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THE CLOWN or the dressing room (Part I) |
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*NB:
THE ADVERTISING FOR THIS PIECE AND THE NOTES IN THE PROGRAMME SHOULD BE
FOR A PLAY CALLED "THE
CLOWN" BY Nikdaski. e.g.: THE CLOWN by P.
Nikdaski "ars
inveniendi adolescit cum inventis" Nikdaski opens with this
quote from Novalis and we couldn't get a more appropriate description of
his own work, that never ending process of discovery that can only become
more creative and imaginative as this man, still young, approaches
maturity. This latest work, his "The Clown", continues in the
same vain as earlier pieces although the tragi-comic idea is amplified
both in its sense of the calamity as much as in its feeling for the droll,
and Nikdaski could not have found a better protagonist than his sadly
fortuitous heroine who transports us from one series of implausible
circumstances to another even more extraordinary combination of the
strange and the fictitious only to culminate in another of those
remarkably protracted finales that are so characteristic of the greatness
that is and always will be P. Nikdaski. G.
Stiener OR "...superbly
brilliant rendition of this mysteriously enigmatic work" L.
Radish IN ANY CASE THE
AUDIENCE SHOULD BELIEVE THEY ARE GOING TO SEE Nikdaski's "THE CLOWN"
WHICH IN FACT THEY WILL NEVER SEE. CAST RIGOLETTO:
The elderly, mute and hunchbacked
lighting operator. GRETA:
A middle-aged actress. LUCY:
Another middle-aged actress. (
THE DRESSING ROOM. AN
ACTOR'S DRESSING TABLE WITH MAKEUP AND A MIRROR ENCIRCLED BY LIGHT BULBS.
THERE IS A PACKET OF CIGARETTES, A BOX OF MATCHES AND AN ASHTRAY. A
SIMPLE WOODEN CHAIR. A
SOFA WITH CUSHIONS AND CLOTHES DRAPED OVER IT. AN
OLD WIND UP GRAMOPHONE WITH A COLLECTION OF RECORDS PROPPED UP AGAINST IT. A
SCREEN. THERE
IS A DOOR AT THE SIDE THROUGH
WHICH THE ACTRESS ENTERS FROM
THE STREET. A CURTAIN AT THE BACK IS DRAPED OVER ANOTHER DOOR THAT OPENS
OUT ONTO THE FALSE-STAGE.ON THE
OTHER SIDE OF THIS FALSE-STAGE WE CAN SEE (GET A GLIMPSE OF) A FALSE-AUDIENCE. WE
ALSO GET A GLIMPSE OF THE FALSE-LIGHTING BOX IN WHICH RIGOLETTO SITS. THE
BACK WALL OF THE SET SHOULD BE TRANSPARENT SO THAT WHEN THE ACTORS ARE ON
THE FALSE-STAGE WE CAN SEE A SILHOUETTE OF THEM) (BEFORE THE PIECE BEGINS
RIGOLETTO, THE ELDERLY, HUNCH-BACKED LIGHTING OPERATOR, ENTERS THE
DRESSING ROOM FROM THE FALSE-STAGE. HE WINDS UP THE GRAMOPHONE AND PUTS ON
A RECORD: THE PRELUDE TO GIUSEPPE VERDI'S "LA TRAVIATA".
