
"He only knew what we knew. That you were not found among the causalities and were probab-ly in transit. Right now, Operations should have been told you were here. And of course, Walter and I know. That's it. I won't make a general announcement yet. Operations said like I did, to get settled. He wants to see you both first thing day after tomorrow, 8 A.M. That gives you 36 hours. Make good use of it." She walked away, leaving Nikita standing in the hallway alone.
Oh Martina! You were a good friend. Thanks for giving me the strength to follow the right path! I'm going to miss you.
Her thoughts were shoved aside by her inner voice. Well you're back and things haven't changed a bit. So what are you going to do? 36 hours, Nikita.
He needs to know you're o.k. So a day and a half to repair the damage you've done in the past year. Doesn't seem like the fairest trade off in the world. But if we've really got something here, I've got to try. I feel too much for him not to. Maybe he's not ready to say the words, I don't care right now. Showing me will be enough.
She hadn't realized that she had started walking while she had been ruminating. She found herself on the ramp already. Her head had been occupied so her heart had decided to lead the way. Nervously chewing on her lip, she continued to walk. She wasn't going to kid herself. She knew that there was a possibility; that for all his pleas over the past couple of months; that when she showed up at cabin he would push her away. With a silent plea of her own, she got into her car and sped off.
********************************************************************************
The landscape was all white, the snow deep and unbroken. It was covered with a thin coating of ice that cracked whenever he stepped forward. Wreckage of trucks and cars surrounded him. They had been blow to bits. Bodies accompanied most of the vehicle skeletons. He had been wandering for what seemed like hours. The scenery never changed. He felt profoundly lost and alone. He was never going to find his way out or his way home. And to make matters worse, he knew that they were waiting for him somewhere. He could feel them watching him. Laughing at him because he couldn't find them or his way out. He had tried to lose them too but that hadn't worked. They found that humourous too. He could hear them laughing and calling out his name in high sing song voices. Calling him a coward, a failure and a soulless shadow.
Suddenly a roar filled the air and the ground began to tremble. The voices change in tone. They were screaming and yelling in terror. He was afraid too. Terror came when he saw the ground begin to break apart and large fissures in the snow appeared. Bright light spilled up out of the cracks. Things fell in but he couldn't hear them hit bottom. He tried to go forwards but there was a fissure there. Then he tried to go back the way he had come. There was one there too. He spun in a circle, slipping to his knees in the snow. The shaking had reached him and he could feel the ground beneath his knees split open. He screamed as he fell, reaching desperately for a handhold. He did but then his fingers slipped and ....
Michael sat straight up in bed. He was soaked in sweat and visibly paler than he had been earlier. His own screams had woken him up. Drawing in ragged breaths, he got as far as the edge of the bed and sat there. He rested his head in his hands, trying to rid himself of the effects of the nightmare. The stereo still blared loudly through the cabin. He had forgotten to turn it off. He listened for a moment trying to determine the group. He stood up and pushed the hair out of his face. He looked over at the clock on the night stand. It read 3:00 A.M.
Four hours. Best night in the past 3 weeks. I'll have to mark it on the calendar....What is this music? This isn't one of mine... That's right, this is one of the ones I took from Nikita's. Strange, it actually says something to me. Almost as if he knows me..knows her...Damn it, why hasn't someone called me yet. Where is she? What is she doing? They'll drag me back here if I show up. Might as well take a shower. Try and make myself feel better.
He got up and padded slowly into the bathroom. Quickly he started the shower and got in. He let out a small sigh as the hot water streamed over his head. It felt good. He still was sore from this morning. He could feel the bruises that were forming on various spots on his body. He needed to get himself back up to speed. There was no reason to slack off. After all, at this point, the job is all I have. She's probably back, but she won't want me.
Nikita leaned against a tree near the shoreline of the lake, studying the cabin. She had parked the car on the gravel road about two miles away and hiked in. When she had started out, she had been freezing but the incline up to the cabin helped her work up some warmth. Features of the landscape were hard to decipher. There was no moon tonight and everything was covered in deep black velvet shadows.
