She called my doctor and made me an appointment. The doctor asked me a bunch of yes or no questions, and started me on an anti-depressant. She also made me sign a form stating that if I thought about hurting myself, I should tell someone. On the car ride home, I broke the agreement.
After that is a blur until school started again. I didn't really think about it as much, but I still did. I thought about it in class, while watching TV, before I went to bed, anytime my mind wasn't active on something else, it crept up on me.
I got voted as a Peer Helper. When you were a Peer Helper, you went to a retreat, talked about stuff, made a bunch of plans you never carried out, ate a lot of pizza, and went home happy. All of this was true for me, except for the last. I went home completely miserable. None of my friends were there. It was just me from my school in my "clique."
The walk home was Hell. If my mom wasn't home, I don't know that I'd be alive today. My mom called my doctor again, and I started counseling. I was a little worried about going, I thought she was going to get out a bunch of dirty secrets from me that I didn't want to tell. It wasn't so bad. I only told what I wanted and it was "my hour," so I could talk about whatever I wanted. I also brought in my poems and read some to her. I haven't seen her in a long time. I guess my "case is closed." But life goes on.
Lesson #3: Life is worth living! If you're thinking about suicide tell someone! It is not really that bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And you can't say that I haven't been there. Please, if you are thinking about it, call 1-800-SUICIDE or tell one of your friends or your parents. I'm lucky that I'm so close to my mom so that I could tell her. I'm so glad I didn't kill myself. Life is too great! |