RIGOLETTO EXITS TO GO BACK TO THE FALSE-LIGHTING BOX. WE ARE AWARE THAT HE
SLOWLY DIMS THE LIGHTS ON THE BOTH THE REAL AND FALSE AUDIENCES AND BRINGS
UP THE STAGE LIGHTS (BOTH REAL AND FALSE). HE PLAYS WITH THE LIGHTS DURING
THE OVERTURE. BRINGING UP CERTAIN COLOURS AT DIFFERENT TIMES. DANCING THE
LIGHTS IN TIME WITH THE MUSIC. WHEN THE MUSIC GOES INTO THE
INTRODUCTION GRETA ENTERS THROUGH THE SIDE DOOR. SHE IS WEARING AN ELEGANT
DRESS WITH A FUR COAT. SHE ENTERS BUSILY LIKE THE MUSIC. SHE WALKS ACROSS
THE STAGE TO THE SOFA AND THROWS A HANDBAG DOWN ONTO IT. SHE TAKES OFF HER
FUR COAT AND BEGINS TO STRUT FROM ONE SIDE OF THE STAGE TO THE OTHER
LOOKING FOR SOMEWHERE TO HANG IT. WHEN SHE CANNOT SEE ANYWHERE BETTER SHE
HANGS IT ON THE BACK OF THE CHAIR. SHE TAKES THE RECORD OFF) GRETA: (TALKING TO
HERSELF) I've asked them a thousand
times about the wardrobe See how seriously they take
me (SHE SIGHS, SITS DOWN ON THE
CHAIR AND REMOVES HER GLOVES. SHE SEEMS VERY TIRED) How long have they been
waiting? (SHE GOES TO THE DRESSING
TABLE OPENS A DRAWER AND TAKES OUT A GLASS. SHE CLOSES THE DRAWER AGAIN) It was not my fault not tonight Tonight I hurried all the way because I thought the wardrobe would be here That is why I wore my nice
coat absolutely convinced I was Bah! (SHE TURNS AND GOES TO THE
SOFA. THERE SHE RUMMAGES AROUND BETWEEN THE CUSHIONS UNTIL SHE FINDS
SOMETHING UNDERNEATH THEM AND PULLS OUT A BOTTLE OF SCOTCH) That they have had to wait that my delay has been irritating is terrible inexcusable especially as it was not my
fault not tonight (SHE POURS HERSELF A DRINK) Not tonight (SHE SIPS HER DRINK AND THEN
SITS HER GLASS ON THE DRESSING TABLE. ENTER RIGOLETTO NERVOUSLY
THROUGH THE CURTAIN LEADING ONTO THE STAGE. HE HAS HIS HEAD BOWED AND HE
DOES NOT SEE THAT GRETA HAS ARRIVED. HE GOES TO THE GRAMOPHONE AND STARTS
TO WIND IT UP AGAIN.) GRETA: (TO RIGOLETTO) I’m here now (RIGOLETTO IS STARTLED.
CALMING DOWN HE SMILES. THEN HE REMEMBERS THE TIME, HE LOOKS WORRIED AND
INDICATES HIS WATCH) GRETA: Yes yes I’m late I know but I’m here that’s the most important
thing Even though there’s no
wardrobe I’m here (EXIT RIGOLETTO) GRETA LOOKS INTO THE MIRROR) Of course some of them are
expecting me to be late or not to have come at all because of my depressions That’s what they’re like That’s what they want weakness but tonight I am feeling
wonderful (SMILES) Fantastic Why not? (SHE MAINTAINS THE SMILE AND
THEN DRINKS.) (ENTER LUCY THROUGH THE SIDE
DOOR WITH FLOWERS) LUCY: (TO GRETA) Greta GRETA: Lucy you came LUCY: Of course how could I not? (THEY EMBRACE AND KISS EACH
OTHER’S CHEEKS THREE TIMES) (PRETENTIOUSLY) Another opening night and you’re looking splendid absolutely impeccable (SHE HANDS THE FLOWERS TO
GRETA) GRETA: Oh how gorgeous you shouldn’t have LUCY: A symbolic gesture
darling Symbol of my homage to a
great actress and of her impeccable beauty GRETA: (FINGERING THE FLOWERS)
Symbols of virtue LUCY: harmony GRETA: perfection LUCY: in one sense sensitivity GRETA: in another vanity (SADDENED) They will wither LUCY: We all wither But flowers dear Greta hearken to spring GRETA: to rebirth (THEY EMBRACE) LUCY: You are about to be
born again darling on this stage I hope you’re ready you look so ready ready to devour them whole Chew ’em up spit ’em out that’s my Greta (THEY EMBRACE AND KISS EACH
OTHER’S CHEEKS THREE TIMES AGAIN) Break a leg won’t you? GRETA: Of course thank you thank you Lucy thank you thank you so much It’s so good of you to have
come darling you’re such a darling thank you… (THEY EMBRACE AND KISS EACH
OTHER’S CHEEKS THREE TIMES AGAIN) (EXIT LUCY THROUGH THE SIDE
DOOR) …even if you can’t
understand Ah but it is so good of her so good after all that has happened
there was no need (SUDDENLY EXCITED. SHE THROWS
THE FLOWERS ONTO THE SOFA) I wonder who else (SHE DRINKS & PEAKS
THROUGH THE CURTAIN LOOKING OUT AT THE FALSE-AUDIENCE) There they are those who hope I won’t ever
begin that my melancholy
disposition will disable me or even better that a neurotic fit will