She heard a movement in the underbrush and turned her head in its direction. She wasn't frightened, just curious. The last two times she had been here is was too cold and too stormy to see any of the wildlife. She wondered what Michael got to watch as the sun rose. The light switching on in his bedroom caught her eye. She could see him going into the bathroom. It was time to start towards the cabin.
What am I doing? I'm crazy! He's not going to want to see me. But I've got to take the chance. Martina would want me to. I need to for myself. It didn't take her long to make it up the stairs from the shore. The lock was still as easy as it was before to jimmy open. She tapped in the security code and held her breath, hoping he hadn't changed it. If he had, there went surprising him and being able to say what she wanted to say before he threw her out.
The volume on the studio was the first surprise and then when she recognized the group, she got her second. Depeche Mode...when did he start listening to this? Maybe my tastes are rubbing off on him. He even picked my favorite album by them. She listened carefully or tried to so she could figure out what he was doing, the music made it impossible. She began to walk up the stairs and then stopped. Her nerve left her and she scurried back down. She sat down on the couch and stared up at the stairs.
Nikita questioned herself again. Was she doing the right thing? Sneaking in here and just appearing in his face? Then saying she was sorry and wanted to fix things between them? Telling him she wanted to be his partner in the field and off too? No matter when, not matter how infrequent? Whatever they could steal was fine with her? Just as long as she could get rid of the loneliness and the empty part inside, then everything else didn't matter. If the love had to be one sided, that was going to be o. k. too. Not that she was entirely happy with it, but she couldn't demand more out of him. She had already demanded too much. She pushed herself off the couch and began to pace.
With a muttered curse, Michael turned off the shower. One of these days he was going to replace that water heater. He never managed to get a good long hot shower out of it. He dried off rapidly and pulled his warm up pants back on. He leaned on the sink and tried to look in the mirror. With an annoyed look, he used his hand to wipe off the steam off of it. With a contemptuous sneer, he regarded himself.
"Michel, es sin valeur. Ce sais? Completement! As pas l'ame. Pourquoi vives? Do you have the courage to answer that? Of course not!" He shook his head at his reflection. He spat out at it, "Failure! Why would she want to come back to you?" He listened to the words of the song carrying up from the stereo. They made him think of Nikita and the way she made him feel.
Sister of night
when the hunger descends
and your body's a fire
an inferno that never ends
an eternal flame
that burns in desire's name
Sister of night
when the longing returns
giving voice to the flame
calling you through flesh that burns
breaking down your will
to move in for the kill
Oh sister
come for me
embrace me
assure me
hey sister
I feel it too
sweet sister
just feel me
I'm trembling
you heal me
hey...
Nikita paced the floor. She was having severe doubts as to her ability to pull this off. She very much felt the scared little girl inside. Her head was saying to run again but her heart was yanking her up the stairs. She looked wide eyed up at the railing as she passed the stereo. In previous paces she had managed to scuff up an edge of the rug. She caught the edge with her foot, stumbled and keep herself from falling to the floor by grabbing the edge of the shelf. In the process she nicked the power button and the cabin was plunged into quiet. She heard her breath and felt panic set in.
The sudden silence froze Michael at the sink just as he was going to turn on the water. He looked towards the bedroom and saw that the light was still on in there as well as in the bathroom. Not a power failure or a fuse. Not enough on to do that. Shit, somebody's in the house. That's why they haven't contacted me. We're being taken out one location at a time. He slipped out of the bathroom with his feline like grace and stealth. With extreme caution, he slide open the night stand drawer and pulled out a revolver. He checked the safety and then clicked it off. He headed for the stairs.
Where am I going to go? What do I do? Nikita thought in panic. This wasn't how it was suppose to go! She heard the floorboards above the stairs creak. He was on the move and without having a single doubt, she knew he was armed and in machine mode. Hopefully, he would think before he fired when he saw her. Where to be though. The couch...maybe he'll think it was a mechanical problem. Then he'll go back upstairs and ...
Michael descended the stairs with his gun pointed out in front of him. He knew he was an easy target coming down from the lighted room above into the darkness. If it was going to end tonight, then that was it. As he had told Kaspin this morning, he wasn't afraid to die. He knew full well what was ahead of him and where he would go if that happened. He had accepted that a long time ago.
