Sometime after that we had a benefit for her and the annointing of the sick. I was there. I remember kind of feeling out of place, I guess I kind of always did around her after my disagreement with Jamie.
Jamie and Anna were so close. The definition of best friends to me is Jamie and Anna.
Not a lot really happened after that. Anna had chemo and radiation and lost her hair. Her cheeks were all puffy from steroids. But Anna, the Anna that I knew, was still in there somewhere. You could see it in there. Maybe it was in her eyes, but she was there.
The Summer of 7th Grade. In May we moved here, to this house anyway. I hated the house from the beginning. I even started crying on the car ride to the realtor's. But, we bought the house anyway. I think it was in July when I started having these horrible thoughts. Thoughts of hurting myself and killing myself. My mind was so messed up. It was all a big, huge, jumble of . . . . evil for lack of a better word. It was so horrible.
One night, I went into my bathroom and grabbed a razor. I cut my forearm twice. Ouch. That hurt so bad! The reason I did it was to know how it would feel if I were to cut deeper. I bled so much. I threw the razor into my closet and immediately got scared and worried about what I was going to tell my mom. Confrontation didn't come until after the cut was pretty much gone, and I told her a half truth.
One night I was babysitting for a neighbor of mine. Realization hit then. I had to tell my mom. I waited anxiously for her parents to come home, and when they dropped me off at my house, my mom came out from the living room. I started crying right away and told her what had been going on. |