paralyse me make me forget my lines transform me into a mumbling
mess They have no flowers for me Pathetic (SHE DRINKS. BECOMING LOST IN
THE WORD "pathetic" FOR A MOMENT BEFORE STRUTTING SLOWLY FORWARD
TO THE DRESSER WHERE THE BOTTLE IS AND TOPS UP HER GLASS. SHE LOUNGES DOWN
ON THE SOFA, SQUASHING THE FLOWERS) (LOOKING INTO HER GLASS AND
SPEAKING IN A LOW VOICE) And so I have begun the after-the-show-discussion
already (SHE SNIGGERS) If only I had (SNIGGERS) Tonight there’ll be no discussion
after the show There’ll be no show Instead Tonight what they’ll be getting is this this and only this The Dressing Room (SHE LIFTS HER ARMS ABOVE HER
HEAD AND MAKES A SPECTACULAR WIDE GESTURE INDICATING HER SURROUNDINGS) Yes that’s right “The Clown” will not be
making it on stage tonight (PAUSE. SHE DRINKS) Why should I? Have I got a wardrobe? The wardrobe I asked for a
week ago (SUDDENLY AND AGGRESSIVELY
SHE STANDS UP) Ah they will think I am demented spoiled posh affected a snob Right up-herself because I have this fur coat which I didn't buy from my
earnings here (DRINKS) It would be impossible to
live on the money they pay me here (STROKES THE SMOOTH FUR OF
HER COAT) Huh! And it wasn’t a present
from a lover either though I know that they will
think that that I am a whore They have their opinions They think that any actress
who wears a fur coat must be a whore They all think that But this coat was bought from my work on
television work I’ve never really
liked and despite the fame no despite it and because of it Nikdaski was right acting on television is degrading But the money is good very good and so I work on television (DRINKS) And while perhaps working on television is
degrading well paid degradation here on the stage everything is different says Nikdaski here everything is profound But I ask what do we suffer for? for what? (PAUSE) for nothing (DRINKS) Working on television says Nikdaski is a condemnation to dialogue vacant dialogue in front of a cold lens under hot lights (DRINKS) But while there is nothing so
terribly artificial as television I can earn more in a week in
one mere programme than in a year on the stage reading monologues written by little-known
writers like Nikdaski (DRINKS) And with my years I cannot go on working suffering and this work is a sufferance (PAUSE. SHE DRINKS AND
BECOMES AFFECTED BY THE WORD “sufferance”. SHE SIGHS) It needs to be said a
thousand times an abysmal sufferance always done for a pittance (PAUSE. DRINKS) For years I've been alone on
the stage even in dialogue always alone and in fact I've come to shy away from
any part that involves dialogue (DRINKS) Oh how I would love to do
Beckett to do “Happy Days” (PAUSE. SHE STARES AT
SOMETHING PLEASING BUT IMAGINED) I have always wanted to be
Winnie with my head poking out of the sand just my head poking out But no one has ever asked me never (SHE DRINKS THEN LOOKS INTO
HER GLASS) I should tell them they should know It has taken me a long time
to find the courage to say these things these things that I am going
to say some of them will be touched
by it I would never have allowed
myself to be put in such a compromising position if ever I thought for one moment that I could be here and not
touch anyone with what I am going to do (SHE DRINKS) Of course I am not a strong
person (SHE DRINKS) They are hoping to see a
comedy they can laugh if they want It doesn’t really matter to
me I have laughed at the most
serious scenes before There is nothing wrong with
laughing at the most serious scenes (SHE DRINKS) Experience tells me that they
will always laugh or not laugh when I am not expecting it We who perform so often to so
many different people always every night different people we have learned to expect not
to expect anything in concrete because the audience any audience are grotesquely unpredictable (PAUSE. BECOMING AFFECTED) and I love them all Because they are so
grotesquely unpredictable I love them all (PAUSE) (SHE WINDS UP THE GRAMOPHONE