Nikita watched him come down the stairs. She held her breath as he eased himself down into the room. He was shirtless, only in a pair of warm up pants. His back was to her. She could see the tension in his body. He was in his defensive machine mode. She could also see bruises on his shoulder blades and an outline of a foot-print in the small of his back.
Anger sparked up inside as she thought of Kaspin doing that to him and the pain it must have caused Michael. If Kaspin wasn't already dead, she wouldn't find it very difficult to hurt him back.
He went over to the stereo and tried to make it out in the dim light from upstairs. He looked down as he felt the scuffed rug. He went through the living room and to the kitchen. Nikita melted further into the shadows and then realized as she backed up into the wall that she had been holding her breath. She exhaled softly and then inhaled just as softly. He crept back out of the kitchen and came back towards the alcove. She knew...
He could sense that there was someone here. He just couldn't figure out where. Who ever it was he or she knew the alarm code and had a key. That meant someone from the Section. Martina had been right, it was internal then. A glint of light on something metal caught his attention beyond the pool table. He stepped forward the gun pointed at the place where the glint came from. He thought he detected the smell of vanilla when a hand came out of the shadows of the wall. Its fingers curved around the muzzle of the gun as he cocked back the trigger. Then he saw the ring on the finger. His eyes grew wide as he recognized it.
A husky female voice came out of the shadow, making his heart hammer even harder than it had at the sight of the ring.
"Since when did you start listening to my kind of music?"
He pulled back on the gun, pulling the shadow into the dim light from upstairs. Nikita came into view, the little bit of light reflecting from her hair. In a ragged voice he answered, "Since I stole it from your apartment. It was my turn to need something to feel close to you." As he spoke Nikita stepped closer, but didn't release the gun's muzzle.
Michael reached out with the other hand and caressed her cheek with his knuckles. He needed to assure himself that this was real. It certainly felt that way as he touched her cheek. He stretched out his fingers, slide his hand around the back of her head. He tangled his fingers into her hair and pulled her to him. Nikita didn't resist his pull or his kiss. She kissed him back with the same intensity and hunger as he kissed her.
Nikita heard the gun hit the floor and then felt his arm around her waist and his hand at the small of her back. Her hands slid up his chest to his neck as he tightened his grip and molded her body to his. She felt him begin to tremble and a low rumble came from his throat. The rumble turned into a moan as he pulled away from the kiss. She looked up into his green eyes which seemed almost as black as the night outside. She traced the curve of his jaw with her lips and then down the side of his neck till she found his pulse.
Michael couldn't stop shaking. He shook in response to the intense desire he held in tight control. She was here and she wasn't pulling away or running away. She was home, home with him. No one could see them and no one knew she was here. He pulled her head back so he could look at her. In a voice deep and tight with emotion and hunger, he said, "Don't do that again."
"What?"
"Leave me like that again. And then scare me to death."
"I'm done running away from you. I want to work on us. Whatever time we can get together will be enough. Whatever you can give me is enough. I don't care about the words anymore. Just show me how you feel."
His answer was to drive her backwards to the wall with a growl. He didn't even try to unbutton her shirt. He yet yanked at it and threw it aside. His hands moved over her, removing everything he could find. He felt like he had been starving and had just been given a banquet. He tried to be gentle but he was having trouble. His hunger was overwhelming. She matched his frenzy and hunger with her own. Her nails dug into him as she heard him whisper against her throat, "I love you."
"I love you, too" she whispered back. It was going to be a long time till morning Nikita. She didn't want to let go again after this and she hoped he felt the same way.
********************************************************************************
"I take it she's back." Operations asked as he looked at Madeline over the rim of his tilted coffee mug.
She nodded and replied, "I gave her 36 hours just as you said."
"How did she take it, Madeline?"
"She was in shock. Just like the rest of us are. Considering the events of the past few months, I hope they can patch things up. I think we are going to need them at 110%"
"Do you know if she's with him now?"
Madeline sighed and said, "If she's not then she is being stupid. But I am not ordering surveillance to find out for sure. I'm going to respect their privacy."
Operations gave a slight shrug as he set down his mug. "There will have to be strict rules. This is not to become general knowledge. I'm still not comfortable or happy about this 'arrangement' but I'll go with it for now. The first sign that it is causing a problem and one of them will be gone. It's not a threat but a definite promise. Am I clear on this?"
