After not watching primetime television for a number of years, I was shocked and saddened when out of curiosity, I watched Friends. As if I had returned to innocence, I was disturbed by how perverted primetime television had gotten in over such a small period of time. But that’s for another article. What I want to present today is the issue of illegitimacy and single-parenthood and how these two social problems hide behind the guise of women’s liberation, and how this guise has subtly infected popular culture.
As all Friends-watchers know, Rachel has discovered that she is pregnant with Ross’s child. However, the two are not “in love”, so she has decided to have the baby and raise it on her own. Of course, Rachel’s environment is entirely supportive and the idea of having a bastard child does not suffer from a social stigma at all. In this episode, Joey’s younger sister discovers that she is pregnant. Afraid that Joey will be angry, she turns to Rachel. Rachel convinces her to tell Joey and when Joey finds out, he is incensed. He storms out, finds the boyfriend, brings him, and tries to convince the two youngsters to marry. Steamed and portrayed as somewhat irrational, Joey argues with his sister telling her that she cannot have an illegitimate birth, and raise the child without a father. A few derogatory terms fly from his mouth and Rachel intervenes as the peacemaker. She says something similar to, “What’s wrong with being a single mother and having an illegitimate child? They’re adults now; they can make their own choices.” When Joey cannot come up with any seemingly valid argument, after a few urged whispers of, “Well, she’s my sister. Well, it’s tradition,” he coughs up an apology to his sister. Taking this show at face value, its message is clear: we are now in an age where having bastard children is not wrong or problematic. That single-motherhood is a sign of a women’s strength, versatility, independence from men, and climb towards the top of the social ladder. It is, as defined by popular culture, something women should be proud of, a symbol of liberation.
What Friends told me tonight was how terribly ignorant popular culture is. This is tragedy, for while we would love for women to be liberated because it sounds so spiffy and supportive of a seemingly meaningful movement, in truth, its message is completely and totally anti-women. Let’s look at some numbers here for a clue.
According to the 2000 Census, nearly one third of births are to unwed mothers. These births are predominantly by Caucasian women, however the progression of illegitimacy among the African American culture gives us an idea of how this problem is increasing exponentially. Today, a whopping seventy percent of African American births are to unwed mothers, three times more than the number of illegitimate African American births in the 1960’s (Forty years ago, illegitimacy was a shameful taboo). These numbers are alarmingly high and are evidence that the American family has gone through a drastic change in the last forty years. People are getting divorced more, are getting married less, are cohabiting more, are having children out of wedlock more (despite all the new contraceptive devices), which indicates that people are having more premarital sex.
What’s wrong with all of this is something that is not reflected in popular culture: the true life and consequences of single-parenthood. In the land of Friends, single-motherhood is a subject lightly taken with a laugh. In real life, single mothers are often poor, unemployed or working low wage jobs, struggling to keep food on the table, all the while sparing what time they have left to raise their kids which demands an infinite amount of emotional, psychological, and physical stress. What these women and children are missing is a stable home where both parents share responsibilities to maintain finances and raise kids. The reality is, more often than not, single mothers are far from any kind of liberation; rather, they are great slaves to the unending demands that come with being a single parent.
If the women’s movement and popular culture want to “liberate” women, they would realize this devastating hell of single motherhood and push not for self-centered choices disguised by the words, “they’re adults now, they can make their own choices”, but for responsible choices including the choice of abstinence (opposed to the popular sitcom bed-hopping), and committing to healthy relationships that result in promising marriages where people are bound by a lifelong pact, and are potentially equipped to provide for the safe haven of home.
When a child enters a world, it should enter a secure and stable environment, not an environment that proves to be deficient and potentially hostile. Once two people have relations and a child is conceived, their freedom of choice is no longer solely their own, but shared with the fate of that child. Why it is such a danger for shows like Friends to be condoning this kind of lifestyle is obvious: the majority of who are entertained by Friends are young people, picking up the idea that promiscuity is not only okay but defines self-worth. According to the Census, it is the young who are having out-of-wedlock births, unknowing of the trials that lie ahead for them and their children. Illegitimacy and fatherlessness have been strongly correlated with problems these children will face later: problems with mental health and interpersonal relationships, and antisocial behavior in men. Had the writers for Friends known the consequences of this “women’s liberation,” Rachel’s decisions would not have been so self-centered, and Joey would not have apologized to his sister for getting “knocked up.”
As a result of this “liberation,” the fact that women become enslaved is still secondary to the sufferings their children will go through. These children starve. They starve physically, mentally, and emotionally. Are we to continue this trend that destroys the future of our young?