AND PUTS THE RECORD BACK ON, VIOLETTA’S FIRST ARIA IN SCENE ONE,
"ah, fors'e lui che l'anima... Croce e delizia al cor," WHILE
THE MUSIC PLAYS SHE BEGINS TO
PUT HER MAKE-UP ON AND STARTS TO PAINT HER FACE LIKE A CLOWN WHICH SHE
SHOULD CONTINUE TO DO DURING THE PAUSES UNTIL WE GET TO THE END OF THE
PIECE) (SPEAKING OVER THE MUSIC WITH
A VOICE AFFECTED BY A FEELING FOR THE MUSIC) The aria the aria and the monologue there is nothing like the aria and the monologue. If life were only like that arias and monologues we wouldn't need to
understand each other we would feel each other each other's souls The aria and the monologue
pour out from the depths... (SINGING WITH THE MUSIC) "Croce Croce e delizia Croce e delizia delizia al cor Croce e delizia delizia al cor Ahhhhhh Delizia al cor" (PAUSE. SHE TAKES THE RECORD
OFF.) I love Giuseppe Verdi should have been an opera
singer everyone who has ever heard
me says the same that I have natural talent
for it talent which has never been
properly exploited certainly not by Nikdaski who doesn't know anything
about music (PAUSE. SHE FLICKS THROUGH
THE RECORDS) This collection of operas is
mine Before I ever try to perform
Nikdaski I listen to opera something rich in emotion to embellish embolden define my performance (SHE RETURNS TO THE DRESSING-TABLE
AND ADDS SOME MORE MAKE-UP) The magic of Nikdaski has
more to do with Giuseppe Verdi than Nikdaski It has nothing to do with
anything written by Nikdaski or any of his directions And no-one ever told me to
listen to opera before I perform but I who am Nikdaski’s muse who all the critics say they all agree is the only one real person
who can do Nikdaski properly Well whenever I do do Nikdaski I am always really
interpreting Giuseppe Verdi which is what moves the
audience not Nikdaski If one ever reads a script by
Nikdaski it is never moving (PAUSE. SHE PEEKS THROUGH THE
CURTAIN AT THE FALSE-AUDIENCE AGAIN) Of course I have the utmost
sympathy for them all I know exactly what it’s
like to sit through a piece of theatre that seems to be going nowhere like in Beckett in “Happy Days” with Winnie How many times have I watched
others do Winnie knowing that really we were
going nowhere because where could Winnie go? But all monologues are like
that where can we go? And I know what it’s like to be out
there where the audience are absolutely aware that at the
end they will be more or less in the same place that they
were at the beginning more or less The monologue is an abyss into the infinite depths of of me Ladies and gentlemen tonight we are going into the
infinite depths of me It’s agony We are scraping the barrel (SHE BEGINS PAINTING ON FALSE
EYE-BROWS) An acquired taste all of this with me alone alone (SHE GETS UP AND APPROACHES
THE CURTAIN THAT OPENS OUT ONTO THE FALSE-STAGE & WHISPERING) Tell me please who is with me? Oh God please tell me that you’re with me that you're with me tonight just this once be with me for I do love you I've said it and I mean it I love you (SHE GOES BACK TO THE
DRESSING-TABLE) The first time I saw Winnie
was at the Athénée in Paris (SHE BEGINS TO PAINT HER EYES) I was with Malcolm my husband my ex-husband - ex - although we weren't married
then just living "in
sin" as they used to say but the strangest thing is
that I can hardly even remember his face and only five years ago we
were still married and planning a family but now he’s gone from me no clear image how strange gone perhaps forever (SHE DRINKS) It should be disturbing more disturbing (SHE APPLIES SOME MORE MAKE-UP) But I do remember that
Malcolm fell asleep just like Winnie's husband
did He could never quite cope
with culture not our Malcolm I don't know why I ever
married him or perhaps it was because he
fell asleep just like Winnie's husband did Oh how I would have loved to
have been Winnie stuck in the sand There was a part (SHE APPLIES MORE MAKE-UP) I've been to the Athénée
three times to perform Nikdaski when the more logical thing