"Of course, Oscar, as always. As for general knowledge, get over that. All you have to do is look at the two of them together. You can't miss it. No matter how they try to cover it up. Have you given thought to my recommendations regarding training?"
"Yes, I like it. I will admit, in the field, Nikita is very good. I read all of the evaluations from Martina so far and I like what I see. She did us proud while she was there. Martina intended to follow several of the training ideas that Nikita had broached. I want to see what she can do here. Take two recruits. Make her pick one. She'll mentor just like he mentored her. Start to have her work on some of the reports Michael's been handling. His workload sometimes overwhelms him. I know he hates so many reports and will be glad to get rid of them. I want him to work with her on it though. She's not entirely ready to do all of it on her own."
"Of course. Now what about...."
------------------------------------------------
Nikita laid quietly next to Michael, looking out the window as the sun rose. Her head rested on his chest and she listened to the steady beat of his heart and his even deep breathing. They'd been in this position for about an hour. He'd fallen asleep almost immediately after they made love the last time. It had been a long night. Much like it had been the first time. She was tired but felt strangely alive too. There was none of the foreboding that she had felt after the time on the boat. She snuggled in closer to him. Her movement stirred him and she felt his arms wrap around her.
"No."
"No what?" She asked as she kissed the spot where her cheek had been resting and slowly traced a circle with her finger on his chest.
"Don't leave."
"I'm not going anywhere. We have til tomorrow morning. Madeline said so."
She felt him tense up as she mentioned someone from the Section. His drowsiness was gone.
"They know then that you're here."
"Does it matter?"
"Yes, it can be used against us."
"Operations told me I had earned some space for now. Madeline and Martina both encouraged me to act upon what I was feeling." She pulled away from him and propped her head up with one hand. She looked at him with defiance flickering in her eyes. "Are you trying to tell me I was wrong to come here last night? That you aren't happy I'm here with you right now and not still in Israel?"
He opened his eyes and looked at her. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach as he considered his answer to her question. He remembered his words to her downstairs. He remembered what he had uttered as they had made love in the alcove. He had told her he loved her. He had let his emotions take control of him. He knew that he had invited fate to come after them both now. And to make matters worse, the Section knew she was here with him. They had played on her feelings for him to add to their trick bag.
Nikita studied his eyes and the expression on his face. He still looked exhausted, dark circles hung underneath each eye. She felt like she was being drawn into those deep green pools that were witnesses to so much pain. Like she could fall down into them and finally see his soul and once there heal it. She knew it was there, just carefully wrapped up and stored away. Just like his heart had been. She had found that with only a little trouble. How much harder could the rest of him be? And just like that she saw the softness of his feelings for her in his eyes vanish and the green harden like flint.
"I don't know about you being here. God.." he said huskily and rolled away from her to stare out the window.
Her forehead wrinkled in bewilderment as she reached out for his arm. "Michael, what do you mean? Don't shut me out. Talk to me, please." She curled up long his back, slipping her arm between his arm and his ribs. She tucked her hand under his other side and rested her chin on his shoulder. She squeezed him tight and then whispered in his ear. "Michael, I love you. Tell me what's going on inside. I need to know."
"I'm afraid. Afraid of the future. Afraid for you, for me, for us. Too many maybes. Nothing is for certain, not anymore." He closed his eyes, praying she would understand and not question him.
Softly she said, "Because you said that you loved me."
"Yes."
"I'm not going to belittle the way you're feeling or try to say not to worry about me. But can't we deal with just what does come our way, not what might be?"
He rolled over to look at her. He could see the doubt and the hope in her eyes. He was amazed at the feelings he felt stirring inside for the woman who was sharing his bed. She was beginning to understand his unspoken thoughts and words more and more. Almost as if she was inside his head, his mind. A place he didn't even like to venture into. He had been compelled last night to tell her how he felt. By what force, he wasn't sure. Maybe between the two of them, beating fate was possible. They had already done it each for the other. Now maybe they could do it with each other.
He pushed her over to her back and fiercely kissed her. "I lo..."
She placed a finger across his lips. "Just show me."
End of Part I
continue on to Shades of Grey II
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