would have been to have done something good something by Beckett (SHE POURS HERSELF ANOTHER
WHISKY) I love Beckett (SHE DRINKS) I like Nikdaski’s plays but not as I do Beckett’s I am passionate for Beckett
whereas I do Nikdaski because he asks me he insists on me because I am his favourite
actress whereas Beckett never knew me (SHE PUTS DOWN HER GLASS AND
TAKES OUT A CIGARETTE) just as the directors of
Beckett have never known me (SHE LIGHTS THE CIGARETTE AND
PUFFS) but I would do Beckett for
nothing as I've done Nikdaski for
next to nothing for all these years just because I'm his
favourite actress his favourite actress of
monologues (SHE RETURNS TO THE SOFA AND
SITS DOWN. PUFFS ON THE CIGARETTE) Nikdaski argues that there are one-man one-woman shows which make it to Broadway but always by artisans never artists Although I contest Beckett made it to Broadway
and he was an artist Something Nikdaski refuses to
concede The idea doesn’t fit into
his terrible scheme of things He has always made a
distinction between artisans and artists Even when I've complained to
him that now at my age I should be famous but that I'm not because I
only ever do Nikdaski he always asks me if I’m really an artist or merely an artisan (SHE DRINKS) Because I know that for Nikdaski the artisan is the commercial
artist Anyone who makes a living as
an artist forfeits their right to be called an artist (SHE PUTS HER LEGS AND FEET
UP ON THE SOFA, SMOKES & DRINKS) At last at long last I am brave
enough to say what I think and not what Nikdaski tells me to say which is what I have said
every other night until I started believing the
things I say which is to start believing
the things which Nikdaski writes And whereas Nikdaski has said
some clever things I am not Nikdaski And although he will hate me
for this and will never ask me to do
another one of his monologues I don't care because I will never do
another monologue this is my last appearance my last monologue (SHE EMPTIES THE GLASS AND
PUFFS THE CIGARETTE THEN GETS UP GOES TO THE DRESSING TABLE AND APPLIES
SOME MORE MAKE-UP) Nikdaski believes that the condition of any
single individual when examined closely and deeply is the same as any collective
condition when examined deeply But he doesn’t give a damn
about his audience (SMOKES) Never (SMOKES) For Nikdaski it was more
important that he was loved by one just one who could really understand
him This concerned him much more
than being admired by the masses The masses can appreciate
artisans but are incapable of understanding and feeling a true artist Nikdaski says Artists are passionately felt he says while artisans are only ever
appreciated
by a kind of scientific analysis which breaks down the art
form into a series of rules that have to be conformed to as much as possible Artisans Nikdaski sneers are liked by the masses the herd-majority he calls them who only know what they like never what they feel or what is really good (PAUSE SHE FILLS UP HER GLASS
AGAIN) But Nikdaski I know also aspires to be great just as I have done And like me he’ll never be
great because like me he will always go back to the
same venues They always invite him to the
same places out of habit or a profound absence of the
imaginative faculty as if they had been afflicted
with cerebral-atrophy from seeing him so often like in the Athénée like here (PAUSE. SHE APPLIES MORE MAKE-UP) At the Athénée Nikdaski's
plays have always been a failure Although excerpts of the
reviews from Paris have been included on other programmes of other plays by Nikdaski edited in such a way with Nikdaski's approval to seem as if the seasons at
the Athénée were a success He has never had a real
success not anywhere least of all at the Athénée
where people are just as wary of monologues as anywhere else And Nikdaski's dialogues have
always failed everywhere because he can't write
dialogues because really Nikdaski is just an
egotistical bastard writer of monologues as are I have no doubts all writers I have no qualms about saying
this this is my last night on
stage I will neither work with
Nikdaski nor any other writer ever again They are all egotistical
bastards why else would they be
writers? (SHE TOPS UP HER GLASS AND
DRINKS.) Nikdaski says that The Clown
is his best work because it is his most personal and when I told him that I
couldn't understand a single phrase that had been written in it he said that that was because it was all
so personal and that he didn't really
expect anyone to understand a single phrase and when I said that he'd written better he said that only he could really decide if he'd
written better because only he really understood his art (INDICATING THE FALSE
AUDIENCE) So what would they think? Poor things (SHE DRINKS AND SMOKES) And when he saw me with my
fur coat he called me a whore because he said I'd gone to television although I've been doing bits
on television for years But when he saw the fur coat
he said that the television had changed me because he said I would never have bought a
fur coat before And I said that that was true because before I had never had the money because the only way I could make any
money was to work on television And he said that there was a difference between working on television to get
money to live and working on television to get
money to buy a fur coat and that I was corrupt But I know that he Nikdaski was given a government grant
once quite a sum that he used to buy a car which for me is a horrible
thought (SHE DRINKS) Cars dominate us annihilate us Our environment has been
completely and irreversibly contaminated by automobile-emissions (SMOKES AND DRINKS) One day a hypocrite environmentalist tried to sell me a car
sticker from “Greenpeace” And when I told him that
selling car stickers was almost as pernicious as selling cars themselves he was incapable of grasping
it So I had to explain in
painstaking detail what is so obvious arguing that if I bought a car sticker
without having a car later having nothing to stick it on I could even be seduced into searching for something upon which to adhere that sticker somewhere where it could properly pronounce
its ecological message “Greenpeace” and as such I may even come to the absurd
conclusion that I should buy myself a car when really they are the most horrible
invention You could even say that cars kill more people than weapons relatively speaking because weapons have killed
more people than cars only because and I can say this without
any fear of contradiction we have had weapons longer than cars (SHE RETURNS TO THE DRESSING
TABLE CROSSES HER LEGS AND SMOKES) And while Nikdaski has a lovely car I don't have a car I have a fur coat so I think I am a less
hypocritical person than Nikdaski And when Nikdaski says to me you have a fur coat I say to Nikdaski you have a car But he doesn't understand (SHE STUBS HER CIGARETTE OUT
IN AN ASH-TRAY AND THEN DRINKS) I hate Nikdaski's hypocrisy Although perhaps it is true
that he’s the second best monologue writer of all time (SHE LIGHTS UP ANOTHER
CIGARETTE) Perhaps if I had to do a lot
of Beckett as much as I’ve done
Nikdaski then perhaps I would hate him
as much as I hate Nikdaski (SHE APPLIES MORE MAKE-UP) Because being an actress a specialist in monologues is nightmarish Of course it is How could one go so deep so insanely deep and not be affected by it Being an actress of
monologues is torturous Being here is agony (SHE DRINKS & APPLIES
MORE MAKE-UP) And Nikdaski in my opinion has been ruined by history I don't know anyone who has
been as ruined by their history
as Nikdaski has (SHE STANDS UP & BEGINS
TO PACE ACROSS THE STAGE. SHE HAS HER GLASS IN ONE HAND AND SHE DRINKS ) We could even say that the agony of Nikdaski is the agony of our civilisation in these times of
troubled changes of tragic upsets and all those other
adjectives they use on the telly and in the newspapers (SMOKES) To understand Nikdaski it is imperative to
comprehend that he was and is a political man There is nothing more dear to
Nikdaski than politics and history (SHE SMOKES) History and politics are the
true passions of Nikdaski He has always been a
communist (SHE DRINKS) Even when he left the East it wasn’t because he was
anti-Communist there is no one who believes
as much in equality as Nikdaski does He left the East even though
he believed in it in economic equality But whereas he believed in
economic equality he also believed in
intellectual freedom and artistically he is an elitist but although he has lived here in the West for twenty years that doesn’t mean that he
believes in our democratic freedom He doesn’t He doesn’t at all Our so-called economic
freedom is an illusion he says (SHE DRINKS) Our so-called economic
liberties are as far as Nikdaski is
concerned crimes against humanity All the changes that have
occurred are according to Nikdaski negative Although we seem to be
progressing we are really creating an
unbridgeable gap which can only lead according to Nikdaski to disaster which we can’t see So we think he says we have avoided the disaster because we believe in all the
changes as
something positive (SHE DRINKS) In order to understand
Nikdaski you've got to understand Marx who I've never read (SHE
SMOKES AND RISES) And of course Nikdaski knows
I've never read Marx One day in rehearsals he tied me to a chair and
read me the Communist Manifesto the whole thing which is not so long but which was unbearable
because I was tied to a chair perhaps for two hours until Nikdaski had read me
the entire Communist Manifesto and then afterwards as well while he asked me questions
about the text which I couldn't answer
because I hadn't listened to a word he said because all I could think
about was that I was tied to a chair and that I hated Nikdaski And later he said that in
order to understand Nikdaski I had to understand what it was like to be
tied to a chair and be forced to listen to the Communist Manifesto but I have never forgiven him and ever since then I knew
that one day I would betray him as I’m betraying him
tonight (SHE GOES BACK TO THE
DRESSING TABLE) The saddest thing is that
he’s not here I always thought that he Nikdaski was incredibly powerful whereas really he is a broken man After tonight when he hears about all that
has taken place about everything I have said about him he will break apart No-one is maintained more
tenuously than Nikdaski is (SHE SMOKES. BEGINS TO APPLY
MORE MAKEUP. THE FEATURES OF A CLOWN. HAPPY WRINKLES, A SMILE) And the only idea the only positive idea he has ever really had has been that we should
maintain the struggle to be more equal "economically" and more individual and original "intellectually" and "artistically" which is a nice idea but according to Nikdaski we need to understand Marx to
understand Nikdaski (DRINKS) And what Nikdaski has never
understood is that what people have understood
in Nikdaski has been Giuseppe
Verdi The beauty of Nikdaski is and always has been will always be Giuseppe Verdi (PAUSE. SHE TOPS UP HER GLASS
AND DRINKS) I haven't seen Malcolm
since... (SHE STOPS, RECALLING SOME
BITTER MEMORY WHICH SHE DOESN’T REVEAL) He left me because because I was always too
strong for him He was petty (DRINKS) The only strong thing he ever
did was leave me Don’t blame him though He is not responsible for
what I'm going to do even though I know there will
be a great temptation to say he was (SMOKES AND PAINTS) It’s the easiest solution and those stupid papers will
always look for the easiest solution they will say that Malcolm
was the reason and I want to say that Nikdaski isn't the
reason either And I know that after all I
have said and after what I have done that after tonight that they will think that if it wasn’t Malcolm
then it must be Nikdaski But let me say that the only
one responsible for my own actions
is myself if not I would not be able to
say all this I would be reciting Nikdaski his "The Clown" but I am not this is not Nikdaski's Clown this is me (SHE DRINKS & SMOKES) If they want the reason for
it then it is precisely this that for the first time I've
been invested with incredible courage courage enough to defy not
just the director and the producers but to defy the writer
himself even if that writer is but a
no-body like Nikdaski (SHE DRINKS) Even if Nikdaski is the
second best writer of monologues of all time that doesn't mean that he is
not a no-body for there is only one great
writer of monologues Beckett and all the rest are
no-bodies starting with Nikdaski Nikdaski is the first no-body the greatest no-body So don't think I do what I'm
going to do because of him (PAUSE. SHE GOES BACK TO THE
DRESSER AND PUTS THE FINISHING TOUCHES ONTO HER MAKE-UP) What will they think? Grotesque isn't it but that is how Nikdaski
would have us would have me (SHE STANDS UP) Although he says his work is
personal but political and he says his work is both
personal and political his characters have nothing
to do with himself He hates the characters that
he creates Ever since I first started
working with Nikdaski fifteen years ago he has hated what he has
created and what he sees in his
creations is us He hates us But I didn't know that at
first It is only recently that I've
understood how much Nikdaski hates me has always hated me and that he made me suffer not to enrich me which is what I used to think but to humiliate me (SHE DRINKS) and to do a play by Nikdaski any play by Nikdaski is a humiliation (SHE DRINKS) I have stood emotionally
naked so many times on so many stages and I'm sick sick sick of it I deserve the right to live
my life but it is impossible when you
have stripped yourself to the bone for Nikdaski always for Nikdaski never for Beckett (SHE DRINKS) I would have loved to have
sung opera But instead of arias you have
monologues instead of Giuseppe Verdi you get Nikdaski Although tonight there hasn't
been a single word from him not tonight (LONG PAUSE. SHE LOOKS
SILENTLY AND VACANTLY AT THE AUDIENCE AS THE LIGHTS COME UP ON THEM. THEN
SHE SMILES. A SORROWFUL SMILE OF FAREWELL. SHE SINGS... THE END OF VIOLETTA'S FIRST
ARIA SADLY... "Ah fors'e lui che
l'anima Solinga ne' tumulti Solinga ne' tumulti Godea sovente pingere De' suoi colori occulti De' suoi colori occulti Lui, che modesti e vigile All'egre soglie ascese E nuova febbre accese Destandomi all'amor A quell'amor quell'amor ch'e palpito Dell'universo Dell'universo interno, Misterioso Misterioso altero Croce Croce e delizia Croce e delizia delizia al cor Croce e delizia delizia al cor Ahhhhhh delizia al cor" (SHE COLLAPSES TO HER KNEES
WEEPING. SLOWLY SHE GETS UP WIPES AWAY HER TEARS) I'm sorry it's the same song always the same song I'm
afraid The song sounds the same that's the problem there are no good new arias
these days the only thing that changes
is the people singing them (PAUSE. SHE TRIES TO INSPIRE
HERSELF - LIFT HERSELF FROM HER DEPRESSION) For Guiseppe Verdi and for
Beckett I would strip myself naked to the bone anytime (PAUSE) But I've never done opera and I've never done Beckett and I will never do Beckett not even a dialogue by
Beckett That is the real horror to strip yourself emotionally
naked for a no-body for the sake of it for the love of it forever I deserve something more this
time Can't you see what I'm
saying? With Nikdaski it would
be that With Nikdaski it would be
eternal Forever With Nikdaski at the Athénée forever dressed like this with this face ( SHE GOES TO THE GRAMOPHONE
WHERE SHE CHANGES THE RECORD AND PLAYS THE FINAL SCENE FROM ACT III OF
"LA TRAVIATA" SHE SITS AND LISTENS TO VIOLETTA... Prendi quest'e l'immagine... WHEN ANNINA, GERMONT, THE
DOCTOR AND ALFREDO SING WITH VIOLETTA... Finche avra il ciglio lagrime lo piangero per te THE ACTRESS SLOWLY STANDS AND
LOOSENING HER CLOTHING GOES THROUGH THE CURTAIN ONTO THE FALSE-STAGE
TAKING THE CHAIR WITH HER. FX: APPLAUSE WE WATCH HER SILHOUETTED
THROUGH THE WALL GET ON TO THE CHAIR, GET INTO THE FALSE NOOSE AND HANG
HERSELF BY KICKING THE CHAIR AWAY WHEN VIOLETTA SINGS... O gioia!
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